Until We're Home

by Lina Langley

  The man who was a lot taller than Jesse, didn’t look very much like him. His hair was gray with patches of light red and his eyes were huge and blue. His arms were crossed over his chest and he had a cane leaning on the wall next to him. Taln wondered why he wasn’t using it.

  Jesse walked in after him. He had been pushing Taln’s wheelchair. Taln turned around to look at him. He wasn’t used to his wheelchair and he had wanted to walk into the room but Jesse had talked him out of it.

  “Mom,” Jesse said.

  Jesse’s mom looked him up and down before she approached him and threw her arms around him. “My little boy. I missed you so much. Are you okay? When I got the call, I was so worried and—”

  Jesse grabbed her hands and pried them off his sides, an uncomfortable smile on his face. “Mom, I’m pretty beat up. You’re hurting me.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she replied. Her voice was sweet and she kept looking straight at Jesse’s face. Taln noticed that wasn’t something people really did and it was making him uneasy. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

  “I—um, I don’t really want to talk about it,” Jesse told her. “Mom. This is—This is Taln.”

  She didn’t even turn to look at him before addressing him. In fact, she didn’t even address him, she just looked at Jesse when she spoke again. She never took her eyes off him. “Taln? What kind of name is that?”

  “I’m from abroad,” Taln replied, trying to take the woman’s attention off of Jesse.

  Jesse’s mother turned toward Taln, her eyes had narrowing.

  “Abroad? Abroad where?”

  “Uh, Scandinavia,” Jesse said after he saw the panicked look in Taln’s eyes.

  She walked over to where Taln was and leaned over, putting her hands on the arms of the chair and getting really, really close to Taln’s face. He could see the wrinkles around her eyes and the bit of black in the brown of her eyes. “Did you make this happen?”

  “Mom!”

  “Sorry,” she replied and got off of him. Taln glanced at Jesse. “So this is your friend Taln.”

  “Right. And Taln, that’s my step-father, Roy,” Jesse said, pointing at the man leaning against the wall.

  “What about your biological father?”

  Jesse shook his head and smiled. “Well—”

  “He left us, he was a good for nothing useless bum,” Jesse’s mother said.

  “I’ll tell you the full story some other time,” Jesse said.

  “He’ll tell you nothing,” Roy finally piped up. “You’re coming home with us.”

  Jesse shook his head, the smile widening. “I’m coming home with you? I am home. I live in this city. I don’t even know what you’re doing here. How did you even find out I was here?”

  “It’s not like it was some big secret,” she replied. “You may choose to cut contact with me but you’re still my son. I’m always going to care about you. And yeah, I’m going to keep an eye on you. Now you’re contacting sketchy foreign people and you’re getting into fights and you probably can’t even pay for your own treatment. Can you pay for your treatment? We can help you—”

  “Mom. I don’t need your help,” Jesse said. “And I don’t care what you say about me, but can you lay off Taln? He didn’t do anything wrong. He got stabbed because of me so just, back off, alright?”

  “He got stabbed because of you?” Roy asked Taln.

  “Yes,” Jesse said. “Things were getting kind of heated and, um, he kind of jumped in. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t understand why you’re here. You haven’t seen me for like, three years…”

  “Because of you,” she replied. “Because of you. I’ve tried to reach out to you so many times through the past years. I want to have a relationship with you and I’m willing to go to counseling and—”

  “Mom, I want to have a relationship with you too, but not if you’re just going to do everything you’ve always done. I’m not ready to have that kind of negativity in my life again. Like if you’re willing to observe my—”

  “Observe your boundaries? I’ve heard this speech a million times. I’ve done what you asked a million times and nothing has changed. Now you’re into drugs and hanging out with foreign men that bring drug dealers to your door and getting seriously hurt. If you don’t come back to us, you’re going to end up dying on the floor of a bathroom somewhere after getting your fix.”

  Jesse laughed. “I’m not into drugs, mom.”

  “You’re not? Then how did this happen?”

  “I told you I don’t really want to go into it,” Jesse said. “And if you had changed as much as you are going to pretend you have, then you could at least play your part well.”

  “Play my part well? I’m your mother and I love you.”

  “Love isn’t enough,” Jesse said. “Not when it comes from a place that—”

  “I’m trying to save you from yourself,” Jesse’s mother said. “You have mental issues, you have physical issues, you have drug issues.” At the last part, she gestured towards Taln, moving her hand up and down.

  “Oh my God, mother, he’s not my drug dealer.”

  “So what is he? Your friend? Your scoring buddy?” She spat.

  Jesse exhaled heavily, his cheeks reddening. “He’s my boyfriend, okay? There. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  His mother paled, and her eyes widened. “Your boyfriend? You’re still on that?”

  “Yes,” Jesse said. “He’s my boyfriend. I’m not going anywhere, mom. My life is here.”

  “Your life, where you are getting beat up every few weeks,” Roy said. “Doesn’t seem like much of a life.”

  “My life here is better than it ever was with either of you,” Jesse said, his voice breaking. “And this conversation is over. I’m not a child anymore and you shouldn’t be here. If you come near me again, I’m going to call the police.”

