Killing June

by May Bridges

  Cade ran his nose up and down the inside of my leg. Pain, panic, and paradise. I couldn’t process it all before his tongue was licking at me, pressing between my folds of skin. “Fuck, Cade.” I tried to flex my hips forward to make more friction, but I couldn’t get leverage.

  “So eager for my mouth now, aren’t you?” Cade said, looking up my body from his knees.

  “I want it. I’ve always wanted it. You know that.”

  “If you go, if you leave here, don’t you think you would miss this?”

  “We can still have this, Cade. I don’t have to intrude on your life for you to have me.” It’s hard to argue with him while he’s on his knees between my legs.

  “So you just want to be one of the girls I fuck?” Cade raised his brow.

  One of the girls. One of how many, I wondered?

  Cade licked at me again, making it impossible to answer. With my legs on his shoulders, I tried to push back into his mouth, wanting to forget the thoughts in my head.

  “And when you go back to working for Rob,” Cade said, “and he lines up men for you, then what? Are you going to pencil me into your schedule, June?”

  “It wouldn’t be like that, Cade. And I don’t want to just be a girl you fuck, but I’m not much more than that now. I just happen to be the one you keep at home, in your playroom.”

  Cade looked up my body, into my eyes. He looked angry and a little hurt, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he refocused on what he was doing and pressed his tongue to my clit. I wanted my hands on him.

  Cade licked me in slow circles and then trailed his tongue down my center and pushed into me. His mouth was soft and hot. I wanted to work my hips back and forth, to fuck his tongue, and I hated that hanging from the ropes was stopping me. He worked at me until I was on the edge, pushing me closer and closer. I saw the abyss and was ready to fall, to shatter.

  I wanted to let everything go and explode so bad it hurt. Cade already had my body to that place, on the edge, before he left me to hang there for a fucking hour. Bringing me that close again and not letting me get there was torture.

  “Do you like my mouth, Doll?” Cade asked, right at the moment I was ready to break. His lips were swollen and wet from working at me.

  “You know I do,” I said, holding in a whimper. “Please let me finish.”

  “Are you going to let me put my mouth on you again?”

  “Yes. I’ll let you.” Hell, anything if he would give me that final push I needed to stop the ache between my legs. My body was trembling from the strain of hanging, and the need Cade had created. It was a new kind of pain I had never imagined.

  Cade took my legs from his shoulders and stood. My body stretched taut again, putting a new strain between my hips. It made the ache worse, more urgent than before. Cade’s lips were near mine again. “You taste so good, Doll. Do you want to taste it?”

  “Please,” I begged him.

  “Taste it from my mouth.”

  “No, Cade. Please let me cum.”

  He slid his fingers into my slick folds of flesh. When he passed over my clit I was sure I’d explode. He dipped his fingers inside me and then brought them to my lips.

  “Open your mouth for me. I want you to know how good you taste, so you know why I’m going to keep putting my tongue inside you, even if you won’t let me kiss you. And next time I eat you, you can tell me how much you want to stay while you’re coming on my lips.”

  I opened my lips for him and sucked his fingers. “Oh, such a good girl when you want to be,” Cade said, watching me lick his fingers. “You could be tasting this from my mouth right now, having my tongue against yours, your lips to mine.”

  Cade reached behind me and pulled the rope. It released from the hook and gravity took hold of my body. I crumbled into Cade. He laid me on the bed face down. “How bad do you need the release?” He asked like I hadn’t been begging all afternoon.

  When I reached down my own body, Cade pulled my hands above my head. They were still bound with the rope and it took nothing at all for him to take control of them. “You don’t get to touch yourself. I’m the only one that gets to make you orgasm now. Do you understand?”

  “I understand.”

  “Say it.”

  “You’re the only one who gets to make me orgasm, Cade.” I was almost crying, there was so much tension in my body.

  As soon as the words passed my lips he slid a finger in my ass. The shock made me tense up, my whole body went rigid.

