The Baby Emergency

by Carol Marinelli

  ‘Don’t be,’ Shelly said easily. ‘It gets to all of us, even Melissa, believe it or not.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘How did it go with Dr Khan?’ Shelly asked.

  ‘Good and bad. He gave me a bit of a dressing-down, but I hadn’t actually done anything wrong. He was more concerned that I was going to say something inappropriate, that’s why he got Melissa to get me out.’

  ‘So no harm done, then.’ Shelly smiled, wiping a streak of egg off Angus’s face, her smile fading as Ross carried on talking.

  ‘I’m finishing up today, Shelly.’

  Aghast, she swung around to face him, but Ross was already walking off and because it was a children’s ward, because there was a toddler finishing his lunch and cot sides to be put up, Shelly wasn’t in any position to follow him.

  ‘Why?’ she asked when finally she caught up with him in the doctors’ room, ploughing through his notes, his pen working furiously across the paper. ‘Why would you leave just like that? We all have our bad days. Dr Khan—’

  ‘Dr Khan has nothing to do with it. Sure, I was out of line so he put me in my place—enough said. I’m not leaving because of that.’

  ‘Because of me,’ Shelly ventured as Ross just looked at her. ‘But I’ve only got another two weeks.’

  ‘Because of me,’ Ross said simply. ‘This place just isn’t me, Shelly, and today proved it.’

  ‘So you’re running off?’

  ‘Nobody’s running,’ Ross said, turning back to his notes.

  ‘You know the mess this will leave the staff in.’

  ‘They’ll manage,’ Ross shrugged. ‘They’ll get a locum.’

  ‘I was right all along, wasn’t I?’ Shelly gave a rueful hollow laugh. ‘Though I never thought you’d just turn your back like that. I thought that even you were a bit more responsible.’

  ‘Well, obviously I’m not.’ Ross leant back in his chair. ‘So you can pat yourself on your back about your lucky escape, Shelly. You’ve been waiting for me to show my true colours so you can justify dumping me, well, here they are.’ He held up his hands. ‘Ross the drifter does it again.’

  ‘I don’t get you, Ross.’ Shelly shook her head, tears terribly close but she bit them back, determined not to cry. ‘I’m leaving so there won’t be any awkwardness. You’ve got so many friends here, a job, a life, and yet you can walk away from it all with just a quick goodbye.’

  ‘Not even that.’ Ross stood up and slammed the file he was writing in shut. ‘I’m tired of goodbyes.’

  ‘Where will you go?’ Shelly sneered, biting back tears, appalled not just at the end of their romance but the terrible, terrible conclusion to their friendship.

  ‘What continent haven’t you discovered yet?’

  I’m going home, Shelly.’ He clicked his pen off and slipped it into his pocket.

  ‘And where’s home this week? What country are you going to bestow yourself on this time, endear yourself to, until the going gets too tough or there’s a policy that doesn’t quite sit right with you?’ A heavy dose of sarcasm laced her voice but it disappeared as Ross caught her eye and she saw the pain etched in his features.

  ‘Tennagarrah,’ Ross said quietly, his voice a contrast to Shelly’s accusatory tones. ‘It’s the one place on God’s earth I’ve ever really felt I belonged.’ He paused at the door, his voice so quiet she could hardly hear it. ‘Except for a few nights at your place.’

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ‘HOW was work, darling?’

  ‘Don’t ask,’ Shelly groaned, peeling off her shoes and collapsing onto the sofa as Matthew clambered over her.

  ‘Leave Mummy, darling, until she’s had her shower,’ Marlene said, casting an anxious look in her daughter’s direction and picking Matthew up. But Shelly just laughed.

  ‘He’s fine, Mum. He just spent a week on the children’s ward, including a few rounds in the playroom, and didn’t even catch a cold. I think I’ve been being a bit precious.’

  ‘My goodness.’ Marlene grinned, kissing Matthew. ‘Don’t be fooled, darling. It might look like Mummy, might even talk like Mummy, but this laid-back woman lying on the sofa is an impostor!’

  ‘Stop.’ Shelly grinned. ‘You’ll give him nightmares.’

  ‘Nothing could upset this gorgeous boy,’ Marlene enthused, tickling him as she spoke, obviously delighted to be with him. ‘We’ve had a lovely day. We’ve made jam tarts and we’ve read his book, oh, must be a hundred times now. It’s amazing, isn’t it, how sick he’s been and just look at him now.’

