As Good as the First Time

by K. M. Jackson

  “Oh, please, girl. Things quieted down quite a bit after you left, so I spent the better part of the afternoon off my feet. I have way more energy than I probably deserve. Besides, I’m feeling fantastic. I can’t wait to see my doctor next week. You two being here has been just the spark that I needed. I’m sure he’s going to say I’m doing great.” She waved a hand and gave Liv a close, way too close for comfort, inspection before turning and looking at the jar of honey on the counter, her cheeks broadening in a wide grin. “You got it! I’m so glad. Let’s get dinner going so you can tell us all about how it went over there by the hives.”

  Liv shook her head. She should know that talking about her trip to the hives would be the very first thing on Aunt Joyce’s mind and there would be no putting her off. She reached in the fridge and pulled out some leftover grilled chicken from the barbecue. There were some fresh vegetables that Drea had picked up at the farmers’ market the day before; she figured stir-fry would be a quick and easy dinner tonight. She and Drea had been taking turns with dinner—well, as much as Aunt Joyce would let them—in order to find ways to force her to relax in the evenings. It wasn’t an easy task, and it took quite a bit of arm twisting, but with a little bit of guilt they’d come to find out that Aunt Joyce could be persuaded.

  Liv shrugged. “There’s not all that much to tell. Though I will say I’m proud of myself for not completely freaking out being around so many bees. You’re right though, Clayton has quite the little setup there.” She hoped more than anything that her voice was light and easy and didn’t show any hint of the turmoil she was actually feeling. “He’s modernized it so much it’s really ingenious the way he can tap the honey and get it to flow out without really disturbing the bees and their work. And I have to admit, you’re right, he does have a superior product.” She wasn’t lying about that. Clayton did have something good there, and the thought of it actually made her that much sadder to hear him say that any part of him didn’t think he was good enough for her, or smart enough. It was ridiculous. Liv paused as she was getting a pan out for the stir-fry. She hoped she conveyed that properly in her dealings with him today. She didn’t want something like that weighing on him, because for someone to go around feeling in anyway that they were any less amazing than they truly were, well, it was more than a shame. It was a waste.

  “You going to get that pan on the burner anytime soon?” Drea asked, bringing Liv back from her thoughts. “We’re hungry over here, you know.”

  “Oh,” Liv said. “Sorry about that. I was just thinking about something. But let’s get dinner going. I’m hungry too, and we all have to get up bright and early in the morning.” She flashed a smile. “Those pies are not going to make themselves, now, are they?”

  “No, they sure aren’t,” Aunt Joyce said. “Not with tourist season fast approaching. I’m starting to get really excited about what we can really do. I say after dinner we do some serious planning on our game strategy. If they think I came to play last year, they don’t know what I’m bringing to the game this year now that it’s Team Goode ’N Sweet 2.0.”

  Liv looked over at Drea with wide eyes and shook her head. “Oh, why do I get the feeling we’ve created a bit of a monster?”

  Drea gave her a head shake right back. “Hey, don’t blame me. I’m not the one with the mad baking skills. All I do is make things pretty. You’re the one who brings the sweet.”

  That night Liv couldn’t help sitting in her old spot on the old window seat. She had her laptop open, looking for leads on a new job and uploading her résumé to a popular job search site. Just a few minutes before, she had deleted an annoying message from Damon. He had the nerve to send her something about a job lead. As if she’d want to hear from him on a job lead. And he had the nerve to send it so casually after the way he’d moved out on her. The only thing she wanted to hear from him was that he was returning her TV; besides that, she wanted nothing more from Damon Harding.

  Talk about a cherry on top of a completely confusing day. At this point in her life Liv felt that she should be feeling great about herself, on solid ground, have it all together, be accomplished and all that, but no, here she was sitting in the same spot she had been sitting as a teenager, filled with the same uncertainty and unease that she felt back then. Thinking about the same man she was thinking of back then. She was a completely hopeless case and she knew it, but still she couldn’t get her mind off Clayton and what he’d told her earlier that afternoon. And worse yet, she couldn’t get her visions, or her out-of-control feelings about their afternoon and how it rocked her world, out of her mind.

  For all her strong self-talk, if she was truly honest with herself, she was now more confused than ever. She looked out the window and glimpsed what she knew to be his bedroom and took in the fact that the light was off, noting there was nothing but darkness coming from that room. Glancing at the rest of the house, she noticed each room was illuminated, including the room that she’d seen Hope shimmy out of. She wondered where Clayton was at this time of night. It was late, so late that she probably should be asleep already, having to get up at four-thirty in the morning. But where was he? Did he go back to work an overnight and sleep at the firehouse, or did he go back to the fishing cabin and sleep there? She’d remembered him mentioning that sometimes he did stay out at the cabin when he needed to gather his thoughts and get a little privacy. She wondered if tonight was one of those nights, but then she let out a long breath and shook her head. What good was it wondering things like that?

  “What are you still doing up?” Drea’s voice had her turning her head toward her bedroom door in surprise.

  “I could ask the same thing about you,” Liv said softly as her sister entered the room and took a seat opposite her on the window bench.