  “Relax, Doll. I can make this feel good. I want you to cum while I fuck you here. Can I do that, brave girl?”

  My hips were grinding against the bed, providing some needed friction, and Cade was working me so slowly, stretching me little by little. His fingers were slick with lube I hadn’t noticed him using. When he slid his fingers into my pussy too, I couldn’t help but moan and push back into him. By the time he pulled my hips up and knelt behind me, I was more than ready for him. I was begging for release any way he’d give it to me.

  He pushed into me, making me cry out in pain. Then he stilled, staying pressed firmly against me.

  “I don’t think I can, Cade,” I whimper.

  “You can, brave girl. Just wait a minute. I’m going to make you feel good. I promise. Do you trust me?”

  I couldn’t answer. I’d taken the comforter into my mouth.

  Cade reached around me and rubbed against my swollen skin. His fingers picked up force, along with his hips. Gradually the edge of the cliff came into view again. The pain, the strange feeling was so intense at first, that I didn’t think Cade could get me back there. It took time, but the scales tipped from pain to pleasure. It was a pleasure not quite like any I’d felt. It was all-consuming.

  “I want to cum for you now. Please let me,” I asked when I knew I couldn’t stand on the edge any longer without falling.

  “Oh, Doll,” Cade moaned. “You want to cum with me inside your tight little ass?”

  “Yes, Cade. Please keep fucking me.” Cade had a way of doing that, making me want things, making me feel like I was the one that always wanted them, even if I didn’t know I did.

  I fell hard, and came in a storm of muddled curses and praise flowing from my lips. As I came, Cade bent over me and placed his mouth in the center of my back. One slow kiss. I was lost in my bliss and the feel of his lips on my skin pushed me further into feelings of ecstasy. Cade wasn’t far behind me with his own orgasm.

  I wanted nothing more than to have Cade curl himself around me and let me ride out the euphoria, but he scooped me up and carried me into the shower. He set me on the bench in the corner and turned on the water. Once it was warm he pulled me under it. The water felt amazing on my sore muscles. I stood unmoving, letting it wash over my shoulders and back. I worked out regularly, and considered myself in shape, but who knew that being suspended by your arms for an extended period of time would be such a strain on your body?

  “How long do you expect me to stay here?” I asked as Cade lathered shampoo into my hair.

  “Until I believe you won’t go back to working for Robert. Until whatever hold he has on you is gone.”

  “I never worked for him—”

  “Right, I know. You can go home when I can either guarantee that he won’t come looking for you, or when I know you won’t let him suck you back in.”

  “You could tell me where to find Becker. That would fix everything.”

  Cade turned me around to face him and backed me under the water again to rinse my hair. “It’s not going fix anything. I might not agree with Rob on much, but I do agree that nothing good will come from you meeting up with Becker.”

  I thought again about telling Cade that Robert had come by the office, but the thought of being strung back up like a side of beef kept me silent. It had been one of the most hard fought-for orgasms of my life, making it that much sweeter, but I didn’t think my muscles could handle a round two.

  The warm jets of water massaged at my tender ski
n. Cade was a master, perhaps even better than me, at making pain melt seamlessly into pleasure. My body had never been in such a constant state of sore and bruised. And every ache and pain ignited a memory of the heart-shattering pleasure that consumed me with it.

  Cade was on a mission to save me from the sexual servitude he thought Robert had manipulated me into. I wondered if it was also his mission to keep me in servitude to him. I thought even in this, Cade was making me see that I wanted things I didn’t know I wanted.

  I didn’t know if I liked the idea of a relationship, or the idea of being kept in Cade’s sex room as a toy, but as the idea of spending more time in Cade’s home sunk in, relief washed through me. I pulled at his arm, stopping his own washing process, and pulled him under the spray of the water with me.

  “You alright, Doll?” he asked, looking down at me.

