What Holly's Husband Did

by Debbie Viggiano

  ‘Right,’ I said eventually. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Apology accepted,’ she snapped. ‘And I’m not helping you with the sodding coffee either. I feel dizzy and want to sit down.’ And with that she lurched her way out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts while I put the kettle on.

  A couple of minutes later, as I was pouring scalding water into the coffee pot, Jack came into the kitchen.

  ‘I think you and I are the only sober ones left,’ he grinned.

  ‘Yes,’ I acknowledged, and cranked up a smile. I was still smarting over Jeanie’s anger, which was fair enough if I had got things so catastrophically wrong. I sighed.

  ‘Penny for them?’ said Jack, working with me as I pulled cups out of cupboards and found plates for the cheeseboard.

  ‘Just wishing I hadn’t bothered with this dinner party.’ For a horrible moment, tears stung the back of my eyelids. ‘It’s been a bit of a disaster.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ he said, giving my shoulders a squeeze, and nearly causing me to drop the percolator on the kitchen floor. ‘It’s been a resounding success. Everyone’s having a great time, and I’ve never had so much fun in my life.’

  By the time everyone stumbled out to their minicabs, it was nearly two in the morning. I chucked a tablet in the dishwasher, let Rupert out for a last wee, and then wearily climbed the stairs. Alex had passed out diagonally across the bed, on top of the covers. I wasn’t going to attempt moving him. Walking across the room to the wardrobe, I hung up my dress, slipped into my pyjamas, then went off to Sophie’s bedroom. As I curled up under her duvet, I felt severely out of sorts, but couldn’t put a finger on why. It was only as my mind wandered down the corridor of sleep that the reason struck me.

  I felt so lonely.

  35

  Alex had a blinding hangover the following morning and was grumpy with it.

  ‘I still don’t know why you insisted on having a dinner party,’ he complained, sipping his morning coffee as I emptied the dishwasher. ‘The next time you feel the urge to wow a crowd with your coq au vin, let’s invite some educated people over who can offer decent conversation and, oh I don’t know,’ he sighed gustily, ‘debate intelligently about Brexit or a worthy cause.’

  ‘Someone like Annabelle, I suppose,’ I said, crashing some plates into a cupboard so hard it was a wonder they didn’t chip.

  ‘Yes, why not!’ said Alex, missing the sarcasm in my voice. ‘A lovely warm-hearted girl. Did you know she’s fluent in three languages and knowledgeable about –’ he stretched his arms wide – ‘so many things.’

  ‘Fascinating,’ I said, my tone withering.

  ‘That’s the difference between you and me, Holly. You see, I’m really not interested in discussing I’m a Celebrity and which one is Ant and which one is Dec. Mind you, the evening would have been vastly improved if your flipping brother hadn’t been there telling everybody that the purple grapes we were having with the cheeseboard looked like his haemorrhoids. Everyone was a philistine – apart from Jack,’ he added.

  I could feel my temper rising. Slamming the empty dishwasher lid shut, I turned my attention to the recycling bin under the sink. It was stuffed with empty bottles which clanked noisily as I heaved the container out of its unit.

  ‘Do you have to make such a racket?’ Alex snapped, looking pained. ‘I have a headache.’

  ‘Nobody forced you to drink umpteen glasses of champagne. And how dare you call our friends philistines,’ I retorted, annoyed. What a way to talk about such lovely people. There were times I thoroughly disliked my husband, and this was one of them. ‘If you ever needed a favour off David or Ray, they are the sort of people who would drop everything to help. Which is more than you do for them. I was so embarrassed when you recently refused to treat Ray’s toothache.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ Alex huffed.

  ‘I’m talking about when you told Ray to go to A&E,’ I reminded.

  Alex rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, Holly. You’re right, I did. I remember now. Ray telephoned at three in the morning. Forgive me if I didn’t rush off to my surgery in the middle of the night, when I had my own patient list kicking off less than five hours later and needed a clear head to do Mrs Grayson’s tricky dental implants for the paltry sum of four grand. Much better that I’d told Mrs Grayson to take her big fat cheque and bog off so I could charge Ray fifty quid for a dental extraction. Thank you for reminding me that my priorities are cock-eyed.’

  ‘You could have told him to go to the surgery the following day and wait for a slot.’

