by SJ McCoy
“Well, it seems he decided to check out who I am—and he didn’t like what he found.”
“But …”
Chance held up a hand. “Come on, Mase. You have to understand that, especially now. Think about little Phoenix. If you found out that she was seeing a guy who had the kind of past I do, would you be happy about it?”
“No, but I’d want to see her happy. I’d want to meet the guy. Find out for myself what he was really like. I wouldn’t just judge him on his history.”
Chance raised an eyebrow. “You say that now, but I think it’d be a different matter if it came down to it.”
Mason nodded grudgingly. “Maybe. So, he didn’t want her seeing you anymore, and she just obeyed him?”
Chance closed his eyes. “Not exactly.”
“Then what, exactly? There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”
“Yeah. See, the way I found out that her dad wasn’t happy about it was …” Chance wasn’t sure he even wanted to tell Mason. He’d second-guessed himself so many times over his decision to walk out on her in the middle of the night.
“Was what?” asked Mason impatiently.
“On our last night. I got up for a drink of water. Her phone was bleeping away. Her dad was sending her text after text, telling her he wanted her away from me. That I had a criminal record. That … you know. I’m a no-good piece of crap and …”
Mason blew out a sigh. “Please don’t tell me you made the decision for her?”
“There was no decision to be made. Some guy she’d known for less than two weeks, or her dad?” Chance shook his head. “Even you can see how that had to go down.”
“No. I don’t see it. You should have let her decide for herself. I’m guessing you just walked straight out the door and she never even knew what went down, right?”
Chance nodded.
“Damn, Chance! Why? Why didn’t you stick around? Why didn’t you try to work it out?”
“Because the last thing her dad texted her was We’ve come so far in the last few years. Don’t throw it away over some no-good ranch hand.”
Mason met his gaze. “What else do you think he’d call you?”
Chance blew out an exasperated sigh. “Dammit, Mase. It’s not about what he called me. I don’t care what he called me. What I care about is that for him to say that—‘we’ve come so far in the last few years’—then things haven’t always been good between them, but they are now. I know how that feels. You know how many years I lost with my own dad. I’d hate for something to come between us, and I’m not going to be the thing that comes between Hope and her dad. It’s better that she thinks I’m just an asshole who walked out on her in the middle of the night. Her dad can be the hero who picks up the pieces—and who was right about me. It’s more important to me that she should be happy, than that she should be with me.”
Mason shook his head but didn’t say anything.
“What? Say it. Whatever you’re thinking, just tell me.”
“It doesn’t matter what I’m thinking. It’s your decision, and you already made it; but since you’re asking, I think you’re wrong. I think it was her choice to make and you should have let her.”
Chance shrugged. He’d been beating himself up over that ever since he drove away from her house that night. “Maybe so, but like you said, it was my decision. I made it, and there’s no going back now.”
Mason raised an eyebrow. “There’s not? Are you sure about that?”
Chance nodded. “Damned sure.” He wasn’t one to go back, but more than that, he couldn’t allow his mind to open up to Hope again. He had to shut himself down—forget her and get on with his life.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t. I can’t do it to her and I can’t do it to myself. Like I said, it no doubt wouldn’t have worked out between us anyway. She lives in LA; she has a life and a business there. I live here and have,” he smirked, “you and a bunch of cows to think about. We live different lives; it just wouldn’t have worked. I just shaved a couple of months off the process of us figuring that out.”
“If you say so.”
“I say so. Has that answered all your questions? Can we leave it alone now?”
“Yeah.”
Chance watched Mason’s face, knowing there was still something else. “What? You may as well just go ahead and ask so we can close the subject once and for all.”
“Okay. I will. I’m just wondering. You said she made you feel. Like you haven’t since Chloe.”
Chance pressed his lips together and nodded.
“Do you think that it was the right time, that you’re ready to feel again now, and another woman might have made you feel that way, too? Or do you think it was her?”
Chance sighed. “Honestly, I’ve been trying to convince myself that it was just the timing. You know, right after I decided I need to start living again, I found Hope.”
Mason nodded and waited.
“I have to believe that it was just the timing.”
Mason nodded again and met his gaze.
Chance looked away.
“But it was more than that, wasn’t it?”
Chance shrugged.
“If you ask me, you’re a fool.”
“I didn’t ask you, though, did I?”
Chapter Two
Hope carried the tray out onto the terrace and placed it on the table in front of Toby with a smile.
“Thanks, that looks great.”
“I need to feel useful somehow, and it seems making lunch is about all I’m good for these days.”
Toby frowned at her. “So, come back into the office. Get back to work.”
“I don’t see the point. I finally understood while we were away that things run just as smoothly—if not more so—without me.”
“Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? I’ve been patient. I’ve tried being understanding, I’ve tried being gentle, but I think it’s time for me to start kicking your butt.”
Hope looked up and met his gaze. “Why?”
“Because I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re the one who gets things done. You’re a go-getter, not a sit-around-and-moper. I don’t like seeing you like this. It’s time for you to snap out of it. Do something.”
She shrugged. “I know. You’re right. I just don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I want to do.”
