New Title 4

by Derek Goodman

  Well technically, Caleb said, she s already dead.

  Now is not the time, Gloria said. Really. Rein your mouth in.

  You just don t get it, do you? Phil said, and this time he wasn t just looking at Caleb. He turned and gave Gloria the eye too, and she raised an eyebrow. Nobody gets it. She s not just some thing. All other definitions of the term aside, to me at least she s a person. A real person who actually has real emotions and a real personality. But does anyone else see her that way? No. Not even the fucking police, apparently. Caleb, you didn t even care yesterday that I had plans with her. You just thought of yourself and screwed around with your schedule, not caring what that might mean to anyone else. Gloria turned to Caleb. You were supposed to work tonight? You told me you had off.

  Caleb felt heat rising into his cheeks. I did have off. After Lucas took my shift.

  Do you even care about anybody else? Phil asked. He came around the counter so he was directly face to face with Caleb. As he ranted Caleb could actually feel tiny bits of Phil s spittle hitting his face and he tried to back away, but there was nowhere to go. Do you even think that anyone else in the world matters?

  A part of Caleb knew Phil had a definite point here, but he couldn t keep his voice from rising in response. Well of course I do. Don t I show it every time I, oh I don t know, save the world from magical destruction?

  No, you don t. You re just going through the motions. You re doing it because you think its part of your job just like cleaning the nozzles on the fountain drink machine or stocking the ramen. You don t fucking care about anyone around you.

  I do too fucking care!

  Then fucking act like it, Phil said. He reached out and shoved Caleb hard, slamming him back into the counter. Caleb cried out as a few more of the cuts on his back broke open, and he looked up into Phil s eyes. Caleb was only five foot seven compared to Phil s six feet, and the larger man, while slim, had more muscles than Caleb could ever hope for himself. Caleb also knew deep within his brain that Phil might even have a very good point, that Caleb was in fact selfish at some core part of his nature.

  Caleb s physical reflexes, however, apparently operated on the same impulsive signal that his mouth often did. Before he even realized he was doing it, Caleb reached out and slapped Phil across the face. Phil recoiled from the slap and stood there for a few seconds blinking at him. He didn t even appear angry anymore, just shocked.

  Did did you just bitch slap me? Phil asked.

  Well, I wouldn t really call it a bitch slap. It was more like a

  Phil punched Caleb square in the gut. Caleb grunted and doubled over at the pain, but it wasn t so much that he couldn t throw a punch of his own seconds later.

  Neither Phil nor Caleb were standing less than a minute later, and Caleb didn t remember much of the time in between. But he was the one sprawled out on the floor next to the cigarette racks while Phil was still on his knees, so Caleb figured Phil was the winner. He made a mental note never to physically challenge Phil again, or to at least make his opening punch a crotch shot.

  Ow, Caleb said. He tried to sit up but had to wait for the room to stop spinning first.

  Ow, Phil agreed. He gripped the counter and pulled himself back to his feet. Gloria stood at the open end of the counter but made no move to come help either of them. She looked a little disgusted at them both, but at least she had the hint of a smile on her lips.

  You re right, man, Caleb said. I was selfish. I should have thought about how this would affect you.

  Yeah. Apology accepted. We cool now.

  Sure.

  Gloria rolled her eyes. Fucking men, she said.

  Caleb tried again to stand up and found it a little easier this time. He heard a knocking at the door from a customer, but no one made a move to let the person in.

  So what s the plan? Phil asked.

  The plan is me and Gloria ll figure something out, Caleb said.

  Whatever you re doing, I m doing it with you, Phil said.

  I think Big Maggie might not be too happy about that, Gloria said.

  Screw her, Phil said. I m not just going to sit here and continue my shift when my girlfriend has been kidnapped as an accessory to the end of the world.

  Actually I don t think that s what Lucas has in mind, Caleb said. Not that we re still sure exactly what his plan is for real, but we do have a place and time where we think he ll be. Even if you didn t find him out he probably still would have bugged out before his shift was over.

