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Forever PUCKED (Pucked #4)

Page 27

by Helena Hunting


  “You’re so smart.” Violet drops her robe on the floor and drags a red-tipped nail from my ankle all the way up my thigh.

  She climbs on the bed and straddles my legs. Hooking her fingers into the waistband, she pulls my boxer briefs down, and my erection springs free. “But I think we should probably scale back on the sex after this round.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I don’t want a sore beaver for my wedding night.”

  “Right, good call. But there’s always boob sex.”

  “And blow jobs, don’t forget those.”

  We have let’s-see-how-quiet-we-can-be sex, and then we order champagne, tell our friends, and celebrate the best damn decision we’ve made about the wedding since we got engaged.

  19

  Seriously, These Moms

  VIOLET

  We are moderately hungover the next morning when our parents arrive. Daisy and my mom have spent the entire thirty-minute drive to the hotel calling all sorts of people: setting up hair appointments for tomorrow and a spa/shopping day today. We have literally half an hour to get our asses in gear, which is asking a lot based on my current state.

  Robbie and Sidney are way more laidback. They make themselves comfortable on the couch in our suite’s living room while they watch sports highlights.

  I want to have an outtie instead of an innie today so I can relax like the boys.

  Alex gives me some kind of orange fizzy drink he says will make me feel better, along with Tylenol. Then he dresses me—I don’t get to appreciate his fondling because his mom and my mom keep knocking on the door, asking if I’m ready to go—and sends me off with the girls.

  By the time we get to the spa, I’m feeling much better. Lily looks worn out, though; she nodded off three times during the drive.

  I elbow her in the side and whisper, “Lily, Lily, Lily.”

  She grabs my hand and puts it on her thigh—high up on her thigh. “Just another ten minutes, Randy. Then I’ll open the Vagina Emporium again.”

  Charlene barks out a laugh, and Lily sits up, blinking rapidly.

  “Oh. We’re here already? I must’ve nodded off.” She touches her face and smoothes her skirt, which has ridden up.

  “What’s a Vagina Emporium? Is it a sex shop?” my mom asks.

  More laughter follows, along with Lily’s embarrassed groan.

  “No, Mom, that’s what Lily calls her vagina since she lets Balls put whatever he wants in there.”

  Lily slaps my arm. “Is no topic off limits with you?”

  “Why just the other day, Sunny and I talked about sex during pregnancy. Didn’t we, Sunny?” Daisy says, as if she’s trying to make Lily feel better.

  “We sure did!” Sunny smiles, but it’s the kind of smile she wears when Miller’s eating wings and tries to kiss her.

  My mom climbs over Daisy so she can get out of the car instead of waiting since Daisy’s fussing with her hair again. She’s really owning the new style. In fact, it’s been flat-ironed recently, so I think she’s checking to make sure it’s not frizzy, which isn’t going to happen in Vegas like it does in Chicago.

  We can’t all get manicures at the same time, so they split us up. I get pampered with a massage and some kind of wrap-scrub thing, during which I fall asleep. I feel incredibly refreshed when I pad out to the massager chairs and plunk down next to Lily, who’s sleeping while a lady gives her a pedicure.

  Three hours of beautifying later, we’re prettied up with matching nails—red, of course—and ready for dress shopping. All I currently have with me are some slutty ones that show lots of cleavage because, well, we’re in Vegas.

  We discover quickly that classy and wedding is a difficult combination to find in Vegas. There are a lot of dresses that make me look like a seriously well-paid hooker, or a showgirl. After three stores I’m starting to lose hope, and steam.

  With the fourth one, we hit the jackpot. Daisy discovers a rack of dresses by a designer whose last name is another word for dick. Apparently she’s amazing and coming across something like this is unheard of. The dresses are gorgeous. The first one I try on is super poofy and makes it look like I’m wearing a vagina with really big, floppy lips from the waist down.

  I try on a few that are super princessy, and I twirl around like an idiot, partly because it’s fun, and partly because Lily bought traveler wine and I’ve been sipping it since we left the spa. The next one I try on is this lovely flowy thing that’s gauzy with a pale purple sheen instead of being off-white.