  ‘Kids are like that.’ Shelly smiled, holding out her arms for a cuddle. ‘One minute they’re so sick all you can do is pray then suddenly they turn the corner and they’re off. Not like adults. We take for ever to get over things.’

  ‘Still,’ Marlene mused, ‘he’s done very well. All the trauma he’s been through and he just keeps right on smiling.’

  Shelly looked down at Matthew fondly. Marlene was right. She had braced herself for tantrums and long unsettled nights, but Matthew seemed totally content to slip back into his usual routine.

  ‘He must feel secure,’ Marlene said fondly. ‘That must be it.’

  A lump filled in Shelly’s throat. For all the crèche, divorce, for all the tumultuous two years they had spent, Matthew did feel secure. She was definitely doing something right.

  ‘He’s happy to be home…’ Marlene carried on nattering, but Shelly just sat there, staring at Matthew, a million jumbled thoughts tossing in her brain and landing as one, a clear picture forming, so awful so horrible, Shelly could barely even look.

  ‘Mum.’

  Marlene stopped mid-flow, the anguish in Shelly’s single word speaking volumes.

  ‘What is it, darling? Whatever’s wrong?’

  On legs that were shaking, Shelly stood up and handed Matthew to Marlene. ‘Can you look after him for me?’

  ‘Of course,’ Marlene answered, confused, following Shelly out of the lounge as she grabbed her car keys. ‘But where on earth are you going?’

  ‘Hopefully to put things right,’ Shelly said, giving Matthew and her a quick kiss before she rushed out into the driveway. Starting the car, she wound down the window as Marlene came over, a worried look on her face.

  ‘How long will you be?’

  ‘A while, I hope.’ Shelly looked up at her mother’s anxious face. ‘I really can’t explain things now, Mum, there isn’t time.’

  ‘Then you’d better get on,’ Marlene said, watching as her organised, meticulous daughter shot out of the driveway, then turning to her grandson.

  ‘That’s the first grey hair your mother’s ever given me,’ Marlene said in a fond voice, wandering back into the house with Matthew hoisted firmly on her hip. ‘Hopefully it will be the last.’

  Finding the doctors’ mess wasn’t a problem. Shelly had been there a couple of times for the occasional party, or leaving do, but she certainly hadn’t graced the doctors’ accommodation and the fact she was still dressed in her uniform had Shelly blushing to her roots as she ran an eye over the rows and rows of mail boxes, hoping Ross’s name might jump out of her.

  ‘Can I help you?’ One of the female doctors Shelly vaguely knew from Emergency came over, and Shelly found herself stammering as she spoke.

  ‘Oh, hi. Rose, isn’t it? I’m trying to find which one’s Ross Bodey’s room.’

  ‘You and every other woman in the place.’ Rose grinned then changed track when she saw Shelly’s angst-ridden face.

  ‘I really need to talk to him. Look, I know you probably can’t tell me which one it is but can you buzz him?’ Shelly gestured to the internal telephone. ‘Tell him that I’m down here in the foyer.’

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ Rose grinned. ‘He’s in room 202, on the second floor. Good luck,’ she called as Shelly darted towards the stairs, mumbling a quick thanks as she climbed them two at a time.

  Only at his door did Shelly’s nerves truly catch up with her. She had no speech rehea
rsed, no idea what on earth she was going to say to him, just an urgent, irrepressible need to see him, to put things right, to tell him she finally understood. Screwing her eyes closed, biting hard on her lips, Shelly lifted her hand to knock, almost falling inwards as the door suddenly opened and Ross stood there dressed only in the white boxers with love hearts. Given they were Shelly’s personal favourite, she decided to take it as a good omen.

  ‘Do you always close your eyes when you knock on doors?’ Ross gestured for her to come in.

  ‘Nervous habit.’ Shelly’s rather paltry attempt at humour wasn’t even rewarded with a smile.

  ‘What can I do for you?’

  Not such a good omen, Shelly thought as Ross greeted her like a shopkeeper. The room was amazingly tidy but, then, it couldn’t really be untidy, she realised, as apart from his backpack bulging in the corner, the only personal item left was a pair of jeans and a T-shirt tossed on the stripped bed and the stubby of beer Ross was holding.

  ‘It doesn’t take long for you to pack.’

