The Crown Is Mine

by Berlinda Wall

  I put on a bathrobe and leisurely strolled to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and a cherry Danish. The sad part was that it had been so long for me that my cherry grew back and started shooting out pits.

  I turned on the iPod player and a very sexy slow jam came on. I could feel the bass start to fill my body as I started to sway back and forth to the groove. I grabbed a broom and slowly glided around the apartment, dipping and twisting the broom as I moved along.

  The moment was shattered, as there was a knock at the door. Who delivers packages this early? I put the broom down and sauntered to the door. A second knock rapped on the door before I had a chance to grab the knob. "I'm coming already."

  I turned the knob and opened the door. To my astonishment Marjorie was standing there in a very cute outfit. "This is an unexpected surprise!”

  "Hi Tyler. Is your phone not working?”

  "I probably have it turned off. I was performing last night and probably didn't turn it back on. Why do you ask?"

  "Tyler, you should probably sit down.”

  "What happened?"

  "It's your mom. She was at the Waffle House this morning with her neighbor Euginia when she started acting strangely. They called an ambulance and took her to Clayton General. They think she had a stroke.”

  It took a second for what she said to sink in. I think part of it was the shock of seeing Marjorie for the first time in months and here at my apartment. "Is she alright?"

  "I don’t know. The hospital tried calling your cell several times, and then tried your home number from your mom's phone, which was my home number. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you.”

  "Thank you very much. You didn't have to come over and tell me, and I greatly appreciate it. I need to head up there and see what's going on."

  "I hope your mother is okay, and if you need anything please let me know.” We hugged and said our goodbyes.

  The door closed and I slunk into a chair. I sat there for a moment and began to cry. I had already lost one parent, and I couldn't stand the idea of losing my momma. We may have had our differences, but we had always loved each other even though her way was a little twisted. I grabbed a tissue, wiped my eyes, and blew my nose. I started shaking from my head to my toes. I really needed to get a grip. I was in no mental shape to make the drive, so I grabbed my phone and sure enough it was off. I turned it on and the messages poured in. I listened to several from the hospital and several from Marjorie. It just really drove home the point that I really could lose my momma.

  I called Germaine to only get his voice-mail, so I left a message. I then sent him a 911 text, which was our major emergency signal, so he should have called me back immediately. I waited and waited, but the return call never came. I started to hit panic mode because I had to get up to Clayton. I finally heard the bell of a received text so a wave of relief washed over me. I picked up the phone and looked to see a text message from Germaine. I clicked on it and looked at it in shock. "I'm busy." That is all it read. No explanation, no caring, no nothing. My sense of self-worth bottomed out again because here was supposedly one of my best friends totally blowing me off without any explanation. I felt abandoned all over again. I had to stop torturing myself. I was not alone.

  If Marjorie had come all the way over here to give me the information, then maybe there was some shred of our friendship left there. I didn't blame her for not speaking to me because I really had been a dick. Not a small dick, but a huge dick. The kind you see advertised for the giant dildos and not that fake schlong they had in “Boogie Nights.”

  It was time to swallow some more of my pride and make the call. I found Marjorie in my contacts and hit call. It rang one time.

  "Hey boo. You alright?"

  And that was all it took. I started crying and sobbing uncontrollably. I barely could get a word out of my mouth between the sobs.

  "I'll be right there.”

  "Thank you," I stuttered and hung up.

  There was no hesitation on her part. As I sat there, I realized I was still in my bathrobe. I needed to get presentable, but before I even finished that thought, there was a knock on the door.

  I opened it to find Marjorie already here. "I couldn't go anywhere because I wanted to make sure you were alright," she said as she stretched out her arms to give me a great big hug. I didn't want the hug to end. "Do you want me to drive you up there?"

  "Yes please," was all I could muster up.

  "Go jump in the shower and put on some clothes. I hate to tell you boo, but you smell like an ashtray," she said.

  "The life of a club kid," I said. "I'll process fast."

  "You might want to pack an overnight bag as well," she said. "Where is your baggage?"

  "My baggage is all over my face," I said and managed to laugh.

  "That's my boo. You could always make me laugh. Now get cleaned up," she ordered.

  I jumped in the shower and took a lather-and-go shower. I rinsed every orifice and then stepped out onto the bath mat to dry off. The mirror was foggy and I could only make out a distorted image of myself as I dried off. I didn't want to look in the mirror because I didn't want to see how my face looked. I was a woman on the verge and needed to keep my nerves under control. I slipped on a fresh pair of underwear, wrapped myself in the towel, and went to my bedroom. To my surprise, Marjorie already had my bag packed and ready. She even pulled out a pair of jeans, a shirt, and my shoes to wear. She always knew what looked best on me. The only thing left to pack was my toiletries. All I had to do was throw them all into a bag, and I was ready to go.

  I walked down the hall and I could hear talking. Germaine must have come home while I was cleaning up. I turned the corner and there was Chas sitting with Marjorie at the breakfast bar. "Howdy, stranger. How have you been?" he asked.

  All I could do was run over and hug him. "I can't believe you are here," I said.

