He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me in shock.
“So instead of blaming yourself, you can blame me,” I tell him truthfully.
“I can’t blame you, it’s not your fault,” he says staring at the floor.
“You can’t blame yourself either, it wasn’t your fault,” I say taking a breath.
“I need to blame someone, Liv. I’m so fucking mad it hurts,” he says through more tears.
It’s not every day you see a grown man cry, but when you lose the one you love, it makes it difficult not to cry.
“Then blame the drunken idiot that hit her, blame her for trying to walk home by herself, you can’t blame yourself. You had no idea she would walk home, hell, why would you? She’s always against us walking by ourselves at night, yet instead of calling me or waiting it out with you, she chose to walk by herself, late at night.”
“I know you’re right Liv, it’s just not easy,” he says sadly.
“No, you’re right it’s not easy and it won’t be for a long time to come.”
“So what do we do?” he asks, looking directly at me with sadness in his eyes.
“We remember my best friend, your girlfriend. We talk about her, we laugh, we appreciate the moments we had with her,” I tell him with a smile.
“You’d do that with me? I was so ignorant to you because of the situation with Wolffe.”
“That’s in the past. Nathan and I talked, we’re fine,” I tell him, figuring he already knows.
“You guys talked? I’m pretty sure he still hates you, but he loves you too,” he says shocking me.
“What?”
“Growing up you’re all he ever talked about, he loved you, still does, I’m sure. He was so angry at what you did as kids, I’m not sure he will ever truly forgive you Liv.”
“That was a misunderstanding, did he not tell you?” I ask confused.
“I haven’t really been in a talking or listening type of mood, so if he did, I never heard it.”
“Oh, well we are okay now,” I tell him happily.
“Okay,” he says looking at me unconvinced.
“I was wondering if you could help me with something?” I say nervously.
“What’s that?” he asks.
“I helped Jill clean Brynn’s room at home and it sort of helped with things, so I was wondering…if you could help me clean out her stuff here?”
He looks at me, just stares, probably not believing what I just asked him.
“You don’t have to, I..I mean I can do it by myself,” I quickly recover saying.
“No, I want to help. When do you want to do it?” he says softly.
“I’m not going back to classes until Monday and it’s only Thursday now, so maybe sometime this weekend?” I suggest.
“Sure,” he says.
“Now, how about something to eat,” I state.
“I’m good,” he says acting like I was.
“No, get your ass up, you’re eating something. Go get a shower and while you shower I’ll cook,” I say with a smile.
He gives me a half-smile, but does as I ask.
I look through their kitchen unable to find anything.
“What are you looking for?” Nathan asks, scaring the crap out of me.
“You’re not going to find anything. It was Chad’s turn to do the grocery shopping, and well, it never got done, as you can see.”
“Where are your menus then?”
“Here you go,” he says, as he hands me a large stack of menus.
“He’s not going to eat, you know that right?” Nathan asks.
“We talked, he’s getting a shower now, and I’m ordering food. Do you have any preference?” I ask, looking back at the hundreds of menus.
“You got him to take a shower?” he asks, surprised.
“Sure did, now food, what do you guys want to eat?”
“Just order pizza,” he says, as he pulls a pizza menu from my stack.
After about twenty minutes, Chad emerges from his room.
“Where’s the food?” he asks. At least he has an appetite.
“It’s coming bro, relax,” Nathan says.
“Sorry about being an ass lately,” he says to Nathan.
“Don’t worry about it, you had good reasons.”
“So fill me in on you two, what’s happening there?” he says, with a knowing smile.
I look to Nathan and then to Chad, Nathan does the same, yet neither of us says a word.
“Seriously dude, you did not punch Levi for no fucking reason, so spill,” he says waiting excitedly for gossip.
“Wait, what? You punched Levi, When? Why?” I ask shocked and surprised.
I see Nathan glare at Chad for mentioning that information, but I’m not backing down now, I want details.
“It was nothing, let it go,” Nathan says.
“Hell no, you better tell me,” I say piercing him with serious eyes.
“I’ll tell her, it was pretty funny,” Chad says, as he laughs thinking about it.
“Fine, tell me,” I say sitting with my arms firmly crossed across my chest.
“We overheard Sophie talking about how pissed she was that Levi never called to check on you. That you tried to justify it, but you couldn’t because you guys are friends. So when we got back to campus, lover boy here drove straight to the dickheads’ house.” Chad starts to laugh, Nathan looks anywhere, but at me.
“He stormed into the house, grabbed him and beat the shit out of him, and then we left. I think it’s safe to say, he probably won’t call you ever again,” Chad says, still laughing.
I just stare, dumbfounded at the news I’m just told. Nathan beat Levi up because he never called me? Wow.
“So why did you beat him up and not just punch him a time or two?” I ask out of nowhere.
Chad starts laughing hysterically, “Shit, are you kidding me Liv, he was ready to pounce on that fucker since the first time he saw you with him.”
I now just stare at Nathan, waiting for him to say something.
“What, he’s a bitch,” he says like it’s nothing.
