Magic and Mayhem: A Collection of 21 Fantasy Novels

by Jasmine Walt

  "I'd love to shove this ball up your well-oiled rectum," Mom said.

  "Oh, bite me, bitch." Terrence snarled.

  "Don't tempt me." Mom picked up her ball, walked slowly to the markers, and put the ball at eye level. She hesitated only a moment before taking three long strides, sending the ball gently over the lane as she froze, one leg back behind her body, her hands resting on her other knee. Her eyes followed the slow path of the bowling ball as it made its way down the lane hanging on the edge of the gutter. The ball glided toward the ten pin, slicing it across the lane to tap the other. In slow motion the pin rocked a few seconds, not a sound in the alley, before landing side down on the lane.

  The crowd went wild.

  Dorius frowned at her.

  The announcer called a break before the next round and Zaire walked out of the lane, heading for the bar with Dorius' eyes on her.

  Jeni handed Marcus a copy of the explanation we emailed to Dorius and he read it as she stood watching. His face changed several times as he stood there like a frigging sex toy. I tried to pull my eyes off his sumptuous, leather-clad, tight little buns as he turned to my daughter, giving her his attention.

  "You pen a very believable tale, Jennifer," he told her with a soft smile.

  Dorius growled.

  My mother sucked down a beer, her eyes on his body.

  I believe you're watching my ass now. Marcus pushed with a laugh that bounced around in my mind.

  I simmered, prying my eyes from his tightly packed butt. He never even looked at me, his smile still focused on my daughter.

  Jeni smiled back. "Thank you Mr. Morizzio. I am sorry for all of this. They were, after all, gleaning rules from fiction that my mother and sister picked up in supermarkets."

  Susan, I have waited for you for fifteen hundred years. You are my first suitable mate.

  Jeni kept on, none the wiser. "I did try to do some research on the internet for them. Have you ever tried finding legitimate information about… well, your people?"

  Whoa, Fang-Boy, I am not mating with anyone.

  "Well, there isn't anything," Jeni went on. "Unless you expect us to take as gospel what we learned in paperback books..."

  You feel it Susan. You can't deny it. It's fate.

  "I assure you, having rules brought to our attention would not have been taken lightly by me," Jeni continued.

  Oh please, get over yourself. What I feel is lust, plain and simple. So if you're looking for a long term, total commitment kind of thing, you’re barking up the wrong immortal, Markie-boy.

  "I would have been glad to educate the others. And if I knew you'd sent something, I assure you, I would have contacted you immediately upon reading it," Jeni said as she turned to Dorius.

  I heard Marcus' laughter in my head as he turned to me and smiled. Ah, this is going to be such fun.

  Mom passed me, headed for the bar and a refill. I frowned at her, then gave Mr. I-Am-Oh-So-Sure-Of-Myself some attention. Look you arrogant…

  "Marcus, I'm through playing," Dorius grabbed me by the elbow. "Let's take it outside. Now!"

  27

  "We're going to Miami and the council will handle this, Dorius." Marcus folded the letter and handed it to Jeni. "We will not stand here and discuss the matter in a public place. Let Susan go, immediately."

  Are you out of your freaking mind? I am not going to Miami with you, Marcus. I yanked my arm away from Dorius.

  Marcus turned a heart-stopping smile my way. Be patient, my little one. There is protocol to be followed. All is well, I assure you.

  I glared at him. That's easy for you to say. It's not your ass on the line, mister. And I'm not going to mate, have sex, whatever, with you or anyone else to get all this settled!

  "I'm tired of this shit. Get the hell out of here and leave us alone!" my mother yelled. She strutted toward Marcus with a fresh beer in her hand, Zaire right behind her.

  Marcus turned his lethal grin in my direction. Ahhh, we need to talk, you and I.

  "I ain't going anywhere with anyone," Zaire announced. "I'm bowling!"

  I let out a loud frustrated sigh.

  "Ladies, I think it would behoove you to get this taken care of, " Dorius said, "You made your beds."

  Jeni grabbed her purse and shoved the letter inside.

  Gibbie flew up to the score-keeping monitor with a flourish of fluttering wings, his sword drawn. He looked so damn cute.

  My eyes fell on Resi and Zaire, both leaning against the seats separating us from the crowd, arms folded across their chests, eyes shooting daggers at the Morizzio brothers as Janis Joplin croaked out, 'Get It While You Can'. They were ready for anything the immortals were about to dish out.

