Northern Lights Trilogy

by Lisa Tawn Bergren

  “I am not the man you need, Kaatje.”

  “You are exactly the man I need. The only man I need.”

  Her calm, steady voice forced his eyes to meet hers. He licked his lips. She did not want out, was not taking his offer to run while she still could. Could it be that she could still love a useless man? What would it take to become the man she would admire, the man she described who was able to tackle a river just after ice break, a man who could fend off a mother bear for her?

  Staring into her eyes, feeling her warm hand in his, James had no choice.

  He had no choice but to fight again.

  For the chance to walk. For the chance to live. For the chance to love.

  twenty-nine

  On the eve of James’s homecoming, Karl and Elsa threw a celebration party at Ramstad House. James sat in his wooden wheelchair and tried to be as merry as he could, in spite of being clearly uncomfortable. He was the kind of man who was in his element deep in the Yukon, not at parties in mansions, Elsa mused. She hoped he would be able to someday return to the Yukon.

  “He’s made tremendous progress,” Elsa said, reaching Karl and taking his arm. They stood together in the corner of the parlor and looked back at James and Kaatje.

  “Mm-hmm,” Karl muttered, as he drew closer to her, clearly not thinking about James.

  Elsa glanced at him and then swatted his arm. “Karl! Somebody might see you!”

  “Mm-hmm,” he repeated. He leaned closer to her, making her bare clavicle and neck break out in goose bumps. “Come away with me,” he whispered suggestively.

  “To where? We leave for Alaska next week.”

  “I don’t care. Anywhere. Let’s just go. Away. Together. Let’s get married and have a bit of a honeymoon before we go to Alaska. I can’t stand waiting even another month.”

  “Away from Seattle? But Tora—”

  “Tora told you to get married as soon as you can. She doesn’t care if she’s there—she just wants you to marry when the time is right.”

  “But Kaatje—”

  “Just got James home. She’ll be concentrating on him for the next few weeks.”

  “Week,” she corrected. “Kaatje told me today James wants to be on the Fair Alaska when we sail home.”

  “Can’t blame him. Alaska might be just what he needs. The inspiration to get a man on his feet again.”

  “That’s what she says too.”

  “Well then, good. Kaatje and James will be here. Trent’s business will keep him away another week as well. Between Tora and Mrs. Hodge, the children will be well cared for. Let us go. To the San Juan Islands. To Vancouver. Or just out on the water. All I want is to be at sea with the woman I love. Married.”

  “Just us? No one else at our wedding?”

  “I like the sound of it, if it’s all right with you. We can have a big reception with all our friends and family once we return here or to Alaska.” He moved even closer to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing her temple. “What about it? Are you ready to become my wife, Elsa?”

  She looked back into his gray eyes and smiled. “Yes. There’s nothing I want more.”

  “Good. Tomorrow. Let’s sail at ten. I’ll surprise you with the rest. Is that all right?”

  Elsa laughed. “You mean I don’t get to plan my own wedding?”

  “If that’s all right with you. If you trust me…”

  “I do, Karl.”

  “Good. That’s all you have to say tomorrow, too, and I’ll handle the rest. Now if you’ll pardon me, I need to leave and get our affairs in order.”

  “My, aren’t you mysterious?”

  “I hope so. I want you to be a little surprised every day we’re married, Elsa. That a man can love you as I do, that a marriage can be so sweet, that I can be a good father to your children. I hope I can do that for you, in honoring Peder’s memory and to complete my own joy as well.”

  Elsa reached up and caressed his face. “I will pray for that too, Karl.”

  “Until tomorrow, love.”

  “Until tomorrow.” She smiled, the thought of tomorrow’s promise thrilling her.

  “I will send a coach for you at ten. Let me go and say good-bye to the children, and then I’ll be on my way.” He held her hand until the last minute, staring into her eyes, as if he wished he did not have to leave her for even this last night.

  At last, at last they were to marry! Elsa grinned and finally focused on others in the room. The party had waned, and suddenly Elsa knew that she and Karl had been quite a spectacle. When she spotted Kaatje and Tora staring at her, giggling, she understood just how much of a spectacle.

