As Good as the First Time

by K. M. Jackson

  Liv looked over at her living room wall, tempted to give it a bang. But come on, really? Even the reggae-playing neighbors decided now was the time to go radio silent? It was a little too much.

  Thinking of her exit from Sugar Lake with the long hug and a good-bye from Aunt Joyce, there were no tears, at least not until she got into the car. Aunt Joyce told her she wouldn’t accept that. So they both held on, tears only glistening and holding tight to the tips of their lashes. She’d made Liv promise to come back as soon as she could. To keep baking and bring back some good recipes she could add to the menu when she did return.

  But when would she return? Would it be next year or the year after that or even a year after that? When would she be able to go to Sugar Lake again, to see Clayton and not fall, ridiculously, madly, and terribly in love with him? Something she had no right doing with the state of his life. She knew she couldn’t. And she wouldn’t, not after seeing so much joy on his daughter’s face over having her mother back. It didn’t matter what Clayton had said. What mattered was that child’s happiness. She had to leave and give them that fair chance.

  And there you go trying to control everybody again.

  Drea’s words in Liv’s mind stopped her short as she went to pull the takeout dinner out of the bag. She almost told her sister out loud to hush up, but that would seal the deal and she would have officially tipped over into the crazy category. But was Drea right, was she trying to control a situation that she had no right to? She looked around her empty apartment and at her salad bar takeaway. It all seemed so pointless and so not what she wanted to eat or where she wanted to be.

  She thought about her ride away from Sugar Lake. The fact that she drove off at four-thirty that morning without any good-bye to Clayton, not able to find the words and not trusting herself to be strong enough to refuse him if he just so happened to tempt her once more.

  Liv stilled while opening her plastic fork–knife pack.

  If she couldn’t refuse him, did that mean she was refusing what she really wanted for herself?

  It was then that anger and recognition hit her all at once. If she didn’t trust herself to be able to refuse Clayton if he were to ask her to stay, then what was she doing here now?

  Why was it so easy to say no to that job, her supposed dream job, even if it was Damon offering it? What job would she be able to say yes to here?

  In her heart of hearts, the job she really wanted she’d already had for the past six weeks back in Sugar Lake. She shook her head then. Darn it, for all her supposed flightiness, her sister saw it before she did. She really was the happiest when she was baking. When she was creating something new and different with her hands, and more so, like Aunt Joyce, she was overjoyed when her creations were giving joy to others. Restructuring, no matter how well she did it, never did that. And it never would compare.

  As for the rest—the kisses, the bursting of her heart when she was in Clayton’s arms—all that part, that part was the cherry on top of it all, and that was a part she couldn’t control.

  So take control of what you can.

  “Dang it. Do you have to talk so much?” Okay, now she really was going crazy and she was talking out loud to her sister’s voice. She needed to do something about this. She needed to do something period.

  Liv ditched the salad and headed for her kitchen, the urge to bake almost overwhelming. She rummaged through her pantry looking for ingredients to make something, anything. She found evaporated milk, flour, sugar, and vanilla extract. There were some canned peaches and peanut butter from she didn’t remember when. She didn’t know what she was going to make, but it didn’t really matter. She could mix all this into something. She had eggs and butter. She’d make it work. It didn’t have to be perfect, it just had to come out good enough to get her through the night. Liv went back to the cupboard to see what else she could find, then paused. What was she looking for? And why was she looking for it here?

  She turned then and pulled her trash can over to the counter. In frustration and with a bit of resignation, she swept all the contents in. There would be no baking tonight. Not for her in this apartment anymore. The pantry stunk, and she didn’t even have decent honey.

  Liv smiled to herself, her decision made. She could still have a happy life even if she wasn’t in control of every step along the way.

  Couldn’t she?

  Suddenly the over-a-cliff feel of it made her heart race.

  Just then there was a knock on her door, jolting Liv out of her scattered musings. Who could be there without having been buzzed from downstairs? Caution nipped at Liv, but she assumed it must be one of her neighbors with a question or some such thing. Maybe Mrs. Taylor inquiring about her return. Still she looked through her peephole and gasped when she saw Clayton Morris’s image looking back at her, though quite distorted and slightly nervous.

  Her heart thumped hard and erratic, feeling as if it were tripping over itself, and she had to silently tell her hands not to shake as she flipped back the locks on her door and opened it. Maybe he was a mirage. It could very well be she’d finally tipped and completely tilted off her emotional and mental axis.

  “Hey there, Livia.”

  This was no mirage. Mirages didn’t speak. She cautiously leaned forward. And mirages didn’t smell like woods, heat, and honey, and she sure as heck knew her hallway never had that particular aroma. No, this was him. Clayton Morris was here, standing in her New York hallway, looking wrinkled and weary in shorts and a tee, with about a good day’s growth of scruff scattered across his cheeks. She also couldn’t miss the slight dark circles under his eyes. Everything about them screamed that he hadn’t slept in at least twenty-four hours, maybe more. All in all he wasn’t presenting himself in his best light, and still he looked like the most beautiful thing she’d seen in such a long time.

