Landon 11:38pm: How’s Cash?
Landon 11:39pm: Fuck. I’m sorry.
Landon 11:40pm: I need you.
I look up to see Cash looking at me. He knows it’s Landon texting me. “There’s always a choice, Macy.”
“Sometimes there’s not, Cash.” Because really there isn’t. It’s not often that Landon says he needs me. I want to run to him. I want to be there for him but then I think about that girl with her legs wrapped around him. It should have been mine but they weren’t.
Cash and I walk into the other room where it isn’t so loud. The alcohol is flowing through my veins now and I’m feeling a little braver.
I smile, “Would it be totally inappropriate if I sent him a text that says I miss his penis?”
“Probably. But that’s pretty classy. I want someone to send me a text saying they miss my penis.”
I type the message out to Cash instead. “Done.”
“You’ve never seen my penis?”
I laugh. “How would you know?” I’ve seen Cash naked a few times, his ass mostly. He doesn’t know that though.
“Have you?”
My cheeks flush, “No. I’m teasing.”
Cash winks at me. He’s in a playful mood. “Do you want to?”
Oh my God. “Cash!”
Cash holds his hands up. “I’m teasing!”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, sure you are.”
“Mostly, I was.” Cash says with a wink.
Cash and I are standing next to the wall and a P!nk song comes on. I can’t help but sing along. Once the lyrics start it’s like something in me clicks and I come in tune with it.
I’ve always loved to sing, mostly in the shower, but nonetheless I love it. Not many have heard me because honestly it kind of embarrasses me. Cash, Madison, Landon, Alexa and of course my parents are probably the only ones who have ever heard me. Madison and I used to get our hair brushes out after our showers when we were little and would have a sing off. Madison couldn’t hold a tune to save her life but it was fun. I secretly think the only reason she did it was to hear me sing. She’d ask me any other time and I couldn’t do it. I hate the spotlight.
A couple of times when Landon was sick he’d ask me to sing to him. He said it was soothing and he’d always fall asleep. I don’t know if that was a bad thing or a good thing.
“You should get on that America’s Got Talent or American Idol… whatever that shit is called.
I wave him off because it would be a cold day in hell that I could do that. I don’t have the balls.
“You need to, Macy. You have the talent.”
God, not him too. Madison said the same shit. Landon knows better than to bring it up anymore after one horrible fight we had. It gives me anxiety. “Cash…drop it.”
We stand together holding the wall up for a few more minutes before he leads me to the dance floor. We’re dancing when “Blurred Lines” comes up. I throw my arms around Cash “I love this song!”
I never dance unless it’s with Landon. I never felt comfortable enough, it kind of feels like cheating to me so I don’t do it. Cash’s hands wander down to my ass. I don’t push him off because I’m safe with him. It’s Cash, it’s my best friend. We dance like this for a few seconds before I turn and press my back into his chest.
I look around, people are staring, mostly the girls. They wish they were with Cash, I can see it in their eyes. I start working my ass up against Cash. I look over at one girl, her eyes trained on Cash. His hands are on my hips matching my moves. The girl bites her lip. She looks over at me, her expression changes from lust to jealousy. This should feel wrong to dance like this with Cash but it’s not. He’s my best friend.
I feel Cash step back a step but he leans in, his chest pushing against my chest. “Stop, Macy. You’re making me hard.”
My cheeks burn with embarrassment. I didn’t mean that but he is a fucking guy, guess I should have known better. “Sorry.”
He slurs his words, “I’m not trying to be a dick. Just…I’m drunk.” He lips brush over my cheek lightly. “You keep that shit up and I’ll do something stupid.”
I’m drunk too and I just don’t give a shit what he says. I’m shutting my feelings off. I’m living in the moment. I push back and grind back into him. I guess I am teasing him.
I look over to the girl who was watching us. She grabs hold of poor Saylor and pulls him a few feet away from where Cash and I are. She turns so her back is to him and then she grabs his hands and puts them on her hips and grinds into him.
