Magic and Mayhem: A Collection of 21 Fantasy Novels

by Jasmine Walt

  "Don't let them catch you, fairy. I want your arrival to remain unnoticed for the time being. And stay away from the troll."

  "The slime ball is tearing up the silt around the cypress trees, making a real mess. I can't even see the fish swimming around, it's so murky. And he keeps waking me up during my noon nap. Who the hell sent him, anyway?" Gibbie asked, sounding like he took a hit off a helium balloon. He circled Paul's head, his wings all a flutter.

  "Just leave him alone or you'll have Dorius to answer to."

  "Can do boss." Gibbie blushed blue, took flight, and headed in the direction of the girl's house.

  I stood in the kitchen, ready to call it a night, but Mom was nowhere in sight. Again. She had been teetering on a tightrope over a cavernous hole with no safety net for the last two days. She left each night at twilight, alone, and didn't return until morning. And when I asked where she'd been, she simply said, "getting some" and then went promptly to bed.

  Resi and Zaire were in bed. Jeni and JoAnn were headed out the back door to check on our boat tied up at the dock.

  "Do either of you know where Mom is?" I asked, leaning over the kitchen sink, peeking out the pass-through.

  "Mom, get off Nanna's back. She's just having a little fun with her new body," Jeni yelled over her shoulder. "And she can clean a mind as well as the rest of you."

  "She better not be sucking on mortals!" I shouted back as they walked across the patio. Jeni wiggled her fingers behind her head and kept walking.

  I heard a flutter of wings coming from the fireplace, momentarily taking my mind off my fanged-loose-and-fancy-free Mother.

  I walked through the living room and leaned into the hearth, checking the flue. It was cracked open and I wondered if a bird had made a nest up in the chimney. I glanced down at the cold ashes and frowned. A sparkly red dust covered everything. I touched it and my fingers began to itch. I stood there for a minute shaking my head, wondering what the red powder was.

  Stumped, I rubbed my hands on my jeans and headed for the garage for some gardening gloves and a broom so I could clean out the fireplace and then shut the flue.

  After rummaging in the garage, I stepped into the kitchen with a broom in one hand, a dust pan in the other, and gloves stuffed in my back pocket. A tall, extremely attractive man sat at our dinning room table with my favorite coffee cup in his hand. He was scratching his naked chest, dressed in only a pair of worn jeans. His rumpled blond hair bounced on his shoulders.

  "Do I know you?" I tried to stay calm.

  "Your um…roommate? Um… brought me home with her last night and we…. I'll let her explain." The tousled young man looked a bit embarrassed.

  Mom walked into the kitchen with one of Resi's silk robes hanging off one shoulder, her hair a bunch of white messy curls. Her eyes went from sable brown to a lively brindle with golden sparkles as she smiled at our guest.

  "I see you've met Max," my mother said. "I found him at the bar across the highway last night. Cute isn't he?" My mother directed a seductive grin toward the man at the table.

  "Maybe you could find the rest of his clothes. I think he should go now." I glared at her.

  "I can do that," she giggled, running past me.

  I walked toward the stairs, yelling, "And put some clothes on!"

  Mom came out of her room a few minutes later, her arms full of shirt, shoes and jacket, still dressed in Resi's robe.

  "Resi's gonna be pissed when she finds out you have her clothes on again."

  Mom sidled by me. I stood at the top of the stairs, tapping my foot.

  "Sorry about all of this," Mom said, shaking her ass across the kitchen. "I should have told you about my… um… roommates, but we had other things on our minds now didn't we?"

  "We sure did darlin'."

  I was sure as hell not handling this by myself. I took the stairs two at a time and hammered on Resi and Zaire's bedroom door as I planned my mother's demise.

  Resi opened the door, her hair all-askew. "What the hell?"

  I wickedly grinned at her. "I think you might want to come into the kitchen and see what your Nanna brought home last night."

  "Great, just what I need. Where's Jeni?" She stumbled over to the dresser and picked up a pair of dirty jeans, smelled them, then pulled them on with a grimace, grabbing for an equally used T-shirt. "I just got to sleep, damn it. Close the friggin' door so we don't wake Zaire." She sauntered by, pulling the shirt over her head.