  “I was thirsty.” Drea shook her head. “Nah. Let me not lie. I was sneaking down to get a taste of your leftover berry swirl pie. It really is good. I can’t believe this newfound sweet tooth of mine. I stay here much longer, I may actually have to take on some form of exercise, and you know how much I detest manual exertion without any payoff, but all these sweets are doing nothing for my hips.”

  Liv looked over at her sister, taking in her still perfectly proportioned figure. “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about in the hip department. Not that a little exercise is a bad idea for anybody.”

  Drea tilted her head to the side at that and then glanced out the window. “So, you gonna tell me what’s keeping you up?”

  Liv let out a sigh, hit a few keys, then closed her laptop. “I was just filling out a few job applications. Aunt Joyce seems to be doing a lot better than we expected. So I need to start seriously considering what I’m going to do when I get back to New York. It may take me a while before I find something that’s a good fit.”

  Drea nodded. “I hear you on that,” she said. Then she let out a soft, almost imperceptible breath. “I guess I should be getting on there too.”

  “You guess? It doesn’t sound like you’ve given it much thought,” Liv said.

  “No, I’ve given it quite a bit of thought,” Drea said. “I just haven’t come to any conclusions yet. Honestly, I’ve been floundering for so long, hanging my hat on the singing and acting thing that hasn’t quite panned out, that I don’t really know what I want to do or what I’m qualified to do.”

  “Oh, honey, you’re qualified to do so much. And I don’t think you should totally give up on your dream of singing or acting if it’s really what’s in your heart. But it doesn’t hurt to have a backup plan if things don’t work out the way you want them to, or just to have something to keep you floating until that does work out. Why, just seeing your work with Aunt Joyce has shown how incredibly talented you are.”

  Drea looked at Liv skeptically. “Get real, taking down some curtains and changing a few runners, that doesn’t take any real talent.”

  “Oh, come on, you’ve done so much more than that. Stop selling yourself short. In no time, you’ve given the shop a
whole new look and a whole new brightness. And that came to you completely innately. It takes true talent to do something like that. Not to mention you are amazing at customer service and have been a true draw to the shop. In just the couple of weeks that we’ve been here, Aunt Joyce has already seen an uptick in business and I’m sure that’s not due to just the few pies that I’ve added to the menu. I know it’s got quite a bit to do with how you’ve brightened up the place. Maybe you should think about something in customer service or in styling. I don’t know, but I know you’ve got a lot of talent and you shouldn’t let it go to waste.”

  Drea looked at Liv a lot more intently. “And what about you?”

  Liv pulled back, surprised by the question, not quite knowing what her sister meant. “What about me?”

  “Have you only been applying for marketing analyst jobs on the web? I could say the same about you and the improvements you’ve made to the shop in these weeks, not to mention the changes I’ve seen in you personally since you’ve been in the kitchen baking. There’s a new lightness to you. I haven’t seen you smile as much in the last two years as I’ve seen you smile in the last two weeks.”

  “I smile plenty, I’ll have you know.”

  “Yeah, that plastered-on smile that you do so well. I’m an actress, remember? I know the truth from what is just a put-on. Not to mention you’re my sister. I’ve been watching you perfect that fake smile for most of my life. I know when you’re trying to pull one over, Liv. Just like you were trying to pull one over on us by pretending it was all about the hives with Clayton Morris this afternoon. And no big deal. Come on and give me a little credit. One look in your eyes and I could tell that man showed you way more than his hives.”

  Liv’s eyes went wide over her sister’s frank talk in the way she’d totally read her from the inside out. “Get outta here. It wasn’t anything like that. He did show me his hives, and it was just like I said. Well, almost. We might have had to air a few things out about the past, and I might’ve got a little upset, and things got a little heated, and well, maybe he might’ve gotten a little out of control himself and kissed me, but it doesn’t matter because nothing is coming of it. Absolutely nothing.”

  Drea grinned and nodded her head. “That was it, huh? Well, that sounds like a whole lot of its and nothings to me.”

  Liv reached over and gave her sister a light whack on her thigh. “You are the worst,” she said, but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her over the way Drea put her anxiety in perspective. It was honestly just the bit of levity she needed at that moment.

  “I know I am,” Drea said, “but I’m probably just the right amount of worst you need right now.” Drea got serious, her voice sobering. “Listen, I know you and I know you’re probably beating yourself up over the kiss and nothings that happened this afternoon, but I’m here to tell you to stop. Like you said, it was just a kiss, but it was probably just a kiss you needed at that time. Everything happens for a reason.”

  Liv shook her head at her sister. “Not this. Definitely not this. There can’t be a reason for this happening. Not now. If there was a reason for this, it would’ve happened twelve years ago when it should have.”

  Drea leaned forward and put her hand over Liv’s. “And there you go. My ever-controlling sister. Thinking she has the power over time and space. Like I said, everything happens for a reason, and it all happens in its due time and in its due season. Maybe this kiss was just the wake-up call you needed to let you know that you weren’t ready for it to happen all those years ago. Maybe he wasn’t ready for it to happen all those years ago.”

