Game Player

by B. J. Harvey

  Closing the door behind me, I drag my body down the corridor and toward the kitchen, where Zoe talks to Nate. I walk into the room and slump down onto a bar stool next to the center island, dropping my bag on the floor and lying my head down on my arm against the counter.

  Zoe doesn’t say a word, and continues to scoop up spoonfuls of what appears to be oatmeal and making train noises as she wings the spoon wide into Nate’s giggling mouth. I grin at my nephew. He’s really starting to turn into a little boy now.

  His head is covered in chestnut baby curls, his jaw already showing the dominant Taylor genes. Suddenly, I can see what a baby boy of my own might look like and just the thought of how beautiful he would be brings tears to my eyes. I turn away and bury my face in my hands, trying hard to hide my ugly girl sobs and snorts. Zoe’s warm hand rubbing up and down my back tells me I’ve failed dismally in that respect.

  “Want a drink?” she asks, her voice soft.

  I lift my head to look at her. Might as well bite the bullet. “Considering my choices are water, decaf, and juice, all of which I seem to be bringing up more than keeping down, I think I’m good right now.”

  “Morning sickness sucks,” she notes.

  My eyes widen. She knows already, which means Matt has already told Noah. “All-day sickness it seems.”

  “You too? Mom told me she was the same with all of us kids as well. Must be a Roberts family curse.”

  I tilt my head and narrow my eyes at her, waiting for the inevitable big sister lecture to come, but it doesn’t. “Who else knows?” I ask, my chest tight.

  “Just me and Noah at the moment. Matt was really cut up yesterday, Meems.”

  “He came here?”

  “Came here, drank here, slept here.”

  “I . . . I did what I thought was best for everyone.” My voice cracks but rallying strength I didn’t know I had, I swallow down the lump forming in my throat. “You know Matt is not a man to be tied down. We’re new; it’s too soon—”

  “Bullshit,” Zoe says angrily, and my head snaps up to see her eyes flashing with annoyance. “There’s nothing about you two that is new. You’ve known each other for years. Being together is just a new version of you. I saw you at the party. I saw the way you were with each other. I heard the way you talked to the girls about him, the way your voice went soft and your eyes glazed at just the thought of him.”

  “Zoe, he’s not like Noah. He’s not the settling down type.”

  Her face goes gentle. “No, he’s not . . . or he wasn’t. He’s his own person, and everyone that saw him on that Saturday at the party with you said he had changed. You said yourself that he was different with you.”

  “We’re talking about a baby here, Zo. It’s not something you can try on for size to see if it fits.”

  She snorts and quirks her brow. “It’s not like you can get a refund now, is it?”

  “I wouldn’t want one,” I whisper.

  “That’s good, Meems. You’re not alone in any of this, you know?” She moves behind me and wrap her arms around my middle, something she’s done to me since we were little.

  Leaning back into her, I turn my head and just let her warmth seep into me. “How do I fix this?”

  “You look after you and that little niece or nephew of mine. We’re going to get you past the first trimester and then we’ll sort out the mess that is your life.” Her voice lightens, and I know she’s teasing. The truth of the matter is that she’s right.

  She lets me go and goes to get Nate out of his high chair. “At least you’ve got this little munchkin to give you practice.”

  “There is that,” I reply with a grin, as Nate wriggles in Zoe’s arms and lunges for me.

  “Seriously though, Mia. Of course it’s your life and your choice whether you want to be with Matt and raise the baby together. But you ruled it out without talking to him, and he’s feeling that deep. He was a mess yesterday.”

  “He wasn’t a mess when he left my place. He wasn’t even freaked out. He just stood there and told me he loved me, was going to marry me and build me my dream house, like he was the fairy godmother and Prince Charming rolled into one.”

  “I know what you need.”

  “What’s that, oh wise one?” I reply jokingly, nuzzling my nose into Nate’s pudgy toddler tummy and earning a slew of giggles for my efforts.

  “Pancakes for dinner,” she announces, making me smile.

