Running Hot (Hell Ryders MC Book 2)

by J. L. Sheppard

  Shit! Was she thinking of having an abortion?

  No. She couldn’t.

  He dropped his hand from his chest and fisted it. “What’re you gonna do?” Too harsh, he couldn’t help it.

  Her eyes watered. Tears spilled out.

  Oh God, oh shit. Proof. She didn’t want their kid, his kid. She planned on aborting his kid.

  She shifted, tucking her legs under her then shook her head. “I’m sorry, Thomas. I can’t.”

  Fuck him.

  Fuck life.

  The best news turned to the worst in a split second. His girl was going to kill his kid! No doubt, he’d lose his mind. He didn’t know how looking at her he wouldn’t be reminded she’d killed their kid, didn’t know if he could forgive her.

  Placing her hand on her belly, she swallowed. “I c-can’t get rid of him. I know it changes everything, but I just can’t.”

  His jaw dropped. A rush of raw emotion flooded him, loosening that knot in his stomach, the ache in his chest.

  “I don’t expect anything from you—”

  Anything from him? She planned on keeping his kid but thought he didn’t want him?

  Crazy. Insane. Maddening.

  He took a step in her direction. “Shut your trap, baby girl. The more fucked shit you say, the more pissed I’m gonna get, and it ain’t the time for it now.”

  She tilted her head to meet his gaze. Her eyes wide, looking so terrified and so sad, it made his heart hurt.

  Taking another step toward her, he kneeled then reached for her hand on her lap. She flinched like she was scared of him, like he hadn’t done that and so much more to her before. It pissed him off in a bad way but not the time to show it. It was the time to show her how deep his feelings ran.

  He schooled his voice before he spoke. “How long have you known?”

  “I just found out…the day before yesterday.”

  The day before yesterday, when she’d acted out of sorts…no wonder. That pissed him off, too. She’d been stewing over it, overanalyzing shit that didn’t need to be overanalyzed. If she’d told him from the get go, she would’ve known how he felt—thrilled. It meant she lied to him and continued to do it over the course of the last day.

  His gaze flew to her stomach. She wasn’t showing. Come to think of it, he hadn’t noticed anything to imply she was pregnant. Did it mean it was too early? When did women start showing anyway? He didn’t know.

  “How many months?”

  “I-I think I’m five or maybe six weeks.”

  More than a month, then. Why wasn’t she showing? Her stomach was flat. Was something wrong with the baby?

  “Have you been to the doctor?”

  She shook her head. “I made an appointment. It’s…later…today.”

  If she hadn’t confirmed it with the doctor, there was a chance she wasn’t pregnant. He should feel relieved, happy even. Both young, they’d only been together a few months. They didn’t live together, and he hadn’t even made her his wife yet. But he didn’t feel it, couldn’t force the emotion from him, he wanted her pregnant, wanted their kid, a piece of her and a piece of him.

  “How do you know you’re pregnant then?”

  “I’m late. Three weeks late. I’m never late and…” She stood and walked past him.

  He turned, watched her reach under the vanity, and pull out a woven basket. Closing the distance between them, he looked inside and found a bunch of pregnancy tests.

  “Twelve tests… All positive,” she whispered.

  Amazing! He grinned then looked up.

  Thick tears streamed steadily down her face.

  Smile fading, he sighed heavily.

  She said she’d keep the baby, but she didn’t want to. Why? Because she was young, because she knew she deserved better, because it was his?

  “I’m s-sorry. I don’t know how it happened. I was on the pill—”

  “Yeah.” He grasped the edge of the marble vanity and squeezed. “I know you’re sorry, Tiff. I can tell.”

  Flinching, she took a step away, those beautiful green eyes of hers widening.

  “I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m not sorry for knocking you up. I’m just sorry you don’t want my kid.”

  If possible, she paled further. A fresh wave of tears flowed out of her eyes and down her cheeks. “How c-could you say that?”

  He slammed his hand on the sink. A thud resonated, the vanity trembled. “’Cause it’s the truth, and you’ve made it clear.”

