Love, Lies & The D.A.

by Rohman, Rebecca

  “Jada, no,” Bobby says as he tries to get the remote from me.

  Jonathan’s face fills the screen. I quickly turn up the volume.

  “The FBI has confirmed reports that ex San Francisco District Attorney Jonathan Kole was shot and killed in a sting operation late this afternoon trying to secure the release of Jada McLean, who had been kidnapped over the weekend. At this time, the condition of Jada McLean is unknown.”

  I sink into the sofa and stare at the screen, dazed. My heart shatters in my chest, and I shiver wildly.

  “Recently, Mr. Kole recused himself from a murder case involving Jada McLean, who had been charged with the murder of her fiancé Richard Preston, then CEO of Pacific National Bank.

  He cited Jada McLean being a family friend, and his late father’s representation of her, not to mention his belief in her innocence as his reasons for recusal. Since then, Mr. Kole resigned from his position as District Attorney after the death of his father, citing personal and family obligations.

  Later, it had been rumored that Jada McLean and Jonathan Kole were in a relationship, but WCSF has not been able to confirm those rumors. At this time, the FBI has confirmed that nine arrests were made, there were two deaths, and several injuries, but they have failed to give any further details. Reporters are presently on the scene at an old warehouse in Potrero Hill, and we will update you as new details become available.

  We have some recent film footage from the San Francisco Bar Association’s Annual Dinner this past Saturday where Mr. Kole was the keynote speaker at the event. His father, Charles Kole, was also honored that night. We at WCSF would like to extend our condolences to the Kole family.”

  “None of this is true… He told me he was going to the office,” I say calmly.

  Bobby sits next to me.

  “Sis, I think it might be true. He told me about it. He didn’t want to worry you.”

  “The FBI is leaking this story to the networks. It’s not true.”

  “Jada, I think you need to prepare yourself. This is a real possibility. He didn’t give me all the details, but he told me from yesterday the sting operation was on. He asked me to make sure I stayed with you during that time. I’m sorry.”

  “Why didn’t you stop him?” I scream. “Why did you let him go?” I pound his chest, and the tears won’t stop. I break down in his arms. This is the worst thing that could ever happen. He died because of me. He lost his life for me.

  I run to my room, and Bobby follows closely behind.

  “This is a mistake,” I cry. “Phillip will tell us. That’s what they want us to think. That’s the story they want to get out. You will see.” I dial his number again. This time, he answers. “Jada, send the elevator down, I’m in the lobby.”

  The elevator doors open, and before he even says anything, I shout, “Tell me it’s not true!”

  “Jada. I’m so sorry.”

  “He’s fine, right? You are just leaking this to the media because you’re not ready for the full truth to get out, right?”

  “Jada, I’m sorry. He’s gone. I’m sorry.”

  I don’t want to believe what I’m hearing.

  “No. This is a mistake. He said he’d be here; you’re wrong.”

  “I wish I were. I’m sorry. He asked me to give you this in case anything went wrong.”

  I pull the envelope from him, and he hands Val a large paper bag.

  “Why did you have to get him involved?” I cry.

  “Jada—”

  “You knew how dangerous this was. You put him in harm’s way. You put him in this position.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Go away… Go! Get out!” I scream.

  As he disappears behind the elevator doors, I collapse into Bobby’s arms. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. Bobby holds me, consoling me in his arms. Moments later, he picks me up and carries me to my room.

  As I lay my head against the pillow, I smell his aftershave, and I find myself screaming out in emotional pain.

  “I want him to come back,” I cry. “He was supposed to be home for dinner.” I feel like I’m losing my mind.

  “He just told me he loved me, and I just told him I love him. This can’t be real. It can’t be true. This is not happening; it’s a mistake.” I simply can’t believe that he would so quickly come into my life and then cruelly be taken away.

  “I know, Sweetie… I know it’s hard, but we’ll help you through this.”