  Asshole, Phil said. Just because he s an evil mastermind doesn t mean he can t be professional about it and give us a warning he won t be working. How long do we have?

  Caleb looked at the clock. Maybe two hours, but we need to get there sooner rather than later to scope it out.

  Then we better start doing what we need to do to prepare. You two mind sticking around to help with the store while I talk to Big Maggie?

  Caleb actually wanted to do nothing of the sort. He may have admitted that he shouldn t have taken tonight off, but that didn t mean he wanted to do any of the work. But when he looked over at Gloria she actually smiled at him.

  Just like old times, huh? she said. It was the first time she had smiled at him since before the bedroom, he realized.

  Maybe that was worth a few minutes on the job.

  Chapter 25

  Phil made two calls before he called Big Maggie, neither of which were received that well, but he knew this last call would be the one that would be most difficult. Phil had to deal with all sorts of horrid things all the time, of course. After dealing with everything from mutant vampire dolphins to Elder Gods, nothing should have made him nervous anymore. Those were things with which he had become familiar. But no matter how often he talked to the general manager of OneStop Mart Store number 1186, Big Maggie still managed to give him nightmares.

  According to Caleb, Big Maggie hadn t always known about the things that went on at her store after dark. Caleb had done his best to make sure that neither she nor any of the other daytime employees of the OneStop got pulled into their bizarre little world. Eventually the Apocalypse shift crew hadn t been able to hide it anymore and Big Maggie had been forced to acknowledge that some things went bump in the night at her store. She handled it just as well as many people would, which was to say she did everything in her power to pretend it didn t exist.

  As Phil had made the previous two calls, both Caleb and Gloria had gone about doing their best to run the store, having unlocked the doors and let several impatient customers, two of whom had gills, into the store. While Phil dialed Big Maggie s home number Caleb was manning the remaining register while Gloria swept up broken pieces from the one that had spilled on the floor. They both talked in completely calm manners as though nothing big was happening, and truthfully if Phil hadn t been concerned for the life (or un-life) of his girlfriend he might very well have taken the same attitude. This was, after all, just like most other nights.

  You sure you don t mind helping out? Caleb asked Gloria. It s not like your employee code is still in the computer. You can t punch in and get paid for your time here.

  Oh I still consider myself getting paid. Just consider it part of what I have to do for your next paycheck.

  Caleb winced. I was really hoping that among all the excitement you would have forgotten that by now.

  Not a chance in hell, Butcher.

  I told you not to call me that.

  You know you like it.

  Wylma told me that some people have started

  to call you Strippy.

  Call me that again and I ll use your intestines as a lasso.

  Phil made a shushing gesture as Big Maggie s phone began to ring. She picked up after the first ring, and Phil didn t have any time to even say hi.

  You better have a hell of a good reason for not calling me the instant that prick broke into the cash register, or you re fired.

  Actually Maggie, it s Phil calling. Not Caleb. Oh, then sorry. Didn t mean it, she
said, and there was a pause. Why the hell isn t Caleb calling me? He was the one that was supposed to be there tonight, not Lucas.

  Phil covered the receiver with one hand and looked over at Caleb. You didn t even tell Big Maggie that you were switching shifts?

  Dude, are you kidding? If I did that she would have threatened to fire me again.

  She s been threatening to fire you twice a week for as long as I ve been here, Phil said. I really don t think you have anything to worry about at this point. He uncovered the receiver. Things came up for him, Phil said, having to hide the little bit of anger in his voice. He fully accepted Caleb s apology for screwing him over tonight, but that didn t mean he was any happier about it.

  Well tell him next time he switches shifts without clearing it by me first he s going to be fired, Big Maggie said.

  I m sure he already knows that.

  You still should have called me right away when Lucas did whatever the hell it is he did.

  How did you even know already?

  The police called me. They always do when they need to show up at the store.