  Growing up, whenever one of us was hurt, upset, or even just a little bit down, we’d have pancakes for dinner. It’s a weird Roberts tradition that Mom came up with. There’s something comforting about it, and doing it with family makes it even more special.

  “When?”

  “When Mom’s here on the weekend. I’ll get Zander and Dani on board, and we’ll make a night of it.”

  “There better be lots of bacon. I may not be able to have any of my other vices for the next nine months, but they’ll never take away my bacon.”

  By the time the weekend rolls around and I arrive at Noah and Zoe’s on the Saturday night for the impromptu but very thinly veiled family intervention—I mean, get-together—I’m tired, grumpy, and sore in weird places and swollen in others, and the last thing I feel like is eating pancakes.

  “Hey,” I say when I walk through the front door and into the living room. I go over to Mom first. She stands up and wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tight and holding me to her. She sniffs in my ear and her chest heaves against mine, and I know she’s crying.

  “Mom, I’m sorry. It wasn’t—”

  “Wait,” she says, pushing back and holding me at arm’s length with her hands on my shoulders. “These are happy tears.”

  I blink. “Why?” I ask, my eyes stinging with my own waterworks that seem to have plagued me since I saw the second pink line on the pregnancy test.

  “It’s a baby. Your baby. And I’m going to be a grandma again.” She starts to sniffle and I pull her in, hugging her quickly and whispering, “You’re a goof, Mom, but I love you.”

  “Where’s my hug?” Dani says, from the corner of the room. I step back from Mom and turn to the side, expecting my sister to be standing there waiting, but instead she’s still sitting with her ass on the couch.

  “I saw you last week, Squirt. I haven’t seen Mom since Nate’s birthday.”

  She hits her own chest as if she’s been wounded. “Ouch, shot to the heart.”

  “Always the fucking comedian,” Zander says with a laugh. “Do I have to get up and hug you, too? Because I’m so fucking tired it’s not funny, but if you need some big brother love I’ll give it. You might just need to sit next to me to get it.”

  I giggle and shake my head. “I’m good, Zan. But thanks for being willing to sacrifice a hug for your sister.”

  “Hey, I’ve got two others if anything happens to you.”

  “Real smooth, brother,” Zoe muses, whacking Zander across the arm with the back of her hand.

  “On that note, I’m going to get a drink. Anybody want one?” I ask the room at large.

  After a group of shaking heads, I walk through to the kitchen and turn the corner to see Noah at the stove, standing at the island wearing Zoe’s very pink, very frilly apron and flipping pancakes.

  I snort. Loudly.

  “Not a word, Mia,” he says, pointing a greasy spatula at me.

  I put my hands up in surrender. “Hey man, if the apron fits . . .” I giggle when he growls and shakes his head, but he does it with at least a small grin.

  He takes a step toward me and wraps a hand around my shoulders, dipping his head to kiss the top of mine before pulling back and looking me straight in the eyes. “How have you been?” he asks quietly.

  “Sick as a dog, but okay,” I reply.

  “Have you seen him?”

  “I think you know the answer to that,” I reply tersely, my body going into auto protect mode. This is Noah; Matt is his brother. Surely that relationship trumps any one he might have with me
, no matter how much he loves my sister.

  Noah turns around and quickly flips pancakes, but turns side on to me. “You’re going to get a lot of advice from your family tonight, and I’ll be here but I’m not going to wade in.”

  “You’re as much my family as they are, No. You can say what you want to say.” And I mean that. Noah is as much my brother as Zander is.

  He puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me a gentle squeeze. “Okay. Matt had a reputation that I know—and you know—was well earned. He wants you, Mia. Everything that involves being with you.” He waits, as if to give me time for his words sink in. “He’s been with a lot of women, but then again, I was with a lot, too, before I met your sister. The thing is, that’s not the way he is now.”

  “He can’t want a baby. We’re new—”

  “You’re not, not really,” he says, giving me pause.

  “I . . .” I stop talking, because he’s right as much as he is wrong. Matt and I are new; it has only been a couple of months. But really, we’re also a long time coming.

