‘Woman.’
Ji Su scoffed and folded her arms, leaning back in her chair.
‘No, really, she was sympathetic about it.’
‘Yeah, really sympathetic. Give me her name,’ she said, this time coming forward. She had a look in her eye that told Mae that Ji Su would always fight for the things she wanted, that no one crossed her, and if they did, they’d be sorry. Mae instinctively put her hand on her arm.
‘Seriously. It’s all right. I just have to deal with it, don’t I?’
‘You’re too nice for your own good. Next thing you’ll say is that you’d have deserved what happened to you if you’d got into the car with that jerk.’
‘No,’ exclaimed Mae. ‘Of course not. But, well … it was stupid of me, wasn’t it? To get so drunk.’
A steely look came across Ji Su’s face. ‘And what about him?’
‘He just saw an opportunity, I guess.’
‘And that’s okay?’
‘No, I’m not saying that …’
Mae was getting tongue-tied; she wanted Ji Su to like her but she couldn’t help feel that she was partly to blame for the whole thing. That the way life seemed to be spiralling out of control had at least something to do with Mae. She was, after all, the common factor in everything.
‘Tell me,’ said Ji Su. ‘What are you saying? Because it sounds like you’re blaming everyone but him.’
Mae went quiet.
‘I’m sorry,’ continued Ji Su, ‘but this is just typical for a woman to feel she has to make excuses for a man’s behaviour.’
‘I’m not making excuses,’ mumbled Mae.
‘Then what are you doing?’
‘It’s just …’
‘What?’
‘It’s fine, don’t worry,’ said Mae. ‘I don’t even know you. You don’t need to hear it.’
This time Ji Su put her hand on Mae’s arm and held it there. The sunlight came through and settled on her face, bathing it in an angelic hue. How was it possible for a person to have such beautiful skin? Mae now noticed the plumpness of Ji Su’s pink lips, the contouring of her cheekbones and felt a sense of her own physical inadequacies in comparison.
‘Why don’t you tell me and I’ll be the judge of that?’ said Ji Su.
So Mae did tell her. She told her everything about the hardship of adjusting to university, how she didn’t feel herself here, not like the old Mae back in Wyvernage who was carefree and had a joke for every situation. Uni was meant to be the place where you found yourself, but Mae was just losing herself instead.
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Maybe it was being brought up in such a close household where I never really saw the outside world or knew how to act in it. Not really.’
‘Were you home-schooled or something?’ laughed Ji Su.
Mae laughed too. ‘No, but thanks for that. High school was different, like whatever. Everyone knew each other and it was just an extension of the family, I guess. Everyone here seems to have already come with like a life before, you know? They’ve all got these crazy stories and things they’ve done and I’m just like whoa. Where have I been all these years?’
Ji Su let out a laugh. ‘Oh, please. This lot? They all think they’ve lived and they go on about their gap yaas, but they don’t have a clue. Privileged idiots, the lot of them.’
‘Oh, God, I’m being such a whiny cow. Poor me, I’m losing who I am.’ Mae rolled her eyes at herself. ‘Sorry. Ignore me. I’m as bad as the rest of them.’
Ji Su gave a half smile and considered Mae. ‘I don’t know. You’re not so bad.’
‘Give it five minutes and you’ll see I probs am. Seriously. Run now. Take cover.’
But Ji Su didn’t say anything. They both sat in silence for a few minutes before she said, ‘You think we should get some food before they kick us out?’
Mae nodded. ‘But I can’t stay for long. Assignment, remember?’
‘Oh, I know, but before that we’re going to the police station and filing a report.’
‘What?’
‘Yes.’
Mae gulped. Wasn’t this taking it too seriously? ‘Can’t we just forget it happened?’
‘So … what? He can try to do it again to some other poor girl? We have a first name, and trust me, his face is etched into my memory.’
Mae groaned. She just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. ‘I don’t want to go through it.’
