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The Hopes and Triumphs of the Amir Sisters

Page 15

by Nadiya Hussain


  ‘… and you’re happy without wanting to be part of any kind of rat race. You’re fun.’ He gripped her hand tighter. ‘And you’re beautiful.’

  Mae looked away as if she was about to scoff. ‘Shut up.’

  He took her face in his hand and turned her towards him. ‘You are. The most beautiful person at the amusement park, anyway,’ he added.

  ‘Even compared to that girl with the bowl haircut who started last week?’

  ‘Maybe not as beautiful as her—’

  She hit his arm, but liked the feel of it so much, she didn’t remove it. Mae lifted the sleeve of his T-shirt, just like he’d done on their lunch, and looked at the scar again, running her finger over it.

  ‘Sorry you got stabbed,’ she said, her voice low, barely being able to look at him.

  ‘Taught me a lesson,’ he said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘To control my anger.’

  She nodded.

  ‘To be careful of all emotions when they overwhelm you. In case you lose yourself.’

  Mae swallowed hard. She liked the idea of losing herself. But then she hadn’t yet found herself, so she’d have to do that first.

  ‘And that’s why I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come inside,’ he said, also lowering his voice, his face so close to hers, she’d just have to inch forward to be able to kiss him.

  Just as she was about to, he pulled back. Mae was left sitting there, her heart in her stomach and ego somewhere in the car boot.

  ‘Is it me?’ she asked, her voice as if she were about to cry.

  ‘What? No,’ he said. ‘Of course it’s not you. Trust me, Mae. There’s nothing I’d like more than to be alone with you. I mean, alone, alone. But, it’s not a good idea. There are certain ways to do things,’ he added. ‘I haven’t even met your parents yet.’

  Her heart, which was already in her stomach, had now shifted somewhere into her intestines.

  ‘I guess so,’ she said.

  Silence.

  ‘Shall we go then?’ she added, looking straight ahead.

  Mae was suddenly very keen to get to their lunch and movie and out of this conversation.

  ‘When do you guess that might be?’ he asked.

  She looked at him, reluctantly. ‘You want to meet my family?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Abdul-Raheem, I’m Bengali. What do you think this is? An actual Brady Bunch film?’

  She thought the reference might make him laugh, but his face was still and she wasn’t sure whether he was upset or angry.

  ‘It’s not like I’m allowed to date at all. I could never introduce my boyfriend to my parents.’

  ‘Right,’ he said.

  She waited for him to say more. ‘You get that, don’t you? Come on, you might not have been born Muslim but you know what it’s like with the culture, don’t you? For Bengalis, anyway.’

  He nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I know. Of course.’

  ‘And don’t you think it’s kind of soon? It’s only been a few weeks.’

  Abdul-Raheem’s shoulders seemed to relax as he nodded again. ‘Yeah, you’re right. I get it. We’ll see how things go,’ he said. ‘You’ll tell them when you’re ready. I know you will.’

  Just as Mae was beginning to feel better, she wondered what did he mean: when you’re ready? Mae couldn’t imagine a point in her life when she ever would be ready. Was she deceiving him? Abdul-Raheem started the car and pulled out of the parking space, heading towards the town centre as Mae thought about what her parents would say. A black man and ex-convict? The very thought made her want to throw up. Would her dad be disappointed or would he actually lose his temper? She couldn’t remember the last time he’d done that. As for her mum? God knows what her mum would do. Mae had a feeling that she’d bring the whole house down. With or without a gazebo.

  Chapter Twelve.

  Fatti: I’m running out of ways to keep two teenagers occupied. Help me. xxxxxx

  Mae: Lock em up in a cupboard!;)

  Farah: Good practice for when our babies are older, though, isn’t it? xx

  Bubblee: For God’s sake those kids. I’ll call you on my break X

  Abdul-Raheem, as promised, had gone to see his dad. Because he never went back on a promise. Mae had asked to work on her days off but Barry said he’d be ‘done’ for worker exploitation.

  ‘That’s fine,’ said Mae. ‘Exploit me. I’m okay with it, really.’

