by Brona Mills
‘I needed the car to meet you in Lakewood. I never wanted you to worry about getting home if I took you out on a date.’
My mouth slacks.
‘The apartment is more important,’ he tells me.
Moving us to this place, where no one from my old life knows me, might save me from Nathan without David even realising it.
‘Besides, Liam is working out great. Means I can concentrate on other areas. I can leave early and work from home. If we live together, it means we can hang out while we get work done. No better way to get to know someone than live with them, right?’
David grabs hold of my pinkie and tugs me through the rest of the apartment. He’s been doing that a lot. Small gestures that let me know he’s still interested in me. Opportunities to spend time together, even if it’s just working side by side or grabbing a coffee together once he drops Mike at work.
Pamela leads the way around the apartment. A large bedroom and bathroom are off to the right. ‘Mike and David should take this one, since they need two beds,’ Pamela tells me. ‘The bedrooms on the other side of the apartment will do us fine.’
‘There’s only one bathroom.’ Mike shrugs. ‘Sorry, ladies. Going to have to cut down on your beauty routine.’
‘Oh, honey.’ Pamela shoves him. ‘You’re dealing with natural beauties here.’
Max pulls me down the hallway. ‘Come on, I want to choose our room.’
Mike picks Max up and turns him upside down before turning him right ways and tossing him to David in the living room, like he weighs nothing more than a football. My heart stops for a beat until David catches him and lifts him on top of his shoulders.
Max giggles and kicks his legs. ‘Again,’ he screams.
‘No,’ I yell. ‘I can only take that once a day.’
David winks at me. ‘Don’t worry, Mighty. We won’t let our lunch fall to the ground.’
‘I’m not your lunch,’ Max screams. ‘Can we go to the park now?’
‘Yes, let’s all go for a race across the monkey bars,’ David jibes.
Mike heads to the door with David and Max, talking about which store to stop at for lunch supplies.
Six months later
Wednesday, December 24, 1997
Beverly Hills, California.
Mike and David have become a twosome at the store these past few months. When I’m rehearsing with Mike late in the evening, David comes by to help pack up and go over our schedules. On the late nights with no rehearsals, like tonight, David collects me on Rodeo Drive, before we meet Mike on Beverly and catch the bus home together.
David opens the door to Starbucks for me and lets me inside first. Mike is sweeping the floor and gives us a curt nod when we enter. ‘You didn’t need to come over here and help me close the Boutique, David. I was planning on catching the bus with Mike anyway. It’s Christmas Eve, for god’s sake.’
‘Exactly. I wanted you to be able to finish early tonight.’
I lean against a bar stool at the door while Mike mops his way over to us.
‘I have a problem,’ he tells us. ‘I think I accidently invited Sophie to January’s premiere.’
‘Yikes,’ David says.
‘Oh god, Mike.’ I scan the coffee shop for sight of Sophie. ‘This is your first movie premiere. What if she makes a scene? Some things you can’t recover from this early.’
‘I’m more concerned about her pouncing on me, like she does every guy who walks into this store. It’s your fault anyway.’ He turns to me. ‘You said to find a date.’
Sophie walks through a door marked STAFF at the back of the barista counter.
‘Hi, guys.’ She winks and places her hand on Mike’s shoulder. ‘Did he tell you he invited me to his movie premiere?’
‘We were just getting the details, Soph’,’ David says and my stomach tightens at him giving someone else a nickname.
‘It’s super exciting. Imagine one of my employees, in a movie.’
‘Who would have thought?’ I cross my arms and lean against the table. ‘An LA barista who’s really an actor?’ I retort.
‘I know. I mean, I always thought I could spot the actors and directors who came in here, and turns out we have a shining star right under my nose. The stories I could tell.’ She smiles.
Stories you could sell, more like it.
‘I only have a couple of small scenes,’ Mike tells her. ‘I haven’t even seen the final cut.’