Saylor looks over to me with wide eyes and mouths. “What the fuck?”
I throw my head back and laugh.
The song changes to “Rake City,” the tempo slows down and the bass takes over my body. I turn in Cash’s arms and throw my arms around his neck, “I’m so drunk.”
I know Cash is too. His cheeks are flushed, his eyelids drooping but he’s got that smile that tells me he’s had too many.
He slides a leg between mine and it changes my movements. It’s friction. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong to grind against his leg but I do it anyway. And it feels good. Wrong, but good.
My heart rate picks up. I’m feeling brave, braver then I ever have. This is Cash I try to tell myself, it’s not Landon. Is this how he feels when he had that girl pushed up against the wall? Does he loose himself in the moment?
I look into Cash’s eyes. They’re glazed over.
“Do something stupid.” I whisper into his ear still grinding against him.
A look comes over Cash like he’s unsure what my words even mean. He grabs me by the wrist and leads me down a hall where there are a bunch of people fucking around. Did I push him too far? Can I do whatever is about to happen?
Cash stops and backs me up against a wall. Something is about to really happen and I’m not even doing a damn thing to stop it. He pushes himself against me. “Is that what you want? Me?” Cash whispers in my ear. “I’m not Landon, Macy. I don’t fuck like him either.”
My eyes widen at his admission. I don’t know how anyone fucks. I’ve never been fucked, never even thought about it. Cash takes a step back and his eyes soften. He’s waiting for me to push him away. He’s begging me to push him away.
I shift on my feet from the sudden change. “I wouldn’t know…”
Cash’s eyes roam from my chest to my eyes. “Know what?”
“How you fuck.”
Cash looks away for a second, “Fine,” his hand that he’s leaning near my head goes to the button on his jeans. “Wanna find out…right now?” His lips are moving and he’s saying something else but I can’t hear him. All I see now is him. It’s like my brain shut off for a moment.
Cash’s lips are so close. I can feel his breath against my lips. I let my mind wander.
How would he fuck? It’s like I’m lost in a daydream and my mind creates this vision of what it would be like should I let him.
I see him unbuttoning his jeans. I feel his hardness against my center. I see him lifting my legs up and wrapping his hands around my ass and the feel of what it might be like.
He presses harder, his fingers curling around the edge of my panties as he yanks hard. The fabric digs into my skin and they give as he rips it away.
“You wanted this. Take it.” One hand moves to my neck around my throat and squeezes. My heart thumps against his hand, his eyes are dark and never like I’ve seen before. I know now why my sister has always been drawn to him. Cash is warm and comforting but he doesn’t hold back with anything when it comes to passion, at least not on the field. I know now him having sex is no different. I would crave it, should I give in. Could I give in?
I see the appeal that Madison sees, he possesses you. He’s a monster. He’s not the golden boy everyone thinks he is. Cash makes you see him and the passion that pours out of him like water. You give yourself over to him because that’s all you can do.
If I give in to Cash physically there is no doubt that I would not survive. The
re would be no more Landon. He would be a distant memory. There would be no more Macy. Cash would have destroyed me and everything that I am. I’d no longer be the girl who wants the soft gentler side that Landon gives me. No, that wouldn’t work anymore. Cash would change everything I know with that all-encompassing passion he exudes.
I look at him and a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips because he knows what I’m thinking. I try to push his arm away but he just squeezes my neck tighter.
“This is what you crave, I know it. I see it in your fucking eyes.”
I try to talk, to tell him this isn’t what I want but I can’t. The pressure he has on my throat stops me. No, it’s not that. I just can’t say the words to tell him that I don’t because a small side of me wants it. He’s fucking possessing me. He’s wiping all of my memories away. He’s showing me what else there is. It’s like he’s a drug and I know I shouldn’t take it but I want to. I’m craving it. Why Madison wouldn’t want this addiction for the one she pays for is beyond my understanding. Cash is all that and more.
