Killing June

by May Bridges

  There was soft light filtering through my sheer teal curtains, so I knew I’d slept all night and made it to morning. Looking at Cade, his heavy eyes, the way his head hung low between his broad shoulders, I guessed he’d been sitting there all night.

  My shoulder screamed at me when I tried using it to push up off the bed and sit up. I winced and grabbed it, finding it had been wrapped.

  “I’m sorry about your arm,” Cade said softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I can get you something for the pain if you want it.”

  He didn’t mean to hurt me. I knew what he meant, but seeing him again, I couldn’t help but think of the other ways I was hurting because of him. The way my heart ached every time I thought of him.

  “No. I don’t want anything,” I said. And that surprised me. It wasn’t that I wanted to feel the pain in my shoulder. It was that I wanted to be sober. Something told me it was important right then to feel everything, all of the emotions I usually blocked out.

  I sat silent, not sure what to say. There was so much, too much I wanted to tell him. Where to start: what happened with Mr. Arnold, or what happened with Becker? More than anything, I wanted to tell him that I missed him. It seemed so insignificant considering everything that had happened. I tried to shoot a man and was pretty sure I’d succeeded in killing him. And what I wanted to say was how it hurt when he walked out, that since then I’d thought about him every day. I wanted him to forgive me. I sunk my head onto my knees.

  “Why are you here, Cade?”

  “I want to make sure you’re okay, then I’ll go.”

  My heart clenched at his words. I didn’t want him to go.

  “I don’t know that ‘okay’ is something I’m ever going to be. You might be sitting there for a while.”

  I looked up in time to see a sad smile fading from his mouth.

  “Other than your arm, anything else hurt?” Cade asked. “I looked you over when I got here last night. I saw some marks on your neck, and a few bumps.”

  I wondered if he was looking for other marks, the ones left by the kind of time I used to spend with men. I wondered if that even mattered to him anymore. “It hurts when I swallow, but other than that, it’s only my arm. Did I kill him?”

  I didn’t know what I wanted to hear. Killing Becker was never part of the plan. I wasn’t the kind of person to take someone’s life, but I’d never felt so much blind rage. Hearing him talk about hurting another little girl flipped a switch in my head, and I couldn’t flip it back.

  “No. You didn’t.”

  I let it out, the breath I was holding, and a weight I didn’t know was there lifted. Cade was probably right when he said I didn’t really want that.

  “How did you know I was there and not coming to your house?” I asked, thinking of how he might have saved me from a lifetime of grief.

  “I paid Joe to tell me if he saw you. He called me and said you were meeting with Becker. He called me back and said you two left together. I wish I’d have gotten there sooner.”

  A small bud of hope bloomed inside me. If he wanted to keep tabs on me he must care, right?

  “And you say you’re not a stalker.” I winked. It earned a small, but beautiful smile from Cade. “Cade, I know you don’t want to hear about it, but I am sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should have told you what I was going to do, and why.”

  I looked across the room at him, my chin resting on my knees. Every fiber of my body wanted him to come join me on my bed. I wanted so much to reach out for him.

  “If you had told me and I asked you not to go, would you still have gone? Would you still have let another man do those things to you?” Cade asked, his brow drawn together.

  “I don’t have a choice with him. You don’t understand, Cade.”

  “I’m here now. Explain it to me.” Cade leaned forward on the chair. “Make me understand.”

  “He is the president of the company I work for. Robert set me up with him, or set June up with him, a few months ago, and he’s blackmailing me now. Cade”—I took in a heavy breath, feeling frustrated that I wasn’t explaining it right,—“that was damn close to being one of the worst nights of my life. I can’t even tell you what happened, how it made me feel. I can’t relive that. Not even to make you understand. You said you would help me and when I needed you most, when I needed to feel your arms and hear you tell me I was going to be okay, you left me.”

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you, but you hurt me too. You chose him, that life, over me.”

  “I didn’t have a choice!” Why could he not see that?