‘Yeah, there’s a possibility he might not even be in the final movie at all.’ I snap at Sophie, but Mike’s hurt expression reels me back in. ‘I mean, of course you are.’ I hop onto the stool. ‘We need to get going, Mike. Lots of gifts to be wrapping and mulled wine to be drinking at home.’
When we board the bus, Mike sits in the empty seat in front of me, and David takes the aisle seat next to me and pulls out his phone. I dig around in my purse for the book Mike leant me. ‘Sorry for the delay.’ I hand him the tatty copy of Break the Piece. ‘Had a busy social life recently.’
David’s eyes dart to mine and I know instantly he’s wondering if I’ve been dating someone. Serves him right.
‘Busy social life how?’ Mike asks.
God, Mike, no need to call me out in front of the guy. ‘I’ve had to read other things first.’
‘Like what?’ David asks.
Damn him and his interest.
‘Nothing important.’
He narrows his eyes at me. He knows I’m lying. ‘Suit yourself.’ He turns back to his text messages.
‘Never mind him,’ Mike says. ‘He’s been in a foul mood ever since I cock-blocked him at the start of summer.’
‘Shut up, dude.’ David darts forward and thumps Mike in the arm.
‘Ow, that hurt.’ Mike smacks David on the head with the script he was reading.
‘Stop it,’ I yell. ‘I have to be a mother all day. I don’t want to babysit you two.’
David gulps. ‘Sorry.’
‘Sorry, Stella,’ Mike says. ‘I’m not used to David having his heart broken, is all.’
‘What?’ I snap.
‘Drop it, Mike,’ David warns.
‘Who the hell was she, anyway?’ Mike glares.
My heart palpitations relax. At least David never told him it was me.
‘No one.’
‘Oh, it was someone alright. You should’ve seen him.’ Mike turns to me. ‘All upset over having a girl run out on him.’
‘If you go around bullshitting enough girls into bed, you’re bound to get rejected now and again,’ I toss out.
‘Oh, he’s been rejected lots of times, believe me,’ Mike chuckles.
David smacks Mike in the ribs.
‘I said I was sorry, Dave. If you want to tell me who it is, I can let her know I was the one being an ass.’
I lean forward. ‘What do you mean?’ I ask too eagerly because David puts his phone away.
‘Yeah, Mike. Why don’t you tell Stella how you came home in a huff and shot your mouth off?’
Mike pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘I had a bad day, and I wanted to get to bed. David told me he had a date with someone, and I flipped. I was so annoyed, I just wanted her to leave, so I said something I knew she’d hear.’ Mike opens his eyes and turns to David. ‘It was shitty of me, but I didn’t realise you actually liked her. I told you I’d call her and explain.’
‘You made the stuff up?’
‘No, it’s true. Well, it was true. I may have made out that it happened more recently than it did.’
I flick my gaze back to the stack of papers in my lap. ‘David asked you to tell her that?’
‘He won’t even tell me who it is. So now I know he actually likes this one, which makes me feel bad ’cause I screwed up his first attempt at having a real girlfriend.’
I scoff. ‘It was their first date. You don’t know that they would’ve had a relationship.’
‘No, but I know David.’ He presses the stop button on the hand rail and stands. ‘
And he’s scared he won’t get this one back.’
Once off the bus I tighten my coat around myself. ‘I need to go to the store down the street, pick up some spare batteries for the morning.’ I back away from the bus stop in the opposite direction. ‘You guys go ahead and I’ll meet you at home.’
Both Mike and David turn in the direction of the store with me, but David taps Mike on the arm. ‘I’ll walk her. You go ahead home.’
‘Fine by me.’ Mike digs his hands in his pockets and jumps on the spot. ‘No one ever said it would be cold in LA in December. I get first dibs on banana bread from Pamela.’ He grins and jogs away.
‘Lay off the bread,’ I call after him. ‘You have a red carpet to walk after the holidays.’
