by Stacey Lynn
After our conversation just a couple of days before, Faith had dropped the idea of Finn and me getting together and me moving, and it’d still been almost a week since I’d seen or talked to Finn.
The fact that he hadn’t even tried to reach out to me stung and created a painful pinch in my chest whenever I thought about him, so I tried not to.
Instead, he still invaded my dreams. I could escape the thought of giving him a chance like Faith suggested during the day, but I had no control over what happened at night.
I woke up every morning sexually frustrated, on the cusp of an orgasm brought on by dream-Finn, and yet I refused to take care of it myself. Self-pleasure was no match for the real thing, and I knew I’d still be just as frustrated even if I brought myself to orgasm.
I missed his touch.
I missed him.
I just hadn’t found the bravery I needed to contact him and apologize for our last night together, either. There was always the risk he’d already moved on.
Or the risk that he wouldn’t want me, even if he hadn’t.
I didn’t know if my pride could take such a blow.
So I’d settled myself with throwing all my attention onto Brayden, knowing I hadn’t been as focused on him over the last few weeks as I usually was, and in the last couple of days, I’d noticed him smiling more than he had since we’d arrived in Jasper Bay.
His attachment to Ryker might have helped with that. The two had become thick as thieves in the last week and the thought of taking Brayden away from Ryker again was so far the only thing keeping me here.
At least that was what I kept telling myself.
“Faster, Mom!” Brayden yelled from the top of the pirate ship. “If you lose, you walk the plank!”
“I’m coming.” I shook the thoughts of leaving out of my head.
Today, we were here, and I was determined to enjoy it.
“Okay,” I said, gasping for breath when I reached him. I was out of shape if running around a park was wearing me out. “What now?”
Brayden’s lips stretched into a smile, showing a full set of teeth. He’d lost his bottom ones earlier this year, and I knew he’d lose his top two soon as well. The reminder that he was growing up sent another slight twinge of pain to my heart.
I couldn’t stop myself from reacting to the thought. Reaching down, I pulled him into my arms and yanked him off his feet. “I love you, buddy. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, Mom.” He wiggled, showing his displeasure at being manhandled by his mom.
I set him down and smiled when he grabbed my hand. “Let’s swing.”
“I bet I can swing higher than you,” he teased.
I scrunched my face. “You’re on. Loser buys ice cream!”
I took off running down the ship and down the slide, headed toward the swings with Brayden right behind me.
“But I don’t have any money!” he cried.
I glanced back at him over my shoulder and laughed. “Then you better win.”
I beat him to the swings, but while I slowly began pumping my legs, it being harder to play than I remembered, Brayden took off, pumping as fast as he could, and soon he was flying higher than me.
I’d never admit I let him win. Or that I couldn’t get my legs and arms to coordinate as quickly as I used to.
Somehow in the course of the last few years, and especially the last few weeks, I’d forgotten how much fun it was to simply shirk responsibilities for a few hours, or a full day, and just enjoy life. Being a single mom hadn’t been easy. Add the stress of Maurice that had constantly weighed me down, and I’d forgotten how to kick back and have some fun.
These last few days with Brayden had helped that, and I loved watching his wide smile and hearing his contagious laughter as we swung on the swings, chasing each other to the sky.
His legs pumped and worked as he flew above me until I saw two familiar figures making their way toward us on the playground.
“Hey there!” Jules called out, lifting her arm.
I hadn’t become as close to her as Faith or Olivia in the last few weeks, but I loved that as much as Brayden said he hated girls, he had no problems playing with Sophie.
I immediately began slowing my legs. “I forfeit, buddy,” I said to Brayden when my swing slowed enough so I could jump off. “I’ll get the ice cream.”
He did a fist pump on the swing. “Yes.”
“Hi,” I said to Jules when I reached her. I was still a little bit breathless, but the air in my lungs felt good, and I silently reminded myself to start running sometime soon.
“Am I on biker babe babysitting duty?” I teased.
Jules threw her head back and laughed, shaking her head when she was done. “No, not at all. But that’s cute.”
Faith might have given up talking to me, but Olivia hadn’t in the few times I’d seen her.
I figured now it was Jules’s turn, although I wasn’t offended. It felt good to be around people who cared not only about each other, but Brayden and me as well.
I turned so we could watch Brayden jump off his swing. He quickly made his way to where Sophie was scaling a climbing wall.
Jules stood next to me silently, the familiar light smile on her face that I usually wore when I watched kids playing innocently. Must be a mom thing.
Out of nowhere, she said, “You know that Sophie’s dad was actually Jaden’s brother, right?”
“Yeah,” I admitted hesitantly. She’d told me before, but I didn’t know why she brought it up. Awareness prickled my skin when I looked at Jules and saw her glimmering smile.
“When Scratch died, I wasn’t sure I would ever love someone again, and was more terrified that I would never find someone who would take on Sophie, too.”
Slowly, her agenda clicked in my head. I pressed my lips together and kept my eyes on the kids.
“I went to Arizona, finished college, met this guy…” Her voice trailed off as she tripped over the word. “Made some really bad choices, I guess, in an effort to put this life—this town—behind me.”
