Colby's Child

by Patricia Watters

  Jason said nothing, just turned and started for the door.

  Jenny caught his arm as he stepped into the hallway. “You do understand, don’t you?” Seeing the pain on his face she was tempted her to tell him to go to Lily, wake her from her nap and pick her up so she could hear Lily’s little baby squeal of glee and listen to Jason call her sweet thing or his girl and make things right again.

  “Yes, I understand,” he said, then continued down the hallway.

  And Jenny felt as if her heart had just been crushed.

  That night, Lily’s cries were so frantic, Jason rushed into Lily’s room. Jenny held Lily against her shoulder, patting her back, but Lily was not to be consoled until she saw Jason and reached for him. Jason opened his arms to take her and Lily threw herself out of Jenny’s arms to get to him. Lily braced her hands on Jason’s chest and rested her head on his shoulder, and her sobs subsided. He rubbed her back and looked over her tousled curls at Jenny. “I’m sorry,” he said, “when I heard her crying I came in without thinking.”

  “Then you see how hard it’s going to be for her when we leave. You’ve been her father for the first six months of her life. She won’t forget you like you think she will.”

  “I know, and I see now it’s been a mistake,” Jason said, rubbing Lily’s back. Lily lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him. He smiled. “Are you feeling better now, sweet thing?” Lily looked at him with tear-filled eyes and smiled back.

  “It’s more than a mistake,” Jenny said. “Lily has taken you into her little trusting heart, and one night you just left for four days and she felt abandoned.”

  Lily sandwiched Jason’s face between her hands and patted his cheeks while saying, “Dada... Dada... Dada,” then laughed with childish glee.

  Jason kissed her cheek and nibbled her neck, sending baby laughs bubbling from her. “That’s my girl.” He took her into Jenny’s bedroom and sat on the bed with her on his lap. She pulled his finger into her mouth and bit down. Jason rubbed his finger along her bottom gum. “Open your mouth, sweet thing,” he said. “Let Dada see.” Lily seemed to understand because she opened her mouth. Jason looked at her gum and grinned. “Mama, we have a tooth.”

  Jenny peered into Lily’s mouth. “Oh my goodness, little love,” she said. “You do indeed have a tooth." She looked at Jason, who was beaming like a proud father.

  Jason set Lily on the bed and stretched out on his side, propping his head on his hand. Jenny stretched out on the opposite side of Lily and propped her head on her hand—a mirror image of Jason—and they looked at Lily, who smiled and chortled and laughed and looked from one adult to the other. Jason peered across the top of Lily’s head at Jenny, and said, “Some day Lily will be as beautiful as her mother.”

  Jenny looked steadily at him. “And you won’t be around to see her grow into that woman you imagine her to be. Have you given that any thought?”

  “It never leaves my mind,” Jason said.

  “Then how can you send us away? You’ve been here for Lily’s first laugh, her first words and now her first tooth. Can you just let us go, knowing you’ll never watch her learn to feed herself, or take her first step, or celebrate her first birthday or say her first sentence? Don’t you think she’ll wonder where Dada is and why he doesn’t love her enough to be a part of her life?”

  Jason’s face sobered. He drew himself up to sit facing Jenny. “She may, and you’ll have to tell her he loved her enough to let her go—” he reached out and caressed Jenny’s cheek “—just as he loved her mother enough to send her away.”

  Jenny covered his hand with hers and pressed a kiss against his palm. “I don’t think I can do that... just walk away.”

  “You have to, Jenny. There’s no life for you and Lily here with me. There are just too many skeletons in my closet. You’re probably strong enough to face whatever might come my way, but neither of us can wish it on Lily. So you have to do what’s right by her and take her away from here, and from me.”

  Removing his hand from under hers, he took Lily into her room and put her in her crib. Tucking the covers around her, he kissed her goodnight and said, “Sweet dreams, princess. I love you.” As he passed through Jenny’s bedroom, he kissed Jenny on the forehead, then went into his bedroom and shut the door.