  “You always have a choice, Alex. It’s your life. Take control of it. It was about more than me trying to save you and failing. I thought, at the end, that maybe you could be mine.” Cade’s lips pinched together and he let out a slow breath.

  “Yours? Your what, Cade? The toy you keep in your sex room? Just one more girl you fuck? If you’re going to tell me I was choosing, then you have to see what it was I was choosing between. My career, or being your fuck toy?”

  “You were never my fuck toy.” Cade pushed up from the chair and started to pace at the end of my bed. “I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, Alex. I was trying to give you space. You freak out when I touch you like someone who cares about you. I can only imagine you would have bolted if I told you I wanted something more than sex. Even Rachel sees that you can’t deal with commitment. Anytime you wanted more from me, all you ever had to do was ask.”

  I felt him withdrawing. He had put his emotions out there, and now he was doing what I did, becoming a shell. I felt like my chance to hold onto him was withdrawing with him. It was like reaching for smoke.

  I swung my feet over the side of the bed. I saw that I was in an oversized shirt, no pants. Cade came to stand next to me. I felt the heat from his body and I wanted to lean into him. I wanted to feel his hands on my skin, his mouth on mine. I turned to him and tilted my head up.

  “Please kiss me, Cade. I want you to. I’ll be yours if that’s what you want.” I wasn’t above begging. I was too broken not to beg for the man I thought could put me together again.

  Cade took a step in, and slid his hand along my jaw, holding my face in his hand. I pushed my cheek into him, wanting to absorb the sensation of his fingers on my skin. I wanted to remember everything about that moment, the heat from his palm, his breath tickling the hair on top of my head, the way he smelled.

  “I know I was wrong when I thought I could help you, brave girl.” Cade said in a whisper and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. “I’m sure there are some things that I can do, but I see now that you have to sort out most of this on your own.” Cade pulled his hand away and moved to step past me.

  “Wait. Please.” I grabbed at his arm. “Don’t leave again. You don’t know how bad it hurt last time. You said you would stay till I was okay. I’m not okay.”

  “I know I said I would, but I can’t. To be honest, Alex, leaving hurts me too, but I can see that staying now will only make it worse later. Sean will be over in a while to check on you. Good luck with everything, Doll.”

  Cade looked down at me for a moment longer. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. Then he walked away.

  I felt my heart break all over again. But he was right. If he stayed for the day, the night, however long it took for me to feel okay again, when he did leave—and he would—it would hurt worse.

  I was sure he would leave again, because at some point, I’d have to spend another night with Mr. Arnold. I’d have to choose one part of my life over the other. God, how do I kill June now? Now that I know facing Becker won’t free me from her?

  * * *

  I woke to the sound of my phone buzzing on my nightstand. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I picked it up to turn it off and saw that the text was from Robert.

  We need to talk. And before you say no, Cade is here with me and he wants to say something to you too. Be at my house by the end of the day. I’m not sure Cade will make it m
uch longer than that.

  I knew it was one more attempt at manipulating me. It wasn’t going to work. I didn’t need him anymore. But when my attempts at calling and texting Cade were met with silence, I jumped in the car. The drive to Cade’s never felt so long, the concrete medians blurring past.

  When I pulled into his driveway, I saw the front door hanging on one hinge. I pulled the e-brake, coming to a jolting stop, and fished my S&W out of my purse.

  I approached the house, but didn’t hear anything coming from inside. I could feel the silence in my bones. A queasy feeling washed over me. Tiptoeing in, I looked around the living room. It was a mess: furniture tipped over, lamps on the floor, the glass coffee table shattered, with glass scattered everywhere. Among the shards I saw blood, dots and splashes of it here and there.

  I moved from room to room checking for Cade or anyone else who might still be inside. The rest of the house was a mess too, but one thing was certain, no one was there. The eerie silence I found in the living room awaited me in every room. I checked the garage and found Cade’s gray Charger. The feeling of dread grew.

  I hurried to my car and drove down the street to call Sean.

  “Hey Alex. What’s up?” he answered.