“Jules,” I said, but she kept talking, not even bothering to look at me.
“Sophie was kidnapped by him. The guy started stalking me, but that was only after he beat me one time too many.”
I gasped and snapped my head toward her. She had shared part of her story at the club a while ago, but she hadn’t mentioned being beaten. “What?”
Her eyes looked a million miles away. “It was Jaden who saved my little girl. It was Jaden who brought her back to me, and it was Jaden who, even though we fought all the time, was the one who finally taught me I could love again.”
It took me several moments before I could speak again. I didn’t know what to say, but I recognized what she was doing—reminding me that sometimes things took more time.
“When I first came back to town last spring, Jaden wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t talk to me without shouting for the first three months. Those men are stubborn, and they’re not used to feeling things. I suspect that while I don’t know Finn that well, he’s a lot like Jaden in that regard.”
I didn’t suspect she was right, I knew she was right. Finn had all but admitted to me that he didn’t do anything more than screw.
If you gave me your heart, I’d treasure it.
The memory of me against the brick wall, the night I tried hard to forget, flashed in my mind.
I swallowed over the lump as I remembered the way Finn spoke when he said that. Like it was being ripped from his throat while he tried to fight it back down.
God. Had I gotten it wrong? Had he been trying to tell me something then?
I shook my head and fought to focus on Jules.
But an odd sensation crawled over my skin, making me uncomfortable in my own clothes.
What was I afraid of?
That Finn wouldn’t want me? Or that he would—and it meant that I would be risking losing someone else all over again?
“Damn it,” I whispered an
d kicked the mulch.
Next to me, Jules bumped my shoulder. “You okay?” she asked, her voice taking on a knowing glint.
“I’m still thinking that the beaches in San Diego sound like a great idea,” I muttered.
She laughed softly before she sobered and turned to me, tilting her head to the side. “Can’t argue with the weather, but how wonderful could it be if everyone you love is somewhere else?”
“You guys are all trying to tell me I’m being a stubborn fool, aren’t you?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know you well enough for that, honestly. But I’ve been in a similar position and I know how much better it felt to stop fighting the inevitable and start living it.”
“God, you girls are smart,” I admitted with a smile. This was what Faith had been trying to tell me a few days ago when I ignored her.
Jules smiled. “I suppose the question now is…what are you going to do about it?”
Run and hide under my covers for a while longer before I had to swallow my pride sounded like a good idea. But hadn’t I already done that for long enough?
I faced her and drew my bottom lip between my teeth. “So there’s a party tonight, huh?”
Faith had told me about it earlier that day.
Based on Jules’s wide smile and easy laugh, it was the right thing to ask. “Come on, let’s go wear them out so they nap this afternoon.”
Sounded like my kind of plan. We played for another hour, pushed the kids on swings, chased them around the wooden boat, and played tag before we finally grew tired and hungry.
Then we walked to the ice cream shop and took seats outside and enjoyed the day together.
Jules seemed to know everyone who walked by, and she explained that her dad had been the mayor of Jasper Bay while she was growing up. Her dating Scratch hadn’t exactly thrilled her parents, and when she’d started seeing Jaden, they’d been less than thrilled. But eventually Jaden had won them over, and while her dad still hated what Jaden was involved in, he also knew that Jaden tried to keep Jules as innocent as possible when it came to club business.
The knowledge that Jules didn’t always know what was going on, but was taken care of and made safe when needed, lessened some of my doubts about Finn.
Which was what I suspected she was trying to do.
“We need to get going,” she said when their ice cream was gone and Sophie was cleaned up. Her eyes were only half-open, and I knew that if she was like Brayden at all, she’d be asleep before their car made it home. “But I’ll see you later, maybe? Jaden and I have a sitter for Sophie if you want to have Brayden stay at our place. She’s a sweet teenager from our building and she usually stays the night so Jaden and I can stay at the club.”
Brayden pouted as chocolate ice cream dribbled down his chin and through the gap in his two front teeth. “I don’t need a sitter.”
I laughed. “Sure you don’t, buddy.”
25 Meg
I pushed down the hem of my denim skirt and chewed my bottom lip.
I had ridden to the club with Faith and Jules after we’d dropped Brayden off at Jules’s place. Ryker and Jaden had headed over earlier.
It had taken every ounce of confidence I had, and then a decent amount I was faking, just to decide to go to the party.
Leaving Brayden with a sitter overnight seemed presumptuous.
“This isn’t a mistake, right?” I asked, turning to Faith.
She smiled softly and looked beautiful. I secretly coveted her glossy black hair, but it was her crystal clear eyes that always caught and held my attention. Faith was simply beautiful, all the time, on the inside and out.
“You’ll be fine,” she assured me. “And if Finn ends up being an asshole, there’s always free alcohol.”
I laughed nervously. “That helped. Thanks.”
She bumped my shoulder and dropped her hand to mine, giving it a quick squeeze. “Don’t be nervous.”
Easier said than done, but as our sandals clip-clopped across the paved parking lot, I had run out of time to back out.
My plan was simple.
