Killing June

by May Bridges

  “I’m surprised you sound unsure. When I saw you at Joe’s bar you seemed like the confident vixen who was sure every man in the world wanted to touch her. What changed in three days?”

  “Nothing,” I answered quietly. Just that the only man I’d had actual sex with in a year didn’t want to finish. “What is the second reason?”

  “To prevent escape.” His words piqued some cautionary fear. “You like to run when things get hard.”

  “I don’t think you know me that well.”

  “You pushed me out after we slept together because you didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. When shit got uncomfortable in Rob’s office you bolted for the door, and I would put money down that you would have stomped straight to your car and dusted out when we walked out of the church if I didn’t have your hand.”

  He was right, I’d been planning on a quick escape.

  I realized that we’d passed my car and were at the back of the lot. The fear that was an ember a moment before flared up. Cade pushed me back against a charcoal gray Charger and pinned me there. His body pressed into mine and I was strangely okay with it, but his mouth was hovering uncomfortably close. I didn’t speak, but I must’ve looked like a frightened rabbit.

  “Calm down, brave girl,” he said softly. The expression on his face told me he was enjoying this, making me nervous.

  “Is there a reason you like making me uncomfortable? I mean, in there with my parents, and now . . .”

  “What am I doing that’s making you uncomfortable?” He knew what he was doing. It was evident when he dropped his head down, putting his lips so close to my ear a piece of paper could barely slide between us. “Tell me, Doll. Tell me you don’t want my body on you, my mouth on you. Go on, say it.”

  His warm breath tickled across my ear and neck. Even in the afternoon heat, it sent a shiver through me, making my head dip down, looking to rest it against him.

  I couldn’t tell him I didn’t want it.

  “You just do this shit to watch me squirm, don’t you?” I said instead. From the moment he walked up and kissed me on the cheek, we had been playing his game. One that was purely for his entertainment, and I’m standing there still playing into it. Why?

  “Watching you squirm in there was amusing. I’ve decided that I like watching you squirm, in all sorts of ways.” Cade reached around me and squeezed my ass hard. Right over the welts he’d provided. The pain that had been dull and muted flared bright and hot again. It burned away the fear I had moments before and left hot lust behind. I did squirm. I couldn’t help it. I was half tempted to throw my head back against the car and ask him to make it hurt more, do it harder. The other half of me knew that the first half was crazy, and pushed away from him.

  “You and I are done here. That, what happened the other night, isn’t going to happen again, and I don’t see that we have any other business,” I said, in one very small moment of clarity.

  “I know you’re used to being in charge, but I’ll let you know when we don’t have any more business. Get in.” He opened the car door.

  “No. Hell no, actually.” I crossed my arms over my chest, ready to make my stand.

  “Don’t make a scene. I want to go for a ride and talk to you. I was going to take you out for coffee, but since we just ate I figured we could go for a ride.” Cade was finally looking a little exasperated too. Good, I hated feeling like the only one.

  “I don’t have anything to talk to you about and I don’t trust you. I’m not getting in your car.”

  “You don’t trust me? You put a cane in my hand and you don’t trust me enough to take you for a ride?”

  “Give me the keys.” I held out my hand. I didn’t want to debate the merit of his argument. I knew my logic in letting him do that to me had been off.

  “I’m not letting you drive,” Cade said, shaking his head.

  “Then I’m not going, and if you don’t move I will cause a scene like you have never witnessed.”

  “You’re feisty.” He dropped the keys in my hand. “I like that.”

  Cade got into the passenger’s seat. I got in and fired it up. He’d obviously modified it. I could feel the power rumbling around me. I moved the seat up and adjusted the mirrors. I loved the sick look on Cade’s face and the idea that after that horrific lunch with my parents, I got to make him uncomfortable too.

  “So, where to?” I asked, flashing pearly whites at him.