  What in the world was Drea talking about? This was the absolute worst time for it to happen. Liv had a life in New York, and Clayton had a life here, not to mention a life here with his family, with his daughter. She didn’t see any room for her in that. “I love you, Drea, and I love you for coming here and being here with me and supporting me now, but I have to tell you, I think you’re wrong. Clayton and I, well, that ship has long sailed. I’m here for the short while and then I’m going back to my life in New York, leaving him to his daughter and I hope a very good life here. He made his decisions back then, and now I’m making mine for the best future I can.”

  Drea got up with a stretch and a yawn. She leaned forward and gave Liv a kiss on the top of her head. “Okay, dear sister, if you say so. But if I were you, I’d stop staring out that window at his and go on ahead and get some sleep. The future starts tomorrow bright and early at four-thirty a.m. Good night.”

  Chapter 19

  “We keeping you awake over there, Chief?” Clayton looked up at Braxton Lewis from where Clayton was sitting at the head of the conference room table in the firehouse. He had his head cradled in one hand while he was staring at the spreadsheet in front of him, honestly not making heads or tails of the uptake in food in the past six months. He wanted to point fingers, but the only change had been the addition of the new guy, Ducky Waterford, who had come on in April, and there was no way pint-size Ducky could be putting it away the way this paperwork had described. Still, Clayton had to admit it wasn’t the numbers that had him transfixed, and yes, Lewis had caught him halfway on his way to a nap and not really listening to what the crew was going on about as they did their weekly roundtable recap.

  He spent another restless night tossing and turning, going over his encounter with Livia down at the fishing shack. Encounter. Like he could call what they’d shared just an encounter. Though he was sure that was how she would like to categorize it. An encounter with Clayton Morris that she could put in a box and file away, pretend it never happened. Well, he had news for her: It happened, and if he could help it, it would not be the one and only time. He’d like to have her open up a permanent spot for him on the desktop of her mind for many, many more files.

  He gave himself a mental head shake. The thought of that seemed almost insurmountable. Not after the way he’d botched up his so-called apology. He was, for the most part, fine as long as he wasn’t rambling on to her. Doing that was nothing but a recipe for disaster. He’d never wanted to admit his feelings of insecurity, or in any way make her feel as if she was responsible for them. But he was afraid that he had, and that wasn’t really on her, that was on him. And once again, he found himself feeling guilty and needing to make amends for his own stupid blunder. That was, if she’d even want to listen. Now there was a big rub. Probably no way she would after all his droning on about his feelings. Worse yet, after his droning on about his oversensitive feelings, he had the nerve to—without permission or real provocation—go and kiss her. Not that he could or would regret that kiss. No, there was no way he’d have any regrets when the result was so earth-shatteringly amazing.

  Clayton forced himself to focus on the business at hand as he looked over at Braxton. “Yeah, Lewis, of course I’m awake. Don’t be such a smart mouth.” He looked around the rest of the table, taking in a myriad of confused and expected expressions. He could tell they were all judging him, trying to figure out what was going on with his mood, but today he just wasn’t in the mood to entertain any questions. For once he wanted to keep to himself and not have to deal with anyone’s unsolicited opinions. “If there are no further points of business, let’s adjourn and everyone can get to their assigned tasks.” He gave a nod and attempted a smile that probably came out as little more than a halfhearted grimace. With any luck they’d all think he had a bout of the stomach flu. “Thank you for your time, and as always, remember safety first. You are your crewmember’s keeper.”

  With that Clayton rose and gathered his papers in order to head out. He purposely ignored Avery’s look of concern as he made his way toward his office. He noted she was just about to say something when thankfully his cell phone pinged with a message.

  Dad, I’m stopping off to get ice cream after school with Alisha. I told grandma. Will call you later.

  He gave a nod and a smile as he wrote a quick answer back to Hope letting her know that it was okay to go wi
th her friend for ice cream after school, but to indeed not be too late and to call him for a ride home. School was just about up for the year, and though he was still worried about her, he had noticed in the past two weeks that she seemed a little bit happier, and he was thrilled that she was getting out and engaging with some friends. With the busy season picking up in town, though, he couldn’t help but be a little concerned about his daughter getting to the age where she would be hanging out on her own in town. Being the overzealous father, he made a mental note to take a little stroll along Main Street at around three-thirty just to be sure everything was all right.

  But as three-thirty came around, something told Clayton it probably wasn’t the best thing to do, strolling by the ice-cream shop and embarrassing his daughter when she was just starting to get out and make friends. He was sure she would hate him for it. Maybe it would be best if he just hung back and waited for her call. He paced by the entrance to the firehouse, clutching his cell phone, at a loss for what to do. It was then that he looked up and straight into the eyes of Olivia Gale.

  Just great, here he was completely perplexed about the eleven-year-old in his life and now he was face-to-face with the nearly thirty-year-old that had him twisted inside out.

  “Hi.” How is that for enlightened introductions?

  “Hi,” she said back. She sure looked pretty today, no, more than pretty; pretty was for beauty queens and Hollywood starlets. With the way she looked and how she halted his breathing and confused his mind, breathtaking was the only way to describe her.