New Title 4

by Derek Goodman

It s the One Clog, Lucas said. He stopped backing away and used his left foot to work off his right shoe. One Clog to dance on them all. I put this on and the tremors it will cause can shake the entire Hill apart. Not as precise an ending to this pit of Hell that I was hoping, but the basic result is the same.

  Lucas, you can t, Caleb said, trying to sound like he was actually worried. Don t do this!

  With only one shoe on Lucas backed up even further, and in one last burst of speed as his form went back to normal he took the wooden clog and put it on his foot.

  Caleb lowered the sword and smiled.

  Lucas didn t seem to realize yet that Caleb was actually pleased with what had just happened. He was too busy laughing as the shoe on his foot started to move on its own. It was slow at first and it took several seconds before his other foot started moving right along with it. Now that the dance had started there was no way that Lucas could take it off. The clog would take several minutes to warm up, but when it had Lucas dancing at full power the vibrations from the dance would start to shake the earth. The resulting quakes could destroy the entire neighborhood, and probably even the city.

  But only after several minutes.

  All the zombies in the entire area turned to look at Lucas and groaned at once.

  Caleb couldn t help but start laughing as it dawned on Lucas that something was wrong. Lucas s sneer melted into a frown, and then his eyes went wide with fear as the entire pack of zombies lurched toward him. Caleb looked over at the hill to see Phil and Gloria doing their best to restrain Sue, but for her part it looked like she was trying to hold back her own impulses. All the others, however, didn t care. All they saw was yet another person who had the nerve to dance in front of them and rub their lack of rhythm in their faces.

  Caleb couldn t say that he felt sorry for Lucas at all, but he still couldn t bring himself to watch as the zombies descended and the sound of ripping flesh began.

  Chapter 35

  Gloria winced and had to look away until the screaming stopped. She noticed that Phil continued to watch as he hugged Sue tighter to himself and he had a disturbing amount of satisfaction on his face. She supposed he had more reason to be angry at Lucas than even Caleb did, but that still didn t keep her from feeling just a little uncomfortable around him.

  When she looked back the zombies were starting to disperse, and while many of them continued to hang around the site of all the carnage a few of them started to wander off on other business. There was a mess on the grass where Lucas had once been, and even though Gloria had seen things like this before it still churned her stomach. Then she thought about how the guy had almost destroyed the world and her stomach churned a little less.

  As Gloria, Phil, and Sue started back down the hill Caleb went forward among the blood spattered remains and, using only his thumb and forefinger in order to get as little gore on himself as possible, picked up the One Clog. It moved slightly like it still wanted to dance, which was most likely because it still had a foot in it.

  Ugh, Caleb said as they all came closer. Somebody want to help me get this thing out of the clog? Because I d really like to avoid putting a

  severed foot in my duffel bag if I can avoid it.

  Hey, don t look at me, Phil said. Your clog, your problem.

  And I think I need to go take care of something right now, Gloria said.

  Just what the hell would you need to do so suddenly? Caleb asked. Gloria gestured over to the pavilion, and Caleb followed her gaze. Four of the Senator Park Lunatics had gotten up from where Lucas had pounded them. One of them hadn t. Caleb turned back to her. Oh.

  As Gloria started walking towards the pavilion she could still hear Caleb talking behind her. Well, Phil, could you pretty please help me with this then, cuz oh, Sue, I guess if you want to help wait, what are you ew! Gloria tried to ignore the smacking of lips that came immediately after. She really, really didn t want to know.

  In the pavilion Fido was the only one standing completely straight, despite what looked like the worst wounds out of the four werewolves who were still conscious. The other three crouched low around the torn body of Butch. Both Snoopy and Bruiser cried, but Spot looked like he was desperately trying to hold the tears in.

  Fido? Gloria said. Is he She was about to ask if Butch was going to be alright, but then she got a closer look at him. His body was twisted in a way that was completely unnatural even for the agile form of a werewolf. The wounds on his belly were deep enough that Gloria thought she could see organs inside, but she didn t look for long. Amazingly, probably thanks to his higher constitution as a werewolf, he was still breathing, but the breaths were shallow and erratic. The look in his eyes was unfocused, and he made no indication that he heard anything anyone said.

  Go away, Strippy, Fido said. We don t need you for this part.

  He can survive, can t he? Gloria asked. I mean, werewolves can be all super-healy.

  Not with this much damage, Snoopy said.