Ji Su paused. ‘You know that he might do this again? This time there might not be someone to stop him.’
Mae felt the weight of this possibility. Wouldn’t it be nice to go back to her room and eat a doner kebab? Ji Su was still staring at her.
‘What about my assignment?’ said Mae.
‘I’ve got work to do too, so you and me are going to the library and we’re not leaving until you’re done. All right? But this is just as important. More important, in fact.’
There was nothing for it. Mae would have to go through the indignity of admitting she’d been drinking and was stupid enough to have got drugged by a random man. So, they sat and had lunch before heading over to the police station. Mae let Ji Su do most of the talking as the police officer kept looking over at her, eyeing her as if she was the suspicious one. They asked her to make a statement, took Ji Su’s description of Steve and said they’d look into it.
‘How?’ Ji Su asked, folding her arms.
‘There’s very little we can do without a full name. You say you don’t know if he was a student or not, and the lady you said that recognised him … well, unless we can get her in here, there’s not much else to go on.’
Ji Su exhaled rather loudly. ‘Right. Great help you guys are.’
‘We can only work with what we have,’ he replied, looking bored, as if he’d had this conversation a hundred times before.
‘Ugh, come on, Mae,’ said Ji Su, taking her hand. ‘Shouldn’t have even bothered,’ she added, looking back at the police officer and glaring at him.
They walked out of the station as Ji Su began to rant about how students’ problems are never taken seriously.
‘He didn’t have a lot to go on, though, did he?’ offered Mae.
‘Oh God,’ said Ji Su. ‘We’re going to have to do a brainwash reversal on you.’
But she said it with half a laugh as they made their way to the library, ready for an inevitable all-nighter.
Chapter Six
Mae wasn’t sure if Ji Su stayed with her both nights because she actually had an urgent assignment due too, or because she was keeping an eye on Mae to make sure she didn’t give up. The project had been completed as best as it could in the timeframe, but Mae didn’t feel good about it when she emailed it over to the tutor. If only she’d begun it when she received it. Even if she’d begun it a week ago, got her head together and focused, it would have had a bit more substance. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Although, if Ji Su hadn’t herself been focused those two days at the library it could’ve gone very differently. Mae was amazed at how many guys ended up sitting at their table, eyes flitting towards Ji Su, asking if she had a pen they could borrow or some other lame excuses. She’d just look up at them, straight-faced, and say, ‘No.’
One tried to engage Mae in conversation and she found herself fidgeting and bumbling over her words, as if her brain and mouth had been disconnected. Why did it always feel so hard to talk to men? Anyway, it became clear that he was only talking to Mae to get information about Ji Su. Mae looked at her from the corner of her eye. She was acting as if nothing at all was happening.
‘Your friend shy?’ he asked Mae.
Ji Su turned to him and replied, ‘No, just really bored by your banal chat.’
Mae was sure he muttered something derogatory under his breath as he walked away.
‘He might’ve been nice if you gave him a chance,’ offered Mae.
‘What? With how he just spoke when he left?’ Ji Su shook her head. ‘You really do have a lot to learn.’
The
following few months dissolved into a blur of study sessions, coffee breaks and long chats with Ji Su. Mae found out that Ji Su’s parents came to England when she was five. They settled in a town outside Manchester where she went to school and finished high school – with straight As, of course. Her mum was a social worker, specialising in women’s care, and her dad was the head of a charitable organisation that specialised in helping men from East Asian backgrounds with depression.
‘You can imagine all the fun chats at our dinner table,’ said Ji Su.
She also had an older sister who was an archaeologist – currently abroad in Jordan on a dig – and a brother who was doing a PhD.
‘I always tease Eun Jung about the fact that she’s abandoned women’s rights to go looking for fossils. Mum wanted her to do something meaningful, but she had her mind set, and trust me, no one can change her mind.’
‘Must run in the family,’ replied Mae. ‘If I’m honest you all sound like you’re overachievers, but whatever.’
