‘Okay,’ he said.
‘Sorry?’
‘Okay,’ he repeated. ‘Let’s just be friends.’
‘Really?’
‘Listen, I’m not saying I like it, but … if there’s one thing I get it’s trying to focus on things, and you have important decisions to make in life. I don’t want you to feel I’m in the way of it.’
Mae wanted to cry, but this time not out of anger or hurt, out of pure affection.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered.
‘Well, you’re still going to be my horse’s arse,’ he said.
She laughed. ‘Yeah. Nothing to be done about that.’
They both went quiet before Mae added, ‘You’re pretty great, you know.’
Abdul-Raheem paused. ‘No. I’m just in it for the long run.’
Long run. She didn’t know what to feel about that, but noticed Ilyaas staring at her through the window. She’d been on the phone long enough. She hung up and walked back into the café. Ilyaas looked at her as she sat back down.
‘Friend from uni?’ he asked.
‘Hmm? Yeah. You finished? Shall we go?’
Ilyaas hesitated before he said, ‘Yeah, guess so.’
She drove him all the way home, making small talk, so engrossed in her own thoughts about Abdul-Raheem that she didn’t bother to wonder why Ilyaas didn’t look at her when he got out of the car and mumbled goodbye.
It was still too early to go home and Mae wondered what she could do to take her mind off the fact that she’d just broken up with her boyfriend. That she now had no excuse to figure out what she was going to do with her life. Then it struck her that she knew exactly where she should go, and was surprised not to have thought of it earlier. So, Mae drove towards the stables.
There wasn’t anyone around when she got there so she waited for about fifteen minutes before Alison appeared.
‘Hello,’ she said. She had a tin bucket in her hand. ‘I was wondering when you’d come over again. Did you read the book?’
Mae was embarrassed to admit she hadn’t even thought about it.
‘I got a new job,’ she replied. ‘At the amusement park. Been kind of busy.’
‘Ah,’ said Alison. ‘At least you found a job. Well done.’
‘How’s Ginger?’
‘On good form, actually. You want to see him?’
‘Can I book an hour? Is that all right?’
‘Of course,’ said Alison, putting the bucket down and walking into the stable.
Mae found it just as tricky to get on Ginger as she had the first time, but she felt more assured when riding through the fields and asked Alison to let go of the reins, if that was okay. She readily obliged and walked next to the horse.
‘You know what’s nice about this?’ said Mae. ‘Not being stuck in front of a laptop. It’s almost like social media doesn’t exist.’
Alison laughed. ‘That’s probably a good thing.’
‘You forget there’s more to life than Snapchat or whatever,’ replied Mae.
‘I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.’
That, to Mae, was one of the single most amazing things she’d heard. Who didn’t know what Snapchat was? Crazy.
‘I prefer to live in the real world,’ added Alison as Mae stared at her.
‘Yeah. Guess that’s better.’
It occurred to Mae that she hadn’t really done a lot of social media in the past few weeks at all. Maybe it was being with Abdul-Raheem, maybe it was because it reminded her too much of the train incident. She wasn’t sure, but either way she didn’t really miss it, which was odd. That was meant to be the way her life was headed. The hour finished a lot quicker than Mae would’ve liked, but this time she managed to get off Ginger without stumbling, too much, to the ground.
‘See you again soon, boy?’ she said, stroking Ginger’s neck. ‘I kind of love him,’ she added, looking at Alison.
‘Looks like he feels the same way.’
Chapter Thirteen
The following day there was nothing Mae wanted to do more than to go to the stables. But first she picked up the book that Alison had given her. Mae realised that it was an old children’s book and though it was simply written, it was just what she needed and she found a lot of it interesting. After she finished it she went to the stables and booked in another ride with Ginger.
There was something about the open air that just made Mae forget all her troubles. It was her and Ginger and no other worry or thought occurred to her. When she returned home she saw a message on her phone.