  He flashed her that darned grin of his, and thankfully it helped Liv somehow find her voice. “What are you doing here? Why are you in New York?”

  “You left without saying good-bye.” Was she mistaken, or did Liv notice there was a slight crack in his deep voice. There was so much emotion spilling from his dark eyes that she thought she’d drown in it. “I know what not saying good-bye feels like, Liv, and I never want to let either of us make that mistake ever again. Living with that feeling is terrible.”

  “Well, it’s no picnic the other way either,” she choked out, and as if pulled by some invisible string she folded into his arms, kissing him with all her might, trying to both breathe life into the weary man and pull from his incredible strength. “What in the world am I gonna do with you?” she asked, gazing up at him.

  “Well, first I hope you invite me in and maybe offer a weary traveler a glass of water and the use of your couch. It’s a long drive from Sugar Lake to New York. And then after that it’s my hope—no, my prayer—that you love me. Not just love me, but love me and be with me forever. Because I’ve spent so many years loving you from afar, I don’t want to spend the ones I have left without you by my side.”

  Liv froze then as she stared at him, looking deep in his eyes, searching for any sign of hesitation and finding none. “But how, Clayton? How can we do this? And what about Hope and Celeste?”

  He shook his head. “We can make it work. Celeste is already on her way . . where exactly? I’m not sure. Which stinks, where Hope is concerned. As I thought, she came to town only to stir up a little havoc in my and Hope’s life.”

  “I’m really sorry about that,” Liv said, and she meant it. Mostly for Hope.

  “Thanks, but no need for you to be sorry,” Clayton said. “I wish her the best, but what she does from now on is up to her. I won’t allow her to keep letting Hope down. She’s had enough of that in her life. She deserves better.”

  “You deserve better too.” Liv frowned. Maybe she shouldn’t have blurted that out.

  Clayton smiled. “You’re right, I do. And I know for me, that better is you. I also know that in time, and I hope that’s in
the near future, Hope will grow to love you just as much as I do. Hey, you’ve already got a great head start. She trusts you like no other.”

  Liv’s heart swelled upon hearing this, and she nodded, taking Clayton’s hand and leading him into her apartment. “What about my cousin Pearl?” Liv suddenly blurted out.

  Clayton bumped into her back, then looked at her with confusion. “Your cousin Pearl? What about her?”

  “Didn’t you bring her home after she came to you crying one night? I heard she has a thing for you.”

  He laughed a wry laugh, then ran a hand across his face. “You always do keep me on my toes, woman.” He took her hands and looked her in the eye. “Believe me. There is nothing between me and your slightly nutty, very married, extremely fertile cousin. Though I won’t deny she may have been crying to me one night over being turned down by my recluse of a brother. That man of the mountain thing he’s got going is a menace.”

  Liv pulled a face. “Seriously? Caleb?”

  “Seriously. You’d be surprised by how many go in for that strong and silent thing he does.”

  Liv’s surprised expression stayed firm, and Clayton laughed. “I’m so glad to see you’re not moved.”

  She grinned and shook her head. “No, I’m not. You should know by now I’ve only had it in all these years for one sweet Southern boy next door.”

  Clayton’s eyes lit up at that. “Oh, darling, if it’s sweetness you want, then you know I’ve got plenty to spare.”

  She reached up and kissed him then, letting that sweetness he was bragging about sweep her away and take her back to Sugar Lake. The strength of his arms made her feel even more sure of her decision to go back and work with Aunt Joyce on continuing their family legacy.

  Finally, she would be living a life of her own creation.

  ¼ faith

  ¼ hope

  ¼ courage

  ¼ destiny

  All parts LOVE.

  Recipes

  In every character I write there is a little of myself, and this book is no exception. I can admit to being two parts Olivia and one part Drea, though that depends on the day. You get me on an odd day and it totally flips. With that in mind, I was always the frustration of my very talented, genius cook and baker, Nana, who tried her best to impart her wisdom on me. She was the one who said to me, “You’ll be a great cook when you learn to cook with love.” And to that, similar to Drea, I flippantly answered her back, “Well, I guess I’ll never be great because I sure don’t love to cook. If it takes longer than a half hour to prep, it had better be Thanksgiving.”

  Thankfully, my Nana loved me despite my poor skills and sometimes lack of enthusiasm. Here are a couple of my quick and easy sweet recipes. Trust me, they do taste better if you add a dash of love. Feel free to give them a try, and please adjust to your taste and dietary needs. This is cooking, it doesn’t have to be perfect, but the process should be fun and the outcome just right for you!

  Pecan Peach Cobbler for One

  Serves 4 to 6 (see what I did there!)