  It was no use. She’d have to spend her two days off with her family and so she tried to think where the lesser of two evils might be: with Farah and Bubblee, or Fatti and her new family. In the end she’d decided on Farah and Bubblee. Maybe Mae could get a bit more information from Bubs about this whole relationship thing because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the feeling of things moving too fast with Abdul-Raheem. She had got too used to him being around – a welcome break from her family and thinking about things like uni and where her life was going – but it was getting a bit too intense with talk of meeting families. The very idea made her sick with anxiety and not just because he was black, but because she was so young and they’d only been dating a few weeks.

  Perhaps this was Mae’s problem: she kept relying on people to distract her from her issues without considering what they were feeling. Is that what Ji Su was getting at when they’d kissed? The realisation dawned on her just as she was pulling up outside Farah and Bubblee’s place and she wondered what type of person this made her.

  She’d have to put these thoughts on pause though as she knocked on the front door.

  Unfortunately, not much had changed in their household and Mae found herself in the middle of a parenting-type tug-of-war.

  ‘You have to let her self-soothe,’ exclaimed Farah.

  ‘Just let her carry on crying her eyes out?’ replied Bubblee, already making her way up the stairs.

  Farah grabbed the back of her jumper. ‘Who’s with her all day? I know what I’m talking about.’

  ‘So, why isn’t she self-soothing yet? Listen to her. She’s hysterical.’

  Mae thought that actually, if it was a toss-up between her sisters and nine-month-old niece, her sisters won the hysteria contest.

  ‘Er, guys?’ said Mae.

  ‘She’s not hysterical,’ replied Farah. ‘That’s how babies cry.’

  ‘I have not heard Zoya cry like that before.’

  ‘You would if you were around more,’ Farah retorted.

  ‘Guys?’ repeated Mae.

  ‘Oh God, you’re like a broken record,’ said Bubblee.

  ‘The record would change if you changed.’

  ‘Guys,’ exclaimed Mae.

  ‘What?’ they both shouted, looking over their shoulders at Mae.

  ‘Oh,’ said Bubblee, noticing the pizza delivery man at the door.

  ‘Two thin crust vegetarians?’ he said, feebly.

  ‘Sorry,’ added Mae. ‘I don’t have any cash.’

  ‘Ugh,’ said Bubblee, stomping down the half-climbed staircase, grabbing her wallet and handing over the cash to the delivery man.

  By which time Zoya’s crying had calmed down and they could now only hear her whimper through the baby monitor, watching her little body relax as she dozed off to sleep.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Farah, looking at Bubblee.

  Mae wondered whether if she weren’t there, Bubblee would’ve taken the baby monitor and flung it at Farah. As it happened, Bubblee was just incensed enough to exclaim an expletive at Farah and storm out of the room, and subsequently house, slamming the door behind her. Farah looked on in surprise as Mae wondered what Abdul-Raheem would make of this when she told him. Should she even tell him? Why was she constantly needing to unburden her stuff on him?

  ‘Jeez,’ was all Mae could muster.

  Farah still looked as if she could hardly believe her eyes or ears. ‘What the …’

  Mae waited for her to finish. ‘Well, you were kind of … you know …’ she said.
/>
  ‘What? What was I, Mae?’

  This house had become a minefield and Mae was always a bit hit and miss with where she stepped.

  ‘Like … all I’m saying is that, maybe—’

  Farah looked like she might actually commit a murder.

  ‘Maybe,’ added Mae, ‘she’s feeling left out. With the whole mothering thing.’

  That’s all it took before Farah went into how that was her choice, that she was never around, that her art work meant more to her than her family. That this new guy she’d been seeing saw her more than Farah did.

  ‘She has a new man? Like a proper one?’ asked Mae, leaning forward, fascinated by this new development in Bubblee’s dating life.

  ‘If she cared that much she’d make the time and not be going out with him all the time.’

  ‘Yeah, but—’

  ‘She just waltzes into the house, all smug and uplifted with tales of work and dating and what am I doing? Up to here’ – Farah lifted her hand above her head to demonstrate – ‘in nappies. Trying to run a home and bring up a little human being. But does she even understand how hard it is? She’s always wanted everything her way, and this is just typical her – having her cake and eating it.’