  She placed the basket by the sink and shook her head. “No, Thomas, I never said—”

  Leaning into her, through gritted teeth, he snapped, “’Cause you can’t see your face, and how you’re acting. I can, so I know it’s fuckin’ clear.”

  “He’s ours!” She screamed then broke down in sobs, gut-wrenching wails that he swore pierced his soul. “How could I not want our baby?”

  The question, the sound of her cries, her too pale face, it made him feel like the biggest asshole. She wasn’t crying because of circumstance anymore. She cried because of him, because he jumped to conclusions.

  He wrapped his arms around her and hauled her against him, resting his chin on the top of her head. She went easily, burrowing herself into him, just like he loved. He didn’t know if she wanted to or if she just didn’t have the energy to fight him. “You gotta talk to me, Tiff. You gotta tell me what’s wrong, so I can fix it,” he whispered into her hair.

  Drawing away from him, she slanted her head and met his gaze. “I can’t get rid of him because…b-because he’s a part of you…but I…” She shook her head. “I d-don’t want to…lose y-you.”

  His chest tightened, an ache so deep sliced through him. He didn’t know how the pain didn’t take him to his knees. How she even thought it possible to lose him, he had no clue. He loved her so much he dreamed about her every night, thought about her every second of every day, and spent every minute he could with her. He loved her so much he vowed he’d never let her go.

  Feeling acid burn down his throat, he cupped her cheeks, bringing her face an inch from his. “Not possible.”

  More tears fell. “You’re twenty-four and a biker. We haven’t been dating long. A baby will change our relationship, our lives—”

  “Bikers got kids too, and we haven’t been together long, but we been friends for longer, and we’ve known each other for eight years now. Maybe it’s not the ideal time to have a kid. I’d planned it, would’ve waited till we had a house, till I’d put my ring on your finger, till my name was yours, but none of it really matters ’cause I love you, Tiff. Love you more than my bike, my club, my brothers, and my cut. You know I’d die for the club, for my brothers. But I can’t help it, I love you more than anything in this world. ’Cause I love you so much, I shouldn’t have to tell you that I want our kid, that I already love him, that I’d die for him, too.”

  Eyes wide, she stared at him, not saying a word, barely breathing. Finally, she whispered, “You love me?”

  He chuckled. “How could you not know?” True, he hadn’t said it, but he showed her with everything he did. “Sleep next to you every night, call and text you thirty times a day. I’m always thinking ‘bout you. Always.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t know exactly when it happened, though, it could’ve been the first time I saw you. I was too stupid to let me feel it. One thing I know for sure, and it’s that I’ve always wanted you. I’ve always been crazy ‘bout you.”

  “You’re all I’ve wanted for eight years, Thomas. I’ve loved you that long.”

  Shit. All this time, he loved her, and she loved him? His heart clenched so tight his whole chest throbbed. He knew nothing would ever compare to that moment—hearing the girl who only got more beautiful say she loved him.

  He didn’t know what to say. Instead, he kissed her long and deep. Then he made love to her.

  That afternoon, he took her to the doctor who confirmed she was, in fact, pregnant. There, they heard the most beautiful sound in the wor
ld, their kid’s heartbeat. Hearing it, he looked to his girl, wanting to share that.

  She never looked more beautiful than she did right then, even as tears slid down her cheeks. He didn’t say this, figured he didn’t have to say something she already knew.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Cuss’s heart pounded so loud he swore Blaze, sitting beside him in his Mustang Cobra, could hear it.

  The last couple of months flew by. At fourteen weeks, Tiffany was in her second trimester. As far as the doctor could tell, the baby was healthy. Though her clothes were fitting tighter (according to her), Tiffany wasn’t showing yet. Any day now, they knew she would, meaning the time had come to start telling people. He knew Tina knew. Tiff told him she told her even before she told him. Aside from Tina, she hadn’t told anyone. As for him, he told Blaze, and only because Blaze caught him reading a pregnancy book.

  He and Tiff planned to start telling everyone else after the first trimester, starting first with the most difficult—her parents, and tonight was the night.