  She walked over to them. “Tell me you’re laughing over something not at my expense.”

  “Oh, you can afford it,” Tora said, taking her arm. “Karl told me he was going to suggest getting married tomorrow. Are you going to do it?”

  “Yes. Are you sorry you won’t be there?”

  “Not as sorry as you’d be if you missed such an intimate, romantic opportunity. We’ll celebrate afterward. And I want you to wear your gorgeous wedding dress to the reception.” She leaned back and stared at Elsa for a moment, then leaned forward again to hug her. “You’re going to be so happy, Elsa. That’s all that matters.”

  “Thanks for sharing my joy,” Elsa answered.

  “You are welcome.” There was a wistful look in Kaatje’s eyes, and Elsa hoped against hope that someday James would feel well enough to ask for her hand in marriage. Kaatje deserved that kind of happiness.

  As if hearing her thoughts, James wheeled over to them. “So what is the big secret?”

  “Secret?” Kaatje asked, cocking an eyebrow.

  “Secret,” he said, playfully lowering his eyebrow and taking her hand.

  Kaatje bent down and whispered in his ear, and James smiled in approval. “Exactly as I hoped. Karl is a good man, Elsa. You two will be very happy.”

  “As will you and Kaatje,” Elsa said, before she could think through her words. “Oh, forgive me for being so presumptuous! I’m in such a high mood, it makes me feel I can say whatever is on my mind!”

  “Not that being in a low mood has ever stopped you before,” Tora teased.

  “No, that’s all right,” James said. “I aim to never leave Kaatje. And I hope to soon be out of this chair so I can get down and propose as a man should.”

  “James!”

  “What? It is true. No sense in hiding it. You were wondering about it, weren’t you?”

  “Well, yes, but I never… I didn’t… I couldn’t.…”

  “Perhaps we had better excuse ourselves,” Elsa said, nodding at them both and pulling Tora away.

  Dimly, Kaatje knew they had left her side, but she only had eyes for James. “You think one day we can marry? You want to marry me someday, James?”

  He looked chagrined at being caught, for opening his mouth and hinting of it before he was ready.

  “I do, Kaatje. More than anything else. But I have to be out of this chair. You’ve seen the progress I’ve made. Doctors say it won’t be long before I can try to walk with a couple of canes. Just as soon as I can, sweetheart. That’s the moment I’m going to get down on my knees and make things proper.”

  Kaatje swallowed hard. It was true—he had made tremendous progress. Even getting out of the hospital and coming home, getting through the party—it was all remarkable for a man shot twice just six weeks prior. But she had to ask. It would eat at her every day until the day he spoke of if she did not. “And if….”

  “And if I cannot get out of this chair? That’s what you were going to ask, wasn’t it, Kaatje?” His voice was soft and had a quiver to it.

  She could only nod once.

  “If that’s the case, and I’m praying to God it isn’t, then I aim to be the kind of man you could respect, even in a wheelchair.”

  “I already respect you, James, wheelchair or not. You must know that by now.”

  He stared at her, still hol
ding her hand, but was quiet. “I guess I do. I suppose I’m the one who has to learn to respect myself in this chair.”

  “Not that you shouldn’t try to get better, to regain use of your legs,” Kaatje said, kneeling beside him. “But I don’t ever want it to come between us. We can have a life together regardless of what transpires.”

  “You really think so? You wouldn’t ever look back and curse the day you took a cripple for a husband?”

  His words made her angry. “James Walker, the day I take you as my husband, I would be taking James the man. There is no wheelchair in my heart, because it is your heart, your spirit, I fell in love with. Don’t get me wrong,” she said, suddenly a bit shy. “You are a fine figure of a man, James. And I would love it if you could walk again someday. But it has no impact on the way I feel about you. No impact on the way I’d feel if we could never be together.”

