‘And Abdul-Raheem,’ said Fatti. ‘We should have been more supportive. That’s what sisters are meant to do when it comes to facing parents.’
‘Serious lack of a united front there,’ said Bubblee.
Even Farah nodded.
‘Yeah, well, you don’t have to worry about that any more because I broke up with him.’
‘What?’
‘Oh no.’
‘Why?’
Mae looked at all of them incredulously. ‘Oh, now you care?’
‘Listen,’ said Bubblee. ‘Better late than never, okay.’
Mae didn’t have it in her to dig her heels into her grudge, it felt like too much work and not enough positive outcome. So, she told them what she’d done that morning, and how he’d reacted.
‘Sorry,’ said Fatti.
‘He wasn’t exactly going to be over the moon, was he?’ said Farah.
‘Typical man, really, pretends he’s supportive until it doesn’t suit him,’ added Bubblee.
Mae should’ve felt annoyed at her, but she couldn’t help but smile.
‘Don’t tell Mum and Dad,’ said Mae. ‘I don’t want them to think I broke up with him because they wanted it.’
‘Didn’t you?’ asked Fatti.
‘No,’ exclaimed Mae. ‘As if. I did it because … you know …’
‘You’ve got to do uni alone. On your own terms,’ said Bubblee.
Mae nodded. ‘Yeah. Don’t you think?’
Farah folded her arms. ‘I don’t think you need to second guess yourself, Mae.’
‘Well, starting afresh is a nice idea,’ said Bubblee.
‘Is that why you’ve now moved on to another man?’ said Farah to Bubblee, this time looking amused.
‘What’s going on there?’ said Mae to Fatti, pointing at her twin sisters.
‘Okay, fine,’ said Farah, putting her hands up. ‘I’d become a bore and a nag. I admit it, all right.’
‘They’re working things out,’ said Fatti as Mae let out a laugh.
‘It’s like coming back to a parallel universe,’ said Mae.
‘Yes, well,’ said Farah. ‘Things change, don’t they?’
Mae nodded. Just then another figure came up behind Farah and Bubblee.
‘We’d better go down and help with dinner,’ said Fatti, getting up.
Her sisters left her as Ilyaas hovered at the door.
‘What do you want?’ said Mae, picking up her phone, pretending to flick through Twitter.
He had his hands in his jean pockets as he looked at the ground and mumbled something.
‘I can’t hear you,’ said Mae.
He looked up. ‘What I did … what happened … I’m sorry. It was out of order.’
‘Yeah, no kidding,’ said Mae.
‘It’s just …’ he looked up at her and Mae was taken aback by the teenage angst on his face. ‘I liked you and I got … you know. Like, that thing. Jealous.’
Mae slung her legs over the bed. Abdul-Raheem had been right. Who’d have thought she could have an effect on a teenage boy like that? Hormones. They were weird.
‘That’s not the way to win a person over, FYI. I mean, that’s not the type of person you should want to be.’
He nodded. ‘I know. Just wasn’t thinking.’
Ilyaas looked back at the ground. Mae didn’t want her anger to give way so easily – some things you should hold on to. Because of Ilyaas, things had spiralled out of control, her parents had stopped speaking to her, she’d got back with her boyfriend only to have to break up with him again. But then maybe that’s what needed to happen in order for her to try and begin again.
‘All right,’ said Mae. ‘Well, you done?’
She thought he’d leave but he shuffled on his feet before he spoke again. ‘Can we be friends again?’
Mae considered this for more than a few moments. What would be the use of having a friend who you can’t really trust? But then she wondered what if you could help shape who a person might become? What if Abdul-Raheem hadn’t given her the confidence that she now felt growing inside her? (Whatever Bubblee had to say about him being a typical man in the end, no one could deny what he’d done for Mae, and isn’t it best to focus on the positives?) Or if Ji Su hadn’t been the friend she needed after that horrible event?
‘Depends,’ said Mae. ‘Can I trust you?’
He nodded so vehemently it almost made Mae laugh.
‘Okay, well, don’t expect me to share my deepest, darkest secrets with you,’ she said. ‘But, we can start again, I guess.’