David leans against the railings. ‘Will you at least speak to me about this? I’ve been giving you time to get to know me properly so you know I’m not lying to you.’
I nod and walk down the street to the store, knowing I want more than speaking. I just don’t want to be left heartbroken. I don’t need a causal fuck from the twenty-year-old player-version of the man I want to fall in love with.
‘You didn’t tell Mike to say that on the bus?’
David scoffs next to me. ‘You know better than anyone he can’t perform under pressure.’
I giggle, and his face hardens.
‘I’m not seeing anyone else. I haven’t seen anyone since I met you. I want to fix this and take what we had further. I used to sleep around.’ He kicks at stones on the ground. ‘I met a few girls I thought were interested in more than what they heard about me around campus, but the moment I offered up sex, they normally took it. It kind of became like a game for me. See if anyone was interested in more.’
‘So if she took you up on the offer, you politely declined and went back to licking your wounds?’
He fights to keep a grin from breaking out. ‘No, I’d still fuck her, but that would’ve been it. A few dates maybe, but it was always about sex. Nothing longer than a couple of weeks. Four max, then I’d move on.’
‘What would they have heard around campus about you?’
He gulps. ‘I’d rather not say.’
‘So what you’re telling me is, if I have sex with you, you won’t date me longer than a few weeks. But if sex is off the table, you’ll want to go on another date with me?’
He pauses in front of the store. ‘Well, when you say it like that, it sounds really wrong, but I swear I’m not some creep.’
‘How long would I have to wait?’
‘Excuse me?’
‘I like you, David. What if we get to date three or four or more and I want to have sex, how long are you going to make me wait?’
‘I’m not sure. I normally don’t think these things through.’ A blush colours his cheeks.
‘No, you do a really good job to get a girl interested in you, then you throw her away for being too promiscuous?’
‘God, I don’t mean it like that.’
‘It sounds like you have double standards. You fuck a lot of women but think badly of them for letting you.’
‘Just the ones who seek me out. They’re using me. It’s not the same.’
‘Why would women seek you out?’
‘’Cause I’m good in bed. That’s what they tell their friends, and when you’re twenty and know how to give a good fuck and make a girl come three times before you do, girls want to try you out.’
‘This isn’t really how I thought this conversation was going to go.’ I enter the store, the automatic doors opening and announcing our arrival, and David follows.
‘Stella, wait. I’m sorry. That sounded bad, but I wanted you to know I’m used to girls using me, and I know that’s not you. We had such a good time together, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you these past months. I don’t want to ruin this. I’ve never had a date where I’ve felt like I was hanging out with a friend.’
‘I had a good time too, and that’s why I was mad. You were ready to judge me, based on all the other women you’ve been with.’
‘I’m not judging you.’
‘But if I’d had sex with you that night, you would have. And you know what’s funny? I wanted to, and not because of some girls saying you were good in bed. We seemed to connect. Maybe that would’ve been something great if we were in bed together.’
He takes a step toward me, backing me into a quiet corner near the door, and I raise my hand. He places his hands on my hips, and instead of pushing him away, I let my hand rest on his chest.
‘I would have been apprehensive that you were using me, like a lot of people have in my past, but I wouldn’t have judged you. I would have clung to you and dated you. But you heard something about my past that freaked you out. I’ve been giving you time to realise I’m waiting for you. Maybe you’ll let me show you that we could be good together. That we can date and you might let me sweep you off your feet.’
I close my eyes and inhale his scent as I lean towards him. I remember his taste, and I want him again. His grip on my hips tightens when he realises I’m going to kiss him. Before I make contact, I open my eyes. I run my hand over his jaw, through the day old stubble that’s there. He’s watching me, not daring to close the space until I nudge his lips open with mine. He moans and pulls me flush against him, deepening the kiss I barely started.
The last two weeks, David’s been spending all his free time with me. Even now, in the kitchen behind me, he’s chopping and prepping dinner, while I catch up on an hour’s work.