  Jenny stared at the closed door to his bedroom. His words kept tumbling around in her head: ‘...just as he loved her mother enough to send her away...’

  He loved her… loved her so much he was sending her away from him... away from whatever he was running from. He hadn’t been with another woman. He was denying himself everything to make things right for her… And sending her away to a safe place where she’d be miserable until her dying day. And Lily would never know the man who loved her first… Who was her father for the first six months of her life.

  But she refused to walk away from their marriage without consummating it. Before leaving this godforsaken town, she would be Mrs. Jason Colby in every sense of the word. And she would make their one night together so memorable, it would carry them through the lonely years ahead, no matter how far apart they lived, or how long their lives spanned.

  ***

  ...I have too many enemies... Maybe you should listen to what Jack Bishop has to say... There’s no way on God’s earth I’ll drag you and Lily into my life and into my past... We can’t be a family, and you have to come to terms with it..

  Jason’s words kept coming between Jenny and the conversation she was trying to carry on with Isabelle Herring as they rode in the buggy to visit Maddy Jenkins, who was now Maddy Van Tilton, having recently wed an Englishman who’d come in search for gold and started a haberdashery instead. “I’m sorry, my mind’s on other things,” Jenny said, “You were saying...?”

  Isabelle flashed a bright smile. “That I never dreamed I’d find someone like Everette. All I wanted was a decent man who’d be good to me and the young’uns we’d have. But Everett’s much more. He’s a gentleman. And he says he noticed me the day we arrived, when I was hauling my things off the stage coach. I must have looked a fright because my face was covered with dust and my dress looked like an old rag. And he told me all he saw was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on.”

  “Then you’re a lucky woman," Jenny said. "When do you plan to marry?”

  “Soon," Isabelle replied. "I want you as my matron and Mr. Colby to give me away.”

  Jenny felt the hollowness that seemed to be a constant part of her life. She bit her lip to stop its trembling. “I might not be here," she said. "You see, Mr. Colby and I have talked about my going East to see my family.”

  “But I was counting on you to help me get ready for the wedding," Isabelle said. "How long will you be gone?”

  “I don’t know," Jenny replied. "A few months maybe.”

  “Months! I can’t imagine Mr. Colby agreeing to that, as much as he loves you. I’d never leave Everett like that. I know he loves me but men... well... they have needs, and if a wife can’t take care of those needs they’ll find someone else who will.”

  “Mr. Colby assured me that there’s no woman alive who could tempt him into her bed," Jenny said. "And I trust him because I know he loves me...”

  ...loves me enough to send me away...

  “I hope you’re right because you’ll be leaving him with the likes of Hortense Fodge and Ethel Hailey. It wouldn’t be beyond either of them to find comfort with another woman’s husband while she was gone.”

  “I trust my husband implicitly,” Jenny said, then wondered how long it would be until Jason sought comfort in another woman’s arms. He’d made no promises beyond the day she’d leave, other than financial support for as long as she needed it.

  She was amazed he’d remained faithful during their four month marriage. There was no question he had strong carnal needs. Often when she’d caught him looking at her she'd seen desire burning in his eyes. And her body reacted as it always did when his virile male presence invaded her per
sonal space, whether by his touch or his smoldering gaze or a simple smile: her face flushed as if on fire, the air rushed out of her lungs, and her hands became restless to reach out and touch him. And he knew. She never could disguise her desire from him. Were it not for his iron will and fierce determination to keep their marriage dissolvable and unconsummated for her sake, she would have long since been a true wife to him.

  And she would be before she left.

  Now, more than ever, she was determined to give him her body as well as her soul, so that whenever he held another woman while satisfying his need, he’d imagine he was holding her—the wife he’d married for just a little while.

  ***

  Jason discharged the men from the Dusty. There was no point digging for something that wasn’t there. It was also his last hold on Jenny because there was no reason for her to stay. He wasn’t looking for reasons. The time had come for her to leave. Still, he wanted an excuse to keep her a little longer, a few more days or hours with his wife and the daughter of his heart.