‘Thanks,’ he replied.
He paused again, seeming to be glued to the floor.
‘I’ve got some stuff to do now,’ said Mae.
‘Oh, yeah, right. All right.’
Ilyaas nodded again and gave Mae an unsure smile. Mae met it with much more kindness than she felt at that moment, but she thought, given some time, she might be able to smile like that at him genuinely.
She had refused to go downstairs for dinner and was regretting it. She messaged Fatti to bring up some food for her, which she was about to do when Mae heard her mum bellow: ‘If she wants to eat, then she will have the respect to come downstairs and face her amma and abba.’
Fatti: Guess you heard that. Sorry.
She did go downstairs, with her head held high, filling her plate with okra curry and rice. Mae managed a salam to each of her parents as they all sat at the table, cutlery scraping against plates, someone asking for more salt, another person going to refill the jug of water. Mae, who was so often left speechless by her errant nerves, was quiet this time simply because she refused to speak unless spoken to. Never had she experienced such a strong command over her emotions.
‘Amma, Abba,’ said Fatti, wiping her mouth with a napkin. ‘Mae’s going back to uni next month and we think …’ she glanced around at her sisters as Mae looked confused, ‘we think we should all apologise to her about … you know. Everything.’
Mae’s dad’s face went pale, as if he was about to throw up. The only thing her mum looked like she might throw up was a stream of lava.
‘Yes,’ said Farah, decidedly, resting her spoon on her plate.
What was going on?
‘And we’ll support her in that, won’t we?’ added Bubblee.
Their mum looked at their dad. ‘See? See what’s happening? Our daughters are turning against us.’
Ilyaas and Aima looked at each other as Ash cleared his throat. ‘Kids, let’s put our plates away in the kitchen.’
Ilyaas followed his dad, but it took Ash several tries to get Aima off the table.
‘Ugh, why do I have to miss out on anything interesting that happens here?’ Mae heard Aima say as they left.
‘I have told you, you are not going back to uni,’ said her dad.
‘No, Abba,’ said Farah, looking straight at him. ‘She is. And neither you nor Amma can stop her.’
‘Faru,’ said her mum.
Their dad looked around the table at each of his daughters, thinking God-knows-what, before his eyes rested on Mae.
‘How can we trust you?’ he said.
Mae swallowed hard. ‘I’ll do what I do, Abba.’
‘That is all you can say to me?’ he said.
She shrugged. ‘I don’t want to disappoint you, but you know … you and Amma disappointed me too. I know what it must’ve been like for you but I didn’t think you’d actually be properly horrible. Not when you’re going on about religion and stuff on one hand and then doing the thing that actually God hates.’
Her mum and dad’s nostrils seemed to flair in unison.
‘Sorry, but Abdul-Raheem taught me more about being Muslim than you guys ever have.’
She noticed her sisters exchange glances. Granted, some of his practices didn’t exactly tally with Mae’s – perhaps they never would – but he could’ve taught her family a thing or two about kindness.
‘Anyway,’ said Mae, getting up, when no one spoke. ‘Think
I’ll have an early night.’
She took her plate into the kitchen where Ash was sitting with both his children.
‘You’re all right, Mae,’ was all he said, but Mae could’ve gone and hugged her brother-in-law when he did.
Mae heard her sisters leave a little later while she was lying in bed, her phone in hand, hovering between her social media apps and wanting to call Abdul-Raheem. It was when she was drifting off to sleep that she sensed some light coming into the room. She opened her eyes and started, not realising it was her mum and dad’s figures looming in the doorway.
‘You are sleeping?’ her dad asked.
She sat up, rubbing her eyes. ‘Not really. Almost.’
He stepped into the room without waiting for an invitation and sat on the edge of her bed as her mum came in and switched on the lamp. It took a few moments for Mae’s eyes to adjust to the light.
‘You are going to uni?’ her dad asked.
Mae wasn’t sure if it was a question or not but she thought it best to respond in the affirmative. There was no more room left for doubt.
‘Yes.’
‘With that boy?’ asked her mum.