  “Do you know where Cade is?”

  “Home, I think.”

  “Sean, I just left his house. I think something happened. It was all torn apart, the front door was kicked in, and he’s gone, but his car is there.”

  “Fuck. Where are you?” Sean asked.

  “Down the street from his house. I got a text from Robert saying he had Cade. I didn’t believe it.” I tried not to let panic take over. I couldn’t freak out.

  “I need to get you safe somewhere, and then I’ll go see what I can do for Cade.”

  “No, I’m going,” I insisted.

  “Remember what Cade says about you being stubborn when people are trying to help?”

  “I don’t give a shit, Sean.”

  I heard a long, frustrated grunt echo through the phone. “Cade will kill me if I let anything happen to you. Death-by-Cade will be a more painful experience than you could ever imagine, and I know this first hand. Tell me where I can find you later. Somewhere safe,” Sean said.

  “We made a commitment to each other; to help each other, I’m not breaking my commitment.” My car was in drive and headed toward Robert’s before I finished the sentence. “I’ll go deal with Robert. Cade and I don’t have anything to do with each other now. There is no reason for him to be involved.”

  “No!” Sean yelled. “Don’t go over there, Alex. Let me take care of it. No offense, but of the two of us, I’d say I’m better equipped to deal with Rob.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. Doesn’t matter, since I’m on my way there. I won’t let Cade get hurt for me.”

  “If you go there and get hurt, it will kill Cade. I know that it is his pleasure to take whatever he’s getting if it keeps you safe.” I could hear the sincerity in Sean’s voice, and as much as I was touched that Cade would take the fall for me, I couldn’t stand by and let him.

  “Are you going to help me, Sean? Because your choices are to show up and help me or not. Either way, I’m on my way there.”

  “Why do I have to deal with stubborn people? I swear, between you and Cade I’ll go goddamn bald one day.”

  “So that is a yes, I’ll see you there?”

  “Yes,” I heard him say before I hit the end button.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  My Cadillac may not have been Cade’s altered Charger, but it hauled ass. I dropped it into gear as I hit the gas and thrust forward down the highway. The way there was a blur. I weaved in and out of cars, trying to recall every Bruce Willis movie I’d seen. A montage of movie clips played through my head: kicking in doors, ninja rolls, guns-a-blazing type shit. I was screwed. I couldn’t do any of those things.

  I parked a block away. While I sat in my car trying to figure out the best way to handle this, a tap on my window made me jump. Sean. I unlocked the doors and he slid into the passenger seat.

  “I have to try one more time,” he said, running his hand over his smooth, dark face. “Is there any way I can get you to stay out here in your car?”

  “No, so let’s move on. Robert is expecting me, so they will open the gates, but they aren’t going to if I have you with me.”

  Sean told me his plan. It wasn’t bad and I didn’t see many choices. Good thing I had a large trunk.

  I pulled up to the gates and hit the buzzer. It took a minute, but Mike’s voice came over the speaker. I told him what he wanted to know and he opened the gates. I parked as close to the house as I could, hoping my car was out of view from the cameras that pointed toward the road.

  Mike was waiting for me at the door when I pulled up. “We were thinking you would be by soon,” he said and let me inside.

  They foyer and living room were empty. I expected Mike to show me to Robert’s office, but he turned to the left instead. I followed him through the house and down a set of stairs. I heard men’s voices when we got to the bottom. It started the adrenalin dump in my body and I became aware of my heartbeat in my ears, the whooshing of blood as it pumped through my veins too quickly. I tried to swallow, but my mouth felt desert dry. Images of Cade in every state of duress crossed my mind. I didn’t know if I could handle seeing them in real life.

  We rounded the corner and after a few quick taps on a door, Mike opened it and let me in. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the lack of light in the windowless, cement concrete room. I tried to prepare myself for what I would see, what I could see. I thought I was prepared, but I wasn’t. There was no way to be prepared to see someone you care so much about beaten and bloody.

