by Stacey Lynn
“Hey.” I lifted my hand in a wave and dropped it like a lame limb to my side.
Finn blinked and looked behind me. “What are you doing here?”
His coolness left me wanting to run and pretend I hadn’t just humiliated myself. The worthless plan I’d had in place suddenly seemed pointless.
“Um…” I shifted on my feet and bit my bottom lip. Finn’s eyes dropped to my mouth and I finally saw something that looked like emotion in his eyes. “I came to talk to you.”
He studied me for a moment, giving me plenty of time to leave, but I stayed still.
Somehow, looking at Finn, the blankness in his eyes and the way he held himself away from me, I thought of how we had begun in angry grunts and morphed into something that felt like tenderness in bed.
We had come far in the small amount of time I’d known him, and it was me who had screwed it up.
I wanted to fix it, and I wasn’t leaving until he’d given me the chance.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn’t allow him to turn me away.
Ducking under his arm on the doorjamb, I slid inside until I was through the doorway and spun around to look at him.
The hint of a smile twitched on his lips before he dragged his eyes down my body. It heated my skin and sped my heart.
“Guess you’re not giving me a choice.” With a flick of his wrist, he closed the door.
“I have something I need to tell you.”
His brow arched and he pressed his lips together. “So talk.”
Okay. So he wasn’t going to make this easy.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out.
His chin jerked up in surprise and his lips parted. “What?”
Butterflies took flight in my stomach and I wavered for a moment before bracing myself, resting my butt against a desk in his room. My fingers curled around the edge and gripped the hard wood until my knuckles burned.
“What are you sorry for, Meg?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
Daring me? Keeping me out? I had no idea.
With a quick glance of my eyes around the room, I took it in and noticed the complete lack of personality. Clothes strewn everywhere, a few random books—which was a surprise to me—on his nightstand, and then a clock, cell phone charger, and his leather cut hung over the chair that had been pushed away from his desk.
Other than that, there wasn’t a single clue who Finn really was.
It wasn’t just me he kept things hidden from, it was everyone. Maybe himself.
The realization spurred me on.
“I like you,” I whispered and cleared my throat. “I like you,” I said louder and kept my eyes trained on a dent in his wall over his shoulder. “I don’t know how it happened or why it happened, but I really started liking you over the last few weeks.”
‘Like’ wasn’t a strong enough word. Fallen in love with him? Too much.
But my heart flipped and I wasn’t sure it was too much at all, just too soon to admit.
“And? Is that it?”
I squeezed my eyes closed and pressed on. “After Byron died, I wasn’t sure I would ever care about anyone in my life again. My parents kicked me out, I lost my friends, Byron wasn’t around, and then Ryker left.”
Slowly, I dragged my eyes to his only to be met with a cool gaze that slithered down my spine. “I pushed you away that last day not because I didn’t want you, not because I don’t still want you, but because I was just sure you’d leave me at some point, too. I just pushed you away before you could hurt me.”
Several slow seconds, where my heart threatened to leap out of my chest, passed between us. Finn stayed still until his hands fell to his hips.
“You are afraid I’d hurt you?” He blinked, like I’d shocked him.
“Not physically,” I said. “But everyone’s always left me.”
He frowned, still seeming stunned. Had I gone about this all wrong?
“I kept thinking this week about when you told me that if I gave you my heart, you’d treasure it.”
Something in him snapped. I saw it immediately and then he was in front of me, glaring down on me. “And you said all you wanted was for me to fuck you.”
I shook my head. “I thought that was all you could give me.”
“And if it is? Is that enough for you, Meg? To be with a man who can give you his dick and his protection but not his love and adoration?”
The million-dollar question. “Yes,” I whispered, but my voice was certain.
I thought back to what Jules and Faith had said—how we simply needed time.
Finn scoffed and took a step back. Whatever anger he had disappeared immediately, and in its place…was nothing.
He spun on his heels and walked toward the door. “You deserve better than what I can give you, Meg. You need to go.”
“I don’t think you mean that.” But my voice was shaking as I pushed off the desk. “I think you can give me exactly what I need.”
“Go.” He didn’t look at me. I felt the lack of his eye contact as cold as I imagined a winter blizzard in Jasper Bay, which Daemon and Olivia kept warning me about: arctic, frigid temps, windchills in negative double digits.
Finn giving me nothing felt worse.
“Finn,” I said and tried again. I reached my hand out to touch him, just one last time before he completely broke my heart, but he jerked back. Like the thought of my touch repulsed him.
Tears threatened to fall. They sprang so quickly that I didn’t have time to blink them back before they began slipping down my cheeks.
I had been brave. I had gone after what I wanted, and I still got hurt.
I walked through the door with my shoulders held back even though I felt like my heart had just exploded.
“Meg,” he called.
I paused and turned halfway, unable to face him head-on. I felt like I’d just given him everything I could, and again gotten nothing in return. His lips turned down into a frown and he shook his head when he caught the tears on my cheeks. “You deserve more than a man like me could ever give you.”