  My mom is in the dressing room with me. She takes a sip from the mini bottle of wine and passes it to me. It’s white, so it’s safe.

  “This is it. This is the dress, Violet.”

  “You think so?” I turn and check out the back. It’s mostly sheer, almost to my ass crack. But it’s not slutty. Not by Vegas standards anyway.

  She tears up and takes my face in her palms. They’re kind of sweaty. “Look at you. You’re so beautiful. I did a pretty decent job on you, didn’t I?”

  “I think so.”

  “And you’re marrying this incredible man, and it has nothing to do with the fact that his dick is as big as his bank account, because he’s just so sweet.”

  Leave it to my mom to turn a special moment into an inappropriate one. At least I know what my future is going to look like after Alex knocks me up.

  “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, Violet. Let’s show the girls the dress you’re going to get married in.”

  Everyone oohs and ahhs and agrees it’s the perfect dress. We find something pretty for the girls to wear so we all match for pictures, and of course Daisy and my mom need dresses, too. I’m amazed Daisy chooses one without shoulder pads.

  In fact, I finally notice she’s wearing jeans from the current era, with rhinestones on her ass, and her top is definitely new. She looks fantastic. I was too hungover this morning to pay attention to those details.

  Loaded with dresses, all bought on Alex’s credit card, we stop for lunch and then hit the street again. Sunny is holding up incredibly well; she seems to have an unlimited amount of energy.

  “Oooh! We should go in there!” Charlene points to a sex shop.

  “Let’s get Violet some fun toys for the honeymoon!” my mom shouts.

  I glare at Charlene. I can handle a day of mani-pedis and dress shopping with my mom and Alex’s mom, but I do not want to go into a porn store with them to look at new lingerie. And maybe a new dildo or some edible underwear and a bra made out of candy.

  My mom hooks her arm through Daisy’s, who looks shocked. I’m not sure she’s a big porn store frequenter. Usually I’m more of a Victoria’s Secret and online vibrator site shopper. I’m always at risk of saying something I shouldn’t when I’m physically in one of these stores. Which shouldn’t be surprising to anyone.

  Sunny and Lily follow my mom and Daisy into the store, so I have no real option but to indulge Charlene and do the same. The bell over our heads tinkles, alerting the porn dealers to our pervery. It’s a classy shop as far as porn warehouses go.

  Skinny mannequins with tiny boobs and long legs model skimpy lingerie—some are pretty and lacy, others boast black leather and chains. I’ll take a pass on those. I don’t need anything on my body that might accidentally cause damage to myself or Alex. I imagine a little outfit for the Super MC with chains on it and decide it’s the worst idea ever. I love his snuffie. I would never put it at risk. Again.

  Charlene stops at the mannequin with the leather crotch strap and runs her fingers across the pearl necklace she’s taken to wearing all the time. She checks the price tag hanging out the side, then taps her lip, like she’s actually considering buying this craziness.

  I mean, Alex and I have lots of sex, but it’s normal, apart from my cock-love chanting. I think, anyway. We don’t use a lot of toys, but then, we don’t need them. Alex really likes to be responsible for my orgasms, and he’s very good at making them happen.

  Lily and Sun
ny are over at the racks of negligees, and my mom, sweet lord almighty, has dragged Daisy over to the plastic penis area. They’re each holding a fake dick, deep in discussion. I do not want to know what they’re talking about.

  “Okay, so what do you need?” Charlene asks.

  I shrug. “I don’t know. I already have Buddy, and I have plenty of lingerie.”

  “It’s all vanilla lingerie, though. You need some fun stuff.”

  “I have some fun stuff, like all my Chicago-inspired stuff, and my Waters’ ass panties.”

  Charlene rolls her eyes. “That’s not the kind of fun I’m talking about. Violet, you’re going to be riding the same disco stick for the rest of your life. You need to keep it interesting.”

  “For our honeymoon I’m making a cape out of a Fruit Roll-Up and then sucking it off Alex’s Super MC. I think I’m good at keeping things interesting.”