‘Jay’s amma …’ said her dad, sighing. He paused. ‘Mae, it is very difficult for us. The things you have done; the way you were in a house alone with a man.’ He shook his head and sighed again. ‘But then the world is changing.’
Her mum didn’t look too pleased with this observation.
‘I have been thinking about what you said. About this boy and his Islam.’ Her dad paused, as if unable to bring the words out of his mouth. ‘Maybe he is a good Muslim. Maybe better than us. I know the world is changing but this doesn’t mean that you have to change with it. Traditions and values are a thing you should hold on to – they are a part of you.’
Mae wanted to roll her eyes.
‘You might be too young to understand this, but maybe, when you are older, you will see what your abba meant. Why it’s important.’
Her mum kept trying to stick back the wallpaper that had peeled off from one corner.
‘But—’ added her dad.
‘Yes, yes,’ interrupted her mum. ‘Your abba is going to say that we were wrong about your … friend.’
‘And your amma agrees with me, don’t you, Jay’s amma?’
‘All people are equal in Allah’s eyes,’ said her mum.
‘Yeah, but what about your eyes?’ asked Mae.
Her dad put his hand on her arm. ‘Even old people must learn new things.’
Mae thought she might cry. If she hadn’t believed in God before she would’ve done now because it felt like a miracle. They didn’t ask about Abdul-Raheem, whether Mae and he were together, and Mae didn’t offer any information either, but this was a step in the right direction, wasn’t it? Her dad patted her arm again and held on to it. She couldn’t help but grab his hand and squeeze it.
‘Are you still my abba then?’
He nodded, looking like he might also cry. ‘I will always be your abba.’
‘Yes,’ said her mum. ‘But that’s enough now because I am tired with all this apologising and I think … it’s time for us to go to bed.’
She raised her eyebrows at Mae’s dad who shot up and cleared his throat, perking up so much he looked ten years younger. Before Mae knew it they’d both dashed out of the room and closed the door behind them. A tear had fallen down Mae’s face as she laughed until she could hear them again in the next room. Ugh. She got her headphones out and put on her music playlist. Grown-up or not, she was never going to be okay with her parents having sex right next door to her. Before she turned her music on though, her phone beeped:
Sistaaaas has added you to their group.
For the first time in a long time, at least this part of her life felt like it was getting back to normal.
The final week at work was a game of dodgems with Abdul-Raheem. Barry, for reasons unknown to Mae, decided to put her in the booth and let Leanne carry on being the arse to Abdul-Raheem’s head. Mae tried to bump into him during break time but he seemed to know she was coming and turn around and go in the opposite direction. Every day, Mae’s heart would get heavier at having things left the way they were – how could she keep him on the pedestal she’d put him on when he kept intentionally stepping off it? It was on her last day when Mae was saying goodbye to everyone that she looked for him. She’d pinned her hopes on the final day, sure that he’d come through. As she walked through the amusement park gates one last time, she looked back, just in case he’d changed his mind and followed her out. It was when she looked around that she saw him standing by her car, arms folded, watching her.
‘Hi,’ she said, looking up at him.
‘Hi.’
He leaned both his hands against the bonnet and Mae felt what a shame it was they couldn’t have taken their relationship to the next level. She’d always regret that, even though she had little control over it.
‘I—’
‘List—’
‘Sorry, you go first,’ said Abdul-Raheem.
‘No, you go.’
He paused. ‘I didn’t take it very well, did I?’
Mae smiled. ‘I mean, it could’ve been worse.’
‘Yeah, well. It could always be worse. But I wanted to say bye. Properly.’
‘Do you get it?’ Mae asked.
He nodded. ‘Yeah. I always got it. I just didn’t like it. It’s taken me a little while to realise that this is how it’s meant to be.’
‘You spiritual types …’ said Mae.
‘It’s got to have some uses, doesn’t it?’ He stood up and put his arms around Mae, bringing her in closer. ‘You’re going to nail uni.’
She rested her head on his chest. ‘Second time lucky.’
‘Luck’s got nothing to do with it.’
