‘Oh God.’
Her black liner had smudged down her face, her eyes were bloodshot, lips smeared a faint red. She ambled back into her bed, curling up in a foetal position while she checked her phone. Lots of messages from her sisters’ WhatsApp group, but she didn’t have the will power to read them. That was when the door to her room opened again, the shadow of the same woman who’d been there earlier, appearing.
‘Hey,’ she said, sitting on the side of Mae’s bed.
The familiarity in the voice of a stranger felt odd to Mae – so odd, she couldn’t quite reply.
‘Still dazed?’ she offered.
Mae hadn’t switched the light from the bathroom off, so she could see the woman’s face more clearly – her porcelain skin and straight, black, shiny hair. Why did she look so familiar?
‘Who are you?’ asked Mae. ‘What’s happened?’
‘You should eat that toast.’
She handed the plate to Mae who couldn’t quite grasp it, so settled it on her duvet over her chest as she lifted herself up. The woman, though in the light she was clearly a student too, got up and put the pillow against Mae’s back. Her hair smelt like coconuts. Mae took the toast and bit into it.
‘Mmmm,’ she said. ‘Soggy.’
The woman looked at Mae as if she were about to tell her off.
‘Sorry,’ added Mae.
‘Don’t be.’ She shook her head. ‘I’ve seen this too many times.’
‘Soggy toast?’
‘I’m Ji Su.’
‘Mae.’
‘Yeah. I saw from your ID in your wallet.’
A panic ran through Mae. What kind of a person went through another person’s wallet? Who was this woman and why was she bringing Mae all this stuff? What the hell happened last night?
‘I had to know your name – figure out any details I should know about you. In case I needed to call an ambulance or something.’
Mae gulped, the dull throbbing in her head bringing with it another bout of nausea.
‘How much do you remember about last night?’ Ji Su asked.
Mae tried to think. She remembered her first shot of vodka. A bartender. Blonde hair and strobe lights.
‘Ugh,’ she said. ‘I think there was a boy there. But I can’t be sure. I’d had a bit to drink,’ she admitted, feeling a flush of embarrassment mingled with a sense of being a normal student. Just like anyone else.
‘Do you remember where you were?’
‘It was The Crypt, right?’
Ji Su nodded. ‘There was a boy there. Can you remember his face?’
Mae thought hard for a few moments, trying to piece together the fragments that were floating around in her head, which she couldn’t quite grasp.
‘I don’t know. It was dark, and the lights and music. And, you know, the drink.’
A few moments’ silence passed between them as Mae stared at Ji Su. She was sure she’d seen her somewhere before, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint where. Did Mae have selective amnesia? She recalled her birth date, her sisters’ names, her brother’s name and all their birth dates, where she’d gone to school … It all came to her apart from the past twenty-four hours, which were lost in some sort of fog.
‘Were you there?’ Mae asked. ‘Last night?’
Ji Su nodded.
‘Did we speak?’
‘No.’
‘Why do I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before?’
Ji Su smoothed out the crease in Mae’s duvet and looked at her, smiling. ‘In a coffee shop. Some days ago.’
Mae furrowed her brows.
‘Skimpy’s,’ added Ji Su.
The memory came to her with a thud. Of course. It was her. She was the one who’d been in the coffee shop when Mae discovered the video of her online.
‘Oh.’
‘I’ve seen you around the campus a few times,’ said Ji Su. ‘But you always have your head down.’
An ironic laugh escaped Mae. ‘Well …’
‘I get it. That video was awful.’
Tears stung Mae’s eyes as she tried to stay focused on her white duvet.
‘And all those comments …’ added Ji Su. ‘I’d have liked to have talked to you but you always seemed to get away.’
Mae bit back her tears, tried to level her voice but it still came out thick. ‘Oh, it’s nothing. It’s fine.’
‘Are you kidding me?’ exclaimed Ji Su.
Mae was taken aback at the rise in her voice and leaned back, the pain in her head expanding.
‘It is not bloody okay. Nothing about anything of this is okay. Do you get that?’
Mae was too scared to do anything else but nod in agreement.