  “Because they’ve done you so much good so far,” Roy said. “Go ahead, leave. Take your little boyfriend with you. He’s probably only with you because you give him a place to stay.”

  Roy addressed Taln.

  “Tell me, son, what’s your job? Or are you turning tricks? With the way you look and the fact that you seem to be used to violence.”

  “Stop,” Jesse said. “You don’t get to talk to him like that. Get out before I start making a scene.”

  “You’re always so goddamn touchy,” Roy said. “We’re just trying to talk to you.”

  “Well, I don’t want to talk to you. Out.”

  His mom cleared her throat before she spoke. “But Jesse—”

  “He just told you to get out,” Taln said.

  “You want to listen to him,” Jesse said. “He can be scary when he gets mad.”

  “You need help,” Jesse’s mom said. “You’ll be back when you need us. And we’ll always be here for you.”

  Jesse didn’t say anything as Roy slowly walked out of the room behind his mother, pushing Jesse aside with his shoulder.

  “Fucker,” Jesse mumbled, stroking his injured shoulder. “That hurt.”

  “Were those your parents?” Taln asked.

  “Yes,” Jesse said. “Aren’t they scary?”

  “Terrifying,” Taln replied, smiling.

  Jesse smiled back at him, still feeling a little shaky. He sat down on the bed and steadied himself. “I’m sorry about that.”

  “They hurt you,” Taln said.

  “Not today they didn’t. Anyway, you said there was something you needed to talk to me about?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “So just to get this straight,” he said. “You want me to help you carry your sister to the alleyway behind my house, where a magician from your world will be able to send her through a wormhole to patch her up?”

  “If she remains in this world,” Taln said. “She’s just going to die. There’s nothing your healers can do. Nothing at all. Isocrice, our Mage, she’s renowned through the kingdom. People try
to go across citadels just to see her. She is the only one that can do something about Salisei.”

  “So you can just send her through the wormhole and then she’ll be seen to?”

  Taln ran his hands through his hair. “No. I’ll have to take her. The journey is short but treacherous. If she moves at all, she could die and then it would be for nothing.”

  Jesse stifled a chuckle. “Taln, she’s not moving.”

  “That’s impossible to know. She could wake up during the journey and be disoriented. A number of things could happen…”

  “I guess that’s true. So if you go—what’s going to happen?”

  Taln sighed. “Jesse.”

  “Hm?”

  “You said I was your boyfriend. What is that?”

  Jesse laughed. “How about I explain that when we go home? It’s a little—well, honestly, I should have asked you before I said anything.”

  “It sounds nice,” Taln said.

  “It is,” Jesse said. “It’s just a little complicated right now. Everything is a little complicated.”

  “Yes,” Taln said. “Everything seems rather complex.”

  Jesse laid down on the hospital bed and studied the ceiling. “So when do you need us to take your sister there? I’m already trying to hatch a plan. We could steal a gurney, I guess. They have plenty. But we could get arrested if we come back. I don’t know if you have power of attorney and, wait, you don’t know what that is, do you?”

  “No,” Taln replied. “But—”

  “What? What’s going on? You don’t seem like your usual self.”

  “There’s just something else. Something I haven’t told you yet,” Taln said. “If I go back, I can’t return. I told you I was banished. I have served my sentence. I’m allowed to go back now and I can live the rest of my days there.”

  “The rest of your days? You would never come back?”

  “It’s not what I want to do,” Taln said. “And she could just be gone. There may nothing Isocrice can do already. I could stay, Jesse. I could stay with you and I could be your, um, boyfriend.”

  “And I can’t go with you?”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you,” Taln replied. “You have been so kind to me.”

  Jesse swallowed. “So basically, your choices are—”

  “Yes. I’m not good with choices. I’ve never had to—I’m confused. I’ve never had to make a decision like this before. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever had to make a decision. And I want to stay with you, I do. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy. But would I ever forgive myself if she was seriously hurt and she could be cured? She didn’t get banished. She was just trying to protect me.”

  “Yes,” Jesse said. “I know how that feels.”

  “So what should I do?”

  “I don’t know,” Jesse said. “You should probably—I don’t know; I guess you have to help your sister?”

  “But what does that mean for me? Will I get banished again? I don’t think they’ll send me to the same place,” Taln said when Jesse raised his eyebrows. “And I’m not powerful enough to come back here on my own.”

  “Can you? Like, ever?”

  “Maybe,” he said. “But mages train for years before they get that good. Even if I could, it would take me years. And I wouldn’t be assigned that position. After this, I’m probably going to be a guard at the Citadel.”

  “A guard seems good,” Jesse said. “Seems like you’d get paid quite a bit anyway.”

  “A guard is fine,” Taln replied. “It’s not my trade which concerns me.”

  They were both quiet for minutes.

  “So a boyfriend,” Jesse said, finally breaking the silence. “It’s kind of different for everyone. If you ask anyone, they’ll probably give you a different definition from the next person. But I guess for me, a boyfriend is the person that, like, you always want to be around, I guess? I don’t know, I feel like I’m a kid describing this. And it’s someone that makes you feel good about yourself but that also makes you want to be better. It’s someone that you want to spend most of your time with because no matter what, he can put a huge smile on your face.”