  "FIFTEEN MINUTES, BOWLERS, AND THE SECOND GAME BEGINS. WE HAVE A TIE FOR FIRST PLACE BETWEEN 'THE IMMORTALS' ON LANE THIRTEEN, AND 'SEXY SADISTS SINGLES' ON LANE NINE. FOLLOWING IN CLOSE SECOND, WITH JUST FOUR PINS SEPERATING THEM FROM FIRST PLACE IS, 'THE GAY BLADES'," Mike yelled in the microphone from the front desk.

  Nadine let out a war hoop that had me three inches off the floor.

  "I'm finishing this. I want that money." Zaire was livid as she glared at Nadine.

  "Oh for heaven's sake, your lives are on the line and all you can think about is money? Typical!" Dorius spat.

  Buzzzzzz…Buzzzzzz…Buzzzzzz…

  My eyes shot to the front of Dorius' jeans. He fished out his cell phone.

  "We're through playing," Nadine shouted. "You're all dog meat in the next set!"

  I smiled at her and her motley crew.

  My mother by-passed Marcus and sashayed around the chairs to better position herself next to Dorius. She was about three feet from him, calculating her next move.

  Susan, If you all come along quietly and meet with the council, we can have all this settled by tomorrow night. You can drive with me in my car and we can have a nice long talk about mates and our future together. I'm sure when you realize…

  Oh, SHIT. Not now damn it.

  I felt Marcus' head jerk in my direction.

  Once again I beg your pardon. You have to be patient with me, amore. I have never found…

  Not about you this time, Markie Boy. I pushed back as I sidled toward Dorius. It's my mother. She's going to hit on your brother. I kept moving very slowly toward my mother. She sent me a nasty smile and took a step closer to Dorius, daring me to stop her.

  Did you just say your mother was going to HIT Dorius? That would be unwise.

  My mother had her eyes on Dorius' crotch as he clicked the cell off, trying to shove it back in his pants pocket.

  Not fight. Hit ON, you idiot. Make a pass. Get a little warm and fuzzy with him. Oh God, what's the use?

  "Concetta, will you join me for a minute dear? I wish to talk to you while the rest of your clan makes ready to leave." Marcus asked Mom.

  Every Stech woman's head jerked in Marcus' direction the minute he used my mother's birth name. No one called her Concetta except for her father and he was dead. My own father had even called her Chick.

  I watched in horror as my mother turned from Dorius and shook her ass so hard that I was sure it would come off her damn hips. She sashayed up to Marcus, placing her hands on his chest. "I'd love to talk with you, handsome. Can we do it in private? I suggest the locker room. It's quiet back there."

  Over my undead body, I pushed at him, much to my surprise. At least I got a chuckle out of him.

  "I'll be right back and then we are all leaving," Dorius said, walking toward the front door of the alley.

  We're not going anywhere. You better tell your brother to back off Marcus.

  "We're not leaving!" Zaire yelled. "We still have a game to finish!"

  The DJ, back on his microphone, yelled, "THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG! WE HAVE JUST BEGUN! LET'S ALL SIT BACK, TAKE A BREAK, AND THEN HIT THOSE ALLEYS WITH WHAT IT TAKES!" With that he hit the off switch on the microphone sending a reverberating backlash around the alley. ZZ Top cranked up, with 'Got Me Under Pressure' and prac
tice balls began cracking pins.

  "Come sit with me, Concetta," Marcus said, smiling, placing his hand over hers and escorting her to the end of the chairs by our lane.

  Marcus turned to Zaire. "If you agree to leave without a fight I will personally give you the prize money. Will that be satisfactory?" See, Susan? Concetta is putty in my hands and I think I have placated Zaire for the moment.

  "Are there any strings attached?" Zaire asked.

  "None." Marcus sat down, beckoning Mom.

  My mother placed her hand on his knee as she sat next to him. Marcus smiled down at her hand. She snuggled closer. The girls were leaning over to watch. Mom's hand slid further up his thigh, dangerously close to Marcus' joy stick.

  JoAnn frowned at my mother and turned to me, eyebrows holding each other in conspired conversation.

  I ignored her.

  It didn't stop her; she walked over, grabbed me by the elbow, and whispered in my ear with frustration, "I think you should get over there and do something before Mom makes a fool of herself and gets us all in trouble. He looks an awful lot like that Steven Segal guy she swoons over."