  “I’m not talking about playing dress-up with Alex’s dick, Vi. I’m talking about stepping it up a notch.”

  I eye her warily. “Stepping it up how?”

  Charlene glances around the store. Lily and Sunny are still over by the lacy things, pulling hangers over their heads and modeling nighties for each other while giggling.

  “Alex has had a hard year. Not being able to play has been difficult for him, right?”

  “Well, yeah.” I still don’t see what this has to do with sex.

  “And I know Randy getting all the center-ice attention has been even more difficult for him,” Charlene continues.

  Lily’s out of earshot. “He’s had a rough time with that. Obviously he likes Randy, but watching someone else play his position was painful.”

  It’s kind of like his hate for Buddy. He doesn’t want to be replaced by a piece of plastic that looks like a beaver.

  “Exactly. You need to give him lots of opportunities to be the dominant, alpha man that he is.”

  I stare at Charlene. “Have you been reading paranormal romances again? Or BDSM porn?”

  “Seriously, Violet. Get out of your comfort zone. You’re in your twenties and marrying a professional athlete. These men like to fuck. A lot.”

  This I know. On a slow week, Alex and I have sex almost daily. I don’t know why I have to step it up beyond that, but I’m willing to get some new, fun stuff if it helps repair my man’s sometimes fragile ego.

  “Okay. I’m open to suggestions.”

  “Great.” She slaps my ass, and I jump. “Let’s get you some new outfits to play in!”

  Charlene is way too excited for this.

  I follow her through the store while she pulls things off racks. She chooses a number of those leather-and-chain getups. I keep my mouth shut, because I can try them on, but that doesn’t mean I have to buy them.

  I’m not sure where my mom and Daisy are, but we find Sunny and Lily standing in front of a wall of toys and lube.

  “We should get you a new vibrator or two while we’re here,” Charlene suggests.

  “There’s nothing wrong with Buddy.” Other than the fact that Alex hates him.

  Sunny and Lily stop staring at the wall of dicks and other things to give their attention to me.

  Sunny twirls her hair. “Buddy?”

  “It’s her vibrator,” Charlene explains.

  “It’s a beaver,” I add.

  “Your vibrator is a beaver?” Lily asks.

  “Yup. It’s a beaver wearing tightie-whities. I love it.”

  “And Alex hates it,” Charlene says.

  “Why?” Lily asks.

  “Maybe because it has a name? He got all sorts of riled up when I told him I was in bed with Buddy during away games. I think it bothers him when I have to give myself orgasms.”

  “That’s kind of sweet, isn’t it?” Lily says.

  “I think so.”

  “Anyway, you need a new one. Buddy’s face has almost worn off, you use it so much.” Charlene picks up two packaged vibrators and starts reading the backs, comparing models.

  “The face has worn off?” Lily looks disturbed.

  “It gets a lot of use during away games, and after Alex’s accident, he needed some recovery time, so Buddy had to help out.”

  “Your vibrator has a face?”

  “Oh, yeah. It’s, like, literally a beaver with buck teeth and everything.”

  “You and Alex are perfect for each other,” Lily mutters.

  I nod my agreement, then turn my attention to the wall of dicks. There’s a giant purple one with two heads—one at either end. It’s out of the package and lying on the shelf. Maybe it’s a tester. I pick it up, and it flops around. I smack Charlene on the ass with it. “What the hell’s the point of this? Is this for people who have two vaginas?”

  Charlene ignores me. I make lightsaber sounds and then pretend it’s a pair of nunchucks. I accidently smack her in the tit. She grabs it and starts beating me.

  Sunny and Lily burst out laughing, and I run down the aisle to get away. I end up in the anal section. Of course. On display are tubes of lube and a dildo thing that looks like a bunch of beads, which I actually have in the back of a drawer, along with other things that will never go near my Area 51. My butt clenches in defiance.

  Butt plugs in a horrifying array of shapes and sizes taunt me. I pick one up that’s the size of my head and turn around. “Seriously? This is a gag gift, right?” I check the price tag. It’s more than a hundred dollars. For a giant rubber plug. That people apparently put in their Area 51. “The only ass this would fit in is an elephant’s.”