Cash leans in and when he talks his lips brush against mine. “I will fuck Landon out of you. You won’t remember anything that he’s ever done to your body. You’ll learn things about your body that you never knew before.” I swallow hard. “I’m going to own your body.”
My head falls back against the wall as he enters me. He’s rough and it should hurt but it doesn’t. My heart is beating too hard I’m afraid it’s going to give out or maybe it’s the lack of oxygen. My back burns as he pounds into me relentlessly.
Cash moves back, my body following, and pushes me up against the opposite wall. “How bad have you always wanted this?”
His hand that is on my ass reaches up and grabs my hair causing my head to snap back against the wall. I blink trying to clear the darkness.
I pant, trying to catch my breath. Thank God that was just a vision. Thank you! I swallow still feeling Cash’s hand around my neck. His chest presses against me.
I raise my hand, “Don’t.”
I shake my head trying to clear the daydream away. When I look back over to Cash, he smiles then buries his head into my neck. I should push him away but I don’t. It was just a dream, Macy.
Cash bites my neck, “You’re a fucking tease.”
I giggle and shove him away. It’s fucking hot in here. No, it’s not, it’s the dream that’s making me hot.
“And you made my penis hard.”
I relax and roll my eyes, “You’re such a fucking weirdo, Cash Bryant.”
“I’m hungry.”
I tense. Holy fucking shit.
Cash laughs, “For pizza. I’m hungry for pizza.”
My shoulders slump in relief. “Uh-huh.”
As we’re walking to the pizza place I wonder if I should tell Cash about the dream. Every time he bumps into my shoulder I tense. It’s not a bad thing, it just makes me a little uneasy because it could be a reality.
We sit down, order a pizza and some beers. When the waitress comes back Cash asks her to bring a bottle of Jack Daniels over. She looks at him but nods and walks away. No one denies these football players anything.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” I ask when she walks away.
“It’s a great idea.” Cash says in between bites of pizza.
The waitress sits the bottle down in front of Cash and he gives her a killer smile. He’s working on her and she falls for it. Her cheeks flush as she scurries away.
Cash takes the paper of the straw off.
I raise my eyebrow at him. “What are you doing with that straw?”
Cash puts the straw in the bottle. “It’s so much simpler.”
It takes him a few tries to get the straw in his mouth. He’s still sucking on the straw as his arms pull the bottle away. Some of the whiskey dribbles down his face. Cash reaches up and wipes it away with the back of his hand.
I look away trying to hold back my laughter. I’m not as drunk anymore. I’ve still got a buzz going but that’s all I can allow myself. Clearly I can’t handle my alcohol if I almost had sex with my best friend.
When I look back to Cash he has a serious look on his face. “Do you have one of those Sippy cups Bentley uses?”
I can’t contain the laughter that bubbles up. Cash is adorable and so carefree when he’s drunk. He’s fun and playful.
“No, I don’t have a cup your sister uses with me.” I laugh harder when he frowns.
I grab for my beer, the same one I’ve had since we got here, but I lose my hold on it and it spills all over Cash.
“Shit,” I reach for my napkin and toss it to him. “Sorry.”
Cash gets this look of pleasure on his face. “Ahh,” he leans back against the seat. “That was refreshing.”
It’s time to go and get him to bed. He’s going to regret this in the morning. I stand from the table. “Cash, I’ll be right back. I’m going to use the bathroom.”
I don’t wait for a response and just walk to the bathroom.
When I come back, Cash is gone. Oh, shit. I look all around and don’t see him. The waitress that gave Cash the Jack Daniels points outside.
I run toward the door. He’s too drunk to be out there by himself. He’s going to get hit by a car. I push the door open and look down the sidewalk and then turn my head the other direction. No Cash. I see campus security standing around someone in the middle of the street.
I rush over to them. Cash is curled up like a baby in the middle of the street. I see one of the security guys lean over and tap him on the shoulder. “Come on, Mr. Bryant.”
I push my way through them and reach for Cash’s hand. I’ve got to get him home before he gets in trouble. They help me get Cash to his feet. We start walking back toward the dorm. Cash is stumbling all over the place. He’s heavy as hell.