“We both know that’s a lie.”
She nodded sadly. “Yes, we do, but you also know what I mean. I can’t do any of the things I want to do.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged. “You know what I want to do. I want to get in touch with Chance. I want to ask him what happened, what changed.”
“So, why don’t you do that? Put yourself out of your misery.”
“Because the way he left made it quite clear. He’s done. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. End of story. Asking him to explain it to me is pointless. It’d just make him uncomfortable, and it’d make me feel even more stupid than I already do.”
“Then I guess you just have to forget about it. Forget about him.”
She nodded again. “I know, but for some reason, I can’t. I keep turning it all over and over in my mind.”
“Because you’ve got nothing else on your mind. You need to be busy. You need to get back to work, or at least back to play. If you don’t want to come back to the office then at least get out and have some fun.”
“I don’t feel like it, though.”
“I know, and that worries me. It’s all the more reason that you should.”
“Maybe next week.”
Toby shook his head. “How about tomorrow night?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Please, Hope? I’d like you to be my plus one.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. It was a habit she’d picked up from Chance. She knew from being on the receiving end of that look that it made you feel as though you had to answer the question—even though no q
uestion had been spoken. It worked.
“There’s a big party for Sirena’s birthday and I …”
“You don’t want to go by yourself?”
Toby nodded.
Hope had to smile. “You don’t want to go by yourself, but you don’t want to take anyone who could be mistaken for a real date.”
Toby smiled. “Yeah, so you see you’re my only Hope.”
She closed her eyes briefly, not wanting to remember when Chance had spoken those same words to her. “It’s a bit sneaky of you, don’t you think?” He raised an eyebrow innocently, and she had to laugh. “You know full well that if it were just for me, I wouldn’t go, but because it’s for you, I kind of have to, don’t I?”
“You don’t have to.”
“But I’ll feel awful if I don’t. So, I’ll do it.”
“Thanks and you never know, it might help. You need to take your mind off Chance. And …”
“And what?”
“Sorry, but I’m going to say it. If you’re not going to do anything about him, then you need to forget him and move on.”
Hope pressed her lips together. It seemed she’d picked up more of Chance’s mannerisms than she’d realized.
“Don’t look at me like that! You’re the realistic one. You’re the one who looks for solutions, who gets things done. You know I’m right. You either do something about it, or you forget about it. Continuing to sit around here feeling sorry for yourself isn’t a viable option. Not for you. It doesn’t suit you.”
She sighed. “I know. Thanks, Toby.”
He smiled encouragingly. “Tomorrow night is a good start, it’ll get you out and,” he glanced at her sweatpants and baggy T-shirt, “get you back into grown-up clothes.”
She laughed. “Watch it. I can still say no if you’re going to start insulting me.”
“I’m not insulting you, I’m teasing you, and hopefully appealing to your inner designer, who I can only assume is being held hostage while you’ve been possessed by an outer slob.”
This time she didn’t laugh. “Slob? That’s going a bit far, isn’t it?”
Toby gave her a stern look. “Have you looked in the mirror lately?”
She shook her head, realizing that she really hadn’t paid any attention to her appearance or to much of anything, these last few weeks.
“Well, I suggest you don’t, not until you’ve spent a day at the spa.”
She laughed. “Am I that bad?”
“No, not really. I’m just trying to use shock tactics to snap you out of it.”
“Well, it’s working.” She pulled the end of her ponytail around so she could look at it. Her hair needed washing.
“Yep, I suggest a cut and color, too,” said Toby with a smile.
She sighed. “I guess your plan is working. I have a lot to do if I’m going to look presentable by tomorrow night, huh?”
He nodded. “Do you want me to fix your appointments?”
“No, thanks. I should get on it myself. You’re right. It’s time to get my butt into gear and stop slobbing around. Time to try and look halfway decent again.”
Toby shook his head. “You’re still beautiful, and you know it. It’s only your grooming that’s letting you down.”
She sighed. “Why is it that even the word grooming makes me think about him? You groom horses. Chance rides horses. He loves horses.” She met Toby’s gaze. “We had such a wonderful afternoon out riding horses on the beach in Oregon.”
Toby nodded sadly. “But you refuse to contact Chance, so there’s no point raking it all over. Is there?”
“I can’t contact him. He made it perfectly clear we were done. He even said he was sorry. I have to respect his choice. What else can I do? What am I supposed to do? What would you do?”
Toby shrugged. “If I were in your situation I don’t think I could be as accepting as you are. I think I’d be demanding an explanation—either that or I’d be making some big, dumb gesture that would either win them over or kill any remaining chance I had by convincing them that I’m a crazy person.”
Hope smiled as she thought that over. “What kind of big, crazy gesture?”
“Like I said, knowing me, it’d be a dumb one! Don’t take anything I say as advice, will you? You know I’m no good at this kind of thing. Hell, I’m making you go with me to a birthday party for a woman I’ve admired from afar for the last year!” He stopped talking and gave her a puzzled look. “What? What are you thinking? Whatever it is, it’s probably a really bad idea if it was inspired by anything I said.”