He held on to her arms and drew back as she looked up at him. Bending down, he kissed her on the lips as Mae moved in closer, putting her arms around his neck. After a while, Abdul-Raheem pulled back and smiled at her.
‘Had to say a proper goodbye.’
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘It’ll keep me going for a while.’
Maybe this sadness was also a part of growing up, which felt like a bit of a hardship. He squeezed her hands one last time before he let go.
‘You take care,’ he said.
She didn’t trust her voice not to break, so she nodded.
‘It’s going to be a good time for you,’ he added, walking backwards. ‘Trust me.’
He turned around as she watched him walk away when she called out: ‘Can I call you? Sometimes? You know, as friends.’
Abdul-Raheem turned around again and nodded. ‘You know where I’ll be.’
Mae sat in her car and looked out ahead of her. She wouldn’t be dependent on anyone any more. She’d make a go of things on her own. But it didn’t hurt to know that should she need it, there’d be a friendly voice on the other end of the line.
Chapter Eighteen
‘Shut your face right up, I got in,’ Mae exclaimed as she opened her email.
She looked around and realised there was no one there to hear her. She ran down the stairs where her family was gathered, bickering about how long a baby should be breastfed, when she shouted.
‘I got in!’
They all looked up at her.
‘Into the zoo?’ said Bubblee, bouncing Zoya on her lap. ‘Finally locking you up, thank God.’
‘Shut up. To my course for uni,’ said Mae.
‘Mae,’ exclaimed Fatti, jumping out of her seat. ‘I’m so proud of you.’
Fatti hugged Mae for a lot longer than Mae felt necessary, but appreciated it nonetheless. Farah was also smiling at her and nodded.
‘Well done, Mae. See what you can do when you put your mind to it?’
Mae looked at both her parents who didn’t seem quite sure how to take this news. Eventually her dad got up and put his hand on her head.
‘May Allah bring you success whatev
er you do.’
Her mum muttered a prayer under her breath and got up and blew over Mae’s face.
‘Doesn’t matter where you are,’ she said. ‘You need Allah’s protection.’
‘Yes, Amma,’ replied Mae.
‘So …’ said Bubblee. ‘What have you actually got in to study?’
Mae looked around the room, feeling like she might actually burst with excitement. She took a deep breath.
‘Equestrian Psychology and Sports Science,’ she practically squealed.
Everyone stared at her as Mae continued to look at them, waiting for their mutual excitement.
‘Equesta-what?’ said Farah.
Bubblee looked like she might either laugh or cry. ‘Horses?’
Their mum and dad looked at a loss.
‘My actual God,’ added Bubblee. ‘She spent the summer pretending to be a horse and now thinks she’s going to become some kind of horse whisperer.’
Mae would’ve thrown the pillow that was on the sofa at Bubblee if Zoya wasn’t on her lap.
‘That not what it is,’ she said. ‘It’s so cool. You get to spend all this time studying their behaviour and working with horses too. And guess what?’
No one could really guess anything when it came to Mae.
‘I could even go abroad to Australia or Canada or somewhere for an international exchange.’
‘Allah!’ exclaimed her mum. ‘International? Away from England? Away from home?’
Her dad patted her mum’s leg, telling her to calm down.
‘It’d only be like six months,’ said Mae.
‘Six months.’
‘Well …’ said Fatti. ‘That’s … great. Really great.’
‘Australia is so far,’ said their mum. ‘You know how long the flight is?’
‘Amma,’ said Bubblee. ‘It’s better than the zoo, which is where I thought she’d end up.’
The conversation went on in this vein for a while, but Mae was too excited to take offence at anything. She even managed to take the trouble to calm her mum down and assure her that she wouldn’t somehow get killed by a horse in the middle of the Australian outback. The possibilities to Mae seemed to be sprawling endlessly and she couldn’t believe that she was getting a second chance to do something new. It made her realise that maybe there was no end to beginning again in life. She was glad she had youth on her side but when it came down to it, you could begin again however many times you wanted – that perhaps life’s adventures never had to end.
The Hopes and Triumphs of the Amir Sisters Page 24