Everything I Have (Everything I Want #3)

by Natalie Barnes

  ************

  “Tristan! How’s it going?”

  Joe comes up to me and gives me a hug, then a slap on the back. He reaches for Sophia, holding her at arm's length before pulling her in.

  “Babygirl! Look at you. Like the shirt,” he says and she laughs.

  Thea comes up beside Sophia, resting her hand on Sophia’s back. I start carrying in our luggage.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Here, I’ll help you with that,” Joe says behind me.

  After bringing everything in, Sophia finds her spot on her parents’ couch. Their place kind of reminds me of home with the forests nearby, but that’s about it. You head down a couple blocks and you’ll already be in the city.

  Fuck, what city is near my place? Sophia told me when she was younger, she loved that fact that she lived in Madonna’s birth town. I couldn’t care less; Frankie was the one that freaked over that. It’s pretty much like Sophia described it. It's an hour's drive to her ‘rez,’ as she would call it, but they live in the suburbs closer to her dad’s work.

  “Hey, Tristan. You in the mood for a little jam sesh?” Joe grins at me.

  I can tell he’s itching to show me what he has when he lifts his old Peavey from the wall.

  “I had a band back in the day, you know.”

  I know, Sophia has told me, but I want to hear his side.

  “Yeah, we were called “The Burden of Existence.” My eyebrow raises at him, but he just rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I think ’shrooms named us, anyway.”

  I laugh and Joe ends up showing me some fucking sick rifts on the guitar. Fuck, I actually want to show Caleb this shit. It’s so sick.

  Sophia and her mom go about doing whatever the hell it is they do. Joe teases and says they’re probably with nature.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  He raises his finger and leaves the room. When he returns, he carries a couple of DVDs.

  “I had these made a few years ago,” he says.

  Setting them down on the coffee table, he leans over and reads one.

  “Ah-huh. Here it is. Babygirl did a little show when she finally formed her band, so we drove down there to check it out,” he says, popping the DVD in. “You can never be quite sure if one is really your child ’til something happens,” he jokes. “This was the moment I knew for sure.”

  He laughs out loud. Holding his gut, he shakes his head.

  “Nah, I’m just fucking with ya.”

  He looks over his shoulder, nervous that Thea may have walked by. It’s so fucking funny. Joe is your typical Italian guy, but the moment he thinks his wife just caught him disrespecting reminds me of a boy looking out for his mom when he’s doing something bad.

  “I got this when babygirl was just starting out.”

  He grins, then sets up the DVD. The screen is kind of blurry as the recording tries to focus, then, a young Sophia comes into view, sitting up on a small stage. Even Roger looks like a fucking boy. Then Cory walks by and pulls up a chair by my girl. She’s wearing the torn jeans I know all too well. Smiling at the camera, she crosses her legs and pushes up the sleeve of her t-shirt. Thea whispers to Joe in the background of the video. I can just picture him, the proud fucking papa taping his baby girl.

  Jared steps up on the stage holding his bass as he stands behind Sophia. She glances up at him and he plays the opening to Nirvana’s Come as You Are, the deep bass pulsing. My girl nods her head to the beat, then grabs the mic and sings softly.

  “Come, as you are, as you were...”

  Watching the home video, I’m lost in the young Sophia as she sings. Banging her head slightly with Roger’s drums, she shakes her slightly when she sings, “No, I don’t have a gun.”

  Cory stands when the solo picks up, even adding his own flair to the notes. Fucking sweet. No wonder Lux signed them. Even back then, you can tell they fucking rock.

  Just as we’re getting into the video, Thea screams from out on the porch.

  “Joe!”

  Sophia’s dad’s eyes widen when he looks at me before shooting up. Following him out, my heart fucking drops when I see my girl hunched over the railing with Thea rubbing her back.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Joe’s voice sounds worried.

  Thea points to the small puddle on the ground.

  “Her water broke!”

  Ah, fuck!

  “What?” Joe exclaims.

  I walk over to Sophia, who winces when I touch her back.

