“It’s not proper for a man—”
“I don’t want to know what other people have told you, especially if it’s anything the viscount said. I want to know why you think you shouldn’t be here.”
He didn’t move as his gaze traveled from her face down her body and back again. “I shouldn’t be here because my thoughts aren’t respectful.”
Eden struggled not to laugh. “Do you think I’m attractive?”
“You know I do.”
“Does kissing me and holding me make you want to make love to me?” Everything rested on his response. Either she would return home knowing she would probably always remain alone—an aunt, never a wife and mother—or he would offer her a love that would last for the rest of their lives. She doubted anyone in her family would approve of her putting that question to Edward, but he was too slow getting around to it for her. She wanted to know . . . no, she needed to know.
Edward swallowed convulsively, took an uncertain step forward, then stopped. “How would a Texan answer that question?” he asked.
“Honestly.”
“I’ve always been taught it’s disrespectful to look upon a lady with lust in one’s eyes.”
She longed for him to feel love, not lust. “I can’t think of a greater compliment than to be told you’re so much in love with me you practically have to sit on your hands to keep from making love to me.”
“That’s how I feel,” Edward said in a strangled voice. “Sometimes it grabs me so hard, I can hardly breathe.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” That was a useless question. She knew the answer. All his life he’d had it drummed into his head that his own wants were of no importance unless they served the good of his family. He’d lost his father’s love for no reason he could discern other than his own failure to live up to the viscount’s expectations. It was a lesson he’d never forgotten. He couldn’t allow himself to want anything because it would hurt too much when he lost it. “I love you,” Eden said. “I think you love me, but you’ve never said it. Would it hurt so much to say it just once?”
“I can’t—”
Frustration consumed her and she balled her fists, wishing she could escape the feelings that threatened to wash over her. “If you tell me one more time you can’t say you love me because you don’t have any money, I’m going to . . . I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll think of something.”
She had no idea what response she expected—she knew what she hoped he’d do—but she hadn’t expected him to laugh and look so dazzlingly handsome she wanted to forgive him everything.
Edward walked over to the bed, sank down on it, and took her hands in his. “I’ve never felt anything in my life like what I feel for you. I don’t know if it’s love or insanity, but I can’t think of anybody but you.”
“Mama says you have to be insane to fall in love with a man. She says no woman in her right mind would do anything that stupid otherwise.”
“But your mother loves your father.”
“Passionately, but she swears falling in love with him was the craziest thing she ever did.”
“And you’re your mother’s daughter.”
“My dad’s, too. He said he was just as crazy to fall in love with Mama.”
“Well, if two people I admire so much can do it, I suppose I could, too.”
“What about me?” she said, firing up. “I’m in love with you.”
“I don’t admire you.” Before she could plant her fist in the middle of his handsome face, he added, “I adore you. You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever known. I don’t know why a thousand men haven’t moved heaven and earth to marry you.”
When she had a few moments to spare, she’d have to teach him not to wind her up before he said something nice. It was making her dizzy. “A few have tried, but I was waiting for just the right man. It never occurred to me I’d have to go to England to find him.”
“Or to me that I’d follow you to Texas.”
“Why did you?” Eden asked.
“Didn’t you expect me to?”
“You were so angry at me, I thought I’d never see you again.”
He leaned back a little. “It’s hard to say what I felt when He leaned back a little. “It’s hard to say what I felt when you told me. When I was little, the viscount was so proud of how well I could ride, he bought me a horse for my sixth birthday. The earl thought I was too young to have a horse, but the viscount said I could handle any horse in the stables. I couldn’t understand it when things started to change. I thought it was my fault. Ultimately I decided love didn’t last, that one day it just wore out and there wasn’t anything left. When you told me about my birth, the only life I knew came to an end, too.”
“That didn’t mean you had to come to Texas. There must have been lots of places you could have found work in England.”
“Not without exposing my past. For twenty-five years I was in line to inherit an earldom. Anybody who could give me the only kind of job I knew, would recognize me. If I managed to find one who didn’t, he’d demand references.” He smiled as he let his gaze rest on Eden. “Besides, I’d been enticed by the kind of freedom you said I would have in Texas.”
“You make it sound like I was offering you political refuge.” She was shocked at the trace of petulance in her voice. She’d never been one to expect men to offer her extravagant compliments, but she was honest enough to admit she wanted Edward to have come to Texas because of her. Personal freedom was just an added bonus.
“Do you want me to say I would have followed you anywhere?”
She was appalled he could read her mind so easily.
“I would have. You captivated me that first evening when you advised me against causing dinner to be late. You completed the conquest the next morning when you caught that runaway horse.”
“Is that how you see me, a pushy woman who can ride?” Never had her character traits looked so unattractive.
“I thought you had a mind of your own, the strength of character to use it, and the courage to ignore anyone who didn’t agree with you.”