I spun on my heels and walked away without another word.
As I headed back to the clubhouse, I swiped my cheeks, brushing the tears away. When I hit the main room I made a beeline for Faith, spotting her immediately at a pool table with Daemon, Ryker, and Olivia.
“I’ll kill the fucker,” Ryker growled as soon as he saw me.
I shook my head. “Don’t bother.” Then I turned to Faith. “Keys?”
“You okay?” she asked.
“I need to go.”
She handed me the keys as soon as the words fell from my lips, and she reached in, wrapping her arms around me.
I pushed her back only to be met with the pitying looks from both Olivia and Ryker.
Avoiding everyone else’s gaze, I hurried out of there.
26 Finn
It was less than thirty seconds after I’d effectually slammed the door in Meg’s face before I realized my mistake and knew I had to stop acting like a fucking pussy.
I’d stayed away for a week because I knew Meg deserved better than me.
Where she helped me, I had nothing good to give her.
But hell if she hadn’t just rocked my world, showing up in the middle of a nightmare I’d always had about Piper.
Except this time, the woman in the dream bleeding and dying out on the street in front of me hadn’t been Piper, pregnant with Jesse.
And God, to wake up to the door pounding only to see the woman who had just died in my dreams standing in front of me—
Fuck. I’d still been half-asleep, mostly shaken, when she started apologizing for shit she hadn’t needed to apologize for.
Throwing on my boots, I laced them up.
Fuck it. I had more to say to her than the shit I’d just tossed in her lap.
She did deserve better than me. She deserved a man without a list of problems a mile long, but I wanted her.
“What the fuck?” M
y head jerked back when I threw open my door and saw Olivia standing on the other side.
Ryker, I’d expected. Faith coming to kick my ass wouldn’t have shocked me. Olivia was a surprise.
Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, no makeup, pink Harley tank top, and jeans that were faded and frayed at the bottom.
Her flip-flop covered foot was tapping on the floor and her arms were crossed over her chest.
Her scowl said she was pissed.
“What do you want?” I growled and opened my door further.
She walked right in like she owned the place—and technically, since she was married to the president, she sort of did.
“Came here to yell at me?”
She popped her mouth. “Nope.”
Hm. Out of anyone, I figured Faith would have been the one to show up and kick my ass verbally for screwing things up with Meg.
I spun my keys on my thumb. I needed to go, but a part of me wanted to hear what Olivia had to say. She was the only one who knew my shit, even if it was only a small glance of it.
“You want to know why I’m here and not kicking you in the balls like Faith wanted to do?”
See? “Bad-cop good-cop plan?”
She shook her head and one of her hands dropped to her stomach. Olivia’s eyes went soft and she got a little teary-eyed when she grinned.
“I’m pregnant, Finn.”
My eyebrows knitted together and my jaw dropped. “Shut up.”
“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “I am.”
I figured her plan then. It was almost a year ago to the exact day when I had sat in Daemon’s kitchen table after Olivia lost the baby she was pregnant with when she got shot, and opened my big fucking mouth and told her about Jesse.
I always knew it would come back and bite me in the ass.
“I found out right before our honeymoon,” she continued, ignoring the sweat that was starting to line my forehead. “Told Daemon the night we got married.”
“Congratulations,” I muttered and turned my back on her, searching for nothing.
Now that I knew Olivia’s purpose for being here, my shoulders ached and my skin felt tight.
Hot and itchy, too.
I hated remembering.
“The thing is, Finn,” she started, and I sighed. “Is that, when I lost my first baby, you were there to tell me that the pain doesn’t ever go away, but someday it dims enough to make life manageable.”
My lip curled. “I lied.”
“Bullshit.” She leaned forward and propped her hands on her hips. “You spoke the truth to me at a time when I needed to hear it. At a time when I needed to free myself from the weight I carried and the grief I felt. And you know what? Your words helped. They helped me let go. You wouldn’t have been able to say them, to make them believable to me if you didn’t believe them yourself.”
I seethed when both of her hands fell to her stomach, caressing a bump that no one could see except the instinct of a mom.
I cleared my throat and looked her in the eyes.
“This baby,” she said, whispering now. “This baby is my second chance. It’s the baby that was always meant to be mine and Daemon’s…meant to be mine. I don’t know about the one you lost, or the baby’s mother, but by the way you keep your secrets closely guarded and your anger and guilt even more closely hidden, I’m guessing you’ve seen shit that most of us can’t even imagine.”
Damn it. It was like she fucking knew me. Like the last year around Olivia had been spent under a microscope.
“Finn,” she said and regained my attention. Barely. “Meg and Brayden are your second chance. The chance to be what’s always meant to be yours. Don’t fuck it up because you’re scared and pissed at something you can’t change now.”
The word mine rattled in my head until it was a scream. Mine! She’s Mine! They’re MINE.
I growled and scrubbed my hands down my face.
“Olivia.” I finally sighed and then smirked. Holding up my keys, I asked, “Where in the hell do you think I’m going?”