  “Fine,” I said. “I wanted to say thank you. For helping me with everything.” Everything, because I wanted things I didn’t think I would. I wanted his hands roaming on my body. I wanted him to bring his lips down on mine. It was more than help with Robert. It was help with me, with all my broken pieces.

  I stepped in and wrapped my arms around his waist. Cade’s hands danced with the water up and down my spine and I returned the kiss he left on my back. I placed mine in the center of his chest. With it, some part of me, a longing I’d had since before I knew him, was healing.

  * * *

  Stretching my arms over my head, the stiffness in my shoulders from the prior day’s dangling pushed me closer to waking than sleep. I was still exhausted, and Saturdays were meant for sleeping in. The silk sheets and fluffy pillows in Cade’s playroom enticed me to keep my eyes shut a bit longer. But something wasn’t right. Pushing past the sleepy fog, I realized Heart wasn’t on my head where he belonged.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I woke without my cat hat and his face pushing into mine. Looking at the clock I guessed why. I’d slept through half my day. I was sure he’d abandoned me in search of breakfast long ago.

  Downstairs I found my wayward feline in a most unexpected spot, Cade’s lap. Cade was in his black leather armchair, scrolling through his phone, and Heart was a ball of orange on him.

  “Did you change your mind about not wanting a pet?” I asked, curling onto the matching leather couch across from them.

  “No, not at all.” Cade glared at me. “I’m scared to pick him up to put him down.” Cade held up his hand, now adorned with fresh scratches. “We’ve already had one misunderstanding this morning. I don’t really feel like having another.”

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “I thought I’d be nice, so I gave him ham for breakfast. He must have thought I wanted to be friends, so when I sat down he jumped in my lap. Apparently, that isn’t an invitation to touch his belly,” Cade said, shaking his head in short movements.

  “No, it’s not at all. Mr. Heart has a strict no-belly-touching rule.” I couldn’t help but laugh. The irritated look on Cade’s face was too funny.

  “Right. Well, I have to touch his belly to pick him up and get him off me.”

  “So my ten-pound cat has you trapped in a chair in your own home?” I said, still chuckling.

  “Keep laughing. This stupid cat will have to get up sooner or later, and I’m adding it to the list of reasons you deserve the belt tonight.” Cade’s tone was without jest.

  That straightened out my smile. “I can’t imagine how there is a list again. Pretty sure I haven’t done anything since last night’s atonement session. Unless you count sleeping away the day.”

  Cade held up the phone in his hand. I realized with a sinking gut that it wasn’t his phone. It was mine.

  I prayed, begging God that Robert hadn’t texted me about meeting his client. Oh, please, dear Lord. I promised to go to church every Sunday and bake my own pie for the potlucks.

  I felt my face growing warm and my heart rate increasing as the panic began.

  “Why do you have my phone? I don’t go through yours. Give it back.” I held out my hand demanding my phone.

  “I was sitting here,” Cade said, ignoring my demand, “unable to get up because of your cat, and it was on the table next to me. It kept going off so I thought I’d return the text.” Cade said it like replying to other people’s text messages was a reasonable thing to do. There was no way this was good.

  “So what made it onto the new list of reasons for the belt?” I asked, shrinking back into the couch.

  “Not telling me that Robert had been texting you.” Cade’s gaze was direct and heavy on me. With it came a wave of guilt.

  Shit! “Cade, I—”

  “I see that you never responded to him, so that’s good, but you still should’ve told me. Also, you didn’t tell me your mom invited us to dinner, and you didn’t tell me about our date tonight,” Cade said, finishing up the list of my offenses.

  “Date? We don’t have a date tonight,” I told him, confused.

  “So were you planning on taking someone else? Rachel did mention that she had someone lined up for you.”

  Rachel. I’d completely forgotten about her double date plan. I’d blown off the one she had planned the week before, right after I moved into Cade’s. She had sent me a text mid-week about rescheduling. I spaced it.