  We helped you out earlier, Fido said. And that was us paying you back. But when we helped you out just now? With this price? Now you owe us, you got that? You owe us big time, and when we come around to collect you better be prepared to pay, you got that?

  Gloria didn t like the sound of that at all. It had been nice to have a favor the Lunatics owed her, but she wasn t so sure it was a safe idea to owe them one. Still, considering this, the only right thing to do would be to honor it.

  I got it, Gloria said.

  Now get the fuck out of my sight, Fido said. And don t come around Senator Park ever again unless we ask for you.

  But what about him? Gloria asked, pointing down at Butch.

  We know exactly what will help him, Fido said. But you don t have the fucking right to watch. Gloria nodded but couldn t meet any of their eyes before turning away and walking back to Caleb. After she was some distance away she heard a whine that suddenly cut short, like a dog being put down. Caleb was trying to clean some of the blood off the clog with a ripped piece of the OneStop smock Lucas had been wearing, and while Sue was standing nearby Gloria didn t see any sign of Phil. Where d he go? she asked.

  He s right there, Caleb said, gesturing as Phil jogged back down the hill.

  She s not far, Phil said. Looks like she fell asleep in mid-run.

  Who? Gloria asked.

  Wylma, Caleb said. She went running after Mary McPhisto, but I think all the spells she was throwing around took too much out of her. If it s anything like what happened to her earlier then she won t be out for long.

  So we need to get her someplace where she can finish sleeping it off, Gloria said. And then I suppose we can call the special cops to clean this up, but I don t think any of us want to be around when they get here. Probably do whatever we can to clean up here and help anyone who s wounded or anything. Then what?

  Caleb shrugged. That s kind of a duh. We just saved the world from certain destruction. Where else would we go after that?

  All three of them said it at the same time. OneStop.

  ****

  Phil held Sue s hand all the way back to the OneStop. He wasn t sure how much she was aware of what had happened, but she certainly seemed awfully clingy now. He wondered if it was possible for a zombie to be psychologically scarred. Probably, he guessed. If a zombie could love, then any other emotional state had to be possible.

  As they went through the OneStop s doors, however, they were all laughing, even Sue, who probably hadn t gotten the joke Caleb had just told anyway. Actually, Phil hadn t gotten it either but really needed to laugh. Lots of crazy things happened around here, and it was usually just part of the night. But there were still problems, loose ends that needed tying up, and until that happened Phil felt a little nervous.

  There were no other customers in the store as they entered. This was typically the slowest time of the night, the period after the bar rush but still before the early wakers came in for their morning coffee. Kelly was resting with her head in her hands at the counter and
looking bored, but Sheila was mopping over by the Froztee machine. The instant she saw Phil walk in she dropped the mop and came running over.

  Oh, thank God you re back! she said in practically a scream. You ve got to help us! The worst thing happened!

  What? Phil said. He had hoped that they could all just get some snacks and then finally go home for the night, but it seemed like fate had more crap to throw at them. We ll do whatever we can.

  Some vampires came in! Sheila said. She looked like she was ready to panic and run screaming out the door.

  Did they attack you? Caleb asked.

  No, Kelly said, her voice sleepy. They accidently broke the handle on the Froztee machine. It was spewing frozen raspberry slush all over the place, so we had to unplug it. Big Maggie said you had to fix it, Phil, if you came back alive.

  But can t either of you do it? Phil asked. We ve kind of had an eventful night.

  You re the only one who remembers how, Kelly said.

  And besides, you have to stay anyway, Sheila said. You forgot to do the doughnut and milk orders before you left, and neither of us is trained for it. Phil sighed. Yeah. I guess I can do that stuff quickly enough. As long as you don t mind Sue sticking around while I do?

  Kelly waved sleepily at Sue, but Sheila backed away. Phil turned to Caleb. You know, technically you should be doing this, too.

  Caleb nodded. Did you want me to stay and help?

  No, I m fine, I guess. You just need to promise you ll never take advantage of me like that again.

  Caleb put out his hand for Phil to shake, and Phil took it. It s a deal.

  One of you may need to take some more time outside the store, though, Gloria said. I mean to get out and probably help me off the clock. We need to try finding the last of the artifacts.

  Just what exactly are we missing? Phil asked.

  We lost the crumbs, Caleb said, but I don t think that will be a huge issue. There wasn t a whole lot of power left in them anyway. And sometime during the whole mess Mary McPhisto took the Osterhaggis Key.

  Phil winced. Not like she can really use it here, but she won t let go of it lightly.