  “Fuck, Tristan,” she moans. “I probably just pissed.”

  Fucking of course. Only Sophia would try to downplay right fucking now. My eyes grow when I stare at the puddle beneath her. I try to lean her over my way.

  “Come on, let’s go.”

  “No!” she screams. “It’s not time yet.”

  “Sophia, we have to go!” Thea urges her then heads into the house. “Get her to the hospital!” she calls out behind her.

  Tears stream down Sophia’s face. Joe rushes to her side.

  “Come on, babygirl,” he says.

  Fuck that. Stepping in front of him, I bend over and lift her up.

  “Tristan!” she wails.

  Right now isn’t the time for her to feel fucking embarrassed.

  “Shut up,” I say quietly, trying to get some kind of reaction out of my girl other than fear.

  Sure as shit, it works. She slaps my back as I carry her out to the car. She winces when I let her go.

  “Fuck!” she hisses, holding her stomach.

  I watch her, pinching my eyebrows together.

  “Did you feel anything at all today?” I ask, but I already know that fucking answer, goddamn it.

  She’s quiet and I huff as I slam the door. She should’ve fucking said something if she started feeling off. What the fuck?

  Sophia gets all defensive when I climb in.

  “I thought it was just gas or something. Shit! How was I supposed to fucking know?”

  “When did this fucking start happening?” I look at her and ask.

  “I don’t know… before we left,” she mumbles.

  What the fuck? Twisting my head around, I glare at her.

  “You should’ve fucking said something! We shouldn’t have been traveling.”

  Fuck! What the fuck am I supposed to do? She’s early and shit and now her water’s broken.

  “Tristan, please,” she whimpers as she holds her stomach. Fuck!

  Not waiting another fucking second for her dad, I take off.

  “Wait!” she screeches but I don’t fucking care. I haul ass out of there.

  I try to type in ʻhospital’ on the GPS. I don’t know shit around here. Fuck! Panic rises when Sophia grabs her belly again as I head for the highway. Fuck, you would think there would be a hospital by now closer to the city.

  “Take the first exit then head left,” Sophia groans.

  I want to be pissed at her for hiding this shit all damn day, but I can’t. The look on her face would bring any man, especially me, to his fucking knees.

  Finally, after a long twenty minutes, I find the goddamn hospital. The transmission jerks as I slap the car in park as it still rolls.

  “Tristan!” Sophia says as she takes hold of the handle beside the door.

  Ignoring her, I climb out. Sophia being herself, she gets out of the fucking car before I get to her. Glaring, she rolls her eyes at me. She turns around and I follow her when she heads inside through the sliding glass doors. Stepping up to the registration desk, Sophia pauses and winces again.

  “Can I help you?”

  No. It’s just someone that obviously is fucking pregnant holding her stomach in pain!

  “Yeah, um…” Sophia runs her tongue over her lips. “I think I’m in labor,” she says, lowering her voice.

  The receptionist smiles at her.

  “We’ll get you looked at.” She gestures in front of her. “Would you take a seat so I can get some information?”

  Fuck, I c
an’t stop pacing. Sophia should be getting a room you would fucking think. Instead, she and that old lady keep laughing and talking. When she stops again, the older woman looks down at her watch.

  “All right, someone will be down to get you.”

  Sophia stands, looking fucking beautiful with her wild hair. Walking over to me, she pulls out her phone.

  “What are you doing?” I ask as she sits down near me.

  I can’t sit. Standing over her, I watch her fingers move, texting quickly.

  “Gotta let Frankie know,” she says.

  I kid you not, that guy texted her back within a second. Sophia laughs when she glances back at her phone.

  “He’s fucking coming.”

  What? No way will he make it. The sound of wheels screeching across the tile floor grabs my attention and a nurse with a wheelchair stops in front of Sophia. My chest tightens when Sophia settles back into it. Even though she’s smiling, her blue eyes look scared. I follow along behind them until we arrive on the third floor. Fuck, I hate hospitals. They’re just fucking eerie.