  I shut the bedroom door with a big smile. Oh yeah, Mom really did it this time.

  Resi hit the top of the stairs, her mouth popped open and her eyes went wide. "Oh my God!"

  I leapt up the stairs to find my mother sitting on the kitchen counter with an undulating young man between her legs. His head was on her shoulder, his tongue licking her ear. Her incisors extended.

  "And who might this be, Chickie?" Resi asked.

  Mom's fangs retracted like a switchblade. She pulled Resi's silk kimono tight to cover breasts that were straining to jump into Max's hands. "This is Max. Max this is Resi." Mom's eyes danced whimsically.

  God, I want to just wrap my hands around her… "Resi why don't you take yourself over there and shake hands with Max. That is if he can take them off Chickie's chest for one minute," I told her, my teeth clenched.

  "My pleasure." Resi laughed, extending a hand to Max as he pulled up his pants. She tugged him from Mom and looked into his eyes for a moment. "Not much in there, is there?" she asked, continuing to stare at him. "But you two certainly had a lovely evening now didn't you?" She looked at my mother with a grin.

  "But she was about to suck on-" Max’s voice trailed off.

  "I got it Mom," Resi said.

  Max picked up the rest of his cloths like a puppet and followed her to the front door.

  "I could have handled him, Resi," Mom yelled after her.

  Damn it, this is not going like I expected!

  "Let's just take a little walk, you and me? Okay Max?" Resi gave me a wicked grin and closed the door.

  I turned to my mother and sucked in half the air in the kitchen through flared nostrils. "Mother, what the hell were you thinking bringing that man home?"

  I heard another flutter of wings in the living room and made a mental note to find the culprit as soon as I straightened out my mother. "Get down off the goddamned counter and get dressed. You look ridiculous sitting there."

  "I think she looks kind of cute," Jeni said, followed by JoAnn as she stepped past the sliding glass doors into living room. "Nanna, you make me smile."

  "You look like a trollop," JoAnn huffed, giving Mom a frown.

  "And wait until you hear what she brought home last night," I hissed.

  "Nanna! You didn't?" Jeni laughed.

  A man's scream came from the front yard, followed by Resi yelling at the top of her lungs, "The friggin' raccoon is back!"

  "I think you're about to meet him," I said with a big grin.

  14

  I yanked my mother off the counter and we all headed for the front door.

  "I wouldn't open that if I were you!" Jeni shouted from the window.

  My hand paused on the doorknob. "Why not?"

  The door flew open and sent me back a few paces. Resi ran in, Max in tow, followed by three squirrels. The squirrels screeched and scurried down the hall and up the stairs.

  A raccoon scampered across the porch. I managed to slam the door in its face, almost catching one of its paws. It growled and clawed at the other side of the door. I turned to follow the squirrels and Mom stopped me in mid-stride.

  "Susabellaluna, I really think you should see this," Mom said, pointing at the front lawn. I cringed at the nickname. She knew I hated it and only used it to make me mad. She stood by Jeni with a big grin, Resi's robe hanging off both shoulders.

  Before I could get my words out, loud scratching noises came from upstairs, followed by my sister's cries for help.

  "OHMIGOD! THERE'S AN ANIMAL TRYING TO GET IN MY BEDROOM. IS
IT THE RACCOON?"

  I ignored JoAnn. "I hate that frigging name and you know it." I sneered at my mother, and headed for the window.

  "SUSAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME? I THINK THE RACCOON IS AT MY DOOR!"

  I sucked in a breath.

  "Max is taking a nap." Resi stepped over the body sprawled on the living room floor.

  Jeni stared at Max with a smile.

  "Susabellaluna. It just rolls from my tongue." My mother, looking young enough to be my sister, grinned at me.

  "One more time and I deck you."

  "Can you two be civil for one minute? What are we going to do about that?" Jeni asked, pointing to the front yard.

  I strutted up to the window.

  On the front lawn, hissing, squawking, and growling, a motley crew marched in single file in front of the living room window, all of them staring at us. The raccoon with the split ear was leading, followed by three gray squirrels, a red fox, a large rat, and a six-foot gator. They looked like a small platoon. All of them had red eyes gleaming, fangs hanging, and the gator was swishing its long tail as it marched, nudging a rat in front of its nose.