  ‘No, I could not,’ said Alex tetchily. ‘Ray insisted he was in agony and needed immediate treatment. Hospital was the best place. Now please stop being so argumentative with me and for GOD’S SAKE,’ Alex bellowed, as the overloaded recycling box tipped over and glass bottles rolled noisily across the tiled floor, ‘DO THAT QUIETLY.’

  I stooped like a cotton picker, grabbing bottles as they moved this way and that.

  ‘This is a man’s job,’ I seethed. ‘You should be doing this. You’re not the only one who is tired.’

  ‘Listen, Holly,’ said my husband wearily, ‘you are the one who insisted on having a dinner party. It’s not my fault your brother brought over enough champagne to stock a supermarket for a year, or that everybody fell on it like parched travellers in a desert.’

  ‘Of which you were one,’ I reminded. Straightening up, I hauled the box to the back door.

  Alex put his hands in the air. ‘Guilty as charged, Your Honour. I’ve already said, they were your friends, not mine. How else was I meant to get through an interminable evening with such boring people?’

  ‘Jack isn’t boring,’ I protested.

  ‘Granted, he was the one person there with half a brain and a bit of wit. However, he wasn’t sitting next to me, so I wasn’t able to properly talk to him, and I certainly wasn’t going to spend the evening shouting across the dinner table to him.’

  My eyes narrowed as I remembered who he had been sitting next to.

  ‘You seemed to be getting on famously with Jeanie,’ I pointed out.

  Alex threw back his head and hooted with laughter, except there was no mirth to the sound. ‘Don’t get me started on Jeanie,’ he said, rolling his eyes. ‘She nearly bored the pants off me.’

  ‘Did she indeed?’ I said dryly, as a picture of Alex popped into my brain complete with bare backside and Jeanie looking delighted.

  ‘You didn’t look bored,’ I continued, pausing to unlock the back door. ‘In fact, you seemed positively captivated.’

  ‘Do me a favour,’ Alex scoffed. ‘The woman is completely off her trolley. And what the hell was she on about wanting me to sing the alphabet song, as if we were two presenters in Sesame Street?’ Alex shook his head in bemusement.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said quickly, as the back door swung open. I lugged everything over the threshold. ‘I’m going to the bottle bank. I’ll be back in a bit.’

  ‘Have fun,’ said Alex sarcastically.

  On impulse, I turned back to face my husband. ‘Can you keep a secret?’ I blurted.

  Alex sighed. ‘Listen, Holly. If you’re about to confide a piece of gossip about one of your girlfriends, I’m not interested.’

  I stared at him, weighing up his words, noting the expression on his face.

  ‘Jeanie told me she’s having an affair.’

  Alex blinked. There was a moment’s silence. When he finally spoke, his words seemed guarded. His tone exceptionally casual. Or was I just being paranoid?

  ‘That was remarkably indiscreet of her. Did she tell you who with?’

  ‘No. I was going to ask you the same question.’

  Alex shrugged. ‘I can’t help you, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Apparently they bonk in her lover’s car. It has privacy glass and electric seats that recline flat.’ I stared at my husband, searching for the slightest flinch in body language that could be construed as an admission of guilt. There was none, but h
is eyes flickered, and he was the first to turn away.

  36

  Caro telephoned me later that afternoon to thank me for inviting her and David to dinner.

  ‘We had a lovely time,’ she said politely.

  ‘Did you?’ I asked miserably. ‘I feel like everybody was talking in their own little huddle and not really chatting all together.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ she said stoically. ‘I could see Jeanie had button-holed your husband, but your brother kept us both thoroughly entertained. He’s such a laugh.’

  So Caro had also noticed Jeanie’s focus being solely on Alex.

  ‘Do you think Jeanie’s all right?’ I asked my friend. ‘She wasn’t herself.’

  ‘That’s because she was pissed,’ Caro tutted. ‘And no, I don’t think she’s all right. I think she’s riddled with guilt about –’ she lowered her voice at the other end of the phone, ‘ –you-know-what. And I have something terrible to confess,’ Caro whispered.

  ‘What?’ I asked, my mouth suddenly going a bit dry.