“I’m hot.”
I laugh, “Yes, Cash. You are. Come on bud, let’s get you to bed.
October 20, 2013
“There’s a spider. Can I get in your bed?” Cash asks.
“Ugh, kill it first and then you can get in bed with me you big baby.”
He rustles around with the covers, “I’m not killing it. It’s big enough to eat me.”
I roll my eyes as Cash elbows his way into bed with me.
It’s quiet for all of five minutes. I think he may have fallen asleep or so I thought. He rolls and his heavy arm flops across my chest momentarily leaving me breathless. I shove it off. “What now?”
He groans, “I have to pee.”
I roll over top of Cash so he can get out of bed. “So go pee.”
I lay facing the wall not wanting to look at Cash’s ass because I’m afraid my mind will start to wander when suddenly I hear a stream of water. I quickly turn towards the sound and all I see is Cash’s white ass. “Cash!” I yell.
He turns still peeing and turns toward me peeing all over the floor.
“You couldn’t make it the two steps to the bathroom?” I say. My eyes wander down to his penis. I shouldn’t look but I do anyway. Who wouldn’t?
Cash looks around confused. “I thought this was the bathroom?” He sways and leans against the wall. “Your plant looked dry. Needed water.”
I lay back down and shake my head throwing my arms over my face. There is no use talking to him and it’s too late to get him to the bathroom. I grumble to myself, “You owe me a new plant.”
When Cash turns around his pants are around his ankles. He’s naked. He tries to jump in my bed commando but that shit isn’t flying. I’ve already seen his penis and if anyone walks in and sees that he’s naked it’s going to start a shit storm. My mind drifts to Landon. He’d be fucking murderous if he saw this scene right now.
“You aren’t getting in my bed naked, Cash.” I push on his leg to keep him off the bed.
He struggles with pulling his boxer briefs up. I’ve always wondered if Cash was a boxer or briefs kind of guy. Guess he’s both. Finally, he gets them up and flops down in bed.
We just get comfortable, and he’s snoring against my cheek. Heather opens the bathroom door that connects our rooms. I know it’s Heather without even seeing her. She’s the only one who ever just walks in.
She walks around the side of my bed and slips in Cash’s pee almost falling on top of me. I reach an arm out to steady her.
“What the fuck?” She says and then slaps a hand over her mouth when she notices Cash.
I try to move but Cash rolls. The covers bunch between us exposing his bare legs.
Heather’s eyes go wide and she whispers. “You’re in bed with a naked Cash?”
I slap my forehead with the hand that was steadying Heather.
“Let me peek?” Heather says taking a step closer. “Just one tiny peek. I won’t tell.”
I roll my eyes and push Cash so I can sit up.
“You want to tell me why Cash Bryant is in your bed?”
I laugh because she’s never going to believe me. “He’s afraid of the dark and he saw a spider.”
A look comes over Heather’s face; nothing good can come from that. She’s thinking something. I know her and she turns around and rummages through my nightstand looking for something.
A clicking sound fills the room and then I have to squint because she’s shining a flashlight in my face. “What the hell?”
“Let me see.” She pulls on the blanket trying to see. “You have the star quarterback in your bed. Let. Me. See.”
We struggle; she’s practically on top of Cash at one point and trying her hardest to see his junk.
“Go away.” I rip the flashlight out of her hand and throw it across the room. It lands next to my plant. It flickers a few times then goes out.
“You’re no fun.” This time she rolls her eyes and looks at the flashlight. “How come the floor’s wet?”
I giggle because what else can I do? This night is going downhill fast. “He peed on the plant, sort of.”
Heather laughs, “Are you kidding me?”
“Nope.”
She sighs, “I always miss all the fun.”
I roll my eyes, “Oh yeah, you missed everything. Cash falling asleep in the middle of the street, he pissed on my plant and he tried to get in bed with me naked. Oh, and I saw his penis.”
Forever Love Page 32