‘No, don’t just nod like that,’ said Ji Su. ‘You have to know that whatever’s happened – none of it’s okay. Not for you, not for any woman.’
Ji Su’s eyes flashed with anger, the colour in her cheeks had risen and she looked so agitated Mae could do very little but offer her toast.
‘The last thing you should be doing is blaming yourself. You’re not, are you?’
Mae shook her head. Of course she felt that if only she hadn’t put make-up on in the train, no one would’ve taken that video and she wouldn’t have been so miserable. But she dared not voice this to Ji Su – she didn’t want to appear weak to her. Why it mattered what Ji Su thought of her Mae didn’t know, but it did.
‘Are you sure?’ asked Ji Su, boring into her eyes.
Mae noticed how thick her eyelashes were.
‘I’ll never put my make-up on in public again, that’s for sure,’ said Mae, trying to laugh.
‘What? Well, not just that … you really don’t remember anything from last night?’
‘I don’t know. It’ll come to me, I guess. I’ve never really …’
God, it was so hard to explain to people who weren’t Bengali or Muslim that drinking just wasn’t something you did. Not when your family was so traditional. It seemed so sad. As if, just because you didn’t drink, you didn’t really live. But then Mae looked at Ji Su and felt that she could tell her anything. That maybe she would understand.
‘The thing is I’ve never really drunk before,’ finished Mae.
‘No kidding,’ replied Ji Su with a sympathetic smile.
Was it that obvious? There was no end to all these embarrassments. And then Ji Su put her hand on Mae’s and gripped it tight. ‘Some guy tried to drug you.’
She paused, as if wanting to let the weight of this sink into Mae.
‘What?’ said Mae. ‘No. No, that can’t have happened.’
‘No?’ said Ji Su. ‘You said you thought you remembered some boy?’
Mae shrugged uncertainly. She thought she did and then she got a flashback of someone putting their tongue in her mouth.
‘Oh God,’ said Mae as she lunged for the bin.
She wiped her mouth and took another sip of water.
‘I need another paracetamol.’
Ji Su readily took the packet from the table and popped one into Mae’s hand.
‘Yeah,’ said Mae. ‘There was a guy. We were just messing around.’
‘He got you a drink?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe. I guess.’
‘Well, I can tell you. He got you a drink,’ said Ji Su.
‘So what?’ said Mae. ‘I’ve never drunk before. It just hit me hard, I guess.’
‘I’ll tell you what happened. You were dancing, in your own world, when this guy – this jerk – came up behind you. And you, being a bit tipsy, turned around and didn’t push him away. I don’t know. Maybe you like that kind of guy. The ones who just do what they want without asking if it’s all right with you.’
It was Mae’s turn to flush red. She did not like that kind of guy – but isn’t that just what happened in these places? Isn’t that what people expect, especially when you’re a carefree, fun, cool, student? Who wants to be the loser who kicks up a fuss?
‘Anyway, he took advantage of the fact that y
ou didn’t say anything and even then you were laughing so I thought maybe it’s not what I think. I thought, maybe she’s all right and anyway, it’s none of my business, right? But his face …’ Ji Su’s features were etched with disdain. ‘He just looked so full of it. I don’t know, I’ve seen men like that and once they get started, they don’t care.’
Mae felt that this was a bit judgemental of her, but let her continue, trying to recognise anything from Ji Su’s version of events – given that Mae hadn’t enough recollection to come up with her own. It was a shame to have to rely on someone who was little more than a stranger.
‘Then you seemed to have an idea, took his hand and made your way out of the club. I don’t know … call it instinct or whatever. Or maybe what was going on with that pathetic video.’ She paused and softened her voice. ‘It makes you vulnerable, doesn’t it? That kind of stuff. It gets to you even when you try not to let it.’
What was it about this girl that made Mae well up every time she looked at her? It was if she could see into Mae’s soul and it was just plain weird.
‘So, I followed you out, just to make sure. Just to check. And I’m so glad I did.’
‘Why?’ whispered Mae.