  “I don’t want to get through it. I want him back. I want him to have dinner with me as he promised. I want him to hold me in his arms and tell me this is just a big mistake.”

  My breathing becomes increasingly rapid. I feel like I almost can’t breathe at all…

  * * *

  “Val. Something’s wrong with Jada,” I shout.

  I’m scared to death. I’ve never seen my sister like this.

  Val runs into the room.

  “Oh God, she’s having a panic attack. Get me my medical bag, quickly.”

  I leap out of the room at her request, then quickly return.

  “Jada, Sweetie, you need to relax. Take long, deep breaths with me,” Val says, coaching her through the process.

  Jada responds, but very slowly.

  “Get me some water, Bobby,” Val says while fishing some medication out of her bag.

  “Here,” I reply, handing her a glass from the bedside table.

  “Jada, Sweetie, take this. It will help you relax,” Val says, handing her the glass with a tiny peach pill. She takes it then lies down, but she won’t stop crying.

  The only time I ever saw Jada this devastated was when Dad died, but even then, it wasn’t this bad; not even after Richard’s death was she like this.

  Val has sedated her, so for now, she’s calm and has fallen asleep.

  I call Phillip and he comes upstairs. Jonathan was his friend. I know this can’t be easy for him either.

  “How’s Jada?” he asks.

  “Not good.”

  “Bobby, we could never have imagined any of this. Please do not talk to the media right now. Keep Jada away from them. Over the next few days, more arrests will be made.”

  “Is it safe for us to be here?”

  “In this building, yes. Outside of that, no.”

  “Are the charges against her going to be dropped? I need to get my sister out of here.”

  “That’s highly possible over the next few days. We’ll see what we can do to expedite the process.”

  “Thanks.”

  Jada’s cell phone rings. The caller ID says Charles Kole.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi. This is Caroline Kole, Jonathan’s mother. You must be Bobby?”

  “Yes. Mrs. Kole, I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too. How’s Jada?” Caroline asks.

  “Not good. She’s in a mess. She’s heartbroken.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ve never seen her this way. I’m scared she won’t recover from this.”

  “I can’t believe this. Jonathan called me this morning. In retrospect, I realize what he was up to, but I didn’t at the time. He asked me to promise him that we, as a family, would support Jada if anything were to ever happen to him. I think he walked into this knowing he could lose his life…”

  “I’m so sorry about this. I know it can’t be easy losing your son so soon after losing your husband.”

  “It’s not. Let Jada know we’re thinking about her. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call.”

  “Thank you so much for calling, Caroline. I wish it could have been under more pleasant circumstances.”

  “Me, too. Goodnight.”

  * * *

  I wake from a splitting headache. My eyes burn and feel sore. I hope that all this is a bad dream, but after turning on the local news station, his face is still all over the screen. Now, so is mine. There’s a picture of us together, probably taken a few weeks ago at Lake Tahoe. We were hugging
each other at his house, in his kitchen the weekend we visited with his family.

  I suppose I have Wendy to thank for such a private and intimate moment in our life being plastered all over the TV so the masses could gawk at.

  I turn the volume all the way down, but the caption at the bottom of the screen is a cold reminder of what happened today.

  The envelope Phillip handed me lies on the bedside table. I carefully open it and read.

  My sweet Jada,

  If this letter finds you, it unfortunately means that things did not turn out as I’d hoped. I’m sorry I lied to you, but it was only because I hoped it would spare you the worry. I wanted to help this situation end. I wanted to give you your life back, so that we could have our new beginning.

  I love you. I fell in love with you soon after meeting you, but the circumstances of your life forced me to hold back. I’m not sure you will ever understand how deep my feelings run for you, but I want you to know. In the short time we’ve been together, you’ve occupied a very special place in my heart. I will take that with me to my grave.

  Life goes on… Don’t be sad for too long. If there’s anything that my death has done, it is hopefully that you have your life back.