Ji Su laughed. ‘Hardly. Anyway, you can imagine Mum’s over the moon that I’m an officer at the Women’s Union here. Trailing in her footsteps. Just as well it’s what I want to do too, otherwise that would’ve been awkward.’
It all sounded so perfect to Mae. She couldn’t help but compare it to her own parents: a mum who was a housewife and a dad who had worked as a security guard at the shopping centre in town for most of his life. It was so uninspiring. Except when Mae alluded to this, Ji Su flashed her a look.
‘Don’t do that. Don’t belittle what they do to try and make life work. That’s better than any high and mighty CEO or whatever. Trust me.’
Mae was immediately embarrassed and wished she hadn’t said anything, but Ji Su carried on as if nothing happened. That was the thing about her: she believed so strongly in what she felt. She’d make you question what you were thinking – you might feel bad for a moment – but she explained things in such a way that just made sense. Mae had hung out in her dorm room and people would come in and out, borrowing stuff from her, bringing stuff back and Ji Su was always friendly but there was also a distance to her – as if she never really let people too close to her. Mae felt privileged that she was spending so much time with her because there wasn’t a day that went by when they didn’t see each other and she could hardly be seeing other people at the same time. A few times she’d gone to a meeting at the Women’s Union where they’d talk about what was happening; which female student was having problems with a male professor, dates gone wrong and Mae was horrified at how often these things happened. It was as if she’d been living in a bubble, completely unaware of the kind of stuff women had to put up with. She’d think again and again about how lucky she’d got that night at The Crypt, and what if Ji Su hadn’t been there, what if she’d become a focal point of discussion in this very union? If she’d have come forward and actually said something, which of course, so many women didn’t.
‘And that’s what I’m here for,’ said Ji Su, smiling.
They’d often study together in the library, but while Ji Su’s head would be down, Mae found herself gazing at people, fiddling with her phone, checking her social media. She found herself looking at other uni courses online and came across some random things: Ethical Hacking. Viking Studies. Equestrian Psychology and Sports Science. Weirdly, her university offered that last course, which probably said something about the uni. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she concentrate?
They both did their assignments and took their exams. Even though Ji Su’s parents lived close by she’d moved into a new flat, saying that she felt too crowded at home and needed to be alone with her own thoughts and live her own life. Mae’s mum kept asking when she was coming back for the summer, but why would she want to do that – spend it in that dingy room she’d been relegated to – when she now had all this time, without the worry of classes and studying? She’d get a part-time job. Ji Su said she could stay with her once they’d got their results and Mae had to vacate her dorm room. Ji Su’s flatmate wasn’t moving in until the new term, anyway.
It had already been a month of picnics and films, hanging out and giggling until late into the night about the latest ridiculous fashion. All the while this was happening Mae noticed how sometimes Ji Su would take her hand and not let it go for a while. She’d put her arm around Mae and Mae would feel a flush of excitement and happiness. One night, Mae was lying in bed after they’d had dinner and watched a film and she wondered what it’d be like if Ji Su was lying with her. The thought brought about a panic. That was silly. She’d never thought of women in that way before. Never. Mae wondered back at any crushes she’d had in high school – they were all fleeting but they’d always been crushes on boys. Yes, she would sometimes admire a girl, think one was pretty or another had nice hair, but that was normal, right? Plus, it was just so easy to be around Ji Su. She made Mae a more interesting person simply by being friends with her. Tomorrow, she was going to move in with her for the summer and things would be even better than they had been.
Mae was packing up her stuff when her phone rang.
‘Baby’s asleep finally and I was just waiting for Bubblee to come home so I thought I’d see how you were,’ came Farah’s voice.
‘Oh, hey. Yeah, fine.’
‘You’re getting all your work done?’
Which showed how much her sisters knew.
‘I’m getting my first year results tomorrow,’ said Mae.
‘So soon? Where does the time go? How are you feeling?’