  Mae sighed. She could’ve done with some cake. Chocolate gateau maybe? Or even a simple lemon drizzle. She could see Farah’s point, but she wondered what Abdul-Raheem would say. He was always going on about seeing things from another person’s perspective. But he didn’t just say it, he did it.

  Farah seemed to deflate as she sat on the edge of the sofa and stared into space.

  ‘Do you know what it’s like to lose someone who was practically everything to you? A husband? The love of your life,’ she added in a whisper. ‘Then have to build that life up again, thinking you’ll have the support of your twin sister? But she’s just not there?’

  Mae sat next to Farah and put her arm around her. Maybe it was because Farah came across shouty all the time, Mae hadn’t really thought about how difficult this must still be for her.

  ‘But you’re Farah,’ said Mae. ‘You get through stuff. You do stuff for everyone.’

  Farah looked up at her. ‘Exactly. And now? When I need something from Bubblee?’

  Unfortunately Mae didn’t have a response to that.

  ‘She wants it all, Mae. And what she doesn’t realise is that you can’t have it all.’

  ‘Maybe not,’ she replied. ‘But can you blame her for trying?’

  Farah just shook her head. ‘You’re too young to understand.’

  Mae scoffed, moving away from her sister. It always boiled down to this, didn’t it? She couldn’t help but feel annoyed.

  ‘Yeah, and you’re too old to be grabbing on to your sister’s jumper to stop her from seeing her baby when it’s crying.’

  She shouldn’t have said it, but she was tired of being told she was too young to understand things. It seemed to her, in her family, age didn’t necessarily mean wisdom.

  ‘So you’re on her side?’ said Farah.

  Mae got up and opened the box of pizza and took a huge bite. ‘No,’ she spluttered. ‘That’d mean one of you is right.’

  ‘And?’ asked Farah, waiting for Mae’s point.

  Mae sighed, agitated, as she put her slice of pizza down.

  ‘You both had this vision of parenthood, yeah? Only you never told each other what it was, just assumed you’d be living your own version and the other person would be on board.’

  Mae took another bite of her pizza as Farah seemed to take in what she’d said.

  ‘But, how many versions of parenthood could there be?’ said Farah.

  Mae shrugged. ‘Dunno. I’m too young to understand.’

  ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

  ‘Yeah, you did, but whatevs,’ replied Mae. She would not show her sister how offended she was. Instead, she finished her slice of pizza and grabbed another one as she brushed her hand down her jeans. ‘I’ll be off then.’

  ‘No, stay,’ said Farah. ‘There’s still loads of pizza left.’

  Mae bent down, took two more slices and wrapped them up in a napkin.

  ‘I’ll take them to go.’

  She walked towards the door and turned around to Farah. ‘I get you’re mad at her. It’s not been easy for you, I know. But, you know …’ She paused. ‘You’re not always right about everything.’

  ‘I never said I was,’ exclaimed Farah.

  Mae looked at her sister and wondered how even adults, with all the things they might’ve gone through, all that life experience, could really lack in self-awareness. She simply raised her eyebrows at Farah.

  ‘All right then,’ said Mae. ‘What do I know?’

  With which she left Farah to ponder Mae’s words of youthful wisdom.

  ‘Oh, thank God you’re here,’ whispered Fatti.

  She pulled Mae in, Adam hanging from her arm, as she seemed to listen out for something.

  ‘What is it?’ asked Mae.

  ‘Aima and Ilyaas have been at each other’s throat all day and I just … I just don’t know what to do.’

  ‘Why’s he not at work?’

  ‘Day off,’ replied Fatti, shaking her head.

  ‘Can’t she go into the office?’

  Fatti raised her eyebrows at Mae. ‘She’s not exactly the work-in-an-office-type.’

  Mae sighed as she walked into the living room and Fatti handed Adam to her.

  ‘Now at least I can cook without him screaming his head off. He refuses to be left alone and just wants to be carried around all the time.’

  With which Mae was left with Adam who stared at her before he hit her face with his fist. She could hear Aima and Ilyaas argue about whose iPad charger had or hadn’t been ruined. So, Bubblee was actually seeing somebody? Mae wondered who it could be. Where he was from. Like, originally. She took her phone out of her pocket with her free hand to message Abdul-Raheem.