  I will miss looking into your beautiful hazel eyes, or hearing your smart mouth and listening to your infectious laugh. But know this. There are three of us looking down upon you now.

  I know that you’ve had an extremely rough few days. But I believe in you, and I want you to believe in yourself. You’re bright, smart, and courageous, and those are just some of the reasons I fell so deeply in love with you.

  I have no doubt you’ll make it through this, and some lucky man will sweep you off your feet and you will finally get the life you deserve.

  I will always love you. Think positive thoughts.

  Love always,

  Johnny

  His letter brings tears to my eyes. If I had known he was contemplating doing this, I would have stopped him. He being alive and safe was so much more important than getting my so-called life back. This is the worst possible outcome. I would have much preferred him lying next to me safely than him being dead.

  I should have given them what they wanted. I should have paid them off. Then, he’d be fine. He wouldn’t have found the need to uncover who was really behind this.

  Now that this has happened, I want them to pay for what they did to him, for what they did to us, and for taking him away from me. I will make it my life’s mission to make sure whoever did this rots in prison for the rest of their Godforsaken lives.

  I read the letter repeatedly. This is all I really have left of him. Life is cruel. I will never understand the purpose of bringing Jonathan Kole into my life then taking him away from me so soon after we professed our love to each other.

  I miss him. It’s been a few hours, and I miss him so badly. And the saddest part is, he won’t ever be coming back. It won’t be like the weeks at Lake Tahoe or Big Sur where, when Friday came, I’d see him. Now, all I have are memories, and I wish we had shared more. I wish I got to take him to the beautiful island where I was born, or we got to go visit Bobby and Val together in Florida, or we went to Chile, Brazil, Australia, or France on vacation. Unfortunately, that’s all they’ll ever be—wishes. Wishes I could never even attempt to make come true.

  In his letter, he said that some man would sweep me off my feet and give me the life I deserve. But he was that man. I don’t want any other man. I want him. After this last year, I don’t even want to think about being in another relationship again. It’s too hard. I don’t think it’s meant for me. First Dad, then Richard’s betrayal and death, then Charles, and now this… not ever again.

  I slip out of bed and quietly head into the kitchen. Val and Bobby are watching continuing coverage on the news of Jonathan’s death, unaware of my presence.

  I’m curious as to who did this and why. I don’t know if anything they say could ever justify Jonathan’s death. That being said, I’m not certain that I’m ready to watch how this all went down.

  Despite that, I find myself walking towards the empty sofa. Val and Bobby are about to shut off the TV and focus their attention on me, but I shake my head, sit, and quietly watch.

  “We have reports that several members of the Rossellini crime syndicate were arrested in the bust this afternoon. We have no proof that this is related, but Jonathan Kole’s first major case as DA was the successful prosecution of the head of this syndicate, Francesco Rossellini. He was found guilty of extortion, racketeering, and seven counts of first-degree murder, among other felonies. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.”

  The mob is involved in this.

  “Breaking news: We have confirmed reports that the FBI has arrested San Francisco Chief of Police Donald Martel and Senator Nathan Rice. At this time, we are not sure if this incident is related to the bust this afternoon, but other networks are reporting that the two incidents are linked.”

  I guess it’s all coming to an end. It’s too bad that I had to lose the man I love in the process.

  “In case you’re just joining us, it’s been a busy news day. Earlier this afternoon, ex San Francisco District Attorney Jonathan Kole was shot and killed in an undercover sting operation with the FBI in an attempt to rescue Jada McLean, who had been kidnapped this past weekend.

  Nine men with connections to the Rossellini crime family were arrested during the operation this afternoon. Since then, San Francisco Chief of Police Donald Martel and Senator Nathan Rice were arrested. We have confirmed that both Chief Martel and Senator Rice have been arrested in connection with the bust earlier today. At this time, the condition or whereabouts of Jada McLean are still unknown.”