He’s been a perfect gentleman, not even attempted to take things past kissing, and honouring my request to keep our burgeoning relationship secret for now. I don’t want Max to know about us until I know for sure there’s a possibility of something long term. And the more I think about what a future with David, or DD might be, the more scared I am about committing to something that’s either going to end in divorce as predicted, or ends sooner while David figures out that I’m not actually the one for him and meets his real wife who will end up breaking his heart.
I also didn’t want Mike’s work to suffer—wondering if his best friend and agent were going to break up. And Pamela, I didn’t want her to think David was the reason we all moved in together.
I chew on the tips of my fingers and set aside Mike’s new contract sitting in front of me. Isn’t there a saying, if a relationship needs to be kept secret, you shouldn’t be in it? Shit. I don’t want anyone making up their own reasons as to why we kept this a secret. I need to speak to David, see how he’d feel about telling Max about us. Guess it’s time he can take us on that joint date he keeps asking for.
I tap my pen on the kitchen table, the reps getting faster as my concentration drifts. Staring at the same page of my dad’s business manual, I rub my head, trying to get my focus back. I normally have my A-game on when I pull this folder out. I fell in love with it when I read it the first time. I used to lie in bed reading how to close a business deal. He spent a lot of time putting this together for me. It’s sectioned, like a college textbook, into the basics of running a business and accountancy information, complete with names and numbers of professionals he trusted in the business. Finding and training talent. How to empower people to succeed. Training people in specific areas of the entertainment industry; acting, presenting, writing, and producing. He wasn’t just a director. He wanted to be everything. He had his fingers in many pies, including overseas property rentals and a small collection of convenience store franchises in San Fran. He laid it all out in front of me. After he declared bankruptcy for the second time, I threw the manual at the back of my closet and told myself it was all a pile of shit.
Five years later, I have a better understanding of how much money I need to survive. I need to separate his failures from his knowledge. His business ultimately failed through bad investments and pushing his ceilings too high. If I keep this small, keep my client list tight, I can make a living from this. I don’t need to earn millions right away, like he wanted to. Fi
rst, I just have to make rent.
‘You thinking of taking up drumming lessons over there, Mighty?’
I drop my pen and hold back a grin so he can’t hear it in my tone. I hate how much he affects me. I’d rather have the upper hand in a relationship, and I’m failing terribly. ‘Sorry.’ My mouth betrays me and I grin like a fucking idiot. I love it when he calls me that. Hell, he could call me anything and I’d love the undivided attention it creates.
‘Do you need any more money to tide you guys over for a bit?’
‘What?’ I spin in the chair to face him.
‘Mike said you guys ran out of petty cash. I’m going to call home and make up some shit about replacing lab tools and ask my parents to top up the account before next month’s allowance.’
I sigh. ‘David, I don’t want money from you or your parents.’
‘Relax, Mighty.’
I hear his amusement, and it makes me smile.
‘My parents can afford to send me an extra few hundred here and there. Honestly, I used to spend more throwing parties in Cambridge. They’re getting a better deal now I’m halfway around the world.’
‘Thanks for the offer.’ I soften. ‘But I don’t need anything.’ I look at my file folder that contains a pile of unpaid bills from the townhouse I’m still trying to catch up with.
‘Is that why we all moved in together?’
‘It’s a friendship and business deal. Believe me, it was not my first choice to ask someone I dated once to move in with me, my mother, my son, and the man I was making a possible non-lucrative business deal with.’
‘Ah, nothing to do with sharing bills? You really want to see me coming out of the shower naked, right?’
I chuckle. ‘It is tempting, imagining water dripping off your muscles . . . ’ I stop laughing and try to hide the fact I’ve turned myself on with the picture.
He laughs. ‘You can’t say shit like that to me. We’re taking things slow, remember?’
‘Two weeks is slow when you spend every evening together.’
‘Stella,’ he whispers.
‘Have I ever told you I love it when you say my name?’ I lean over the back of the chair and flash him a grin.