  Sunny and Lily are staring slack-jawed at the huge hunk of rubber, or whatever the hell it’s made of. I pick up one of the tiny ones, which are packaged. I hold them up beside each other.

  “Okay.” I wave the small one around. “I can maybe understand this. Like, it’s about the same size as Alex’s finger, but this?” I heft it up so they have a better view. Not that they need one. It’s massive in a terrifying way. It’s also heavy and awkward, so I lose my grip. It drops to the floor with a thud.

  Charlene shakes her head. “Violet, unless you’re planning a new career as an anal porn star, I’m confident you’ll never have a need for this.” She picks up the giant plug and sets it back on the shelf. It has dust on it now, and someone’s gum is stuck to it. I hope whatever insane person buys it gives it a heavy-duty sanitizing before they do whatever they’re planning to do with it—maybe use it as a door stopper or a paper weight.

  Charlene throws more things in the basket she’s commandeered. It’s mostly full of slutty bedroom wear. She grabs the small butt plug and tosses it in.

  “Nope. No way. The finger is enough.” I grab for it, but Charlene pulls the basket out of my reach.

  “But it’s the same size as a finger,” she argues.

  “Yeah, but if I let him put things besides his finger in there, he’s going to think it’s okay to put other, bigger things in there, too. It’s like a gateway plug to his monster cock!” I’m starting to freak out. It’s irrational, but not. I know for a fact that Alex would like to get his giant dick in my ass. He was close with his fingers last night.

  “It’s not a gateway, Violet. He doesn’t even have to know you have it.” Charlene keeps a protective hold on the basket.

  “What’s the point of getting it if he doesn’t know I have it?”

  “Good question.” Sunny has twirled the ends of her hair around her fingers and is rubbing them across her lips. She’s staring at the wall of butt-invasion products. Her cheeks are pink. Lily’s standing beside her, biting her lip.

  Charlene releases a frustrated sigh. “You use it on your own and decide whether you want to share it or not. It’s really not that big a thing.”

  “That one’s not, but there are so many sizes.” I gesture to the wall of anal implements.

  Charlene grabs me by the arm. “Come on!”

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “The change room.”

  “I’m not trying that thing out here!�


  Charlene bursts out laughing. “Of course you’re not. You need to try these on.” She jingles the basket of fetish wear.

  “Oh. Okay.” Suddenly trying on things with chains and buckles is a far less terrifying option. I let her corral me into one of the black-doored dressing rooms.

  She tosses all the leathery, chained outfits on one chair and the other ones—the prettier, lacier jobs—on another. “We want to see them all.”

  Then she closes the door.

  I stare at the piles of slutwear. Eventually I’m going to get Charlene drunk enough that she tells me what kind of kinkery she gets up to.

  I spend five minutes trying to get my boobs and the rest of my parts into one of the fetish getups, but I can’t seem to figure it out. There’s no way I’m buying something I can’t get into on my own.

  After a while there’s a knock on my dressing room door. “Everything okay in there?” Sunny asks.

  “This thing is like a straightjacket.”

  “Want some help?”

  I debate whether I do. My nipples are poking out and my red Waters’ ass underpants are bunched between the leather and chains. I’ve clearly done something wrong putting this on.

  “Gimme a sec.” I try to reverse the process, but I’m now stuck. “Yeah. Okay. You can come in.” I unlock the door and peek out.

  No sign of my mom or Daisy anywhere, thank God. I open the door enough that Sunny can squeeze through.

  Her cheeks puff out, and she looks me up and down. “Oh, wow, that’s uh…”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t think you have it on right.”

  I look down at my chest. One boob is close to my neck, and the other is low. “Me either.”

  “Let me see what I can do.” Sunny turns me around and starts fiddling with the crap that holds it together in the back. It gets tighter around my chest instead of looser. “I don’t think I’m doing this right either,” she says. “Maybe I should get Charlene.”

  “Maybe.”

  Sunny opens the door. Lily’s out there now. “Where’s Charlene?”

 

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