  “Oh,” Taln replied. “That does sound like you.”

  Jesse chuckled dryly.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “I don’t want to leave, Jesse. I know it probably makes me an awful person and an awful brother but I don’t want to leave if it means that I’m not going to be able to come back and see you again.”

  “Will you be able to live with it if she dies when you could save her?”

  “No,” Taln replied. “No, I don’t think I could.”

  “Taln,” Jesse said. “You don’t—you don’t actually know if you love me. You kind of just landed in my street and ended up in my house.”

  “Is that part of being someone’s boyfriend? Loving them?”

  “Yeah, I guess. Sometimes,” Jesse replied, shifting uncomfortably as he sat up again. “Sometimes, loving them is part of it.”

  “Then I do. I love you.”

  Jesse sighed. “No, you don’t. You just landed on my street, like I said, and I ended up taking you in. You hadn’t even been with anyone else. You don’t even know if you are gay or what and I don’t have time to teach you. You’re just so young and you’re confused. Because I made you feel all these things that you had never felt before and now you think that because you feel them, you feel them because of me. But you don’t. You feel them because you’ve been exposed to them for the first time.”

  “It doesn’t matter why I feel them,” Taln said. “I know that I do. I know that this is the most I’ve ever felt in my life and that this is important. I know that you’re important to me. And it upsets me that I have to explain why. It hurts.”

  “I know,” Jesse replied. “And I’m sorry you’re hurting. But what we have, Taln, I’ve tried to tell myself so many times it is real. But it’s not. What you feel for me isn’t real.”

  “It feels real.”

  “It’s not,” Jesse said. “I’ve just given you everything you need to keep you interested. You don’t even have a life here. You’ve built your life around me and you don’t know me. You don’t need me, and you—you don’t mean the same thing to me.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “What don’t you understand?”

  “Why you’re saying this,” Taln replied. “Why it hurts so much.”

  Jesse looked away from him, trying to keep his voice from breaking when he spoke. He dug his nails into the bed. “I’m saying it because it’s something I’ve needed to say for a long time. But this is easy for me. I was going through a horrible break-up, obviously, when you kind of just crashed into my life. And then I let you put me on this weird pedestal and it’s not what I want. Like, I barely know you. I still can’t even pronounce your last name. What’s my last name, Taln?”

  Taln thought for a second. “I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. I love—”

  “How I make you feel. That’s okay. I love how you make me feel too, but I’m not getting it confused, like you are. And you’re getting it very confused.”

  “I still don’t understand,” Taln said, tears welling up in his eyes.

  “I know this is a really shit thing to do to you after the day you’ve had but we can’t—this is not working. I don’t need you. I don’t want you. I definitely don’t love you. I’m sorry I said you were my boyfriend, I was just freaking out,” Jesse said.

  “But you—”

  “You’re so young, Taln. And you shouldn’t be basing your decisions on someone that doesn’t care about you as much as you care about them.”

  “I just—I don’t understand. Warm tears slid down his cheek. “You say this but this isn’t how you act. This is not how I think you act. Jesse, you’ve been—”

  “Getting what I wanted from you. Now I’ve had my fill.”

  “Jesse—”

  “Get out, Taln. Please.”

>   “But—”

  “We’ll get your sister tonight, okay? I’ll come pick you up with a plan and stuff at like, eight or something, alright? And close the door on the way out.”

  “You’ll help me?”

  “Of course,” Jesse said. “I owe you at least that much. And close the door once you’re out.”

  You need a sentence here describing Taln leaving.

  Jesse laid his forearm over his eyes as he threw himself back on the hospital bed, only looking once the door made a click sound. He sighed heavily before he wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hands. He rolled over to his side with difficulty before he swore under his breath.

  “You’re just doing what you have to do,” he said to himself. He was surprised at how phony and grown-up he sounded.

  He wondered if he’d be able to get to sleep at all.

  PART THREE - Jesse

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Jesse walked to Salisei’s hospital room and knocked quietly on the half-open door.

  Taln was watching her from the sofa with a scowl on his face. Jesse wondered how long he had been watching her for. It was dark now and the night nurses were busy doing their shifts and tending to other patients, Jesse had made sure of that.

  “Hey,” Jesse said.

  Taln's face didn’t light up when he looked at Jesse but it always had before.

  “Hello.”

  Jesse sat down next to him. “Are you mad at me? You’re allowed to be mad, I just wish—”

  “No,” Taln replied. “I’m not angry.”

  Jesse sighed. “You know, for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. About all of this. You don’t deserve any of it. You’re a good person.”

  Taln smiled weakly. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m not angry, I’m just sad.”

  Jesse sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his free hand. Coming clean meant that Taln would be staying with him and his sister would die—it was a high price to pay. But he was so tempted. He wanted to open his mouth and tell him that he had been lying. But then Salisei would die and even if Taln forgave him, he didn’t think he would ever be able to forgive himself.