Ilyaas: Hi. Im bored lol
Mae: Get 2 work!
Ilyaas: Proper child labour
Back in the mad household her annoyance with Fatti resurfaced and was only made worse by the fact that Mae was actually helping her by being friends with her stepson. And yeah, he had a sense of humour and he wasn’t a bad kid, but she didn’t really like the way he’d been staring at her. It was kind of creepy.
The following day Mae struggled not to let her nerves get the better of her when getting ready for work. It’d be the first time she’d seen Abdul-Raheem after their phone conversation. She hadn’t heard from him for two days and already felt weird about it.
Then, outside the booths, she saw him and he smiled at her.
‘Hey,’ he said, looking down at her.
‘Hi,’ she replied.
‘We’re not going to let this be awkward, all right?’ he added.
‘Oh, thank God for that because I’ve had enough awkward moments lately to last me a lifetime.’
He smiled again. ‘Time to saddle up.’
Mae breathed a sigh of relief as they both walked past the teacup ride and got into their costume.
‘I’m hungry,’ said Mae. ‘Do I still get to eat your snacks?’
‘No,’ he said.
‘What?’
He chuckled before he handed her a bag of liquorice.
‘I went to the stables again, you know,’ she said.
‘Oh yeah? How was it?’
‘I love Ginger.’
‘Yeah, horses are really majestic animals.’
‘Unless you’re dressed as one,’ she said. ‘And I didn’t look so majestic trying to get off Ginger, but you can’t have it all.’
She heard him laugh and that’s how they spent their day at work, just as they always had done. It almost felt too easy and Mae wondered whether she should trust it. Perhaps that was too cynical of her – she should be grateful that Abdul-Raheem was still talking to her, being his usual self. Mae wanted to give him a hug but guessed that was off-limits now.
At the end of the day, everyone gathered at the entrance as Barry handed out their goody bags. Abdul-Raheem gave his to Mae. She was about to walk to the car but then turned around and forgot herself. She went and gave him a hug so tight he lifted her in the air.
‘Thanks for still being my friend,’ she whispered.
She left his embrace and noticed Leanne looking at them and sighing.
‘Always,’ he replied.
The rest of the week at work was much the same. Though sometimes Mae would bring the snacks.
‘So?’ Abdul-Raheem asked. ‘How’s the focus going?’
‘Well, right now I’m stuck being an arse so not able to focus on much else.’
‘Don’t think I don’t know you’re using jokes to avoid answering the question.’
Mae sighed. How did he get to know her so well?
‘I … well, I don’t even know where to start. What am I meant to do with my life?’
‘You could start by telling your family what happened,’ he suggested. ‘They might be a lot more supportive than you give them credit for.’
Mae scoffed. ‘You’d think life in prison would’ve made you a little less optimistic.’
She felt him reach back and flick her arm with his finger. She grabbed it and laughed as she held on to it, his arm out of use because of it.
‘Try being a horse without an arm,
’ she said.
‘Yeah, dunno how horses live without arms,’ he replied.
‘Oh. Oh yeah.’
Mae let go of his finger.
‘Listen,’ he said after a few moments. ‘Why don’t we go out on our day off? Dinner or something. Your treat since we’re no longer dating.’
Mae swallowed hard. Was he trying to get back together with her? But then he knew where they stood and it did sound so much better than having to spend it with the family.
‘Dinner might be tricky,’ she said. ‘Family.’
‘Are you rolling your eyes?’ he asked.
‘Oh my God, how did you know?’
‘Psychic.’ He paused. ‘Listen, I get that going out at night’s difficult, but Mae, you’re at university—’
‘Actually, technically, I’m not,’ she interrupted. ‘Remember?’
‘My point is, it’s normal for people to go out for dinner. You’re an adult and you’ve got to make them see you as one.’
It was true. What did her parents know about what she’d got up to when she had been at uni? Why did she have to stick to this weird no-going-out-in-the-evenings schedule when she was at home? Everyone went on at her about being young, well she’d have to make them see her as an adult.