  Mae: Yo. Hows it goin with the padre?

  Mae realised how much she missed Abdul-Raheem not being around. This being in a relationship thing wasn’t easy. Out of nowhere you get used to another person and expect that they’ll just be there, except they have a life of their own too. It made her realise how friendless she was. Ji Su still flitted into her thoughts but now that Abdul-Raheem wasn’t around, she thought about her even more. Mae looked at Ji Su’s new WhatsApp profile. She was at a protest, covered in rainbow-coloured badges and ribbons and Mae wished she was there with her instead of holding on to her drooling nephew. People were out there, doing things. Things they were passionate about and Mae got a sinking feeling about university and the idea of never going back. But how could she go back? She’d failed. When was she going to tell everyone and what was she going to do with her life? Be a horse’s arse for ever? Adam screeched in her ear. Mae went to put him down. She had to think about things, she wanted to be alone and consider what her life was going to be. What it should be. Unfortunately, Adam let out a scream, which turned into crying that seriously rivalled Zoya’s. Fatti rushed into the room.

  ‘Don’t put him down,’ she exclaimed.

  Mae rushed to pick him up again as Ilyaas walked into the room.

  ‘Oh, hey,’ he said, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.

  Fatti rushed back out to see to the food in the kitchen.

  ‘Hi,’ Mae replied, bouncing Adam about on her hip in a bid to calm him down.

  Ilyaas was staring at Adam and Mae wondered what he was thinking.

  ‘Do you want to hold him?’ she asked.

  Ilyaas just shook his head. According to Fatti, neither of the children ever wanted to hold Adam and Mae felt sorry for the little bean – to have two older siblings who didn’t seem to care about him.

  ‘You should give it a try, you know,’ she added.

  ‘He cries a lot,’ Ilyaas replied.

  ‘Babies,’ she said, sighing. ‘It’s a bit of a hazard.’

  Adam’s crying stopped so suddenly she h
ad to be grateful for the convenient timing. Ilyaas looked at Adam, uncertainly, as if he was trying to figure him out as Mae stepped forward and gestured for him to take the baby. He hesitated.

  ‘I’ll take him back if he lets loose,’ she said.

  Ilyaas took his hands out of his jeans pockets and shuffled his feet as he put his arms out. Adam twisted his body towards his half-brother, putting his own hands out and Mae thought she saw the flicker of a smile from Ilyaas as he took him. He rested Adam on his hip, looking at Mae, as if seeking assurance that he was doing the right thing.

  ‘Great,’ she said. ‘Look at him.’

  Adam was holding on to Ilyaas’s face and gurgling.

  ‘Ow,’ Ilyaas said, with a laugh.

  He didn’t emit laughter very often. For all the annoyances babies were, they were all right sometimes, weren’t they? That’s when Aima sauntered in, looking at her phone, and slumped herself on the sofa.

  ‘Careful you don’t drop him on his head,’ she said. ‘Did that to you and look what happened.’

  ‘Shut up,’ Ilyaas retorted.

  Mae tried to smile at Aima but she was too engrossed with her phone. ‘Do you want to hold him?’

  Aima looked up for a moment, as if she were actually considering it. ‘Nah. Might puke on my new top.’

  That’s when Fatti walked back in and paused, looking at Adam in Ilyaas’s arms.

  ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Well, lunch is ready. Sorry it’s late. Just going to bring it in.’

  Aima sighed and slunk off the sofa, making her way to the dining table, her eyes still glued to the phone. Fatti’s gaze followed her, looking nervous, and something in Mae bristled.

  ‘Maybe you want to help bring the dishes in?’ Mae said to Aima.

  ‘Oh, no, it’s fine,’ said Fatti.

  Aima didn’t look up.

  ‘Aima,’ added Mae.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Maybe you want to help bring the dishes in?’

  Aima let out another exasperated sigh and pushed herself off her seat to go into the kitchen. The three of them watched her before Fatti followed her in and Mae went to take Adam, suggesting that Ilyaas help as well. He seemed reluctant to let Adam go now, but Mae smiled and said he could have him back after they’d had lunch.

 

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