  He may have had a lot of women in the two years since Noah and Zoe’s wedding, but the moment Kissgate happened, he was on me like white on rice.

  “Just take time to think about whether he’s ever given you reason to doubt his sincerity when it comes to being with you, because—to be honest—if you were just another bedmate to him, he would’ve been gone the minute he pulled out.”

  Trust Noah to give it to me straight. Unable to verbalize an answer, I just nod.

  “You need anything, Meems, and I mean anything, you let me know, okay?” he says before turning, pulling the last of the pancakes off the stovetop and calling out, “Pancakes are up.”

  Once we’re all seated and I’ve commandeered as much bacon as Zander will let me steal before he starts to get pissy, Zoe clears her throat and dives straight on in. “So, Mia’s up the duff and she had an epic meltdown. Now we need to tell her—I mean talk with her . . .” she looks at me and smiles uber-sweetly, “about what she should do.”

  “Ah, Zo, she kind of can’t control what’s going to happen now. She’s gonna get big and round and pop a watermelon out of a hole designed for a lemon,” Danika announces.

  “Don’t know who you’ve been sleeping with, Dani, but if it’s lemons, you’ve got problems,” I reply with a smirk, and both Zander and Noah snort with laughter, earning death stares from all the Roberts women except me.

  “If I was Matt, I would’ve done the exact same thing,” Zander says.

  Looking at Noah, I wonder if he’s uncomfortable, considering the man at the center of this is his own brother. He just quirks an eyebrow at me then winks. I guess he’s not feeling weird about this then.

  I turn back to Zander. “So if you were sleeping with Kate and accidentally got her preggers, you’d offer to marry her, move in with her, and build her a dream house?”

  He smiles at me, a knowing glint in his eye as he just stares for a while. “If you were ‘just sleeping’ with Matt, I doubt he would’ve offered all of those things. If it was Kate in your shoes—no word of a lie, Sis—I would have done the exact same thing.”

  I turn to Dani. “And you? Got anything to say?” I ask, as I stuff a forkful of crispy bacon in my mouth and am forced to stifle a semi-orgasmic groan because hello, bacon . . .

  “I think we should just lock you two in a room together and see what happens. I’d give it two hours before you jump his bones.” Would probably only take a minute.

  “Danika,” Mom scolds.

  “Eww,” Zoe moans, while all I hear from Noah is, “Nice,” followed by a laugh.

  Families—can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Doesn’t stop you wanting to wring their necks one minute and hug them tight the next though?

  Later on, I lie on the couch in Noah and Zoe’s living room, trying not to fall asleep as we all watch Lord of the Rings.

  Thinking back on our talk, I realize that none of them told me that I’m better off on my own, but the one thing out of everything they said that has stuck with me the most came from my mom.

  “You’re not me, and Matt is not your father, but you’re going to need to be the one to make the first move, Mia. It doesn’t matter how strong of a man he is; he needs to know that you’re willing to put yourself out there for him. Whatever happens after that is up to fate.”

  A day later.

  I call Zander during my lunch hour and ask him to meet me for a drink at the 42nd Street Bar. It’s the local haunt for most of us since it’s in the middle of where we all live, work and play, and since Zander’s best friend, Zach, used to be the manager there, we all have a lifelong discount in place, according to Zach.

  I’m already sitting in a booth when Zander walks in. Surprising the shit out of me, Zach, Daniel, Sean and Noah follow after him. My first thought is to check that Zander isn’t carrying any weapons. My second is how much they look like a menagerie of superheroes; Daniel as Superman, Sean dressed all in black is definitely a Batman, Zander with his blond hair would have to be Captain America, Noah as Iron man, and Zach? Well, he’s definitely the Hulk, given the increasing size of his biceps and shoulders. That dude looks like he’s worked out a lot since the last time I saw him.

  They all order drinks and bring them to the table where I’m sitting, pulling in chairs to make sure there’s enough, given my drink for two has turned into a table of six.