  After the men left, he started down the main tunnel, making his way deep into the mine. Ever since Seth uncovered the vein of silver ore they’d worked steadily, driving cross-cuts, certain they’d eventually cut into the main vein. Finding nothing, they made several more crosscuts before Jason made the decision to abandon their efforts. As he stood at the end of the tunnel they’d just abandoned, he wondered how they could have been so far off. The ore Seth initially uncovered had been promising, so there had to be pay ore somewhere. If there was, he’d find it today, or quit for good.

  Making what could be a fateful decision as a lone miner deep in the bowels of a mine, he placed one final explosive, set the charge, and raced down the tunnel to the crosscut where he'd placed several lanterns in sheltered areas. Squatting in a protected corner, he covered his ears, tucked his head, and waited for the explosion that, moments later, sent a blast booming through the earth and air rushing through the tunnel. He waited for what seemed like hours for things to settle. When he at last ventured down the passageway to inspect the result of the explosion, he found the entire breast of the tunnel filled with rock...

  By the light of two lanterns, he also saw that the blast had penetrated the main vein of silver. What’s more, it dislodged an iron panel that hung askew, revealing a cavern in the side of the tunnel. He held up his lantern to the cavern, and when he looked inside, he stared in stunned silence at numerous canvas bags labeled Brinks…

  …Myles sold everything we owned to buy it. And he didn’t want just any mine. He had to have the Dusty...

  Jenny’s words came to him, almost as clearly as when she'd said them the day they'd pulled up to the Dusty, when she got her first look at it. The conviction with which she’d said the words puzzled him at the time. Now he understood.

  There had been gold in the Dusty all along, not ore to be dug out of the ground, but the kind that comes in canvas bank bags. Booty James Dagget came west to recover. Rumor had circulated for years that he'd hidden the gold from a major robbery in an abandoned mine before fleeing to Mexico. Seems it wasn't rumor at all. And Jack Bishop knew—the reason he was so anxious to buy the Dusty. But Jenny didn’t need to know any of this. When the time was right, he'd return the booty to Brinks and at last clear his conscious of one misdeed. And the rich vein of silver ore would give Jenny the means by which she and Lily could live in comfort once back in Iowa. This much he would tell her.

  On returning to the house, Jason took the stairs two at a time and threw open the door to Jenny’s bedroom. She had no time to show shock or surprise or even outrage at Jason’s unannounced entry before he swept her up in his arms and twirled her around and around, saying, “We hit it... we hit it... we hit the big one...”

  When he came to a stop, her arms were so tight around his neck, the fact that her feet were off the floor didn’t register. And when her lips seized his and refused to let go, Jason forgot what he’d been trying to tell her and kissed her back. All he knew was, the woman he loved with all his heart had him in a bear hug from which he didn’t want to escape, not this time.

  The tip of her tongue began tracing his lips and she tightened her arms around him…

  And he forgot all his reasons for denying her, and himself, and concentrated on unfastening the silk lacing of her night dress. As the garment opened and parted, he scooped her up in his arms and started for his bedroom, his resolve to not consummate their marriage relegated to some inaccessible chamber of his mind…

  “Dada... Dada... Dada...”

  Jason froze... While Jenny kissed her way along his jaw and down his throat...

  “Dada! Dada!! Daaa Daaa!!!”

  Jason slowly lowered to the floor the woman he was about to claim as his wife—an impulsive, irreversible act both of them would have regretted—and when her feet touched the floor, he said in a wistful tone. “What we were about to do wasn’t the reason I came rushing in.”

  “No, I don’t imagine it was,” Jenny said, irritated. She released her grip on him and moved out of his arms. “Before you tell me what this is all about," she said, pulling her nightdress together, "you’d better go see Lily.” She turned and headed toward Lily’s room.

  “We hit the main vein. Silver!” he said, following close behind while fighting the urge to reach out and grab Jenny, knowing that the next time he might not let the babblings of his beloved step-daughter stop him from sealing the fate of her mother.