  Cade sat tied to a chair with his hands behind his back. His black T-shirt was damp and clung to him. His lip was split twice, at least. There was dried and newly drying blood on his chin. His nose was busted and bleeding, and I could see he’d been worked over pretty good. I wanted to run to him, throw my arms around him and protect him, but that wasn’t going to help.

  Cade wasn’t the only one bloody and beaten, and I was glad to see that. Oscar was leaned against a wall looking so much worse for the wear. His eye were swollen almost shut. His nose looked broken, and his lips were mangled too. I never thought I’d find satisfaction in seeing someone like that, but it brought me a sick kind of joy.

  Standing behind Cade, Robert smiled at me. His hands were clean, and his suit pressed. I knew he was too much of a coward to have faced Cade.

  “Alex, I’m glad you’re here,” Robert said.

  Cade lifted his head at the mention of my name. Seeing me in that in that dark, bloodstained, concrete room, a new pained look took over his face. Our eye contact was broken when Robert walked around in front of Cade and toward me.

  “I’ve missed you.” Robert said, reaching out for my face.

  I twisted away. “Don’t touch me,” I hissed.

  “Don’t be like that. You know I love you, right?” It wasn’t sincere. It was a joke accompanied with a jester’s grin.

  “You know Cade isn’t the reason I quit taking clients for you. And we aren’t even spending time together anymore. What the fuck are you doing this for?” I said, getting to the point.

  “I’m glad to hear that. I’d hate to think you chose him over me. Still, he owes me for Becker.” Robert shrugged. “Becker was income I’ve lost. Cade can make that up.”

  “I did that, Robert. I took him back to my loft and I stabbed him.”

  “She’s lying, Rob,” I heard Cade say from behind Robert. “We both know she doesn’t have that in her.”

  “Well, this is sweet, you two trying to cover for each other,” Robert said. “Thing is, it doesn’t matter. If Cade didn’t owe me before, he does now.”

  “For what?” I yelled. It brought both Oscar and Mike off the walls and ready to move toward me.

  “Twitch,” Robert said, ignoring my temper. “We went to Cade’s to
talk, and Cade saw fit to break Twitch’s back. You can’t take the blame for that, Alex. I saw it firsthand.”

  I looked past Robert to Cade.

  “It wasn’t like that and you know it, Rob.” Cade tipped his chin up. “Twitch was a fucking problem for you since you took that little punk on. You knew what would happen to him when you sent him into my house armed. When you told him to try and take me down. You used me to get rid of a problem for you. Just like you use everyone.”

  Robert shook his head and laughed. It echoed around the cement walls.

  “I didn’t have a choice with Twitch, because you took that choice away,” Cade continued. “But if you’re trying to show her that I am a monster, like you, let me go and I’ll make the choice to snap your neck.” His tone was as dark and sinister as I’d ever heard him. I didn’t know what effect it had on the men in the room, but it sent a chill through me.

  Robert stepped out of the way in time for me to watch Oscar land a right hook across Cade’s face. His head whipped to the side and fresh blood was sent splattering across the concrete floor. I wanted to throw myself at Oscar and rip the flesh from his neck with my teeth, but with Robert in front of me and Mike behind me, I knew I wouldn’t make it.

  Cade looked up at Oscar. It took me a second to realize it, but he was laughing. “I won’t always be tied to this chair, Oscar, and I’m adding every one of these to your list.”

  “Can we talk, Robert?” I asked, trying to refocus the attention away from Cade. “You tell me I’m still your girl, that you still love me. Then give me this at least. Talk to me, just me and you,” I pleaded.

  “I have a better idea. Why don’t me, you, and Cade all have a chat? Family discussion?”

  “Fine. Me, you, and Cade. Can I have something to drink, though? Some ice water maybe? I’m kind of starting to freak out and you know how I get when I panic, Robert.”

  “Yeah, sure. Oscar, go clean up your face. Mike, get Alex a glass of ice water.” Robert waved dismissively toward the door.

  “You sure you’re cool alone with them?” Mike asked.