“Is that so?” I say with a laugh.
Luckily for Nathan the conversation ends, because the doorbell rings, pizza’s here.
The three of us spend the rest of the evening talking, laughing, and watching silly television.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What time is Chad coming,” Megan asks from the doorway of my bedroom.
“He should be here soon,” I tell her as I finish throwing my hair up in a ponytail.
“If you need any help, Sawyer and I can help,” she says kindly.
“Thanks, I think we can handle it though.”
“Alright,” she says with a sad smile as she glances around Brynn’s side of the room before leaving.
A few minutes later Chad walks hesitantly in the room.
“Hey.”
“Hey Liv,” he says looking towards the floor.
“It’s going to be okay Chad, remember what we talked about last night,” I remind him.
“I know, it just doesn’t make it any easier to know she’s never coming back.”
“I know. Which side would you like to start on?” I ask nervously.
“I guess I’ll start over here,” he says as he grabs a box off my bed and heads in the direction of her vanity.
We don’t say anything for a good twenty minutes, and I know I need to say something. The look on Chad’s face is only getting worse. I knew it would be hard for him, but he needs to do this.
“Chad, tell me something you loved about Brynn?” I ask with a small smile.
“What’s there not to love about her, she was perfect,” he says sadly.
He makes me laugh out loud, “Seriously? Are you talking about the same girl? She was a firecracker I’ll give you that, but she was far from perfect, even she would have told you that.”
A small smile slips from his face, “You’re right. I guess I
loved how she would dive head first into things and when she did something, she was all in. I admired her for that.”
“Me too.”
“But you’re right, when she was pissed, you didn’t want to be anywhere near her for fear you wouldn’t come out alive,” he says with a laugh.
“Aww so true, so true. It was great for me because usually I wasn’t on the receiving end of that,” I tell him with a laugh.
“Shit, I can’t say the same,” he says with a laugh.
“She loved you though, you need to know that.”
“I know and Liv I do love her, even now, I’ll always love her,” he says as his eyes get watery.
“I know, me too. She will always be a part of our lives. I don’t think she’d let us live any other way,” I state truthfully.
“Damn, don’t I know it,” he says smiling.
We spend the next two hours talking, laughing, and reminiscing about the girl who made such a huge impact in both our lives.
“Did you want to take anything else?” I ask Chad as he sets down the small bag of things he’s keeping of Brynn’s.
“No, this is good,” he says with a smile.
“Thanks for today Liv,” he says as he sits on Brynn’s old bed, “You were right, this did help.”
“I’m glad. It helped me to. What are your plans for the rest of the day?” I ask changing the conversation.
“Just hanging out with your boy,” he says with a smirk.
“I don’t have a guy Chad, you already know this.”
He starts to laugh, “You know you’re going to end up with Nate right?” he says out of thin air.
“What? No, I don’t know that,” I say quickly.
“It’s going to happen. The way you two stare at each other, you might as well stop undressing each other with your eyes and just do it already,” he says laughing.
I throw a pillow at his head, “I don’t do that,” I retort quickly. Though it has crossed my mind what he looks like without clothes on. Stop, can’t go there right now.
“I’m not stupid and yeah you do, you both do. Make a move, let him know he didn’t royally fuck things up with you when we were being jackasses to you,” he says like it’s easy.
“Yeah, sure, you make it seem so simple.”
“It is. Girls…you make shit way too complicated,” he says laughing, “Seriously Liv, make a move, and please do it soon. The man needs to get laid,” he says with a devilish smirk.
“What makes you think I’m that type of girl?” I ask harshly.
“Oh you’re not. Brynn already told me,” he says laughing, “Levi…that I will never understand, but to each its own, I guess.”
“What did Brynn tell you?” I say frustrated.
“That you’ve had sex with two people, one from high school and the other being Levi. Yeah, Nate wasn’t happy hearing that,” he says with another laugh.
“You told him?” I scold.
“Hell yeah, why wouldn’t I? Now do you understand why he hates Levi so much?”
Nathan hates Levi, because of me?
“No, I don’t really understand,” I say looking confused as hell.
“Levi had what Nate wants. It’s pretty simple,” he says, like I should already know this.
“Nathan doesn’t want me, maybe our friendship, but I’m sure that’s it. He’s never done or said anything otherwise.”
“Oh Liv, I really didn’t take you for a dumb person. So you’re telling me when you two had to make out and you had to give him a lap dance, you couldn’t tell he wanted you?” he says, piercing me with his eyes.
I’m sure I looked like a deer in headlights, because yeah I could tell during that moment, but what guy wouldn’t get turned on by a girl stripping and giving a lap dance?
“End the man’s misery would you? I’ll see you later,” he says as he picks up his bag of Brynn’s belongings and walks out the door.
Nathan likes me, like really likes me? I mean growing up as best friends is one thing, wanting me is entirely different.
I can’t help but be excited about this possible information.
Chapter Twenty-Two
To say things have been going my way would be an understatement. As much as I want to pursue Nathan, I’m a chicken shit.