  Jenny stopped and turned. “In the Dusty?”

  “Yup. A major strike. Ore that looks upwards of eight-hundred ounces of silver a ton, which means, you won’t need me or any man to give you the things you want.”

  “Dada!” Lily squealed, raising her arms for Jason to pick her up.

  Jason lifted Lily out of her crib and kissed her chubby cheek. “Yes, sweet thing. You and Mama are going to be very rich!”

  Lily patted his face and put her lips on his cheek. A first baby kiss. But when he looked at Jenny to share Lily’s achievement, she wasn’t smiling, and it had nothing to do with Lily kissing him. “You don’t look happy. Don’t you understand what this means?”

  “Yes, I understand exactly what it means," Jenny Said. "It means I can have everything I want except what I want most, and that can’t be bought with gold or silver. And I won’t find it in Iowa either. Are Lily and I still to leave on the stage tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow?” Jason looked at her in alarm. He’d been so busy at the Dusty he hadn’t realized she’d actually planned to go... so soon. He looked around at the array of traveling gear—trunks and hand baggage and hat boxes—and saw that she was indeed prepared to leave on the stage the following day. But he wasn’t yet ready for them to go. Not yet. “I think... not tomorrow,” he said. “We need to go to Black Hawk and make a report, and go to the livery in Central City and order some ore wagons and four-horse teams to be sent to the mine.“

  And you need me for that? Jenny couldn’t bring herself to say the words, because she wanted a reason to stay, at least for a little longer. She could not just simply walk out of Jason’s life. They would meet again, some time, some place, and that had not been decided because Jason wouldn’t hear of it. She needed time to convince him that maybe, once a year they could connect. What harm in that? “I suppose we could unpack enough clothes to keep us going for a few more days,” she said.

  At least until the winter snows start, when we could be trapped…

  One more winter for Lily to tighten her noose around Jason’s heart. Maybe he’d even start to love Lily’s mother a little more, enough to open his heart to her and let her in.

  “I think that would be wise,” Jason said, and Jenny wondered if he too wanted more time. But for what? To make sure the winter snows trapped them there. “If necessary,” he added, “we’ll get you on the last stage out of here before the winter snows set in.”

  And Jenny knew her fate was sealed. However long she tried to drag things out, Jason would make sure she was
on that stage.

  CHAPTER TEN

  It was a warm, late fall morning when they set out for Black Hawk. Meadows that had been brilliant green during Jenny’s first trip there were now mottled in yellows and browns, and the leaves shimmering on the aspen trees dotting the hills had changed from chartreuse to a vivid gold. Occasionally, as they passed the narrow gully of a mountain stream carving its way down the mountainside, Jenny could feel a draught of cool fall air, reminding her that winter was near, and her departure was eminent.

  Because time was running out, Jenny didn’t want to spend another moment away from Jason, and she sensed he felt the same. He’d reaffirmed it when he suggested she and Lily go with him to haul the ore samples to Black Hawk.

  She edged closer to him on the box until her shoulder was tucked comfortably beneath his arm as he held the reins. From time to time he curved his arm around her and kissed her on the forehead as if to say goodbye. When he did, it was all she could do to keep from screaming, ‘Why does it have to be this way? Why must you send us away?’

  It was while he had his arm around her that she stole the moment to say, “Once Lily and I are settled, couldn’t we correspond? I could let you know how Lily is doing, what she’s doing, her first true words, when she starts to walk, things like that.”

  “I’ve thought about that,” Jason said, then added nothing more. He moved his arm from around her, making her feel cold where it had just been warm.

  ”I know you said you wanted to break all ties,” she continued, “but I don’t know why it has to be so final. What harm would there be in corresponding on occasion?”

  “None really, I suppose,” Jason said.

  Jenny felt her heart leap. “I could send you a photograph from time to time. There’s a photographic studio in Cedar Rapids and I could have a picture made of Lily.”

  “Just Lily?”