  "Marjorie called and said it was an emergency. Plus, you need someone to drive your car up to Clayton if you are going to stay anytime, and I wanted to see the fall foliage, I hear it is really beautiful up there this time of year," he said.

  I started to cry again. I couldn't believe that people cared about me enough to drop everything to help me out even though we parted not on the best of terms. I really dropped the ball on who my real friends were.

  "Come on, Princess. I need your car keys so we can get rolling." Chas said.

  "Here's a tissue. I don't need you dripping anything onto my seats," Marjorie said as she handed me a tissue.

  "I would be more worried about what is dripping out of his pants then his nose," Chas said.

  "Ha ha, bitch. I've missed you guys," I said.

  "Come on. Time to roll," Marjorie insisted.

  I grabbed my bags and tossed my car keys to Chas. We rolled the bags to the car, and I must say thank God to whoever put wheels on luggage because it was one of the best things that has every happened.

  We got to the parking lot and Marjorie's Toyota was parked next to my blueberry. She popped the trunk and I loaded everything in. I was feeling anxious as I got into the car and strapped on my seatbelt. Marjorie sensing my uneasiness handed me a thermos. "Here, have a swig.”

  "I don't think I need any coffee. I'm already feeling pretty wired.”

  "Honey, it's not coffee. It will help you relax.”

  I smelled it and immediately knew it was my favorite drink. Nothing like a screwdriver to help you relax. "You know me so well.”

  "You’re welcome. I figured it would help you settle down for the ride. I just hope we don't run into too much of the leafer traffic."

  "It always sucks this time of year when the city folk invade the mountains to check out the color. It's great for the business, but it makes it impossible to get anywhere.”

  "You sound like your mom.”

  "Oh my God, you're right. At least I don't look like her in drag."

  Traffic wasn't bad getting out of Atlanta, and Chas was right behind us.

&n
bsp; "So how is ‘The Package’?"

  "He is doing fine. Things have really gotten good, and I wouldn't mind if he asked me to marry him.”

  "Can I be your maid of honor?"

  "I wouldn't have it any other way. I just don't know when he is going to ask me, but I don't want to put any pressure there either because I don't want to scare him off."

  "If living with me didn't scare him off, I think you will be alright."

  "I hope so. He's a good guy. I did buy him some jockstraps to help hold his junk in while he runs. His balls are starting to hang a little low," she said and laughed.

  "Really? I didn't think running could stretch your balls out.”

  "You would be surprised.”

  We chatted the entire ride up to the hospital and the time flew by. It was like old times, which I really missed. It also helped me take my mind off the situation even if it was for the briefest time.

  Of course, as we got further into the mountains, the traffic filled up. The leaves were at their peak color and the scenery was breathtaking. I was always amazed at how the valleys looked like a multicolored rug from Pottery Barn. Just gorgeous.

  I tapped my fingers on the hand rest and Marjorie could sense I was getting tense again.

  "Sweetie, we will be there shortly," she said trying to comfort me. I just stared out the window for the last ten minutes of the ride.

  We finally pulled into the hospital parking lot. I tried to regain as much composure as I could before we headed in.

  "How do I look," I asked.

  "Do you want the honest answer," Chas asked.

  "Why not? It couldn't make the day any worse," I said.

  "You look like a concerned son, and you couldn't be more beautiful," he said.

  My heart melted. It was a real answer and wasn't dripping in sarcasm or hate that I was used to getting from the supposed A Gays.

  Marjorie grabbed my hand and led me up to the ICU. Adding more shock to my day was Albert and Paul waiting for us outside my mother's room.

  I burst out like a little baby again as I went to hug them both.

  "We were up here already looking at the leaves," Paul said. "Then we got the call from Marjorie and knew we had to come over here."

  "How are you holding up, sweetie?" Albert asked. "It's really good to see you, but I wish it were under different circumstances."

  "Thank you both for coming. I want to say something to everyone. I totally fucked up our relationships, and I am so sorry. My stupid arrogance got in the way, and I destroyed everything we had, and for that, I am truly sorry," I said.

  "No need to apologize, honey," Paul said. "You need to get in and see your mother now."

  I pushed open the door and there was Euginia by my mother's bedside. She came and gave me a hug. "Your mom is doing well, but she cannot speak currently and she is not moving," she said.

  I looked at my momma and said, "Hi." I wasn't sure if it was her medications, but I swear I saw a spark of life in her eyes. I took her hand and squeezed. "I'm here for you," I said as a tear rolled down her cheek. "You remember everyone. They got me up here safely since I was a wreck." Everyone took turns saying some very nice things to my mother. I'm sure she appreciated it, but there was no telling how much she was comprehending. I just hoped they got her to the hospital in time, because every minute you can't get someone there to get their life saving drugs, the more the damage, and the longer the recovery.

  "Can we say a prayer?" I asked the group. They all shook their heads yes.

  "Dear God, please look down on your humble servant and grant her peace as she goes through this trying episode in her life. Please make sure that she knows she has a son who loves her very much and that she has many friends and family who are wishing for a speedy recovery. This we ask of you. Amen."