  "I think it's time to take care of these guys. Weapons anyone?" I suggested.

  "I'll hit the safe." Resi announced at a run toward the garage where we kept the gun-safe.

  A much louder, ear-piercing scream came from upstairs. "HELP! THE RACCOON IS TRYING TO KILL ME AGAIN!"

  Every creature in the front yard jerked its eyes from us, straight up to my sister's second floor bedroom window. The raccoon let out an angry screech, its little paw pointing up, and the whole platoon headed for the wall under the window.

  "NOT THE RACCOON, JOANN! IT'S JUST THREE SQUIRRELS! I sprinted through the living room, jumped over Max and headed for the kitchen, Mom and Jeni at my heels.

  JoAnn banged on her bedroom door. "SUSAN! MOM! SOMEBODY! HE'S UP HERE! I NEED HELP!"

  "Shouldn't we handle that?" Jeni pointed up at the ceiling.

  "LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW, JO!" Mom yelled with an evil smile on her face.

  "I think she can take care of three squirrels, Jeni," I growled. "I'm more concerned with you. Go lock yourself in the Jeep in the garage." She made no attempt to move.

  "DO IT NOW!" I shouted.

  Jeni grabbed the keys to the jeep off the wall and headed for the garage.

  Resi entered the hall, kicked on her bedroom door and yelled Zaire's name as she ran up the kitchen steps past Jeni. She tossed me my rifle, a 260 Rugar, Leupold scope attached, and shoved a handful of rounds at me.

  She turned and tossed my Remington .22-caliber rifle at Zaire as she entered the kitchen in silk pajamas, her mouth hanging open in an unspoken question.

  "The raccoon is back and he's brought friends." Resi pulled the bolt back and loaded rounds into my .72 gauge, Big Kodiak Express shotgun, her pockets bulging with shells.

  "A bit of an overkill, that." I pointed at the shotgun.

  Resi put on an evil grin. "There's a gator out there! He's mine, baby!"

  "Oh, hell yes! An F'n gator with fangs!" Zaire grabbed for the shotgun. "Gimmie that bad-boy!"

  "I think not!" Resi held on to the double barrel shotgun like her life depended on it.

  Zaire started to argue, looked at the weapon in her hands, loaded the clip, then headed for the door with the Remington rifle. Having the only rapid-fire weapon, she could shoot up the front yard in a heartbeat.

  "So what the hell do I get?" my mother, the sore on the center of my ass, asked.

  Resi reached behind her, pulled my small .38 Smith and Wesson handgun out of the waistband of her jeans and handed it to my mother. I figured with only five rounds, we'd be somewhat safe. I'd never seen Mom shoot, but at least she wasn't packing too much of a punch.

  I walked passed Zaire and opened the front door slowly. I stretched, leaning around the cement wall separating me from the front of the house where all the ruckus was coming from.

  Three gray squirrels were standing on each other's shoulders, balancing on top of the raccoon. Evidently, finding the cement wall hard to scale and no nearby trees to leap from, had encouraged their creativity.

  "Okay, easy does it," I whispered. "They're all under the window. I say we…"

  "F-that!" Zaire ran past, grinned at Resi, then scattered leaves and dirt as she sent bullets flying around the yard.

  The platoon from hell scattered.

  "So much for surprising them, Susabellaluna," Mom said, grinning at me as she sidled by. I wanted to grab her by the throat.

  Gibbie flew out of the fireplace the minute the women went out the front door. He buzzed over to the man on the floor, landed on his chest, and then strutted up to his neck and began to search for bite marks. He was studying the two circular wounds on Max's neck when he heard scratching and chattering inside the house.

  Three squirrels ran into the living room, their paws frantically scraping the polished oak floor as they slid by. They headed for the closed sliding-glass doors and abruptly plastered themselves against the glass, sliding to the floor, little arms out-stretched.

  One of the squirrels shook its head, eyes shining, and pointed to the open kitchen window over the sink. All three scrambled up the barstools by the breakfast counter. They scampered out the pass-through, dropping to the cement floor on the porch.