  Don t forget the Bad Penny, Gloria said. I couldn t find it anywhere.

  Neither could I, Caleb said. But you know what they say about it. It always turns up.

  ****

  The special unit had descended on the mess at Leechman Park far faster than usual. Some of the bodies there had been connected, very connected, and strings ended up getting pulled. Within half an hour of when they got there the bodies were all gone, leaving only occasional missed patches of blood and a few scorch marks from magic that couldn t so easily be cleared away.

  At about half an hour before sunup a single figure made his way across the park. No one saw him except for some of the zombies returning to their unmarked graves under the hills, and none of them much cared. He went unmolested as he hurried to his own dwelling before the sun rose.

  But he had to stop as he passed the central pavilion. The obvious signs of a struggle marring the perfect grass bothered him a great deal, but that was not why he stooped down to take a closer look at the ground. He had seen something shiny from the grass catch the faded starlight, and it had caught his attention. As he looked closer he saw that it was a penny, heads up and looking completely new and flawless. There was something about it, something terrible that made it almost glow with some sort of dark malevolent energy, but he didn t care at all about that. To his eyes, it might as well have just been another penny, and he picked it up.

  One! One penny, ah ah ah! he muttered to himself, then stuck it in his pocket and continued on his way.

  ****

  Gloria walked Caleb back home to his apartment, and for no logical reason Caleb felt that same nervousness from when they d walked to Gloria s earlier. That hadn t felt like it should really be the end of their date, but this time it did. He d already gotten a kiss, and a whole lot more that neither of them had expected, but it still felt like there was more here that he needed out of this. He just wasn t sure what yet.

  Most of the conversation on the walk over had been about what to do with the artifacts now. Obviously they weren t safe in Caleb s bathroom, but he didn t have anywhere else to put them. Everything they had been able to recover was still in his duffel, and they both decided that when she went back home she would take it with her. For now it was safer there, if for no other reason than she had a lockable door and he didn t, but some time in the future they were going to have to find a more permanent way to dispose of them. As much as Caleb liked to have the trophies to trick himself into thinking he was special, he acknowledged that he might just not be the best caretaker for them.

  Caleb checked to make sure the front door of his building was locked this time, but it was fine. When they got up to his floor the hall was still strewn with splinters, but the blanket Caleb had tacked over the door didn t look like it had been moved at all. No one had probably even left their apartments during this whole time to see that anything was wrong. They had just slept peacefully through everything.

  Right, so, I guess this is the end of our date, Caleb said as they stood outside the blanket. For real this time.

  Yeah, I guess it is, Gloria said. I d say you know how to show a girl a good time, but most girls would have hated this.

  Not you though.

  No, not me.

  Caleb paused, thinking back to how the date had started. I suppose I should still apologize for some of the things I said and the way I acted, especially near the beginning. I He stopped. That was it. That was exactly what he needed to do yet. He was not going to let the date end on that note.

  Actually, you know what? Screw it. I m not sorry, or at least mostly not. That s who I am. I m a loudmouth. I m a little bit egotistical sometimes. And a whole lot of other little issues. But it s who I am. It s who you asked out. If you don t like it, screw it. We can still just be friends, if that s what you really want.

  Gloria stared at him. For a second he thought she was actually going to say that, yes, she did just want to forget they had done anything tonight and just go on from now as friends. Instead she said. I don t like it, not all the time. But that doesn t mean I can t deal with it.

  Caleb s eyes went wide. Oh. Really? I didn t actually expect you to say that. What about what you were talking about earlier, about some of the issues you wanted to deal with?

  I don t have to deal with them alone, Gloria said.

  Oh. Cool, Caleb said. They stood there staring at each other for several seconds. Soooo now what?

  Now is when you re supposed to go in for the kiss, idiot.

  Right. He leaned in and their lips touched, gentle, sweet, the perfect ending to the night. He moved away. Now what?

  Now we get into your bed before I go crazy with the tension and rip your clothes off right here. She pushed aside the blanket and went inside, and Caleb followed with the largest grin he had ever had on his face in his life.

  Derek J. Goodman is a horror, sci-fi, and fantasy writer. His stories have appeared in publications such as Nossa Morte, M-Brane SF, the Dunesteef Audio Fiction and the upcoming Permuted Press release Best New Tales of the Apocalypse. His comedic horror novel The Apocalypse Shift is his first novel for Library of Horror Press . Derek lives and writes in Wisconsin.

  Can be found at

  www.libraryofthelivingdead.com

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