  Jeni motioned for me to join them by the chairs, her eyebrows tucked together, her lips puckered like a tight little butt.

  I watched through hooded eyes as my mother's hand slowly ran over his zipper, making its way to his hip. She looked like she was ready to jump into a straddle position.

  I glared at Marcus' amused face. Jesus! Great, just great! I blurted silently as I watched my mother wrap her leg over his. In about two seconds she was going to be humping him. You're really blowing this all to hell. Christ, you don't dangle a penis in front of my mother, idiot!

  "Mom, are you going to untwine Nanna from that vampire's body or should I?" Resi hissed in my ear. I jumped with a small yelp and glared at her.

  My mother started giggling and Marcus let out a loud chuckle.

  "He does seem to be attracted to her, though." Resi just wouldn't let up.

  I eyed Marcus, wondering why none of the girls seemed to hear the mental conversation we were having. I was about to ask Resi when Marcus pushed me.

  You seem to have little faith in me, Susan. I would be truly grateful if you would trust me, my beloved.

  "TEN MINUTES BOWLERS. SECOND TEAMS ON THE ALLEY. ALL FOOD AND DRINK BEHIND THE LANES."

  Marcus, you don't know my mother.

  He gave me a major grin. I tried to ignore it but it really pissed me off when Mom laid a big wet kiss on his chin and he beamed at her.

  I wanted to strangle them both.

  "Aww, the little vamp is smiling at us," Resi told Jeni. "She's just trying to get on his good side."

  It's not his good side she's trying to get it on with. I fumed, trying to figure out my next move.

  "So, do you want a little foreplay first or do you want to set up a rendezvous for the real thing?" Mom asked, her eyes taking all of him in.

  There you go Mister Trust-Me-I-Know-What-I'm-Doing.

  Mister Wonderful shot me a wink and answered my mother. "No, my dear. I am not available to sample your um… very ample charms. You are a lovely woman Concetta, but I am afraid my heart and soul belongs to another. If it were not so, I would take you away to a quiet room and revel in your passion for lust. I bet you would make a very talented bed partner. But I am unable to partake in good faith, for I could not provide you the undivided attention you so much deserve." Marcus flashed her a grin.

  Not bad, Fang-Boy. Let's see if she buys it.

  Jeni nudged my arm, sliding by me to stand in front of my mother. "Nanna, sweetie, I need to talk to you. We need to go tell the man at the desk that we are forfeiting the game," she interrupted, before we could find out if Marcus could indeed control the feisty little woman.

  My mother glared at her with a frown. "Screw 'em. Everyone get your shit and let's move it," she said, looking at Marcus with fluttering eyelashes while Jeni yanked her away.

  Ah, now that is a delightfully passionate and independent woman. It is safe to say, my beloved, that you are the spitting image of her.

  If there was anything he could have said to piss me off more, I couldn't think of it. I am not like my mother!

  His laugh rolled in my head like a tidal wave hitting a moonlit shore.

  I growled, ready to pounce. "So what do we do now?" I asked.

  "First, we need to get the boat," Jeni said. "I have to give Carl back his keys and I want to go home to pack a few things because I will be joining you."

  Dorius strutted into the alley with a big smile for Marcus. "Everything is under control. Time to go."

  28

  We stood in the parking lot surrounded by twelve immortals, a wolf and a fairy. Behind us were three Suburban's - four if you counted the one we arrived in.

  "So Dorius, how many immortals does it take to change a light bulb?" Resi asked, her eyes jumping from one immortal to the next, a smile on her face.

  "I suggest you keep your humor to yourself before I enlighten you as to how many immortals it takes to drain one of you." Dorius held up one finger in her face.

  Zaire stepped in front of Resi, eyes stormy, lips curled back. "You evidently feel it takes more than you. You ever get your fangs dirty, prissy-boy?"

  "Which one of you boccalones' is going to take us to get our boat?" Mom interrupted.

  Dorius didn't take his eyes off Zaire. "None of you are going anywhere near that boat and those weapons. Camillio, drive Paul to the cabin and pick up the boat. Leave the cabin key on a counter. Jeni can call her friend and tell him it's there. We'll meet you at the house when you've finished. Warren, you and David can stop by the Micro Motel and bring us a change of clothes."

