Forever Love

by Chelsea Landon

  Macy and I make our way through the throngs of people and try to get closer to the boys but there’s really no way. They’re surrounded now.

  So I wait.

  I want his attention to myself anyway. When I talk to him now, congratulate him, I want it to be just us where he isn’t being pulled in every direction.

  This time I’m waiting.

  He knows I’m here, I can see him looking over at me, smiling.

  It’s another hour of press and autographs before I see him again. He’s showered now and smells so good. I spot him just outside the locker room, still a herd of people surrounding him. He’s struggling to get away from them when I catch his heated gaze on mine. I stand with my back pressed into the concrete wall and smile, waiting.

  Saylor walks up to Cash and throws him over his shoulder. I know Cash is near two hundred pounds so that couldn’t have been easy but Saylor does this with little effort.

  He carries him over to me. “This boy needs to talk to you. He’s been talking about you all day and frankly I’m tired of it.” He sets him down, runs his hand over his head like he’s some kind of caring mother and pats his back and then his head again.

  Cash rolls his eyes. “That’s not true.”

  “Don’t say anything stupid.” Saylor pats his head again.

  We both laugh as Saylor takes off back down the hall towards the locker room where the rest of the players are gathered.

  “Hey,” Cash says, winking at me. “Good game, huh?”

  “Interesting game. Those were some hard hits but you played so well. Cash,” I step forward slightly, “I mean it, I can’t believe how good you are.”

  He smiles.

  A group of students approach, all girls and push their chests out as they come face-to-face with Cash. “Cash! Can you sign our shirts?”

  I see they’re all wearing hoodies with his name on them.

  Cute.

  Cash surprises me and leans into me, his arm wraps around me. “Yeah, sure,” but he keeps that one arm around me. His silent gesture to them, to anyone he’s taken. They all talk about the game with him, offer their support and congratulations. He smiles politely, thanks them and then asks me to follow him.

  We’re down the hall in the other direction near the bathrooms. He takes me down another hallway to a dark area of the stadium where there are no crowds.

  “Thank you for coming.” He says, smiling, knowing this was the first game I’d been to since high school.

  “It was nice seeing you play again.” I admit, because it was. I motion around the stadium. “I forgot how much I missed this.”

  “Kiss me.” He’s not wasting any time. “Please.” He sighs, “I just really need you to kiss me because you want to. Not because I’m here begging you, but because you want to.”

  He’s never asked me to kiss him but I can gather it’s probably because of that kiss before the game.

  I do. His lips are cool against the heat of my mouth, no doubt because I’ve been thinking of that kiss for hours. It’s not a tentative kiss, but it’s also not gentle by any means. It’s exactly the way Cash is. Full of passion.

  He sighs into my mouth, pulling back and then takes my hand with a wink.

  He’s leaving a little to be desired.

  We walk towards the field and see Landon and Macy out there. We’re probably not supposed to be out here but we are.

  “I know this sounds weird.” I say, looking out to the field because I can’t bear to look at his eyes right now. There’s too much emotion in them. “But you saved me.”

  “When?” he asks, his hands buried in his hoodie but his eyes drifting to mine.

  “When you told me I was worth it. After all the shit I put you through, you still thought I was worth it. That meant something to me.”

  He smiles.

  Just smiles.

  “Thank you for giving me everything I wanted when I didn’t know what that was. You gave me a love that consumed me in ways I never expected, a love that got me through the dark.”

  “Tell me.” He says softly running his fingers over my collarbone that’s slightly exposed from my hands being in my hoodie.

  I do as he says. “I love you.”

  His warm arms wrap around me, so secure, tight and strong.

  I believe that sometimes the tortured dark path is the correct one, as crazy as that sounds. I believe it because it tests you in ways that show you what you’re capable of. How strong you can be.

  December 31, 2013

  I had to fly back to Eugene with Macy and Landon while Cash flew back with the team. It was the longest seven hours of my life waiting to get back to him. Instead of going back to the school, Cash came home to Canby where I was. Where everyone was going to celebrate New Year’s Eve together.

  No drinking.

  “I missed these mornings,” I say struggling to get my clothes off.

  Cash laughs but he’s barely controlled right now as we stumble around his bedroom, drawing back to remove his shirt. He looks at my lips and then my eyes before clearing his throat softly. “Me too.”

  I’m naked before him, exposed completely and thankfully there will be no interruptions. My eyes move over Cash’s body and I reach between us stroking him once.

  For once, his blue gives way to darkness. His hand moves slowly over my body and nudges my legs apart for him. Dropping forward on his elbows, he stares at me, eyes watching me until his voice drops lower. “You sure?”

  I nod. “I’m sure.”

  This feels right. I know now just how right this feels with him.

  Drawing himself from me, he leans over the side of the bed to find his jeans and retrieves the condom.

  That’s when I start to freak out.

  It feels so right, but yet, wrong in some ways. Were we rushing into this?

  I push back on his shoulders. “Cash… wait.”

  He stops and looks at me. “What?”

  “Is this too soon?”