‘It might’ve been the first time you’d ever had a drink, and yeah, maybe you had overdone it, but you looked as if you were going to pass out. You could barely stand straight without that jerk holding you up. Anyway, as soon as I asked if you were okay, jerk-face piped up, “She’s fine, all right?”’ Ji Su scoffed. ‘I’ve seen that arrogance before. “Then let her tell me she’s fine,” I said to him. Bouncer didn’t care. Just thought you were another wasted girl, leaving with her boyfriend, or ready to hook up with someone.’
A strange tightness took hold of Mae’s chest – she’d put her hand on it without realising.
‘Turns out that guy was as idiotic as he looked and started getting rowdy with me. They get annoyed when they realise they’ve haven’t got away with something. They’re so stupid they aren’t even subtle about it. A bunch of girls came out and some blonde-haired one shouted out that you were her friend, but when she saw this guy – Steve, apparently – she started shouting at him. I mean, shouting. She said all kinds of stuff: What the eff are you doing here? You’re a creep. Why don’t you piss off? That kind of thing. Seemed like he’d gone out with one of her mates and didn’t exactly treat her well. And that’s when you collapsed. We got you in a car and I had to go through your bag to see where you lived. Anyway, blonde-haired girl helped me get you to your room in the end. God, she was loud. But helpful, you know. In the end. I wanted to take you to the hospital, but I checked your breathing and you dipped in and out of consciousness so I figured you were all right. Anyway, I stayed with you during the night, just in case. Then I had to go to class in the morning, but kept coming in to see how you were. Then you woke up and I have to say, it was a relief.’
It took a while for Mae to process all this information. So much had happened and she had no recollection of it whatsoever. It put the fear of God in her. How wrong things could’ve gone. What if Ji Su hadn’t been there? What if she hadn’t been looking out for Mae – a complete stranger to her? Would she even be lying in bed right now with soggy toast and a head that throbbed? It was beyond belief and yet there was no reason for Ji Su to lie. And she remembered the blonde-haired girl with the pearl necklace. Mae felt a flush of gratitude towards her. She wished she could find her to say thank you. But first she should thank Ji Su. Except Mae’s mouth was dry and the words seemed to catch in her throat.
‘I … I don’t know what to—’
‘Hey,’ said Ji Su. ‘Don’t say anything. I know it’s a lot to take in.’
‘But I—’
‘Yeah, I know.’
‘What if—’
‘But it didn’t, did it?’ said Ji Su, as if reading Mae’s thoughts. ‘You’re safe.’
The words that seemed caught gave way to something completely different as a sob rose in Mae’s throat and she burst into tears. Ji Su came forward and put her arms around her, enveloping her into the comfort of her sweet-smelling sweatshirt. Once Mae started she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop thinking about the past year, and then the past few months, and now this.
‘I … I … I,’ she sobbed, but she didn’t even know what she was saying.
‘Stop it,’ said Ji Su. ‘No one deserves your tears.’ She pulled Mae back and looked at her. ‘No one.’
How could Mae tell her how much everything was bothering her: how lonely she felt, how she wasn’t keeping up with uni work, how she hated being here? Instead she just nodded.
‘Now, get some more sleep, okay?’
‘Okay,’ replied Mae.
‘And let’s get some coffee tomorrow? When you’re around?’
Mae nodded again. She felt like a child, as if Ji Su was one of her sisters or her mum and it comforted her. Perhaps she’d been looked after a little too much at home and she was more used to it than she’d ever imagined. She’d been a big fish in a small pond and didn’t realise that the world was an ocean full of unknown and possibly dangerous beings.
‘Thanks. Oh God,’ said Mae putting her face in her hand.
‘What?’
‘What day is it?’
‘Thursday,’ replied Ji Su.
‘My assignment,’ replied Mae. ‘Shit! It was meant to be handed in today.’
Ji Su looked at her watch. ‘It’s eight thirty. Just email your tutor telling them what happened. They have to understand.’
‘No. I hadn’t … I haven’t even finished it.’
Mae wanted to be sick again, but it had nothing to do with her hangover.
‘Oh. Well, maybe we can get you an extension, given the circumstances? Don’t worry, I can be a witness for you. They can’t take this stuff lightly.’