She’d long struggled with the fact that men didn’t seem to be attracted to her for very long, that she was lonely and life was passing her by. She’d never understood why until now. She was a bossy virago, the kind of woman wise men avoided no matter how wealthy or attractive. She didn’t want to be that woman. She had thought she was loving, generous, and kind, but she’d been seeing herself through the eyes of her family. She pulled away from him. “I’m surprised I didn’t send you rushing to fall at Daphne’s feet, begging her to marry you.”
Edward recaptured her hands, brought them to his lips, and covered them with kisses. “I thought you were magnificent. I’d given up on finding a woman who could share my life rather than be another dependent in it.”
Eden’s heart skipped a beat. Edward had never said anything about wanting to share his life with her. She hoped that meant he loved her and wished to marry her, but maybe the reason he hadn’t said anything was that he wanted a woman like Eden to share his life, not Eden herself. If he’d been that much in love with her, he’d had plenty of opportunity to say so. She didn’t know why someone hadn’t questioned Edward’s parentage years ago. His powerful chest, shoulders, and forearms had nothing in common with the slim, elegant torso of the viscount. Everything about Edward spoke of physical strength, abundant energy, the kind of sexual aura that must have made him seem out of place in a staid drawing room. She was certain many a female had been forced to use her fan quite energetically to prevent a telltale blush from flaming her cheeks at the sight of him.
“It won’t be hard to find such a woman,” she said. “I know a dozen who’d jump at the chance to marry you. And all of them can ride as well as I can.”
Edward put his hand under her chin and raised her head until he could look into her eyes. “I’m not interested in a dozen women. I’m only interested in you.”
She’d always considered herself
a sensible, rational woman. Right now she didn’t feel she was either. Her thoughts were in chaos, and reason had utterly vanished, leaving her prey to a confusing mixture of hope and fear— hope that he meant what he said, fear she would fail to live up to his expectations. She’d never really cared what people thought of her, so why should one man’s opinion throw her into a virtual panic? Especially when that man was an English expatriate with whom she had hardly a dozen thoughts in common. “You never said anything.”
“That’s because I’ve got nothing to offer you.”
“Will you stop thinking like an Englishman?”
“That’s what I am.”
“You’re a Texan now, and Texas women don’t want titles, country estates, or fancy houses in town. All we expect from a man is his undivided love.”
“You’ve got that already.”
He pulled her to him and she melted willingly into his embrace. They’d kissed many times, but this time was better because it was far more than a pleasurable exercise between a man and a woman who cared for each other. This time they were acknowledging the love between them, saying that each had found in the other the perfect realization of what they’d been looking for in a partner. It was also the most erotic experience Eden had ever had.
Though she had been kissed by several men in the past, they’d never been more than friendly kisses. There had been no passion, no feeling of being connected, no promise of more in the future. She and Edward had kissed several times, but those kisses had had a kind of innocence, an element of playfulness. Both had been holding back, unwilling or afraid to commit themselves. Now that they had admitted their love to each other, there was no need to hold back.
Any idea that Edward’s rigidly formal upbringing had resulted in a lack of sexual experience was quickly routed. The things he could do with his lips and tongue were a revelation. Texas men were more straightforward and aggressive, had a greater sense of entitlement, but Edward knew better what to do with that permission once he got it. Texans were long on energy and stamina. They tended to hit you hard and try to wear you down. Edward’s kisses were so inviting, so seductive, she couldn’t wait to follow where he would lead.
Rather than merely kissing her lips, he seemed to be feasting on them. He didn’t press his lips to hers in one long, passionate embrace. Instead he kissed her a dozen times, tiny touches on her lips, the sides of her mouth. He took her lower lip between his teeth and gently bit it until she couldn’t stand it any longer. She tried to capture him, to hold him to her, but he was too strong. When he began to scatter kisses on her eyelids, the sides of her neck, the lobes of her ears, she surrendered, gave herself up to him.
Eden had always believed a woman ought to be an equal partner in everything, but she found it was more enjoyable to let Edward lead the way. She didn’t resist when he gently laid her down on the bed. She didn’t resist when his kisses on her neck and ears turned her bones to jelly. She didn’t resist when the feel of his warm breath on her skin gave her goose bumps. She didn’t want to resist when his whispered I love you made her heart sing with joy.
He didn’t resist when she pulled him down to lie next to her. He didn’t resist when she kissed him with more passion, more intensity, more love than she thought her body could contain. He didn’t resist when she whispered I love you back to him. Exhausted by the outpouring of passion, she fell away from him.
“Where did you learn to kiss like that?” she asked. “It certainly wasn’t from Daphne.”
“Not every English woman is like Daphne.” He pinched her cheek. “Some are just as brazen as you.”
“I’m not brazen,” Eden protested. “I’m just not afraid to let a man know I like him.”
“I prefer to think of you as brazen,” Edward teased. “It makes you forbidden, and everything is sweeter for being out of bounds.”
Eden couldn’t stop a laugh. “And I thought you were a repressed Englishman.”