  So they called you when they came last night to hall away the body of the giant flying firebreathing armadillo?

  What? Um, no. They only call me when the non-imaginary things happen.

  Maggie, we ve told you that this stuff isn t imaginary. You keep emergency funds around for demon attacks and crap. Hell, you actually saw the invasion of the tentacled opossum brains. You can t keep denying it.

  Not listening. La la la!

  Phil sighed. Okay fine, whatever. So you know the register is broken at least?

  There better not be a single dollar bill missing from that register or else its coming out of Caleb s paycheck.

  But he didn t have anything to do with it. It was all Lucas s fault.

  Well he s fired too then.

  Whatever. Look, I just need to tell you that I m leaving early tonight.

  The hell you are! It s bad enough you re going to be there alone. We re not closing the store because the new guy freaked out for no particular reason.

  Actually, he freaked out because he s gone mad with the power of the twelve world-destroying artifacts he stole and is trying to sell them tonight to the most powerful beasties on the Hill.

  I m not listening. La la la!

  God damn it, Maggie, he kidnapped my girlfriend!

  There was silence from the other end of the line for several seconds. Oh. I m I m sorry Phil. Why didn t the police mention anything about that when they called me?

  Because the jerkasses don t consider her a real girlfriend if she s undead.

  Oh. Right. I m going to pretend at all points in the future where I talk to you that I didn t hear that.

  Fine. Whatever. But I ve got to find her. And I m not even suggesting closing the store. I ve already got people coming in to replace both me and Lucas, so the store s going to be just fine.

  Big Maggie made a grunting noise. I guess that s fine then. As long as the store stays open. And it better be clean by the time I get there in the morning, or else

  Or else Caleb is fired, Phil said. Right. I know. Go back to sleep, Maggie. He hung up on her. He was sure she wouldn t appreciate that, but by the morning she probably would have tried convincing herself that his call was just a nightmare anyway.

  So? Caleb said. Can we get the hell out of here and stop the guy who has all my crap?

  For the first time since the second reality change Phil actually found a reason to smile. You know, I keep forgetting to tell you. He doesn t actually have all your crap anymore. He s missing one. Phil bent down and grabbed his duffel bag from under the counter. He started rifling through it as both Caleb and Gloria came to stand over him. I hid it in here before the cops got here. I didn t think they would even know what the hell it was, but I figured you wouldn t want them asking questions about where it came from. Also, one of those rent-acops might have tried to solve the damn thing. He pulled out what he was looking for and stood up, holding it out to Caleb. Merry Christmas. Don t say I never got you anything.

  Caleb smiled back at him as he took Rubik s Ultimate Cube from Phil s hands and examined it. You re a little late. Or really early.

  Are we sure that s the real thing now? Gloria asked.

  I saw Lucas use it with my own eyes. You can always line up a few colors if you want to check for sure.

  Both Caleb and Gloria looked at each other and answered at the same time. Um, no.

  The door opened and they all turned to see as Kelly walked in. She had on her boots and camouflaged pants, but her gray Army t-shirt was inside out. There were huge bags under her eyes and she seemed to be stifling a yawn. Phil, she said, you better have a good reason for calling in to work at one twenty in the morning.

  It involves a kidnapping, Phil said. And a zombie.

  And cyborgs, Gloria said.

  With a chance of scattered ends of the world, Caleb said.

  Kelly finally let the yawn out. Okay. Good enough. I saw Sheila coming down the street. Freaking out every time she saw her own shadow, but she ll be here in a minute. Whatever it is you need to go do, go do it. And you owe me for this.

  Absolutely, Phil said. You have no idea how grateful I am. He stooped down to pick up his duffel as both Caleb and Gloria grabbed theirs from where they d stashed them next to his. So what are we up to now?

  First we need to go back to my place, Gloria said. It s on the way to Leechman Park, and I can think of at least one more thing there that we need. Also, we should arm you with something other than just stakes.

  Actually, Caleb said. You can take the sword Gloria gave me. I ve got something better I can use.