  ‘I accidentally told David about Jeanie having an affair. It just popped out. He was feeling all randy last night – for which I totally blame Jeanie by the way, parading around with three-quarters of her chest exposed. David couldn’t keep his eyes off her boobs and the moment we were home he couldn’t wait to get me into bed. I’ll bet anything he was thinking about Jeanie’s tits as he bonked me,’ she laughed good-naturedly. ‘Anyway, you know what it’s like afterwards – pillow talk and whatnot. We were reflecting about the dinner party, and David said that Jeanie seemed totally transformed, far more confident about herself. David said he wouldn’t have been at all surprised if Jeanie was having an affair. He even suggested Jeanie was bonking Alex, ah ha ha ha!’

  ‘Ha ha!’ I laughed back, gripping the handset so hard my knuckles turned white. ‘How absurd.’

  ‘That’s what I said to David. However, I was still quite drunk and indiscretion got the better of me. I ended up saying that Jeanie was having an affair, but we didn’t know who with. David slapped his thigh and said, ‘I knew it!’, but he was also appalled. After all, he really likes Ray, and feels disloyal knowing something about Jeanie that Ray isn’t privy to. But I’ve assured David it’s just a marital storm in a teacup, that Jeanie feels so guilty over the whole matter that the fling is as good as over. He’s promised to keep schtum.’

  ‘Good, good,’ I nodded, ‘and, um, I was indiscreet too. I told Alex.’

  Caro sighed. ‘What are we like?’ I could hear her tutting at the other end of the phone. ‘I’m sure Alex is the soul of discretion, but we must watch ourselves. There must be no further slip-ups. I genuinely think Jeanie’s just had some sort of mid-life crisis.’

  ‘I hope so,’ I murmured. Was that what my husband was having? A mid-life crisis? He was nearly forty, after all. Wasn’t that supposed to be the age where a person questioned everything about their life, before going ever so slightly off the rails?

  ‘Anyway, we loved the party and the company. Simon was hysterical. And just between you and me,’ Caro whispered, ‘I absolutely adored your other guest, Jack. If he crooked a finger in my direction, I’d be seriously tempted to follow Jeanie’s bad example. He’s an absolutely stunner! And somebody said he’s a doctor. Is that right?’

  ‘Yes, a brain surgeon, no less.’

  ‘He can fiddle with my neuro-transmitters any time he likes,’ Caro laughed smuttily, just as the doorbell rang. ‘I heard that,’ she said. ‘You obviously have a visitor, so I’ll catch you later.’

  We rang off and I hurried into the hall, annoyed that Alex wasn’t shifting off the sofa to answer the door for me. He’d taken his hangover to the sofa, retiring to a horizontal length in front of the sports channel. The lounge door was firmly shut, letting me know he didn’t want to be disturbed.

  Standing on the doorstep was Jeanie.

  ‘Hi,’ I said, surprised to see her.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, her manner subdued. ‘Can I come in?’

  ‘Of course,’ I said, stepping to one side, ‘you don’t need to ask.’

  She gave the ghost of a smile. ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d want me over the threshold after the way I behaved last night.’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ I said, leading her into the kitchen. ‘Coffee?’

  ‘Please. Make it black. I’m never drinking alcohol again.’

  ‘Ah, we all say that after a skinful.’

  ‘Yes, well, I think an apology is in order,’ she said contritely. ‘Ray told me I was bang out of order getting so smashed.’

  ‘Everybody was smashed.’

  ‘Yes, but me more than anyone else.’ She pulled out a tall stool and sat at the kitchen island. Propping her elbows on the granite surface, she rubbed her eyes wearily. ‘I can’t even remember the last half of the evening,’ she sighed, ‘but I do recall you being very cross with me at one point.’

  I shrugged. I didn’t want to go over old ground about her apparently chatting to Alex about divorce and me getting the wrong end of the stick, or the fact that I’d misconstrued talk about her daughter’s teeth braces as something entirely different. After all, whilst I hadn’t been as catastrophically pissed as Jeanie, I’d initially shipped enough booze at the start of the evening to drift off for a few minutes with my head down on the very island Jeanie was now perched at.

  ‘I think,’ I said carefully, ‘that alcohol can colour things so matters get out of perspective.’

  ‘Like making a mountain out of a molehill?’

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded, bringing my own coffee over and sitting alongside her.