  Ross shrugged. ‘I’m used to it, remember?’ Walking over to the small bar fridge, he pulled out a beer and offered it to Shelly who after a moment’s hesitation accepted it, struggling to pull off the bottle top and finally taking a nervous sip.

  ‘Not much of a beer drinker, are you?’

  Shelly shook her head. ‘Not much of a drinker, full stop.’ Still with a mouth as dry as sand, Shelly ventured another taste as Ross knelt down and started fiddling with the straps on his backpack.

  ‘When’s your flight?’

  ‘Six a.m.’ He carried on fiddling with the beastly backpack and Shelly knew he wasn’t going to make this easy for her.

  ‘I’m sorry for the things I said, Ross,’ she started nervously. ‘For insinuating you were irresponsible…’

  ‘I probably deserved it,’ Ross conceded. ‘I am kind of bailing out.’

  ‘With good reason, though.’ For a second she thought he stiffened but he soon shrugged it off and Shelly carried on staring at his bare back as he wandered around the room, which wasn’t exactly a hardship. The sight of Ross’s bare back actually made even the icy cold beer palatable.

  ‘I just can’t go on working in that place.’ Ross finally volunteered a conversation. ‘I’d barely been back five minutes before I remembered why I’d left in the first place.’ His eyes caught hers then. ‘Or at least one of the reasons.’

  ‘Which was?’

  ‘I can’t stand passing the buck,’ he explained slowly. ‘I can’t stand handing things over, being a small spoke in a big wheel. What happened with Angus today will barely merit a mention, just another cock-up that will be brushed under the carpet, and I’m sick and tired of it. I want to be accountable, Shelly. I want to make my own mistakes, not apologise for someone else’s.’

  ‘And you’ll get that in the outback.’

  ‘Tenfold,’Ross said simply. ‘Look, I know you probably think I’m overreacting, but what happened with Angus…’

  Shelly took a deep breath, her hesitant voice forcing Ross’s attention.

  ‘Angus’s father hasn’t been abusing him.’ She read the confusion in his face, saw his mouth open to argue with her, but she beat him to it. ‘It was his mum.’

  ‘His mum?’

  Shelly nodded slowly. ‘Mr Marshall was covering up for her so, yes, I guess he was lying. He just didn’t know what else to do.’

  ‘His mum?’ Ross asked again, his face paling as the news sank in.

  ‘After you’d gone, Mr Marshall asked if he could have a word. Apparently since the new baby came along, she’s changed…’

  ‘Postnatal depression?’

  Shelly nodded. ‘It seems that way.’ She saw the pain etched in his face and ached to comfort him, but knew more had to be said. ‘At least there’s hope, Ross. With counselling, medication, they’re probably going to be all right.’

  ‘Oh, God.’ A shaking hand raked his hair. ‘I read it all wrong.’

  ‘We all did,’ Shelly said gently. ‘But you know as well as I do, problems like that are never straightforward. Sometimes it’s hard to be objective.’

  ‘It’s my job.’

  Shelly nodded. ‘And you’ll learn from this, we all will. Angus is going to be OK, the whole family are. There’s still a lot of love there.’

  He nodded briefly, but it was loaded with agony and Shelly held her breath, knowing what was coming next was going to hurt her like hell.

  ‘I overreacted, and there’s a reason, Shelly. What happened with Angus, well, it was…’ He shook his head, his eyes tearing away from hers, and he walked over to the window, staring out of it and taking a deep breath.

  ‘Personal,’ Shelly suggested gently, and she watched again as he stiffened. Only this time he didn’t shrug it off. This time every muscle in his body stayed taut and strained and Shelly did the only thing she could, the only thing her mind and body told her to do—went over and placed a trembling hand on the rock of his shoulder, nearly weeping but holding it back as Ross gave a slow lonely nod, one hand coming up to claim hers, his eyes gazing unseeingly out of the window.

  ‘How bad was it for you, Ross?’ Her voice was trembling as she spoke but she struggled to hold it together, knowing that the only tears in place here were Ross’s.

  ‘Bad enough.’ Still he didn’t look at her but the warmth of his hand tightened around hers. ‘Pretty much like Angus, except there wasn’t any love there beneath the surface. But just like Angus, no one believed it was possible. My father’s a doctor, my mother’s a teacher. Two more upstanding citizens you couldn’t hope to meet.’ He gave a low laugh, utterly void of any humour, and turned to face her. ‘I’m not a wanderer, Shelly, I’m not some idle drifter. I’ve been working and studying since I was sixteen years old. The only difference is my home has been wherever I’ve lived at the time. When I went to the outback I knew I’d found my real home, though. For the first time in my life I knew where I belonged.’