She smiled. “I think it’s a really good idea—to make a big gesture. It’s sure to decide things one way or another. Either he’ll love it and at least talk to me, or he’ll think I’m a crazy stalker lady and tell me as much. Even if he does think I’m crazy, he’ll tell me, and I’ll have no choice but to give up. And at least I’ll know I tried, that I didn’t just meekly accept that it was all over without even trying for a second chance.”
Toby looked wary. “And do you know what kind of big gesture you have in mind?”
She smiled; she did. It was perfect. “I do, but I need to find out if it’s going to be possible first.” She got up from the table and went back inside.
Toby followed her. “So, is this it? Am I dismissed for the afternoon, now?”
She laughed. “You’re the one who suddenly filled my day with a bunch of things I need to get done. And besides, don’t you want to go shopping and find the perfect gift for Sirena?”
Toby’s eyes widened. “What do you think I should get her?”
Hope laughed. “Maybe you should go for some big gesture?”
He rolled his eyes. “You know me better than that. I’ll spout that kind of thing when it’s just talk, but when it comes to her I’m a total coward.”
“You are. I’ve never understood that one. I’ll have a think and call you if I come up with any ideas.”
“Thanks.”
~ ~ ~
Chance grabbed his hat from the hook on the door and picked up his keys. He needed to get out. He didn’t know where he was going, but he had to go somewhere. His chat with Mason this morning hadn’t helped at all. It had made him feel worse. Was Mason right? Was he a fool? Should he have talked to Hope before he left Oregon the way he did? He strode over to his truck and climbed in. What did it matter? Right or wrong, what was done was done. He needed to just stick with what he’d been trying to do ever since he left her that note and closed the door behind him. He needed to put her out of his mind. Forget her. He pointed the truck up the driveway and headed out. He sighed when he saw a figure waving at him up by the guest ranch. Shane. Chance wasn’t in the mood for him today. Shane was relentlessly upbeat, and that wasn’t what he needed to deal with. He pulled over reluctantly and forced a smile.
“Where are you off to?” asked Shane with a grin.
“I’m heading up to town. I need to go to the post office.” Chance was surprised how easily that came out. He hadn’t had any intention of going to town until he said it.
“It’s good to see you going somewhere.”
“And what does that mean?”
He felt bad at the way Shane’s grin faltered. “Nothing. It’s just you haven’t been out and about much since you came back. You’ve either been working even longer hours than usual or holed up in the cabin like some kind of vampire.” His grin returned. “Sorry, I can’t help it. Cassidy’s been trying to teach me that I’m not the center of the universe and that I need to pay attention to how other people are feeling.” He shrugged. “Even I know you’re not in a good place. Consider this my half-assed attempt to show that I care—even if I don’t know what to do.”
Chance couldn’t help smiling. “Thanks, Shane. I didn’t mean to bite your head off. I’m okay.”
Shane grinned again. “Which means you’re not okay, and you don’t want to talk about it, right?”
Chance chuckled. “Yep. She’s teaching you well.”
Sha
ne laughed with him. “Can I tell her you said that?”
“Sure.”
“Are you doing anything tonight?”
“No.”
Shane held up a hand. “It’s okay. I know you don’t want to talk about your troubles or anything, but Cassidy’s up in town tonight with her seniors from the art class. Can I come hang with you? We could grill some burgers and drink some beers, like old times?”
Chance was about to say no, but he thought about it. Shane was easy company. He, Chance, and Mason had all lived in the cabin together until not so long ago. Until they’d met Cassidy and Gina. No, that line of thought was making him think about Hope again. That made his decision for him; having Shane over would sure beat sitting there staring at the wall thinking about Hope. “Yeah, why not?”
“Great. Give me a shout when you get back from town, and I’ll come over.”
“Okay. See you later.”
Chance pulled out of the driveway and headed north up East River Road toward town. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining in a big, blue sky. The mountains still wore their snowy caps, but the foothills were already tinged with green. The river was rushing, swollen with the spring run-off. He sighed. He was trying to focus on the everyday details of the landscape to keep his mind away from Hope. It wasn’t working. The blue sky reminded him of their ride on the beach; they’d been so lucky to get a cloud-free afternoon for that. The green reminded him of everything about Oregon, how lush everything was there. He shook his head. Why was it so hard not to think about her? He felt a pang of guilt at the realization that he thought about her so much, he’d hardly thought about Chloe at all. There wasn’t normally a day that went by that he didn’t think about Chloe, some moment that he wanted to share with her, or something that triggered a memory of her. In the month since he’d been back in the valley, it hadn’t been the same. Now everything reminded him of Hope. How screwed up was he? It had taken him eighteen years before he let himself get close to another woman, and when he did, he’d cut things off with her before they could even get started.
When he got to town, he pulled up across the road from the post office and then wondered what the hell he was doing there. He’d told Shane this was where he was going, but he had no reason to. He felt pretty dumb. He’d made the half hour drive up here for nothing. He should buy some stamps at least, so it wasn’t a completely wasted trip. He climbed out of the truck and crossed the road.