  How can you have something better? Gloria asked. That s my best sword.

  Caleb patted his duffel bag. Trust me. I ve got something cool now.

  And after we get what you need? Phil asked.

  Then we do what we always do, Caleb said. Save your girl. Save the world.

  Sounds too much like work, Phil said, but he said it with a smile. Both Caleb and Gloria smiled back.

  Yep, Caleb said. Pretty much.

  Chapter 26

  Leechman Park was the second largest park in the whole city, but for something so large it had always seemed kind of barren to Gloria. Even on the rare occasions when she saw it during the day on a weekend, when there should have been way more families tossing footballs together or walking their dogs or cooking out, it always felt kind of empty. People would go to it, and they might very well have plenty of fun, but they never stayed for long. Even most of the night denizens of the Hill couldn t really say why, but they could feel the power of the place even more so. There was a lot of raw energy that flowed through here. It spilled out westward from the park down the gentle slope that gave the Hill its name, but even if it wasn t geographically the center of the Hill, it was the center in every other conceivable way. Whatever it was that made the Hill so different, it came from Leechman Park.

  Gloria, Caleb and Phil approached it from 10th Street coming from Gloria s place. They had stopped to pick up the item she needed as well as made sure that Rubik s Ultimate Cube was stashed somewhere safe. It wasn t the best place for it, but it would have to do until they found everything else and could come up with a new hiding place for them all together.

  10th Street ended with a dead end and a rather thick line of trees, which would work well enough for cover. Beyond the trees the proper portion of the park began, well trimmed grassy picnic areas with a few benches and tables. Fifty feet into the park a road wound through it, meandering this way and that until it eventually went all the way around the entire park. In the distance they could see the tops of two of the park s three pavilions, one mostly in the center and one farther to the north, but they couldn t see anything that might be going on in them. There were too many artificial hills that blocked their views. If what Phil had told them about Sue s origins was true, then one or more of those hills hid multiple dead bodies from tha
t long ago disastrous music video. Despite the fact that Sue had a headstone with her name on it in a proper cemetery somewhere, this was actually where she returned when daylight came.

  Phil and Caleb were hunkered down near the bushes next to the trees while Gloria stood, keeping in the shadows and watching whatever she could. Phil held his sword, drilling it restlessly into the dirt at his feet, while Caleb had that dubious looking death ray he had picked up earlier. To Gloria it didn t look like it could kill an ant even if Caleb just smashed it with the handle, but Caleb insisted that he had already used it and found it more than satisfactory. He also said it hadn t been able to take Fluffy down, so Gloria wasn t so sure how effective he thought it would be here. Gloria had her crossbow and a small pouch full of bolts, but she didn t have it in her hands at the moment. Instead she had a pair of night vision binoculars. She d had them for a while, but this was her first real chance to use them. They would be able to see across most of the park if the land wasn t so hilly, but at least she could see everything just as clear as though it were day.

  When do I get a chance to look through them? Caleb asked.

  Never, Gloria said. You d just break them. Caleb waved his death ray at the binoculars. No I wouldn t. I d be perfectly The death ray slipped from his fingers, and he tried to catch it with fumbling fingers before it finally hit the ground. Okay, so I probably would. Why do you even have those, anyway?

  For times exactly like this, moron, she said.

  How do you even have the money to buy something hi-tech like that? Phil asked.

  People have a tendency to shove a whole lot of money down my underwear at the day job. Getting the money s not the problem sometimes, it s spending it. You should have seen the look on the sales guy s face when I told him I wanted to pay for this all in singles.

  Phil started to jab his sword a little more aggressively into the ground. What s the time now, anyway?

  Two minutes after two, Caleb said as he looked at the display on his cell phone. Exactly three minutes since the last time you asked.

  Do you see anything yet? Phil asked.

  No, Gloria said, but those damn hills are screwing with my visibility. I might just have to try climbing one of these trees pretty soon.