‘Yeah, okay,’ she said. ‘God, isn’t it break time yet? I’m so hot in this stupid thing.’
A ray of light hit her as Abdul-Raheem took his horse’s head off.
‘Yep, it sure is.’
The day they were meant to meet for dinner, the weirdest idea got into Mae’s head. What if he invited her into the flat now they were just friends? She imagined them sitting on the sofa, the lights dim, and the effect of what a nice night out and them actually being alone might have. She felt her stomach flutter at the possibilities but had to remind herself they were just friends. That it had been her decision.
It was at around two o’clock that her phone rang and it was Bubblee, panting down the phone.
‘We need you to look after Zoya tonight. Please,’ Bubblee added, almost as an afterthought.
‘What?’
‘I didn’t realise that Farah was going out to see a friend, and I’m going out too and neither of us can cancel.’
‘Sorry, but I also have a life. I’m out.’
‘Where?’
Mae paused. ‘What’s it got to do with you? I’m seeing a friend too.’
‘What friend?’
‘Maybe ask fewer questions and try to find someone else to babysit. There are like a million people in this family,’ said Mae. ‘Just drop him over to Mum and Dad’s.’
‘They’re going to an aunt’s house and I don’t want to lumber Fatti with another baby. She’s already frazzled enough with things at home as it is.’
Mae tried not to feel sympathy for Fatti.
‘Soz, but not my problem.’
‘Mae, please. Farah’s not been out in ages, and we all know she could do with it.’
‘And I bet she wasn’t exactly pleased when you’d ended up double booking?’ said Mae.
‘What do you think?’
‘So, you cancel.’
Bubblee paused. ‘I really can’t. It’s work-related and could mean losing out on a serious donation for the gallery.’
Mae took a deep breath. It was just typical, wasn’t it? The one time she’d agreed and planned a night out with her boyfriend and her entire family was throwing a spanner in the works.
‘Please, Mae, I’m seriously begging you. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.’
‘Just organising your life better would be great.’
‘You’ll do it?’ asked Bubblee.
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘But, Mae, it’s an emergency.’
She had to pause and think about it. Mae had picked out the perfect thing to wear, how she’d do her make-up and hair – she’d even shaved, though she refused to ask herself why she’d done that. The more care she’d taken to choose her clothes, the more she realised how much she was looking forward to spending quality time with Abdul-Raheem, without having to be in a costume in the scorching weather.
‘Why do I have to cancel for you guys?’ she said.
‘I know, I know. I’m sorry, but if there was another option I’d use it. Just this one time. Please?’
Why was it so hard to say no when Bubblee asked like that? Mae couldn’t believe it.
‘Fine. Whatever. You’d better leave me some nice food in the fridge, you know.’
‘Oh, whatever you want,’ exclaimed Bubblee. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you. Be over at half six, okay? I’ve got to go now. Thank you.’
Before Mae could say, ‘I wish I could say it’s no problem,’ Bubblee had already put the phone down.
‘And you’d better not be lying and meeting your new man instead,’ Mae added, into the phone, knowing full well that Bubblee had gone. ‘Ugh.’
Ilyaas: Hear ur babysittin Z.
Mae: yeh its gonna b gr8 fun.
Ilyaas: u want me 2come ova n help?
Mae: Ru mad?? Y wud I put u thru that?? Thnx 4 offer tho. Pray I make it 2 the otha side.
There was nothing to do but tell Abdul-Raheem. When he picked up the phone she went into quite a dramatic rant about the fact that it was typical of her family, that her sisters had better appreciate what she was doing, that it was the last time she was going to babysit, because, hello, she had a life.
‘Hello?’ she said, when nothing but silence came from the other end of the line.
‘I’m here.’
‘Oh. I’m so sorry, but shall we try again next week?’
‘Then what’s it going to be?’ he asked.