Now, their basketball season is underway and he has practice all the time, and when he’s not practicing, he’s in the gym.
Damn me and my nerves.
It’s been exactly one month since Brynn passed away. I have my moments, but I keep reminding myself she’s in a better place. I know she’s probably cursing me for a bunch of shit too.
Sophie recently moved into Brynn’s side of the room and at first it freaked me out, but I’m getting used to it now.
I’m hanging out with Nathan and Chad tonight after their practice, so hopefully by then, I can build up the nerve to do something.
And Chad was right about Levi, I haven’t heard or seen him since Brynn was killed. Whatever Nathan said to him must have made him scared. I heard from a few people that he had a busted up face and lots of bruises, so I’m guessing it made an impact.
He was a friend though and it was fun hanging out with him, so I’m sad to see I lost a friend, but was he really ever my friend if he wouldn’t even call to check up on me? I guess not.
I decide to head over to Chad and Nathan’s place around 7 p.m.
“Hey Liv,” Chad says as he lets me in.
“Hey, how was practice?”
“Fucking sucked, I’m beat,” he says looking tired and sore.
“Oh, well if you guys don’t want to hang out, we can do it another time.”
“Umm, actually it’s just you and me, Nate’s got a date,” he says with a big smile.
Shit, I guess I did wait too long.
I guess Chad can tell I’m bummed by my facial express, “Liv, I’m kidding, that was too easy,” he says as he starts to laugh.
I slap him on the arm, causing him to say ouch.
“That wasn’t nice,” I spat.
“Then you better do something about it, because chicks try to pick him up every fucking day,” he says, as if it’s something I don’t already know.
“Thanks for the reminder,” I mumble.
“Anytime sweetheart, anytime,” he says still laughing.
We head into the living room and I take a seat on the couch.
“So is tonight the night?” Chad asks out of nowhere.
“Is what tonight?” I ask confused.
“You going to make a move or what?” he says staring at me.
“I don’t know. How do I plan something like that?” I ask, looking for any guidance he can offer.
“You can’t plan it Liv. You’ve known the guy for ages, so yeah he may have treated you like shit for reasons he thought were legit, but deep down he’s still that kid you knew.”
“Yeah, sure, plus lots of muscles, tattoos, and sexy as hell,” I say, more to myself than to Chad.
“Who’s sexy as hell?” Nathan says as he enters the room.
I can feel my face turn beat red, unsure of what to say.
“Me, dipshit,” Chad says with a smile.
“Ha, yeah sure,” he says as he sits on the couch, opposite ends from me.
“So what’s on the agenda for tonight?” Nathan asks looking between me and Chad.
“Well sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m backing out. Next time,” he says as he heads towards his bedroom.
“So?” he says piercing me with his eyes.
“So, what?” I ask confused.
“What do you want to do tonight?” he says with a sexy smile.
“Umm whatever you want is fine,” I say slightly nervous. He starts to laugh, “What’s so funny?” I ask, looking directly at him.
“O, what’s going on?”
“Nothing, why?” I ask feigning ignorance.
“Because something’s wrong. You are fidgety, quiet, you turned bright red when I walked in, so te
ll me what’s going on,” he says looking at me intently.
“I guess I’m just a little nervous,” I say half truthfully.
“Continue,” is all he says.
“That’s it, nothing else to say,” I say hoping we can change the topic, “Can we watch a movie?”
“Sure, scary it is,” he says as he stands and pulls a scary movie from the pile and puts it in the Blu-ray player, “Would you like anything to eat or drink?” he asks kindly.
“Nope, I’m good right now,” I tell him before he sits back down beside me on the couch.
He doesn’t touch the lights, but he doesn’t need to, they are already on the lowest setting possible.
After about ten minutes Nathan asks, “Do you mind if I lie down?”
“Sure, can I lay with you?” I find the nerve to ask.
“Yeah,” he says as I stand up so he can get comfortable before I lay down, “Okay, come here.”
And I do. I lay, my back to his front, using his arm as a pillow.
He rests his other arm by my hip, but I pull it so it’s wrapped around me.
“I missed you,” I whisper.
“I missed you too O,” he says then presses a kiss to my head.
“I’m sorry for what our parent’s did to us.”
“You don’t have any reason to apologize, you didn’t know.”
“But still, you practically hated me,” I say, blowing out a deep breath.
“I never hated you, I couldn’t hate you.”
“You were so mean, it was pretty close to hate,” I say, bringing up a conversation that we don’t need to have.
“I was angry; you broke my heart as a kid. We were best friends, but it was so much more than that,” he says sounding regretful.
“And here I thought you broke my heart. I had this whole thing figured out in my head,” I say honestly.
“What thing?”
“That we’d always be best friends, would do everything together and one day get married, have kids, you know, that sort of thing,” I state matter of fact.
“Aww O, was I your prince charming?” he says reminding me of the princess movies I used to make him watch.
“You were my everything,” I say as I feel my eyes start to get teary eyed.
Never Say Goodbye Page 23