  “Okay, first of all, you look way too happy about driving my car. I don’t let people drive my car. Don’t jack it up.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I thought we could go talk somewhere. Your place?”

  “Nope, somewhere public.”

  “Okay, then . . . Where would you suggest?”

  “There’s a park off San Gabriel. I like the ducks. We can go there.” I threw it into first and peeled out, kicking up gravel into the empty space behind us. The tires caught and we rocketed forward. I was giggling. Cade said my name, “Alexandria,” in much the same fashion my dad did when I was in trouble.

  I made a stop at the gas station on the way. Cade waited in his precious car while I ran in. The park wasn’t far from my church and that was probably good for Cade. I took the corners too fast, sped up at the yellows, and unnecessarily weaved through what little traffic there was. I thought he was going to throw a clot. One hand gripped his own knee so hard his knuckles were white. The other covered his mouth, and I thought I could see sweat forming on his brow by the time we pulled up to the park.

  As soon as the parking brake was on and the ignition off, Cade was reaching for the keys. I clutched them in my hand and jumped out of the car.

  “Give me the keys,” he demanded.

  “Nope, I’m driving back to the church too, Mr. Brannon.” I grabbed my bag from the gas station and walked past him toward the trail.

  Cade caught up to me in two easy strides. “I’m serious about not jacking up my car. You really won’t like me if you do.”

  “Who says I like you now?” He didn’t respond, and fell into step with me as we made our way around the pond.

  “So do you really attend church?”

  “Nah, I attended Mass as a kid, but not in a long time.”

  “Mass, so you’re Catholic?”

  “My mother’s family is from Mexico and is Catholic. My dad is a white boy from around here. Mom made me go to Mass around holidays.”

  That explained his beautiful deep russet skin. With his other features I’d been thinking Italian, or a run of the mill white boy with a killer tan, but that mix of heritage fit better.

  Do you go every Sunday?” he asked.

  “Once a month. You got lucky that it was today.”

  “If you weren’t at church I would’ve run the cuffs by your house. Not as much fun as aggravating you in front of your parents, but that was an unexpected bonus.”

  I wondered if he knew where I lived, or if he was talking about the loft. I wasn’t going to ask. He knew what my dad did for a living, so I didn’t doubt his stalking skills.

  “Do you just like messing with people, or am I special?” I asked.

  “Both.”

  The September sun was up now, and hot. The bench, in the shade of a giant oak tree, was a good refuge.

  “So what’s in the bag?” Cade asked, settling down beside me.

  I pulled out the contents and set them between us. Diet Dr. Pepper, water, a large bag of Skittles, and a pack of hotdog buns.

  “Hotdog buns?” Cade asked.

  “For the ducks. The water is for you, and I’ll share my Skittles if you don’t eat the purple ones. They’re my favorite.”

  “Perfect. I like the yellow ones anyway.”

  I made a face. “I hate the yellow ones.”

  “Then sharing Skittles should never be a problem for us.”

  It only took a second for the ducks to come over once the buns were out. I ripped off small pieces and tossed them into the grass. The ducks ventured closer with each b
ite.

  “You surprise me every time I see you,” Cade said, watching me. He was noticeably side-eyeing the ducks.

  “How’s that?”

  “The first time I met you, you looked every bit the part of the businesswoman. In the wrong bar, but still. The non-domestic type your mom says you try to be.”

  I rolled my eyes. I was as domestic as I wanted to be.

  “The second time . . .” Cade stopped, and something that looked almost like an ache washed over his expression. “The second time, you were—well, you weren’t the girl I thought would be feeding ducks after Sunday morning church. Maybe something more . . .”

  “Broken?” I cut in.

  “Maybe parts of yourself, only just the sad parts.”

  Just the sad parts. Cade might have been pretty close to the truth, and I was taken aback by how well he saw me. I didn’t want him to see me that well. I didn’t want anyone to.

  “And at Rob’s . . .” Cade hesitated. “I guess I’m saying I feel like in four days of seeing you, I haven’t met the same girl twice.”