  "Amen," everyone said.

  "Visiting hours are over. I need you to shuffle along," the nurse said. "Tyler, you can stay longer if you’d like."

  "We are going to get something to eat before we head back to Atlanta. Do you want us to pick you up something," Marjorie asked.

  "Yes, that would nice," I said. "Just something light because I really don't want anything heavy."

  "We'll get you something to drink as well since they don't have many vending machines in this hospital," Marjorie said.

  "Keep us updated won't you?" Chas asked.

  "I promise," I said.

  I hugged them all as they were heading out. I felt so much love coming back to me. It had been so long since I felt like this. It was a good moment in a messy situation. I watched as they all loaded into the elevator and disappeared. In that moment I went from pure joy to feeling all alone.

  I spent some time by my mother's bedside while she slept. The nurses would come in at regular intervals to check her vital signs and make sure the drugs were dripping through the IVs. She looked peaceful as she was sleeping.

  Eugenia and I met with the doctor, who informed us that she had had a mild stroke. They were going to monitor her and said we should go home and get some rest. They would call us if things changed. So it was time to head back to my old home. I still had the old house key on my key ring. There were a couple of other keys on there as well, I had no idea of what they were for, but the sad thing was I still kept them just in case I finally figured out what they were for. I think everyone does that because we don't want to toss them and realize that we need them.

  The house had remained unchanged, as my mother was used to it and didn't want to change. A lot of it did remind her of my dad so she didn't want to lose touch with that feeling because, as she said, it felt like a warm blanket wrapped around her.

  My room hadn't changed since the day I left, with the bed perfectly made, and all my mementoes in their same places. You could tell she had been in there to clean because there was not an ounce of dust to be found anywhere in the room. I sat on the bed and heard the old familiar squeak of the mattress springs. I bounced up and down a bit. The old memories washed over me as I sat there. It was hard to believe how fast things were happening.

  I wandered around the house for what seemed like hours until my phone rang. It was the hospital calling. I hoped for the best but expected the worst.

  It was Nurse Betty, who happened to be an old family friend. "Tyler, things are looking really good. She is responding extremely well to the medications and her vital signs are all very good. I'll give you an update before I go off my shift in the morning. I hope I won't be waking you up too early."

  "Don't worry. I don't think I will get much sleep tonight. Thank you, Betty. I will speak with you in the morning."

  At least one ray of sunshine finally broke through the clouds. Maybe God does answer prayers.

  I found some leftovers in the fridge and made myself a very late dinner. It was time to get some sleep. People always say you can't ever go home, but this felt right.

  The next couple of days was just good news after more good news. The stroke was mild and momma was getting stronger every day. The only complication was that she still could not speak, but they felt that would come back to her. After four days she was up and moving, and they felt she was ready to head home even though she wasn't speaking yet. I was amazed, but then again, my momma rarely ever got sick, so this shouldn't stop her. After a couple of days at home, her speech did return. It was timid at first, but day by day, it grew stronger as she started quoting the Bible again. This time the quotes were all positive and had nothing to do with damnation and hell. Maybe she was a changed woman.

  The day finally came when I had to leave and head back to my life in Atlanta. It was nice to get away for a little bit. The boys and Marjorie had texted me everyday to help keep me entertained while I was here, since there was not a lot to do around her when momma took her naps while she was rebuilding her strength.

  My bags were packed and I squeaked the bed one more time just for the fun of it. Momma was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. "If you don't hurry you will get stu
ck in all that traffic in Atlanta," she yelled up at me.

  "I'm coming, momma." I took one more glance around and it was time to return to the real world.

  We hugged at the door. I knew she would be good, and all of her friends promised me that they would stop by and check on her. "I love you very much," she said.

  "I love you too, momma." We hugged one more time, and then I was off in the blueberry.

  CHAPTER 67

  The crowning show was Saturday, so all the contestants were making their final pushes to get ready. I was in pretty good shape as my team - yes, I had a team again - whipped me into shape for my final numbers of the competition.

  We decided that I needed to sing one song live from "Bombshell" - "Let Me Be Your Star" - since the injunction said the musical couldn't be performed, but didn’t say anything about singing a song. I would do it as the second number, which I was hoping would turn into a grab the cabbage song.

  "I had bought this earlier for you, so I am glad you get a chance to wear it," Paul said as he pulled out a black dress bag from the closet. He gently placed it into my waiting arms. I placed it on the table and slowly pulled open the zipper and everyone stared in anticipation. As the bag opened I could see the coral blue bugle beads glisten in the light. I pulled the zipper faster as my heart raced.

  It was a coral blue ocean in front of me, and as I held it up everyone ooohed and aaahed over it. The dress had a wide collar at the neck and flowed down the crack of my bosoms, expanding over the breasts, leaving my shoulders and arms exposed, and fell all the way to the floor.

  "This will bring in the coins," Chas said.

  "It is beautiful, Paul. I can't thank you enough," I said.

  "I hoped you'd like it," was Paul's only response.

  I held it up and looked in the mirror. My hair needed to be pulled back into a bun and I needed some rhinestone bracelets to complete the look.