  Gibbie watched as they scurried to the back door and made their way out through the hole in the screen. He followed after them, on his way to find Paul.

  With animals running around the front yard, Zaire was shooting up dirt all over the place.

  The gator batted the rat with its tail, sending it flying to the overhang outside JoAnn's window where it landed against the glass, paws flailing for purchase. JoAnn's silently screaming face provided a humorous backdrop.

  Resi took her first shot and flew backwards, landing on her ass, shaking her head. She took aim again and sent another blast, blowing dirt all over the gator's tail as it ran for the lake.

  I knew gators could move fast, but this one shot off like it had a rocket powered asshole. It streaked for the lake, disappearing under the dock. Something rolled in the water and a small wake followed whatever it was toward the cypress trees. I took aim but thought of the playful otters and couldn't shoot.

  Something darted in my peripheral vision and I spotted the raccoon. It headed for some scrub on the other side of the driveway. I followed it with the barrel of my rifle, its right shoulder in my crosshairs. I flipped off the safety, squeezing the trigger slowly, and took the shot. The raccoon leapt ten-feet in the air, somersaulted, landed on his feet and scampered out of sight.

  "Shit, are we hitting anything?'" I watched as it ran out the other side of the bush.

  "I did," Mom yelled. "But the bugger healed right in front of me.

  "I think we have to put a bullet in the head or heart!" I shouted.

  Meanwhile, Zaire was shooting at everything that moved, sending immortal squirrels running in all directions.

  Mom—gun in both outstretched hands—bent at the knees, one eye closed, followed a rat as it rolled off the roof, landing in the grass. It headed for a cluster of trees in the middle of the yard. She took three shots. One sent wood chips flying, the other two kicked up dirt. The rat scampered behind a tree.

  Zaire pointed the Remington up into the tree and emptied her clip. Three squirrels dropped to the ground. She strutted toward them, a big smile on her face. She got about two feet from the first one and it rolled into a ball, jumped and ran. Zaire growled, the trigger of her empty rifle clicking helplessly. "I hit that one. Damn it!"

  I looked around the yard for something to shoot at. Not an animal in sight.

  All barrels turned toward the front door as JoAnn came bounding from the house shouting, "Why didn't you help me! They scratched the heck out of my door. Did you kill the raccoon?"

  Dorius paced in front of the speaker phone on his desk, listening to Paul as he tried to dissuade him from sending out his Hunters to bring in the five immortal w
omen.

  "How can you justify picking them up, Dorius? They haven't displayed any rogue behaviors. Gibbie reported nothing more than the immortal women drinking from animals on the property. What exactly has Warren reported?"

  "The troll said they had a shoot-out with some wildlife in the front yard."

  "What the hell does that buy us?"

  Dorius took in a deep breath and leered at the phone. He paid special attention to his well-manicured fingernails, biting at a stray cuticle. "Damn it, I know these women had something to do with the woman's death." He spit a piece of dead skin onto the red carpet in front of his desk.

  "Have there been any mortals at the house?" Paul asked.

  Dorius buffed his nails across the cuff of his pristine linen shirt. His eyes went from their usual deep blue to almost black. "Just a couple of old men and a woman passing out religious brochures."

  "Did they drink from them?" Paul asked.

  "No." Dorius walked behind his desk.

  "What would you like me to bring them in for? A shoot out with a bunch of rodents on their own property? I would highly discourage that. We're not fish and game wardens. What are you going to tell Marcus?"

  Dorius sat in his chair, laying both hands on his desk, his fingers dancing as if they were playing a piano. "I want you to introduce yourself, Paul. I mean really introduce yourself. Get my drift?"

  Paul let out a long breath. "And…"

  "And, Dennis sent another warning letter. They evidently tossed the first one I sent. You make sure they get this one. Instruct them to call the Miami office and set up an appointment to answer Christopher's charges within twenty-four hours of its arrival. I will also expect them to order blood. If they do not respond this time, I think I can talk Marcus into letting me fly out and pick them up. Can you manage a few pictures? I'd like to see what we're working with."