  "Yeah, and then you can burn the ones he has on," Zaire hissed. "Because it'll be a cold day in hell before I put them back on my ass."

  Dorius sounded like a caged animal.

  Mom pointed her finger at his face. "I'm really getting sick and tired of you walking around like some fare il grandee. I'd like to see if you act so big without your fanged warriors to back you."

  "Mother! That's enough," JoAnn huffed. "I just want to go on record as saying I am not stooping to a fist fight. I happen to be a lady."

  I started giggling and got a frown from Marcus. Susan, my love, get the women in the SUV's before we get into a tussle out here in the parking lot. One you will not win.

  I snapped right back with tight lips and hooded eyes. Gimmie a break, they're just letting off a little steam. Your brother may be an idiot, but my family is not.

  "I'm sure you feel we're all beneath you, Dorius," Resi hissed. "But I assure you; I will never be beneath you."

  Marcus rumbled a warning in my head. I smiled at him, thinking I'd just let this play out.

  Mom was working that hip, baby, and I was lovin' it. The cute little ruffles on her short skirt bounced around her thighs. All she needed was some gum.

  "Maybe the less you say the better," Mom suggested, rolling her eyes at Dorius.

  "When we get this all settled, shit-for-brains, I want at least five minutes alone with you. Just five. I'll wipe the friggin' floor with your ass." Zaire hissed.

  "Oh, I'd just love for you to try." With cold eyes, Dorius pointed to a clear spot behind the Suburban. "You want to step over there for about one minute? That's all it will take."

  Zaire let out a war-whoop, leapt at him, wrapped her hands around his throat and they flew ten feet into the Suburban behind them.

  Everyone sucked in a whopping breath.

  Dorius' fangs slid from his mouth and he bit Zaire on the shoulder. She sank her fangs into his neck, he yanked her by the hair, she yelped and dug her fingernails into the skin on his jaw.

  Resi buzzed by me, jumped on Dorius' back and grabbed him by the hair right before the three of them went through the passenger window. Glass shards rained down them and three sets of legs hung half out the window. Growling noises permeated the air.

  All eleven immortals dropped their fangs
and closed in on the rest of us.

  Marcus stepped in front of me. "That's enough! Everyone stand down this minute!"

  I looked back at the bowling alley. Not a soul in site.

  Dorius let out a growl that would put a full grown lion to shame and Zaire and Resi shot from the window, landing in a heap on the pavement in front of us. The other immortals, fangs extended, circled them.

  Marcus started shoving me toward a vehicle. With a sneer on my lips I shook my head. He let go of my arm.

  Zaire pulled Resi on top of her. Both had huge grins on their bloody faces.

  "That went well," Mom said, shaking her head at Dorius, who was still stuffed half in and half out of the SUV. "Everybody still undead?"

  Dorius removed himself from the window. "Scrape them off the ground, load them up, and let's get the hell out of here before someone walks out of the bowling alley." He brushed glass from his shoulder. "Once again, you've endangered our existence, ladies."

  "Dorius, I believe you assisted in that little endeavor," Marcus snapped. I wanted to kiss him.

  Zaire jumped up, pulled Resi with her and they both glared at Dorius. "We can walk ourselves to the car," Zaire hissed. "Don't push your luck, shithead."

  Dorius wiped blood off his mouth and shot Zaire a raised eyebrow. "It's a little after two. By the time we get the boat and store the guns, it will be too late to start for Miami. We'll leave at sundown tomorrow. Marcus and I will stay at the house and guard the women. The rest of you will stay at the hotel."

  "Can't we just leave tonight? Surely you can see the value of getting on with this," Jeni surveyed the broken window.

  Dorius turned to her with a smirk. "Surely you see the value of not taking them out during the day when traffic is at its peak." He dramatically waved his hand toward the rest of my family. "No, we will not be driving anywhere during the day."

  "Can you all just shut up so we can go home? I have to pee and I'm not going back in that alley." JoAnn pushed Mom toward one of the SUV's.

  "Let's get this over with. I'll drive in whatever car he's not in," I said, pointing at Marcus.

  And hour later, Marcus stood in my living room with a grin so adorable I wanted to kiss it. I also wanted to wake up from this nightmare and go back to sleep to dream another dream. It had been a long night and all I wanted was for it to end. The boat was moored, the guns in the safe, and everyone had just finished a bag of blood.