Her eyes lit with recognition. “Make this good. Fix it. And if you fuck it up again, it will be both me and Faith showing up to kick you in the balls.”
I snorted and then felt my lips pull into a grin. “I’d almost like to see you guys try that.”
She waved her hand and dismissed me. “Just go fix things with Meg. She doesn’t need to know you love her now. Or that you love Brayden. You don’t need to plan out the rest of your lives—you just need to let her know where you’re at now. Open up to her, and then figure out where to go today. And tomorrow. The rest of the bullshit will take care of itself.”
She understood more than she should, more than I could have told anyone, and somehow it made me angry.
That I hadn’t hidden shit as well as I had wanted to or tried.
And as I made my way out of the clubhouse, seeing all the people partying and the loud music rattling in my ears, I realized I didn’t need all that empty shit anymore.
I needed Meg.
* * *
I breathed a sigh of relief when I swung off my motorcycle and stomped toward the front door of Ryker and Faith’s house. The lights on told me she was still awake, but I wouldn’t have cared if they were off, either.
Nothing would stop me anymore.
I pounded my fist on the door and shouted, “Meg! Open up this door!”
She flung it open on the fourth knock, and I immediately dropped my balled fist.
God, she was beautiful. She’d changed since getting home, even though she couldn’t have beat me by more than a few minutes. Her denim skirt had been exchanged for cotton shorts and her long blond hair was now wrapped in some odd shape, ends sticking out all over the place on top of her head.
Her makeup was gone and I stared at the bridge of her nose, taking in the freckles I only saw when I woke up with her in bed next to me.
My dick hardened at the sight.
God, I’d missed it.
I never wanted to sleep alone after waking up with Meg in my bed.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, her eyes wide and her voice hesitant.
And damn it. I’d been the prick who put that fear in her eyes.
“Let me in.”
Her chin trembled. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea right now, Finn.”
My lips twitched and I stopped waiting for her to decide.
I pushed the door, stepped in, and wrapped my hands on her waist. She was so small that my fingers touched at the back.
“What the hell, Finn!”
“I got something to say and you need to listen.”
“We’re done talking.”
No way in hell. “Haven’t even gotten started yet,” I said and carried her to the couch. When I sat down, I held her on my lap and dropped my hands from her waist to her hips.
She was exactly where I wanted her and my dick loved it. The warmth between her thighs burned through my jeans and I had to fight rocking into her.
“You’re being an ass,” she clipped and stared over my head.
I saw pain in her eyes—pain that I had put there—and it was finally fucking time to do what I needed to do, no matter how much it hurt: to take it away from her.
I fought back the fears, the memories of my life that I never wanted to talk about, and exhaled.
“Blue,” I said, and her eyes snapped to mine.
“What?”
“My favorite color. Blue.”
Her lips parted as she inhaled a sharp breath.
Trusting she wouldn’t move, and knowing I was strong enough to hold her with one hand even if she did, I lifted my hand and brushed it across her cheekbones. “But it’s not the color of the sky or a crayon. It’s the blue in your eyes, because the first time I saw you was the first time since I’d left Australia that I started seeing in color. Your eyes were the first thing I saw.”
My eyes dropped to her lips when they parted and I felt her tension dr
ain from her spine.
“What?”
“I lied when I told you I couldn’t give you more than I had. I didn’t mean to, but I meant what I said when I told you I’d treasure your heart if you gave it to me. The truth is, I’m not worth giving it to, Meg. My life has never been pretty or even decent. I grew up tossed around from home to home until I landed in a house that was closer to hell than a family.”
“Finn,” she breathed. She smelled like lemons and mint and I closed my eyes, savoring it.
“Want you, Meg. Never wanted a woman or a kid since I left Australia, but I want that.”
She leaned back and I held her hips, preventing her escape.
“You just told me you don’t want me.”
“No, I said you deserve better. And you do.”
A line appeared between her eyes.
“You wanted me to tell you, Meg. And I’m here, and I’m not leaving until you tell me you want me.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but fuck it. No way was I giving her a chance to tell me no. Or to leave. I wasn’t going anywhere and I’d start proving it now. Letting her walk away from me at the cabin was the worst decision I’d ever made.
Staying away this last week was even harder.
I was done with distance.
I’d take Meg and Brayden for as long as I could fool them into believing I was good enough for them.
My hand slid up her back until I cupped the back of her neck and I pulled her toward me.
She fought me, barely, and then as my lips brushed against hers, she submitted and moved her lips against mine.
A growl tore from my throat as soon as I felt her wet tongue glide against mine.
I kissed her like a man possessed, because I was. I had thought of nothing but her scent, her touch, her smiles, and her laughter for the last five days, and now that she was here, I wasn’t letting her go.
“Want you, Meg,” I murmured against her lips before I dropped mine to her chin, and then her jaw. I rocked into her so she could feel all of me hard for her.
Only for her.
“Finn,” she whispered. Her voice still held a whisper of hesitancy and I rocked into her again.