  Sophia walks into the attached bath with her gown, blowing out a breath before closing the door. I walk over to the window, checking out the small lights of downtown. Pushing my hands down farther in my front pockets, I finally hear Sophia come out and start talking to the nurse. Something about checking her cervix. I keep my back turned. Fuck that.

  “Doctor Millinger will be just a few more minutes. She is going to be your doctor.”

  She. Thank Christ for that.

  “Are you freaking?” Sophia’s soft voice says behind me.

  “No,” I say, shaking my head.

  I cross my arms and lean back on the vent. Sophia looks down, pressing her lips between her teeth.

  “I am.”

  Pushing off the vent, I come right up to her bedside. Without saying anything, I tip her chin back and kiss her. Her soft lips meld with mine. When her body relaxes into the pillows, I stand back up, half smiling at her. She shakes her head and giggles.

  “Listen,” she says suddenly.

  I follow her gaze to the monitor. The sound of our baby’s heart blows my mind with how fast it beats. I heard this before at our doctor's appointments, but it seemed that they always fucking turned it off too soon. Holy shit. Leaning to the side, my smile stretches wide across my face.

  “I love it.”

  She smiles, pushing her elbows back against the pillows, but then it fades quickly.

  “It’s happening again,” she says.

  What? Then I realize she must be having another contraction. I glance down at the machine, which is a few seconds behind and see the light marks climb. By the time I see them descending, Sophia is already getting relaxed again. Holy shit. This is gonna be a crazy night.

  A couple hours pass and the doctor pretty much tells us what we already knew. Since she’s only thirty-four weeks, they were thinking about the possibility of delaying labor, but when they found out her water broke and that she was already dilated to a four, they had no choice but to deliver.

  Dilation. Sophia made me learn that shit. Fucking woman.

  “Tristan,” she would tease, making the nurse show me with her fucking hands how wide open my girl is.

  Now the lights in the room are dimmed. Sophia’s been trying to crash for the last hour. Her parents got here a little while ago, dropping off her things. They’re out in the waiting room now. They could’ve stayed, but Joe just looked kind of uncomfortable. Her old man is cool.

  Thea, she just wants Sophia to get as much rest right now as she can. She told me to let her know when she wakes. I know she’s not sleeping that well. Her contractions are coming faster and harder now than they were when we first got here. At the time, she insisted on not getting anything, but I think she’s gonna be changing her mind real soon. Sweat beads on her forehead and some pieces of her hair stick to the sides of her cheekbones.

  “Tristan.”

  Her voice sounds so delicate. Seeing her like this and the way she sounds crushes my chest. Fuck, I wish she would just take the fucking epidural!

  “Yeah, my girl?” I squat down, gently rubbing my fingers over her damp scalp.

  “Can you get me some ice or something, please?”

  Fuck. My heart stings again.

  “Be right back. You want me get someone in here?”

  “What for?”

  Yeah, I don’t think the epidural is on her mind yet.

  Walking past the waiting room, I tap my knuckles on the large glass window as I head for the nurses’ station. Joe’s passed out with his neck tipped back and his mouth wide open. Thea’s head snaps up from her iPad and she gets up and walks toward me. Halfway there, she realizes she’s still carrying it in her hand and turns around, sticking it in her purse, which she brings back with her.

  I gesture to the room with my thumb so she knows to just head in as I hunt for Sophia’s ice. Maybe we should get someone back in there and see how she’s doing, too. I don’t know anything about this.

  “Can I help you?” Some young nurse grins up at me.

  “Ice. And if someone could check on her...?”

  The nurse does that fake sweet smile shit.

  “Terri is actually doing checks right now. She’s your nurse for the evening.”

  She turns in her chair and walks around the corner. After a minute, she brings me back the cup of ice.

  Taking it from her, I get back to the room in what seems like a few strides. Sophia is sitting up now, already looking totally wiped out. Reaching out, I hand her the cup. Her hands wrap around the Styrofoam. She picks out an ice chip and pops it into her mouth.

  “How are you feeling?”

  Sophia and her mom both chuckle.

  “It sucks and I want it over with.”