Find Finn and apologize for the way I’d handled our last night together. Then I’d tell him I wanted to be with him, and I’d take whatever he was willing to give me.
It wasn’t much of a plan, but it was all I had.
“Ready?” Faith and Jules asked and turned to me. I felt like I was facing a firing squad and my heart pounded inside my chest until I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I willed my lungs to work and sucked in a deep, shaky breath. “Sure,” I muttered and followed them inside.
The pounding music was the same as I remembered from the last party I’d attended at the club. It was only two weeks ago, but it felt like a year. So much had happened.
As I walked into the clubhouse, I immediately recognized many of the men and most of the women. I’d been warned that this party would be a bit louder, a bit dirtier than the previous one, and as I took in the half-dressed women lying all over the men, I instantly knew they were the club bunnies Faith had warned me about.
My heart dropped as we reached the bar and I hadn’t yet spotted Finn. He wasn’t anywhere I could see, and the rooms were large and wide open. If he was there at all, the only other place he could be was in his room or the bathroom.
The thought of him already taking one of the easy women back to his room for a night of sex had my gut churning and I reached for a glass of beer that Liv handed me.
“He’s here,” she said, answering my unasked question. “But he hasn’t come out of his room all night and Daemon said he went back there with a bottle of whiskey.” Her eyes darted around the room before she met my gaze. “And he was alone.”
I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Taking a sip of the beer, I grimaced and put it back on the bar.
Olivia laughed and handed me a shot instead. “Maybe this will help more.”
I slung back the tequila without thinking. “Thanks. I’m not really much of a drinker.”
“Liquid courage helps sometimes.”
“Yeah,” I said, drifting off in my thoughts.
My eyes scanned the room. The music, the big men who laughed loudly and partied hard, coupled with the half-dressed women—it was a lot to take in.
Could I really live a life like this? Be a part of this group that did questionably legal things—and sometimes downright illegal—just to get their way?
I still didn’t know, but as the liquor warmed my stomach and calmed my shaking nerves, I began to realize that I didn’t need it all figured out tonight.
Not immediately, anyway.
I nodded and turned to Liv. “All right,” I said and tried giving her a smile, but it was shaky. “I’m going to head back.”
“We’re your family too, you know,” she said suddenly and caught me by surprise. My eyebrows pulled in. Olivia smiled and spread her hands wide out. “Even if it doesn’t work with Finn, we’re all here for you. I know we’re not super close or anything, but when one of us loves someone—like Ryker and Faith love you and Brayden—you’re in this crazy, messed up family whether you want to be or not. I just thought you should know.”
Tears stung my eyes for no reason other than it’d been so long since I’d been a part of a family. And I had certainly never had one as loud or as large as this one.
I nodded and blinked my eyes so tears didn’t fall. The last thing I wanted was to lose it before I saw Finn. “Thanks, Olivia.”
She winked and tilted her head toward the hallway. “Knock him on his ass.”
I doubted that would happen, but I smiled anyway.
I cracked my knuckles nervously as I walked down the hallway I knew led to his room. On the way, I bypassed Johnny pressing some girl up against the wall. He didn’t see me, what with his face being crammed into her breasts. I looked away, but it took me a minute afterward to realize that with the way he rocked into her, her legs around his waist…they weren’t making out.
; They were having sex. In the hallway.
I gasped and turned back over my shoulder with wide eyes. The woman caught my gaze and simply smiled before she dropped her head against the wall and whimpered.
Oh my God.
I tried to erase the image from my head, but before it was fully gone I found myself standing in front of Finn’s door.
It was do or die time.
Fight or flee time.
Great. I wasn’t even good at self-pep talks.
I raised my hand and knocked. If he wasn’t alone, the last thing I wanted to do was walk in. I didn’t think I could handle seeing him with a woman, especially if she would be anything like the woman who was still shamelessly being screwed against a public hallway.
When no answer came, I gathered my quickly fleeing courage and pulled my hand into a fist.
Then I pounded on the door three more times. If he was in the bathroom or bedroom, he couldn’t miss the sound.
A thump from the other side of the door told me he did in fact hear me, but I didn’t hear anything else. With my courage evaporating into the floor at my feet, I tried one more time.
Knocking softly this time, I rapped twice on the door with a knuckle and said, “Finn? It’s Meg.”
My heart beat inside my chest. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Another bang came from inside followed by a muted curse.
Seconds passed and he didn’t open the door. My heart sank to my knees and I rested a hand on the door and leaned in.
I could walk away now. I could forget this happened and pretend he hadn’t just ignored me.
Just as I was about to push off the door, I heard the click of the doorknob and the door swung open.
I fell with it and gasped an “Oomphgfh.”
It muffled as I hit a large, warm, and naked chest.
“Meg?”
Warm hands came up and wrapped around my biceps, and he pushed me away until I was on my feet.
Slowly, I met his gaze, hoping to see warm, honeyed eyes looking down on me in surprise.
Instead, I saw narrowed eyes in a cool brown color that made me think of dead grass in the winter. There was nothing warm or inviting about the way he looked at me or when he set me away from him as if he couldn’t bear to have me touching him.