  Cuss wanted to go with her. It didn’t seem right to let her face them alone, but she insisted and insisted. It turned into a nasty fight. She’d cried so much the next day her eyes were still red-rimmed and glossy. Though he knew from what he read about pregnancy, the hormones were partly to blame, he felt like an asshole seeing her so upset and relented.

  It didn’t mean he wasn’t at that very moment sitting in his car outside the restaurant where she planned to meet her parents. The design of the building, lined with glass windows, gave him the ability to accomplish this, and thanks to the dark tints in his car, he was incognito.

  He brought Blaze with him, too. He would bet his life shit would hit the fan because her parents would not be thrilled their first grandkid was half biker trash. His girl would end up in tears, and no way in hell, he’d let her drive around like that, especially with his kid inside her. Hence, Blaze.

  “Don’t worry too much ‘bout this.”

  Cuss exhaled and spared a glance at Blaze. “Easier said than done.”

  Blaze head forward, not looking his way, but no doubt speaking to him. “Woman loves you. You told me she wants to keep the kid, means she loves him, too.” He looked his way for a split second before he turned his head to the restaurant again. “Ain’t nothing her parents say that’s gonna change it.”

  A couple of weeks back, when they’d been waiting for test results, Cuss had been panicked out of his mind. He couldn’t tell Tiff for the obvious reason. He didn’t want to worry her more than she was, so he confided in Blaze.

  “Know she loves me. Know she wants my kid, but family’s blood. I’m not her family. I’m just the trash biker her parents don’t approve of who knocked her up at twenty-two.”

  Blaze chuckled, looked his way, and held his gaze. “Brother, please tell me you don’t believe any of the shit you spewed. ‘Sides you ain’t family yet.”

  Another thing he confided. As soon as this shit with her parents was in the past, he planned on proposing. He already bought the ring, a two-carat solitary diamond. It cost him a good chunk of change but not nearly as much as the house he bought them. Since she told him she was pregnant, he’d been looking for the perfect home. It’d taken a while, but finally, he found it. One look at the two-story, four-bedroom house sitting on about an acre of land with the large front porch, back deck, and pool, and he knew. The house, next to Trig and Allie’s, was officially theirs as of that morning.

  He’d cleared out his checking and savings accounts on those two purchases, and he was okay with spending all the money he saved over the course of five years from working at the garage daily and guard jobs. To him, it was an investment—in their future, his, Tiff’s, and their kid’s.

  Cuss spared a glance at Blaze and smiled, hoping to God he was right. Blaze straightened and nodded toward the restaurant. Cuss angled his head forward and caught sight of Tiff, wearing an empire waist, olive-colored dress and black pumps, looking like she always did—beautiful.

  He smiled as he watched the hostess lead her to a table, a table where not only her parents waited for her, but also a tall, blond, well-dressed man, a man he recognized instantly, the same man he saw her with all those years ago, the man he met months ago—her ex.

  Holding his breath and terrified to even blink, perhaps some part of him knew the next moments would be life-changing.

  The ex stood, closed the distance between them, and embraced her, his girl. Tiffany in another man’s arms. A burning sensation ripped through his stomach and made its way to his throat. He gritted his teeth, fighting with every fiber of his being to clear his vision.

  Cuss wanted to act, to move, but he didn’t, couldn’t. He sat there frozen, not blinking, not breathing, just praying, praying like he never prayed before. He loved her, trusted her, that voice in his mind goading him was just that, a voice. No truth to it. She loved him, wanted their baby. This, he believed down to his soul.

  Moments slipped by, his heart pounding louder and louder until he thought it’d rip open his chest. He watched and waited.

  His girl wrapped her arms around her ex like she knew he would be there, like she expected him to hold her, like she wanted him to.

  His chest throbbed, agony tearing right through him.

  He knew it’d never fade.

  He knew he’d never be the same.

  Finally, he blinked hoping the image, the reason his heart was shredded in half, would fade.

  It didn’t.

  And he knew it wouldn’t.