  The words have all become a blur, and what’s on my mind are the images that flash on the screen, including aerial footage of a body covered in a white sheet being pulled out of a warehouse. He’s gone.

  Through my silent cries, images of us a few weeks ago at Lake Tahoe fill the screen. We were completely unaware that they were taken. I want that night back. I want our time together back. I can’t handle the images any more.

  I return to my room, wrapping myself in the T-shirt he wore the night before. I want so badly to be close to him, to hear his voice, feel his touch, but he’s gone, all gone…

  I love you so much… His last words to me. Probably too much. Maybe he’d be here if he loved me a little bit less. Maybe he’d be lying next to me right now. Maybe he’d be holding me in his arms. I wish it didn’t hurt so much. I wish I had paid the money they asked for. I cry myself to sleep and hope for the pain to go away.

  The feel of him stroking my hair wakes me. I’m happy I wake from this terrible dream. I turn to look at him, but my mom sits in his place. Her presence reminds me that this is reality; he’s no longer here. He being gone is my reality.

  “Mommy,” I whisper.

  “Sweetie, I’m so sorry… I’m here for you.”

  “I still can’t believe he’s gone. I want him back. I keep hoping it’s a mistake, and he’ll walk through the door.”

  “I promise you, Jay, it will get easier.”

  I look at her as the tears trickle down my face. She cries too, and I know no one knows better than her what it’s like to have the one you love snatched away so suddenly, unexpectedly, and in this case, cruelly.

  Jonathan was murdered. Someone intentionally shot him and took his life away, and that hurts so much. It’s more difficult to accept. Some disease didn’t kill him, neither was he accidentally struck by a car, nor did an earthquake cause a building to collapse on him. Someone wanted him to die. Someone took his life away…

  I close my eyes and think of him. I think of the last time I heard his loving words, the last time I felt his kiss, and the last time I looked into his beautiful piercing greys. With those thoughts in my head, I think, I cry, I drift.

  I wake a while later. My mother is no longer beside me. I climb out of bed and head for t
he shower. I let the water pound over my head for what seems like hours. After, when I look at myself in the mirror, I still have a now more red than black patch around my eye. A battered face is the least of my worries, though I don’t know if I have anything left to worry about. The worst has already come to fruition. I glance at my watch and notice it’s past noon. Over the last few days, I’ve almost lost all sense of time.

  I think about Caroline, Megan, Pierce, and Daniel. I’ve been in my own world, but I know this must be devastating for them too. I reach for my cell phone and see several missed calls from Ian, Solace, and Caroline. There are others, but I don’t recognize the numbers. I’m not in the mood to talk with Ian, but I send him and Solace a message letting them know I’m fine. I’m not sure how or what I should say to Caroline, but I proceed to call her.

  “Jada?”

  “Hi. I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

  “I’m sorry too.”

  I’m at a loss for words, and besides my sniffing, I fall silent.

  “Jada, I know this is hard. Know we’re here if you need us.”

  “Have you seen him?”

  She hesitates. “He was shot in the face. DNA testing was used to identify him.”

  I feel a mixture of emotions all at once. Anger, hurt, fear, hatred. I hate the person who did this.

  “Jada. I think we’re going to have his body cremated then we’ll take the ashes to Lake Tahoe and say goodbye there. I think he would have wanted that.”

  “I’m sorry, Caroline… I’m… I’m not ready,” I break down. “I don’t know how to say goodbye. I still can’t believe this is happening.”

  “I understand.”

  “I can’t… I can’t talk anymore. I’ll call you later.”

  “Sure, Hon. Remember, we’re here for you.”

  I don’t want to continue feeling like this. I feel like I’m falling into a well so deep, I don’t know that I will ever be able to find my way out.

  I don’t want to deal with any of this. I can’t or don’t want to handle the day-to-day responsibilities of my life. I want to get as far away from San Francisco as possible. I blow my nose, dry my tears, then head to the living room.