  I was not going with anyone she’d picked out, but the idea of going with Cade wasn’t appealing either. It would be one more section of my life for him to worm into. One more way I wouldn’t be able shove him into one of the compartments of my life, without him crossing over to another.

  “You can read about our plans for yourself.” Cade tossed my phone to me. “And if you want to go with the guy Rachel has in mind, that’s fine. But that will give me all night to sit here and think about his hands on you. Your hands on him. All night to think of ways to punish you, to make you remember who you promised would be the only one to make you orgasm. Either way, it’s up to you.” Cade shrugged.

  There really wasn’t a choice in the statement. It was like Mr. Arnold asking me if I, or rather June, could meet with him; the question only gave the illusion of choice.

  “So, if you would please get your cat off me, I need to do some work today. You can get ready for your date tonight. When I get back, you can let me know if I should get ready too, or if you’ll be going without me.”

  “Where are you going?” I asked the question too quickly. Some part of me wanted him to stay, spend the day with me. It wasn’t something he ever did.

  “The warehouse,” Cade said.

  And there was my reality check. No matter how lost I tried to get in some idealistic version of what was happening, those brisk reality checks wouldn’t let me.

  “Can I talk to you about that?” I pulled my knees toward my chest and rested my chin on them. “About what’s going on at the warehouse with Christian?”

  We hadn’t talked much about his work. I mean, I knew what he did, and I didn’t need him to spell out the violent details. I didn’t know if I was crossing a line by asking to talk about it.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” Cade said simply.

  “I don’t feel good about being in your house knowing what’s happening to Christian under your control. I know there will always be another, something else you’re doing that a part of me will hate you for, but I won’t know about them. I won’t know who it is. Can we discuss it?”

  “Doll, look at me.” I was, but I knew what he meant. I looked into his serious dark eyes. “There is nothing at the warehouse to talk about.”

  “Then why are you going there?”

  “Clean up. Now get your cat off me.”

  “Just stand up. He’ll jump down.”

  Cade’s jaw clinched and his lips drew into a tight line, making his irritation obvious as he stood, seeing how easy it was to get Mr. Heart off of him without losing any fingers.

  “There’s sandwich stuff in the fridge. Please don’t go anywhere without letting me know first.” He le
aned over me, putting one hand on the back of the couch and one on the arm rest, closing me in. I tilted my head back to see his face. It put his lips hovering just above mine. “Think about who you’re taking tonight. I’ll be back in a few hours.” He spoke soft. His breath washed over my face smelling of sweet mint. “House is yours till then.” His mouth so close made it hard to think. Would it be so bad to stretch up that half an inch and let my mouth meet his for just a moment? Before I could think on it too long he moved his mouth to my ear, biting gently on the lobe, before righting himself. And with that he went to “clean up.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  There was some hope blooming inside me that “nothing at the warehouse” meant they’d let Christian go, but I knew better. I could hope and wish all day long, but my nausea said my heart knew the truth. Christian was dead. The man who was making me feel alive in ways I didn’t know I could was also the cause of death for others.

  I tried not to dwell on it and flipped through my phone to see what damage Cade had done. First stop, the texts from Robert. I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding when I saw there were no new texts from him, only the ones he’d sent before he came to my office. I should have deleted those.

  Next was my mother. She sent me a text the day before asking if “that nice boy from church” and I wanted to go to dinner at her house the next week. I hadn’t responded. Cade had:

  That sounds great, mom! Cade and I would love to come over.

  It didn’t sound like a text from me at all, but I could imagine that my mother was too damn happy to question it. Her text back was timestamped less than a minute after Cade sent mine.

  Oh wonderful. What day works for the two of you and does he prefer fish or chicken?

  Fish, and I’ll get back to you with a day. Love you.

  Okay, at least he hadn’t committed to a day. I still didn’t see a good way to back out of it, but it gave me some time to figure one out.

  Next up was Rachel:

  I’m assuming since I haven’t heard from you, you’re still agreeing to double dates tonight?

  When I didn’t reply, she texted again.