Mae didn’t want to tell her that she hadn’t even started it. What had she been thinking? What a mess.
‘Don’t panic,’ said Ji Su. ‘We’ll sort it out.’
Ji Su looked so sweet, like Fatti, but there was a steeliness to her that reminded Mae of Bubblee and even Farah.
‘Why are you being so nice to me?’ asked Mae.
‘We sisters got to stick together,’ she replied with a laugh. ‘I’ve put my phone number into your mobile. Ji Su. And I’ve given myself a missed call in case you don’t message me,’ she said with a smile.
‘I will. Trust me. I owe you—’
‘Nothing.’
After Ji Su left, Mae’s mind fluttered with what had happened. She got her phone out.
Sistaaaas
Mae: Yo peeps. Whats hangin?
Apart from Mae’s head in shame. She waited for a response, but none came. If only Fatti were here, Mae could’ve cosied up into her arms. Farah would’ve brought her tea, Bubblee would’ve been calling the police and filing a complaint and probably leading some kind of movement. Mae sank back into her bed and thought of Ji Su. Of course she owed her something. She practically owed Ji Su her life.
Mae had disturbed sleep and when she woke up the following morning there was still a dull ache in her head. Before she got ready she messaged Ji Su to see if she was free around midday. The least Mae could do was buy her lunch. She went to her first lesson but spent the entire time checking her phone and began panicking that Ji Su fed her number incorrectly into Mae’s phone, but of course that wasn’t possible, not if she’d given herself a missed call. Mae hadn’t realised that she was of a paranoid disposition until she’d started university. She needed to buck up and stop thinking the worst. If there were Steves in the world there were also Ji Sus and there was no reason for Mae to think she wasn’t genuine. It was around eleven o’clock when she got the message from her:
Ji Su: 12pm, Skimpys. It’s a date xx
Mae’s spirits rose, which was just as well because when it came to seeing her tutor for Studying Television class she felt she might just throw up again. She knew Ji Su was right – all she had to do wa
s explain the truth – except that Mae was aware that it wasn’t as if she was on top of all her work in the first place. It turned out that the teacher was sympathetic when Mae told her the story. She guessed it helped that she ended up crying in the teacher’s office, and not because she wanted to either – it was so embarrassing the way she welled up at the drop of a hat. But she was only given a forty-eight-hour extension. Still, it was better than nothing. She’d work all night for it. This was where caffeine came in handy. And Red Bull. Mae would have lunch with Ji Su and then go straight to the library to work. She could only try her best now to scrape through that assignment before beginning revisions for her end of year exams.
It was weird walking into Skimpy’s and seeing Ji Su in public, sitting with her head bent low over a book, her sleek, black hair falling over her face. She was wearing a red T-shirt and baggy ripped jeans, plaited bracelets and other bands around her wrists. Mae felt unaccountably shy. And nervous, though she didn’t know why. There was something about Ji Su which made Mae want her respect. She looked down at her black leggings and wondered whether this black and red chequered shirt made her look too normal. Mae got the impression that Ji Su liked things that were different, and people who set themselves apart from the norm. Ji Su looked up and Mae attempted a smile. She seemed to consider Mae for a moment. Did she not recognise her? What had Mae expected, a flourishing welcome? Why not? Mae decided it would help if she actually moved so she walked towards the table.
‘Hi,’ she said.
‘You came.’ Ji Su put a bookmark in the page of her book and snapped it shut. ‘I’m glad.’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’ replied Mae, putting her rucksack down and taking a seat.
Ji Su merely shrugged. ‘Did you get an extension for your assignment?’
‘Forty-eight hours.’
‘What?’ she exclaimed. ‘Is that it? After all you’ve been through? That’s outrageous. Who’s your tutor?’
‘No, no, it’s fine. It’s fair, if you think about it.’ ‘Fair? Fair? You’ve got to be joking. Nothing about what happened is fair, and the least your tutor can do is give you some time to recover from your ordeal before you having to give in this stupid assignment.’ She shook her head in agitation. ‘Your tutor a man or woman?’
The Hopes and Triumphs of the Amir Sisters Page 6