  “Pull up a chair, why don’t ya?” I say, not hiding my sarcasm.

  “Oh, Daddy boy, you should be thanking us for coming to protect you from the big, bad overprotective brother,” Noah says with a grin. Suffice to say, I went straight to Noah’s last Sunday when I left Mia’s place. Zoe was out with Kate somewhere and it was just Noah, Nate, and I watching television and hanging out. I, of course, drank my weight in beer and slept it off in their guest room before going to work on Monday morning.

  Before that though, I’d formulated a plan of attack for winning Mia over and proving that her and our baby are the most important things in my life and will continue to be for a long, long time.

  First on my list of things to do was meet with Zander. Apparently, Noah and the rest of the guys decided they needed to tag along to provide him with an alibi should things turn ugly.

  I look to Zander, and he just tilts his beer bottle toward me, and then takes a long, slow swig, not breaking eye contact the entire time. I have to admit, Zander and I are pretty evenly matched in size and strength, but he’s a cop and has the training to fuck me up in the blink of an eye. Sure, I’d get a few licks in but in the end, I’d be well and truly fucked up.

  “You brought back-up?” I ask him, walking on the wild side and taking my life in my hands.

  “Don’t look at me, dude,” he says. “They wanted to come along for your protection. They seemed to think I was gonna castrate you for knocking my sister up,” he says with a shrug. His relaxed demeanor doesn’t hide the edge in his eyes, though. I know he’s not happy with this recent development but there’s nothing he can do about it now. Fortunately for me, there’s a hell of a lot I’m going to do to look after Mia and the baby.

  “So should I watch my back then? You gonna fuck me up for touching your sister?” I ask.

  He doesn’t say anything—he just leans back in his chair and watches me. I try to stare him down, my balls shriveling up as I use up all of the excess testosterone I have to not look away first.

  When Zander’s chair rocks forward slightly, I can’t help but flinch, earning me a smirk from Zander and chuckles from the rest of the table—including my brother.

  Needing a distraction, I look at Daniel, my brother’s best friend, who’s known me since I was six and Noah was eight. “And you? Why are you here?”

  “I’ve been where you are, except in my case, I didn’t know until your brother got drunk and let the cat out of the bag. Mia told you before she told anyone else and then pushed you away. Mac pushed me away, and I pushed my way back in. So I’m wonderi
ng, what are you planning on doing about it?”

  “Tonight, I was planning on asking Zander’s permission to marry his sister. Later this week, I’m going to look at some houses I’ve found that I’m interested in buying, then I’ll be hoping to buy one, close on it quickly, and start renovations. I have to finish my refurbish—”

  “You’re looking toward the future,” Sean says, leaning back in his chair and smiling. Sean smiling is not a common occurrence, and considering the last time I saw him he thought I was fucking around with Mia, it’s somewhat gratifying for him to be looking at me with such pride.

  “I have a kid on the way, and the woman I love seems to think I’m a fuck up of epic proportions who wouldn’t even considering standing by her side because of it. The only way forward is looking at the future, because that’s the only way I’m going to be able to prove to her that I mean every word I’ve said to her for the past two months.”

  “Two months isn’t that long. How can you be sure you’re gonna want Mia and the baby in another six weeks? Six months? Six years?” Zander asks, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyes not giving anything away.

  Fine. If they want to interrogate me, then I’m going to let them. I’ve got nothing to hide and nothing to lose, considering that Mia already doesn’t want me.

  I look around and meet the eyes of every single man around the table. “I’ve wanted Mia for two years, three months, and eleven days. I waited two years, two months and five days between kisses before making a move on her and even then, it took me six more weeks to tell her that I was in love with her.” I finish my beer before continuing, “Now, in the space of six weeks I worked my ass off to get in there, thought I’d gotten through, then had my world blown to shit at the same time as I received the best news of my life, when she told me that I was going to be a father. Now do you think I’m moving fast?”

  Zander’s eyes flash with something I can’t read but I stand my ground, watching and waiting for his reaction to my honest declaration.