  ‘That’s good to know. But I also came over to clear the air.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yes,’ Jeanie licked her lips nervously, ‘I feel like something has changed between us, but I can’t put my finger on it. Have I done something to offend you?’

  I looked at my friend. Her expression was an open book. She looked guileless. So innocent. Her face was currently scrubbed free of make-up, and last night’s glamour-girl chest now concealed under a baggy top. She looked like a middle-aged mum, not a cougar out to snatch another woman’s husband whilst wrestling with a guilty conscience.

  ‘Jeanie, lately I’ve had some … issues. I don’t want to go into what they are but,’ I hesitated, unsure how to feel my way through the questions I’d so like to ask without revealing my own marriage concerns and anxiety over Alex being unfaithful, ‘it would help me enormously if you told me who you’re having an affair with.’

  ‘I truly can’t,’ she said, shaking her head.

  ‘Would it compromise our friendship?’ I asked. Quite brave of me to ask that, I thought.

  ‘I feel like our friendship has already been compromised,’ she said. ‘You’re cross with me about the affair, and angry that I’m deceiving Ray.’

  ‘Look–’

  ‘It’s okay. I understand. You think I’m a two-faced bitch, sitting at your dinner table with my lovely husband, who is completely oblivious to what’s going on in his marriage.’

  ‘I’m not judging you, Jeanie, honest. But, well, surely Ray must know something’s up.’

  ‘Why should he?’

  ‘Well, you know,’ I spread my hands out, palms up in a helpless gesture, ‘you’re not sleeping with him anymore, you’re bonking another man. Ray must wonder why his sex life has dried up.’

  ‘Who says I’m not sleeping with Ray?’

  I stared at her. ‘You mean,’ my eyes rounded, ‘that you’re still having sex with Ray?’

  ‘I wasn’t in the beginning, but I am now, yes.’

  ‘You’re bonking two men?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Both at the same time?’

  Jeanie folded her arms across her chest, body language letting me know she was on the defensive. ‘Obviously I’m not bonking them both at exactly the same time,’ she pursed her lips, ‘otherwise my husband would have something to say about that. It’s always been his fantasy to have
a threesome, but not with another man.’

  ‘Oh, Jeanie, too much information!’ I clapped my hands over my ears. Yuck, yuck. I’d never be able to look Ray in the eye again without thinking of him being turned on by his wife rolling around with another woman and him sandwiched somewhere in the middle.

  ‘Well you did ask,’ she tutted.

  ‘I thought women rumbled husbands who were having affairs, because they stopped sleeping with their wives.’

  Jeanie shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe men are like that. But I’m a woman, and I can tell you one thing, Holly, and that is my libido has gone through the roof. I’m insatiable. Can’t get enough of it. There I am, parked up some lonely lane miles from nowhere, flat on my back in my lover’s car having orgasm after orgasm and yelling my head off, and then I go home, jump in the shower and then jump on Ray. He thinks all his birthdays have come at once. In fact, he’s chuffing exhausted.’

  I stared at Jeanie, incredulous. Orgasm after orgasm? And then home again to hubby to have a few more earth moving moments? I suddenly felt incredibly jealous. When was the last time I’d had an orgasm? Actually, what the flipping heck was an orgasm because, now I came to think about it, I wasn’t entirely sure I’d ever had one. Oh yes, my privates had heated up a few times, but I wasn’t convinced they’d ever ignited because I’d never felt the need to yell my head off. Ever.

  ‘Jeanie, please,’ I said in a low voice, ‘tell me who he is.’

  ‘I’d like to, Holly. Honest I would. But I can’t. Truly. I just can’t.

  Ask her, said the voice in my head, Go on! Ask her now!

  ‘Jeanie, just tell me. Is it Al—’ My husband’s name died on my lips as the doorbell rang. ‘Just a moment,’ I said. ‘I’ll be right back.’

  I hastened off to the front door again. It was Sophie, home from her sleepover with Tabitha. My daughter looked tired and not a little tetchy. No doubt my teen hadn’t had much sleep last night. Izzy was standing next to her, smiling brightly.

  ‘That’s so kind of you to drop her back,’ I said, cringing as I realised that perhaps I should have collected my own daughter, instead of leaving Izzy to taxi Sophie home.