  I knew what he meant. Getting to see the different sides of my life wasn’t something many people had done. Rachel got close, seeing everything but June.

  “Do you want to feed the ducks?” I asked and held out a hotdog bun toward him.

  “Naw, I’m good.”

  “Come on. Feed them. They’ll eat it out of your hand if you hold still.”

  “Don’t they bite?” Cade’s brow knitted together.

  “Are you afraid of ducks? Please tell me you are. This would be seriously funny if you were. Hitman afraid of ducks.” I said mocking.

  “I’m not afraid of ducks. I don’t want to be bitten by a wild animal. It’s not an unreasonable thing to not want to be bitten,” Cade said in a huff. “And I am not a hitman.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Here.” I put a piece of bread in his hand and had him hang it off his knee. “Hold it there.” I threw out a few pieces making a trail to his hand. “So, if not a hitman, then what?” An eager brown and green duck bullied his way to the front of the trail.

  “Jack of all trades. I find people. Usually for people like Rob, but not always for bad reasons. Hired muscle, you could say.” Cade flexed his arm, grinning at me. “I do some lending also.”

  “Like a loan shark?”

  “I’m not a shark. Just another boy from the hood that made some cash and is trying to help other people out with loans.”

  “Right. At crazy rates and with penalties and late fees that are bad for their health, I’m sure.”

  He shrugged. “I’m sure I’m not as bad as you’d like to think I am.”

  The brown and green duck scooped up the bread trail and snatched the piece from Cade’s hand.

  “Are you missing any fingers? Do you need stitches or a rabies shot?” I teased.

  He shook his head and grabbed another bun from the bag. “So you’re Rob’s girl? I was surprised to find that out yesterday.”

  “It’s not like that. Hasn’t been for a long time, but he never stopped calling me that. We dated throughout high school. Played around while I was in college. Life’s plans were too different for us after school, but we stayed friends,” I explained.

  “You guys go to the same school? Your family seems too upper class for the same neighborhood as Rob.”

  “I went to a school a few districts over. We met at a party. Had some mutual friends.”

  “So you’re an around-the-way girl. Every ghetto boy’s dream.” Cade waggled his brow at me.

  “Whatever.” I threw a piece of bread at his head and he swatted it away.

  “You and Rob seemed like more than friends in his office.” Cade abandoned his bread and turned toward me.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what that was. Robert is important to me, and I think, at least I want to think, that I’m important to him. The last few days I’m not so sure.” I tried to shake off the feeling of betrayal that crept in, and moved the conversation away from Robert. “We broke up after high school, but started going to kink clubs together. We hooked up often back then, but never got back together. You can file it under ‘it’s complicated.’”

  Cade nodded at me like he understood. I wasn’t even sure I understood, with all the back and forth between just friends and friends with benefits over the years, but I was definitely not Rob’s girl. Even the friends with benefits had stopped over three years ago.

  “How did you know where I went to church anyway?”

  “Asked Rob. He said something about you going to church today and I asked where. He likes talking about you.” Cade opened my Skittles and started to pick around the purple ones. “So you and Rob are old friends. How do you know Becker?”

  I tossed a piece of bread at the birds and stuffed what was left into the bag. “You ready to go?” I asked, picking up my soda.

  “Is Becker an off-limits conversation?” His eyes studied my face in a way that made me uneasy.

  The mention of Becker was sobering. Not that I was high, but it cleared out the illusion of sitting in a park on a nice Sunday afternoon with a good guy, and brought into focus the reality of the situation.

  “I don’t know you, so everything should be an off-limits conversation. You can dress up in a suit and tie, and chat it up with my dad like you’re a legit member of society, but it doesn’t change who you are. I know what guys like you are about. I know not to trust you.”

  The insanity of sitting in a park feeding ducks with someone like Cade Brannon struck me. I’d bet the only thing he usually did in parks was mug people.