  The anguish slicing through him proved it real. He wouldn’t feel like he was dying a slow death from the inside out if it hadn’t been. So real and so devastating.

  He always knew it would be, like he always knew they would end. A girl like her, never meant for a man like him. No changing it, ever.

  Still, he never thought her capable of this betrayal. Meeting her ex, the man she claimed she didn’t love the way he loved her, behind his back. How could she? If she didn’t want him, the least she could’ve done—tell him, end them before she met with her ex. The worst part, the fact she took his kid with her.

  His mind scrambling, overflowing with thoughts, awful thoughts making him doubt it all.

  What if this wasn’t the first time she met with her ex? What if she was with them both? They barely spent time apart, except for work, dinners with her parents, and on the occasional Saturday or Sunday morning when he headed to work and she to the mall. She claimed she went with Mia, Lynn, or Allie, but for all he knew, she met her ex instead. For all he knew, she met him every other week when she claimed she was with her parents.

  A pang of grief tore through him, strengthening the ache inside when the thought came—the possibility the kid inside her wasn’t his.

  Pulse racing, fingers tightening on the steering wheel, he clenched his jaw until it throbbed.

  Still, Cuss didn’t move, didn’t say a word. He just watched her greet her parents, watched the ex pull out the chair next to his for her. He watched her sit, watched the waitress take their order, watched them laugh like they were a big, happy family. She laughed, too, like she wasn’t at that very moment betraying him, crushing him, killing him.

  Only then did Cuss tear his gaze away. He dropped his head. It hit the steering wheel, hard. For a long moment, he stared at his lap, trying to concentrate on anything but the pain eating him alive.

  He closed his eyes and saw her beautiful face, and in a spilt second, he realized he didn’t hate her. Despite the betrayal, he physically and mentally couldn’t. He loved her too much to hate her.

  He finally got it.

  When you loved someone, you let them go.

  He didn’t have another choice.

  As unimaginable as it was, he had to let her go.

  ****

  Tiffany walked into the garage, spotted Blaze and Hash, stone-faced, blocking the entrance leading into the compound. Their gazes deadlocked on her, arms crossed over their chests.
<
br />   She finished closing the distance.

  Blaze, jaw clenched, shook his head. “You should go, Tiffany.” He then looked away.

  This, she did not understand. They were barring her from seeing Thomas? Why? “I came to see—”

  “He doesn’t wanna see you.”

  Her heart slammed hard against her chest. A part of her didn’t think she heard him right. The other half of her knew better. Blaze and Hash had been waiting for her, to tell her she wasn’t welcome. Still, she found it hard to believe. Why wouldn’t Thomas want to see her? What changed? They spent every waking minute together with the exception of when they were at work and her bi-weekly dinners with her parents. They only spent a handful of nights apart. He knew tonight was one of those nights. He knew she would come to him after. She always did.

  Instinctively, she pressed the palm of her hand against her lower abdomen. “W-why?”

  Blaze’s gaze fell to her hand on her stomach, met hers then narrowed, but he didn’t say a word.

  Shit. And she thought her day couldn’t get worse.

  Today, she planned to tell her parents she was pregnant. She’d been nervous all day. To top it off, two kids at the daycare got sick and threw up. Her day consisted of cleaning up after them, making her nauseous. She also threw up her breakfast and lunch. Dinner with her parents didn’t go as planned either. For one, she showed and found Mark waiting for her. Why? As the evening wore on, it became quite obvious her parents made him believe she was not only single but interested in rekindling their romance. Needless to say, she hadn’t been able to tell her parents she was pregnant.

  For a brief moment, because she’d been so furious with her parents, she wanted to blurt it out, shock them, but she thought better of it. She couldn’t let her anger toward her parents hurt Mark, who made it clear he was still in love with her when he caught a flight from Boston to Santa Rosa even though he had to be back the following day for a class. She’d broken his heart once and couldn’t imagine doing it again. Mark, an innocent bystander in her parents’ plotting, had never been anything but great to her.

  And now, Thomas refused to see her. What had she done?