‘What’s what going to be?’
‘What excuse?’
‘It’s not an excuse,’ said Mae. ‘It’s not like I’d rather be changing nappies.’
‘Really?’
‘What are you on about?’
Abdul-Raheem paused. ‘I might have no right to say this any more but your family always seem to come before anything else. You want to make changes in your life? Maybe that’s where you should start.’
What? Yeah, they plagued her life, but that wasn’t because they came before everything else; it was just the way it was in the family.
‘You don’t understand,’ said Mae. ‘You know what it’s like between Farah and Bubblee right now. There’s no way Bubblee would have asked Farah to cancel and Bubs couldn’t cancel – her work is her life.’
‘What about your life?’
‘Why are you making this into a thing?’ said Mae. ‘It’s not like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend any more.’
‘I didn’t realise our friendship meant less to you,’ he replied.
Oh God.
‘But you’re right. We are just friends, so maybe I’ve no right to be mad. I’m not mad,’ he added. ‘I’m just … disappointed.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
That was worse than him being angry.
‘No, don’t be sorry.’ He paused. ‘Just think; you finally made a decision to think carefully about what you’re going to do with your life – you broke up with me because of it – you want to be an adult.’ Another pause. ‘What kind of adult has to lie about her days off?’
It was his tone that caught Mae off guard. He wasn’t accusatory or mean. Just right.
‘It’s not easy when you’re Bengali,’ she replied.
‘How many times are you going to use that as an excuse?’
‘It’s not an excuse, it’s a reason. You might not be Bengali but you’re a Muslim, don’t you get it?’
‘What? A grown woman sneaking around? Not being able to go out for dinner with a friend? No, I don’t get it. I think it’s ridiculous. Come on, Mae. You’re at university—’
‘Not really.’
‘Exactly. You’re smart and funny but have you thought about what you want to study? What you’re going to do?’
Mae’s head was swimming around with too ma
ny things. How had this conversation gone from simply cancelling dinner to assessing Mae’s choices and her life?
‘Why are you making such a big deal of this?’ she said. ‘Chill out.’
‘I’m chilled,’ he said. ‘It’s not my life here. But think about it, you haven’t even told your family about uni yet. You don’t tell them anything, but everything you do revolves around them.’
Didn’t he know that she wished they were more involved in her life? That they actually took an interest in what was going on in it?
‘Tell them anyway,’ he replied. ‘Make them listen to you.’
‘What, like strap them down, lock the babies away and fix every other problem that each of them has, just to tell them about mine?’
‘Yes,’ Abdul-Raheem said. ‘Maybe don’t lock up the babies because there are laws about that, but yes, do that. Make them listen. Why don’t you think your life is as important as theirs?’
‘Ugh.’ Mae put her forehead in her hands. ‘They all have families. Babies. It’s always more important.’
‘That’s a load of crap. You know it, I know it. They might not know it, but you should tell them what you think of the fact that their lives always seem more important than yours.’
‘It’s … whatever,’ mumbled Mae.
‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s not whatever. You have a chance to make something of yourself, Mae. To actually go to uni. I’m not saying that you can’t make something of yourself without it, but if you want that experience then you need to hold on to it, make sure you make it happen. Do you know how much I wish I had the chances you do? How I beat myself up for not saying to hell with other people, I’m going to make this work? I whatever’d my way through life, but then I converted and began to learn that sometimes the harder something is, the more it’s worth.’
‘So why are you working in an amusement park?’
She said it without thinking, but it was true, wasn’t it? He was lecturing her on life and he was a twenty-eight-year-old in a horse’s costume.
‘Because I’m saving up money to go back to school.’
‘Oh,’ was all Mae could manage. ‘You never said.’
‘You didn’t ask. Anyway, it’s going to take a while and, well, I’m embarrassed of the things I’m having to do, just to get another shot.’
The Hopes and Triumphs of the Amir Sisters Page 17