  “Rob is right, you are an angry girl.”

  “Robert doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does. I’m not angry.” It was a lie as soon as it left my lips. I was angry. Angry at Cade for bringing up Becker like it was his business. Angry at Robert for telling people I was angry, and angry at the world for putting me further away from my chance to kill June. Because that was what Becker was, my chance to fix myself. I wanted to see the remorse on his face, even if I had to put it there. Retribution, and then freedom.

  My phone buzzed and I tapped on the screen to check the text.

  Come to my house after church.

  “Who’s that?” Cade asked as I tapped the phone off.

  “Robert.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. I wasn’t ready to deal with Robert again. I knew he’d be pissed if I didn’t go, but that was fine with me. I was pissed too.

  “I know you said no, but go back to your place with me. We need to talk about some things that happened when you left Rob’s. I think you might appreciate the privacy.” Cade’s deep brown eyes were unwavering, daring me to say no, to refuse him again.

  I didn’t want to refuse him. Admitting that seemed like defeat, and that was crazy since there was no war being waged there. “Okay, I’ll go.”

  Cade got up and took my hand. “Good, because all these ducks are starting to freak me out.”

  The ducks made a path as we headed back to the parking lot. At the car Cade slid into the passenger’s seat and I was surprised there wasn’t a fight about letting me drive.

  When we got back to my car, the church parking lot was empty. “I’ll follow you,” Cade said.

  I think he saw my resolve about bringing him back to my place wavering, because those three words sounded like a threat. The unspoken implied part sounded something like until you stop and we get to talk, no matter where you go.

  Chapter Nine

  With Cade still close in my rearview, I contemplated. The loft or my apartment? The loft screamed sex. That’s all it was for. Hell, the only thing in it was a bed, sex toys/torture devices, and some mix-and-match furniture. I knew that space would wreak havoc on my self-control around Cade. I could still see his sweat-glistening skin when I closed my eyes, skin I never got to touch.

  That left my apartment. It was one more tool I used to separate the parts of my life. Alex was at the apartment, June at the loft. I didn’t know if I want
ed Cade there. It was still an untainted space, a place where I could escape from June, and Robert, and the parts of my life that weren’t for the rest of the world to see.

  I’d never had such a hard time understanding where someone fit into my life. I’d always known, but not with Cade.

  Deciding quickly as I passed exit after exit, I jerked the wheel hard left to get the last exit to downtown. Cars blared their horns at Cade and me as we cut them off to make the ramp.

  I pulled into the underground parking lot. Cade was there at my door when I gathered my things and got out. “Were you trying to lose me at the exit?”

  “No, a last minute decision on destination.”

  He followed me up to the second floor and I felt him too close behind me when I stopped to unlock the door. I could feel the heat from him radiating out toward me. It made me want to sway back and make contact. I turned the key instead and stepped forward, into the cool loft air.

  I dropped my purse and the bag with my cuffs on the counter and flipped on the wall sconces. The soft, gold light and silvery walls set a seductive scene. It was usually what I wanted there, but in that moment I wished for fluorescents that would assault us with sterile white light.

  The first thing I usually did when I brought men to the loft was pull out my S&W and secure them to the bed for my safety. I’d leveled a gun at Cade before and it did nothing to encourage him to comply with my requests. The break in routine had me fidgeting.

  “Can I get you anything? I have water, Jack, and Diet Coke. Coke might be flat by now.”

  Cade held up the bottle of water from the gas station. “I’m fine, thanks. Do you mind if I lose the shirt? It’s suffocating.”

  “Sure.” My answer wasn’t going to matter. He was already unbuttoning his shirt with nimble fingers by the time I’d said it.

  He slid the light blue dress shirt off his shoulders, exposing the beautiful black lines of his tattooed arms. I didn’t know if I was relieved or disappointed when I saw that he had a white T-shirt on underneath.