  “Huh?” He’s confused now, his brow scrunched staring at my lips, and I can feel him right at my entrance trying not to push forward.

  “I mean, shouldn’t we wait?”

  “No,” he shakes his head and goes for my neck. Biting me.

  He bit me.

  It’s distracting.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive.” He groans and takes a firm grasp on my thigh angling my hips.

  “But you don’t think we should date first then like ease back into this?”

  I’m never like this but the last thing I want to do is fuck this up.

  Cash shakes his head. “The only easing into anything I want right now is easing into your pussy.” I laugh at his bluntness but he continues. “I’m going to date you, Madison. Whether you want to or not. I’m going to bring you coffee in the morning, walk you to class, and take you to dinner. I’m going to hold your damn hand and kiss your cheek. I’m going to be there. Night and day.” He raises an eyebrow. “But right now, I’m fucking dying here. I had to sit on a plane for seven hours and think about that kiss at the stadium. We’re having sex. We’ll date tomorrow.”

  Drawing in a deep breath, I laugh and take a moment to really watch him right then as Sam Bradley plays in the background softly.

  He’s absolutely right.

  We can date tomorrow.

  Once he’s inside me, it’s everything I remember and cherish about him. Maybe because it had been awhile but still, nothing could compare to the feeling of Cash entering me.

  He smiles against my lips. “You wanna know a secret?”

  I nod, like I did that last time hoping this isn’t the same.

  He pulls back from my lips. “When I would first slip it in, you’d sigh, like there was nothing better than having me inside you.”

  He’s watching me, his knuckles raise running over my heated cheek. Instinctively, I lean in. “There is nothing better than that.”

  His body feels heavy, his grip strong and his ha
nds, rough. But I am in no position to stop him. I need this. His lips move from my face to my neck with a frustrated groan.

  My nails dig into his shoulders as he pushes in and out of me, carefully, but still, it’s been a while and I can tell by the way his hips shudder with each thrust that he’s holding back as much as he can. He’s breathing rapidly and giving me a look I don’t understand and then his face contours in determination. “Are you gonna come? I can’t make it much longer.” He whispers and then dips his head forward to bury it in the crook of my neck.

  I moan into his shoulder, his hips undulating, creating the right amount of friction. It rises quickly and I finally let go as the warmth spreads throughout my entire body. His fists clench the pillow beside my head as he throws himself into his movements, chasing the need. I hold onto him any way I can, my grip slipping slightly.

  He comes then, groaning and jerking forward, his lips at my ear. My body shakes too at the emotions coursing through me right then. When Cash pulls back, I see it. He loves me more now than ever before.

  He rolls over, careful not to fall off the edge and then brings me flush against his chest, his lips lingering at my shoulder. He was still trying to catch his breath. “Nice play.”

  “Thank you,” I say, watching him, but laughing remembering our first time when I said that to him.

  He kisses me, grinning against my lips. When he pulls back, his knuckles brush over my cheek gently, his eyes fluttering closed. “I love you.”

  I’m going to give my heart to him all over again. I have to. I need to and what he does with it is up to him because I’m giving him forever.

  Everything is different in one month.

  Everything.

  Just like the night Steven died.

  Everything changed.

  Only now it was finally for the better.

  We’re getting ready to go over to Landon’s house for New Year’s Eve when Macy sends me a text. They have something to tell us.

  Cash smiles. “I know what it is.”

  When he smiles, I watch the corners of his mouth, a secret tugging at them.

  I know what comes next for me, for us, won’t be easy. It’s going to take a lot of hard work. What I do know is seeing this smile right now makes it worth it.

  I’m going to be okay.

  The end. For now.

  Coming soon…

  Finding Her Forever

  Continue on to book two in the Forever Love Series

  Forever Light

  By

  Megan Smith

  Senior Prom April 10, 2010

  Canby High School

  Madison

  Fuck this prom shit. I don’t want to deal with all these people and their happy “this is the best night of my life” bullshit.

  It hurt to see these people, my so-called friends, so happy and content with their lives. Standing against the side of the bleachers, I watched as Macy and Landon danced. I loved that they were so enamored with each other but she didn’t see the hurt he carries. She was too fucking blind at times to see it. Landon closed his eyes, almost squeezed them so hard that it hurt to even watch, when she kissed him, the pain was evident on his face. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her. Far from it because he most certainly does. Every action and reaction she got out of him was directly related to his feelings for her. The whole thing is just so misunderstood.

  I turned to Cash standing twenty feet from me talking to Coach Mitchel. The football season had been done for a while. And though the school-wide high over winning the championship was short lived, the school still looked to Cash for leadership. He was the king of this school in many ways but you would never know it simply by looking at him. I’m always looking. I’m looking because it was hard to see anything besides this inner light he had that I swore could power this entire town if given the chance.

  “Crank That” by Soulja Boy came on and it tore my heart apart and made me run from everything I felt. It’s the song that was playing on the radio that night. Bodies swayed in tune to the music, jumped around in a euphoric state and enjoyed those last moments of high school, all the while I gave way, broke, and tried not to fall apart in front of these people.