  ‘So why didn’t you stay? I mean, they wanted a commitment from you, why couldn’t you give it?’

  ‘I’ve already told you that.’ His eyes were staring into her very soul and Shelly felt a shiver of excitement as he crossed the room. ‘I had unfinished business with a certain nurse.’

  ‘I thought you were joking…’

  Ross shook his head. ‘I’d never been more serious in my life. I’ve loved you Shelly, loved you,’ he repeated, as Shelly gave an incredulous nervous gasp. ‘I dragged myself off to Scotland when I found out you were engaged to Neil, drowned my sorrows in China the night you got married, and threw in the best job I’ve ever had when I heard that you were divorced.’

  ‘You really came back for me?’ Shelly gasped, the magnitude of his words starting to hit home.

  ‘In a heartbeat. Shelly, Melissa’s great and everything, but do you really think I called her to find out about Tania’s varicose vein operation or the latest gossip on the ward? I ploughed my way through it so I could casually ask about you. You,’ he said, taking her face in her hands and staring into the glassy pools of her eyes. ‘And I’m sorry, so sorry that it isn’t going to work. And as much as I hate the fact, I have to respect your decision.’

  ‘What decision?’ Shelly croaked, dragging him back as he dropped his hands and reached for his beer. ‘I didn’t know how you felt, I didn’t know what you’d been through.’

  ‘Shelly.’ Ross’s voice was sharp. ‘I’m not what Matthew needs. Those were your words and maybe you’re right, I misdiagnosed him, for heaven’s sake.’ He ignored her frantically shaking head, speaking over her until she had no choice but to listen. ‘Maybe Melissa’s right. Maybe it is all in the genes. Maybe I don’t deserve to be a parent.’

  ‘No, Ross.’ Shelly realised then the depths of his suffering, the self-doubts that plagued him, and she ached with the desire to right a thousand wrongs, to unscramble his troubled mind and tell him, show him what a wonderful caring man he was. ‘You’re going to be a won
derful father, a wonderful loving father, and as for what I said…’ Her mind was racing, knowing that what she said now had to be right, had to somehow knock down the barriers of self-doubt Ross had erected, had to somehow reach him before he left her life for ever. ‘I love you, too. I think I always have,’ she gulped, her eyes blinking as she looked back briefly over the years with the benefit of hindsight. ‘I always have,’ she said more firmly this time, ‘and I’m not proud of that fact. I was married and yet I loved you, and when you breezed back into my life, swept me off my feet and into my bed, it was all too easy and I was scared that one day you were going to grow up, one day you’d look around and realise what a mistake you’d made. That’s what I meant when I said that you’re not what Matthew needs, nothing else.’ Her eyes sparkled with tears as she stood and looked at this beautiful man who had been through so, so much yet somehow had managed to hold it together, somehow had managed to defy all the odds, had made something of himself, had kept right on smiling.

  ‘The silly thing is, you’ve already grown up, haven’t you? You grew up a long, long time ago.’

  Ross nodded. ‘About twenty years ago.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘What you see is what you’ll get, Shelly—if you still want it.’

  ‘Oh, Ross.’ Shelly was trembling as he pulled her towards him. Leaning on his chest, she heard his thumping heart, felt his arms tighten around her, and she clung to him tightly, their bodies in blissful contact, no barriers between them now, the fears that had held them apart gone now, leaving them in warm blissful union.

  ‘Come with me, Shelly,’ he whispered. ‘We can make a home together.’

  Her eyes sprang open, her long lashes brushing his chest as the enormity of what he was saying took shape in her mind, which he read in an instant.

  What about Matthew?

  ‘Matthew will be fine.’ She hadn’t needed to even say it. ‘Shelly, they’ll accept him there for who he is, wrap their arms around him as they did me. It’s the most amazing place in the world and we can be a part of it. He won’t be the special needs child, he’ll be who he is, Matthew Weaver, or Matthew Bodey, if you’ll give me that honour.’ The world stopped for a moment. The only sound Shelly could hear was the pounding of her temples as Ross lifted her chin and slowly dragged her eyes to his.