“I was,” Edward said, giving her a squeeze, “but I didn’t want to be. You gave me my freedom, so you deserve a reward.”
She leaned on her elbow so she could look into his eyes. “What reward did you have in mind?”
“To kiss you so thoroughly you’ll become my slave for life.”
“That would be your reward,” she said with a chuckle. “What’s mine?”
He flashed the grin that inevitably caused her to feel weak in the knees and her muscles to ache pleasurably. “Your reward is to love being my slave.”
“That’s going to take a mighty lot of convincing. I don’t think you’re up to it.”
The English liked a challenge, and Edward was English through and through. Eden wasn’t about to become any man’s slave, but she had no objection to letting Edward try to convince her otherwise.
He renewed his assault on her sensibilities with a single-mindedness that would have made her smile if it had not been so intoxicating. She fought against the desire to give in completely, but she was losing ground. No one had ever kissed her with such abandon. She hadn’t wanted anyone to, but she couldn’t get enough of Edward’s kisses. He couldn’t hold her tight enough. She luxuriated in his strength, in the feeling of being securely wrapped in the safety of his arms. The heat from his body flowed into hers until she was sure she would melt, until she thought she could stay there forever.
She wrapped her arms around him, amazed she was unable to completely encircle his chest. She pressed against him, allowed him to hold her tight, until she felt their bodies begin to meld. She couldn’t get enough of being close to him. She’d often wondered if she’d ever meet a man she could love the way her mother loved her father. She’d wondered if she’d be able to find happiness in Texas or if she’d have to look somewhere else. Now she had the answer to both questions, and the answer to each was the same.
Edward.
She’d follow him wherever he went, but she was convinced he’d been happier here in Texas than in England. She had to find a way to convince him to stay. She’d decide later whether the best way to do that would be to win or lose the race, but right now all she could think about was keeping him in her arms. Nothing had ever felt quite so good.
Edward cupped her face in his hands. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “I can’t imagine why you’d be interested in someone like me.”
“Call it my good deed for the month,” she said, smiling up at the face that had become an integral part of her thoughts, waking and dreaming.
Edward held her so tightly she could hardly breathe, but she didn’t care. She felt that she’d waited all her life to find him. Now that she had, she wanted to make up for lost time. She wanted to experience the love her parents had found, that her siblings had found, and she wanted it now. She didn’t object when Edward’s hands moved from her face to her shoulders, then down her arms. Her whole body tingled with excitement, with anticipation, with longing for what she could envision only imperfectly, for what she believed to be the ultimate expression of love between two people. She moved closer, a mute invitation for him to do with her as he would.
Edward continued to cover her with kisses while his hands moved over her arms and sides. When she caressed his chest, he responded first with a groan of pleasure, then with a firmer grip on her shoulders as he placed kisses on both sides of her neck. She had never imagined how sensitive her neck could be. She felt herself melting under his assault, gradually losing any desire to retain command over her body or control over what Edward might do to it.
She didn’t mean to, but she gasped when Edward’s hands unexpectedly covered her breasts. Before she could explain, he had released her and virtually flung himself from the bed. He gaped at her, apparently horrified by what he’d done. Words of apology poured from his lips, but Eden heard none of them. She only saw the look on his face, a look compounded by self-loathing and fear that he’d lost whatever love she felt for him. She reached out to him, but he backed away.
“I shouldn’t have followed you in here,�
� he said, “but I was afraid you were so angry you wanted nothing more to do with me.”
When he didn’t come to her, she sat up, patting the spot on the bed next to her. “I’m not angry. I’ll only be upset if you keep backing away from me.”
“If you had any idea what it feels like to kiss you, to hold you in my arms, you wouldn’t say that. You’re enough to drive a man crazy. I thought I was strong, but I’m not sure I can be responsible for myself.”
She patted the bed again. “I can be responsible for both of us.”
“If I come near you right now, I won’t be able to stop at kissing you or holding you in my arms.”
“I don’t want you to stop. I want you to make love to me.”
Chapter Twenty-two
It was impossible to gauge the exact effect her words had on Edward. He appeared in turn stunned, amazed, relieved, eager, yet all the while struggling to retain control over himself.
“Do you love me?” Edward asked.
“Yes, with all my heart.”
“Do you understand what that would mean?”
“It would mean I love you so much I want to be with you the way every woman wants to be with the man she loves. It would mean I trust you to love me as much as I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“If I cross this room, I may have to fight every male member of your family.”
“I’ll stand at your side.”
The tension gradually left his body and a slow smile spread across his face until his eyes glowed with warmth. “You are truly the most remarkable woman I’ve ever met. I hate to think of what my life would have been like if you hadn’t gone to England.”
“And I hate to think of what my life would have been like if you hadn’t come to Texas.”
“We’re about as different as two people can be. Do you think there’s a chance for us?”
“A very good chance if we have the courage to take it.”
Edward approached the bed. “I do.”
“So do I,” she responded.
Texas Loving (The Cowboys) Page 25