  Just when I thought I couldn’t take it any longer, I looked to my left and I could see the doors leading into the school. An escape.

  I practically ran down the hall trying the doors to classrooms. Finally, I found a janitor closet unlocked.

  My only relief was in my hand a minute later as I leaned against the door in the janitor’s closet smoking the joint I stashed in my bra.

  My eyes drifted shut, relaxation I begged for. I was only in there another minute when I heard the knock. I knew who it was without even looking. Reaching behind my back, I opened the door and let him in moving to stand near the mops and rags across from him. I handed him the joint, our fingers briefly touching as he takes it, lazy eyes and heated cheeks, a product of the contents in his flask. There wasn’t much light in the closet but enough that I could see his cold eyes as he inhaled. Smoke drifted between us, pain seemed to ease, the same euphoria, or at least an alternate universe version of it, descended over us both but the burden never left us. We felt things others didn’t. They didn’t cause that wreck. We did. So now we’re left here to face this fucked up reality that was slowly tearing us all apart, slowly but surely, breaking us down.

  It was a reality we’re trying so desperately to avoid by whatever means.

  Landon’s eyes were clouded over, the flask in his hand was nearing empty and was offered my way. I took it, we never spoke—we didn’t need to. The voices around us talk too often and it was nice to have a moment of silence. But that was the problem at times. Silence was both a blessing and an unforgiving curse that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. Silence stopped the pity, the inane questions and resulting discussions but it never stopped the screams; the noises of that night, the fucking pain I felt every time I saw them. I couldn’t look at Alexa without wanting to cry. I ruined her life. Every plan she ever had for her life, their life, was ruined, because of me being stupid.

  Landon understands as well as I do how we survive. He didn’t say a word. We smoke. And we drink. We try our fucking hardest to forget.

  I felt the bass of the hip-hop song pumping in the background as Landon pushed himself from the wall. He was drunk. Slow movements and heavy lids, he twisted around and started dancing, shaking his ass to the beat of “Goodies.” I laughed so hard it hurt, but he knew exactly how to make me laugh. We had a dance-off in the janitor’s closet, all the while, forgetting forever.

  Fuck forever.

  I didn’t want to think about forever. At least not in that moment.

  I shook my hips and my ass, and Landon watched. His eyes were low, hooded but cold, marred by misery. There was some amusement there, captured by an innocence that he was afraid to let anyone see anymore. Anyone but me. I saw it because he was comfortable. He knew I never judged him.

  Landon stepped forward, his left hand reached out to touch my hips as I moved. It was a tentative touch, unsure, but it’s still there and shocking. Landon didn’t touch me like this. There was something in the way he watched me that should have warned me at what was going to happen.

  As the song changed, his head bent, his ear pressed to my cheek. My head twisted at the same time his did. He paused, another unsure moment, and then he moved his lips against mine, urgent and needing pulling my lower lip into his mouth. I gasped, trying to figure out what was happening when Landon let out this low rumble of a groan. His consuming kiss was warm and tasted of smoke and whiskey. Shocked at first I lost my bearings when his tongue moved against mine. He grunted, pushing me with his strong body against the wall. Every inch of him was in line with me. I moved slightly, parting my legs as one of his moved between mine, his thigh against my center. It was a touch I craved from anyone and I wanted so badly to feel that sensation without the words I knew might come, “Are you okay?” but in my pain-fill
ed heart I knew that he wasn’t going to ask that.

  He didn’t care.

  He groaned and pushed against me again, backing me up against the wall, his hands moving to my ass and raising me up so my legs were spread. Pressing forward, his erection dug into me. That time we both gasped, my hands flew to his chest tugging at his tie and white dress shirt wanting the unspoken closeness he was providing. He helped me out, eyes so dark they looked like shadows, crimson lips and flushed cheeks captured my gaze.

  We’re dying.

  This is what dying feels like. I’m sure of it.

  We weren’t thinking.

  I couldn’t.

  He couldn’t.

  We were reacting.

  Landon swayed, his movements slow, his bare chest pressed against mine, his hands pawing at my dress. I heard the rip as the slits draping my thighs tore and the top was torn away by impatient hands needing the thrill. We swayed because we were fading, out of our minds.

  “I have a condom… ” he whispered, gasping for breath, his mouth never leaving mine.

  I didn’t say a word, but my body began to tremble.

  Stop him. You’ll ruin him. You’ll ruin her.

  Holding me against the wall, his head laid against my shoulder searching his pocket. When he found it, he held the wrapper in his teeth, and ripped it open. I heard the zipper, I felt his hands down there… My body was shaking, uncontrollable nausea began to take over. I had to stop him before it was too late. Ordinarily, he wouldn’t do this. But I knew looking at him, his heavy lids that blink of bloodshot eyes, he wasn’t ordinary in that moment. He was lit and looking for some comfort he thought I could give.

  This isn’t right. He’s not mine. He’s not who I want right now.

  “Landon…” I pushed against his shoulders.

  Pulling back, but not away, his eyes snapped to mine but then he pushed against me harder, this time his body felt stronger. “Madison…” he shook his head against my shoulder, his breathing heavier than before.