‘Oh, you know …’
It was the first time Farah had called in about a month. Last time Mae had been with Ji Su so couldn’t really talk, but now that she had her sister on the phone again with her full attention Mae didn’t want to talk about uni. She wanted to tell her what had happened at The Crypt. But where would she start? At the point where she was already fairly drunk because of a couple of shots of vodka and two and a half glasses of rum and Coke? Farah would probably give her a lecture about that. And even if Mae left that part out – she’d never admit it to Ji Su – she did feel ashamed. Embarrassed that she’d been in a position of weakness. That due to her own idiocy someone tried to take advantage of her. No matter how much she listened to Ji Su’s point of view, no matter how much rational sense it made, Mae couldn’t help feeling this way.
‘Enjoy it while you can,’ said Farah. ‘When you’re married or have kids it’ll all change.’
Mae had to clench her jaw. It was becoming really boring listening to people with babies or families hash out the same old line.
‘Yeah, first time I’ve heard that,’ replied Mae.
‘That’s because it’s true.’
Farah really didn’t get sarcasm.
‘Right, yeah,’ said Mae.
‘So … what else is new? Give me some fun gossip. Who was that friend you mentioned? Ji Su? What is she? Korean?’
‘What does that matter?’ asked Mae.
‘Doesn’t. Just wondering. Any nice Bengali girls there? I find it’s helpful to be around people of the same culture.’
Mae found her annoyance rising. What was her sister talking about? What difference did Ji Su’s cultural heritage make? That’s when she realised how different she was to Farah, and even Fatti. How small both of their lives had always been. Such a thought wouldn’t even occur to Bubblee. Or at least the Bubblee she used to know.
‘That’s not really what uni’s about,’ said Mae.
‘They might have nice brothers or cousins for you.’
Farah had basically turned into Mum.
‘What?’ said Mae, her voice terse. Most unlike her. ‘I’m just saying,’ replied Farah.
‘Kinda helpful if you don’t.’
There was a long pause. ‘Just because I never went to uni doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions,’ said Farah.
Mae moved the phone from her ear, looked at it, confused. What the hell was her sister on about?
‘Er, all right.�
�
‘Suppose you uni-goers don’t care what non-uni people have to say.’
‘You okay?’ said Mae, genuinely perplexed.
‘Fine. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.’
Farah said goodbye and put the phone down and Mae wondered if her sister had always been this, well … uptight.
‘Thanks for the good chat,’ said Mae to herself. ‘Geez.’
That’s when her phone beeped.
Ji Su: Good night, babe. Xxxxxx
Mae smiled. It was useless thinking about the annoying things that her sister had just said. Farah was just Farah. She thought instead about the following day, when she’d get her results. At least Ji Su would be there, so she could cry about her crappy result and then go and hang out. Maybe watch a film in the flat that night, to christen it. The idea softened the inevitable blow of a poorly graded year, and even though Mae felt bad, she didn’t feel that bad.
Mae: Night. C u tomoz xxx
For the first time since she left home Mae felt hopeful and her loneliness had all but disappeared. Things were finally panning out. It’d all be fine in the end, despite her results, because what was the worst that could happen?
‘Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. Why, why, why did I have to leave it all until the last minute?’ exclaimed Mae as she and Ji Su went to collect her results. ‘Like, am I stupid?’
‘I didn’t want to say …’
Mae pushed Ji Su as she laughed and put her arm around Mae’s waist. ‘You’ll be fine. I promise.’
Mae stiffened slightly, suddenly very aware of the feelings Ji Su’s hand gripping her waist evoked in her. Did she want Ji Su to keep her hand where it was or not? Before Mae could answer her own question, Ji Su removed her hand to look for something in her bag. They went into the administration office to collect Mae’s envelope and she held it for a while before giving it to Ji Su.
‘I can’t do it.’
‘Do it,’ said Ji Su.
‘It’s all right for you, brainbox. You got a first.’
‘I worked hard.’
The Hopes and Triumphs of the Amir Sisters Page 7