  Prep time: approximately 30 minutes

  Baking time: approximately 35–45 minutes

  Ingredients

  2 cups diced canned peaches, with peach liquid

  ½ cup granulated sugar

  ¾ cup brown sugar

  1 Tablespoon honey

  ¾ stick of butter plus ¼ stick

  ½ cup flour

  ¾ cup of milk, whole or 2%

  Dash of nutmeg

  Dash of cinnamon

  Nonstick cooking spray

  Two ready-made pie crusts

  Large muffin tin, 4–6 ramekins, or 4–6 individual muffin tins

  ¾ cup chopped pecans

  Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

  Cobbler filling

  In a large bowl, mix the diced peaches in liquid, the granulated sugar, the brown sugar, and the honey.

  Melt ¾ stick of butter. Gently add the butter to the peach mixture.

  In a separate bowl, mix the flour and ¾ cup milk. Stir, then add this to the peach mixture.

  Add nutmeg and cinnamon. Set aside.

  Crust

  Spray your tins or ramekins with nonstick cooking spray. Roll out the pie crusts and cut into quarter sections. Roll the sections to stretch them out (they don’t have to be perfect, just stretched enough to fit your tins). Take each section and place it in the bottom and on the sides of the tin or ramekin.

  Tip: Place your ramekins on a parchment paper prelined baking sheet to protect your oven and help with cleanup.

  Add the peach filling mixture into each tin, filling each only halfway.

  Tip: Don’t add too much liquid. If you have some left over, it is okay. You want the peaches but you don’t want it to overflow.

  Sprinkle chopped pecans on top of each cobbler.

  Slightly fold in the crust edges (not too tightly) and brush with ¼ stick melted butter.

  Bake until peaches are bubbling and crust is golden brown, about 35–45 minutes. Let cool about 10 minutes. Enjoy!

  Quick and Handy Blackberry Pockets

  Prep time: approximately 30 minutes

  Baking time: approximately 15-20 minutes

  Ingredients

  2 cups blackberries

  ¾ cup water

  ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

  1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

  ½ cup granulated sugar

  ¼ cup brown sugar

  1 Tablespoon honey

  ¼–½ stick of butter softened (optional—for spreading later)

  1 roll pack of instant biscuits

  Preheat oven to 360 degrees and set the biscuits aside for use later.

  Combine all ingredients (except butter) in a small bowl. Transfer blackberry mixture to a small pot and bring to a slow boil stirring gently. Let simmer 5 minutes. Set aside to cool.

  Open biscuits and roll out with rolling pin until flattened.

  Add 1 tablespoon of blackberry mixture to the center of the rolled-out biscuit.

  Fold over into half-moon shape and pinch all edges together to seal the biscuit pocket closed.

  Lay biscuits on a baking sheet and bake 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown.

  Serve warm with a bit of butter on top for a sweet breakfast or brunch treat!

  Berry Lovely Swirl Pie

  Prep time: approximately 30 minutes

  Baking time: approximately 45 minutes

  Ingredients

  1 cup blackberries

  1 cup blueberries

  1 cup raspberries

  2 Tablespoons honey

  ¾ cup brown sugar

  1 teaspoon lemon juice

  ¾ stick of butter, melted

  1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

  ¾ cup granulated sugar

  ½ cup cornstarch

  Two ready-made pie crusts

  Pie filling

  In a large bowl, mix the blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, honey, ½ cup brown sugar, lemon juice, butter, and cinnamon. Gently add the sugar and ¾ cup cornstarch. Stir. Set aside 15 minutes.

  Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

  Lay the pie crust bottom into a prepped pie pan.

  Pour in the pie filling.

  For the top crust, either roll out the top, cut slits for venting, crimp edges to seal, and trim or cut strips and lattice-top them, crimp, and seal in a basket weave pattern.

  Have fun with it!

  Cover loosely with foil and bake on a baking tray for 30 minutes.

  Uncover and bake an additional 15 minutes or until golden brown.

  COLLECT THEM ALL

  The Unconventional Bride Series

  Insert Groom Here

  Eva Ward has won a lavish wedding on the

  nation’s hottest morning show, and she can’t

  wait to kick off her happily-ever-after in style.

  Too bad her fiancé backs out on the air. The

  only way Eva can save face and keep her

  perfect nuptial plans o
n track is to star in a

  new “find a groom” reality segment. But

  finding Mr. Right in eight weeks means

  ignoring Aidan Walker—her handsome new

  producer—and getting their exasperating

  instant attraction out of her system....

  To Me I Wed

  She’s done, finished, had it. She’s always been a

  bridesmaid, but her family has other

  expectations, and Lily Perry is fed up with

  being nagged to find a husband. She’s happy

  with her life, so she’s going to settle the issue

  once and for all—by marrying herself. And

  celebrated chef Vincent Caro’s fabulous

  restaurant is the perfect place for a wedding.

  Lily doesn’t care if everyone, including

  Vincent, thinks she’s crazy.

  Especially when his mouthwatering creations

  and no-commitments style ignite one sizzling

  no-strings fling or two . . . or more....

  The Betting Vow

  Leila Darling is past done with the supermodel

  thing. She’s got the talent to be a serious