  She holds onto her belly and smiles. Her eyes still light, but her pace is pale. Only she would try to seem unfazed, but it clearly fucking shows.

  “You should get the epidural,” I say to her, ignoring Thea’s small gasp beside me.

  “I’m good.”

  She tries to grin again but stops when she has another contraction. Taking her small, sweaty hand in mine, I let her clamp down. Her nails dig into my skin but she still manages to stay fucking quiet.

  “Sophia mentioned that Frankie is on his way.”

  Thea smiles at me, knowing probably damn well he’s a character. I think she’s trying to get Sophia’s mind off the shit she’s going through.

  “Yeah, I don’t know when, though.”

  “Fuck…” she breathes out when the contraction is over.

  Blinking up at me, her hand loosens in mine.

  “Now that one... that one was brutal.”

  She tries to chuckle, but has no air in her lungs it seems to push it out.

  “Hello,” says a female voice I’m guessing is probably Terri. “How are you holding up?” she asks Sophia as she looks down at the chart, then begins checking Sophia over.

  “Um… do you want them in here?” Terri asks Sophia quietly.

  I already know what’s about to happen and believe me, I don’t want to fucking see it, so I head back over to my usual spot by the window. Thea steps back a few feet and looks at Sophia.

  “I’m going to get a pop. I’ll be right back.”

  She smiles and walks out. Crossing my arms, I stare out and wait ’til it’s over.

  “Doing good, Sophia. You’re at a seven now. Doctor Millinger will be stopping by again in about an hour to check on you herself. But do you need anything right now?”

  Sophia shakes her and settles herself down into the sheets.

  The next hour goes from bad to worse.

  “Fuck, Tristan. I think I’m gonna get sick,” she moans, pieces of her hair falling loose from her braid.

  Ah, fuck. Grabbing a plastic bag, I bring it over to her. She dry heaves, but after a few tries, barely any liquid comes out.

  “Ah, this sucks so bad,” she moans through another heave.<
br />
  Watching my girl go through this is breaking me. Fuck! In some way I feel so fucking bad that I did this to her.

  When she’s done, she lazily brushes the back of her hand against her mouth, her chest rising and falling with each heavy breath she takes. Her eyes barely open, she stares at me for a second before closing them. Then, everything changes…

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Sophia

  This is un-fucking believable. The pain isn’t even where I always imagined it would be, either. Yeah, my belly gets hard as a rock which is really uncomfortable, but it’s that stabbing, burning pain I feel in my lower back that makes me want to puke. I’m trying not to be bitchy, so I just keep my mouth closed.

  Tristan hovers over me like a shadow, his forearm flexing beneath my nails when a couple of those bastards come on. But now I don’t even have the energy to hold his arm. How in the fuck am I going to push a baby out? I know this is really shitty timing, but I’m kind of starting to second guess this whole baby thing.

  My vision is blurred when I catch a glimpse of the door opening. I see white. It’s the doctor. She’s an older lady with her white hair perfectly pinned up.

  “How are you feeling, Sophia?”

  Why does everyone fucking ask me that? Look at me, for fuck’s sake! She goes over and washes her hands in the sink. Another fucking check. I hate those, too.

  “Okay, Sophia. Can you scoot down for me, please?”

  My knee jerks automatically at the feel of her glove covered hand resting on my knee.

  “I know, sweetie,” she says, her green eyes warm. She knows how awful this is.

  I wince when her hand enters me. Twisting my head to the side, I close my eyes tight.

  “Wow, okay…” she says, then gently releases me. “Sophia, I think it’s time for you to meet your child.”

  Doctor Millinger beams down at me as she removes her gloves, stepping onto the lever for the trash can. What? If I had the energy to smile or cry, I would, but fear takes over. What if I fuck up? Five years, twenty fucking years? And the thought of Tristan’s mom. Oh my God!

  Snapping me out of my panic attack is the sharp burn not even creeping anymore, but full on slamming into my back. Closing my eyes tight, I grab the side railings of the bed. Fuck, this hurts.