  He nodded silently, her words apparently making sense to him. “I will think on these things, Kaatje. You have done much to get me to where I am tonight, and I am grateful. Thank you for remaining by my side through this.” He reached up and caressed her face, much as Elsa had caressed Karl’s face earlier. His broad, warm, callused hand felt good and reassuring. Someday James Walker would rise out of that chair and walk to her. He would bend on one knee and ask her to marry him.

  She knew it. With all the clarity of prophecy that Jeremiah or Isaiah ever knew before her. And she was filled with peace.

  “Whew, I had better sit down,” Tora said. “It’s been an awfully long day.”

  Elsa glanced at the mantel clock. “It’s only quarter past seven. You’ve gotten soft since you became Mrs. Storm. What you need is a little hard work…” Elsa stared hard at her. “You’ve been tired a lot lately.”

  “Yes. I had to have a nap just today. I was wondering if I was coming down with something.”

  “But you’ve been that way ever since you arrived in Ketchikan.”

  “Yes. I chalked it up to being weary from our whirlwind honeymoon. My husband is no old man, despite his gray hair.”

  Elsa was staring at her so hard! Tora gave her a silly face. Did she have a spot of an hors d’oeuvre stuck at the corner of her lip? Quickly she ducked behind her hand to check. No. “What? Why are you looking at me that way, Elsa?”

  “I’m looking for a glow.”

  “A glow? A glow?” Finally, she understood what her sister was after. No. It couldn’t be.

  “How long since your last monthly?” Elsa whispered.

  Tora started thinking back. “It’s been…sometime before…After Japan, before Hawaii on the way back.”

  “So that was two months ago?”

  “About that, yes,” Tora said, nodding and getting excited. “But I haven’t been ill in the mornings,” she whispered, wanting to be talked out of the possibility before she got too excited.

  “Not all women get sick,” Elsa whispered back, her grin spreading.

  Tora ran through the calendar again. “I guess when we reached Ketchikan, and with Soren dying and James’s injuries, I simply didn’t pay attention. But yes, it’s been two months!”

  “I’d say I have another niece or nephew on the way. You’ll know for sure in another month.”

  “Oh, do you think so?” Tora asked, clinging to Elsa’s arm. “How wonderful it would be! I was so afraid, Elsa, so afraid I’d never have another baby.”

  “Yes, I think so,” Elsa said. “I think Trent’s in for a shock when he gets back from his business trip.”

  “It’s not like I’ve kept it a secret that I wanted a baby,” Tora said.

  “No. But a man is never prepared for the news like a woman is.”

  “Oh, I cannot wait! For another month to pass by! For the chance to share my hope with Trent!”

  “When is he due back from Minneapolis?”

  “Not until the week after next.”

  “Well, don’t you worry. Another two weeks will give you all the more confirmation that our prayers have been answered, or that you’ll just have more opportunities to try again. In any case, Tora, someday you’re going to be a mother. I know it.”

  “I hope so, Elsa.” She leaned her head against her older sister’s shoulder. “I hope so.”

  A card was delivered early the next morning, telling Elsa that Karl’s plans had taken longer than he had expected and that a coach would not pick her up until three in the afternoon. She was disappointed, having arisen early to begin packing and preparing for her big day. “Silly man,” she said, sinking into a deep settee beside Kaatje. “This is what happens when you leave things to a man to plan.”

  “Get used to it. You have been too long without a husband—you’ve forgotten their ways.”

  “You are one to talk.”

  Kaatje laughed and looked down at the knitting in her lap. “That is true. Maybe someday I’ll get the chance to wait on my own husband-to-be.”

  “I hope so too,” Elsa said, squeezing her hand. She looked back to Karl’s stationery, imprinted CAPTAIN KARL GUSTAV MARTENSEN, JUNEAU, ALASKA at the top. She ran her hand over the letters. She had been a Ramstad for a very long time. It would take some getting used to, being called Elsa Martensen, Mrs. Martensen, Mrs. Karl Martensen…Fortunately, she liked the idea of any and all of them.

  “Never mind the delay,” Kaatje said. “We will fill it. Why don’t you take a long walk with the children? It’s a lovely day. And when you return, we’ll have a bath waiting for you. After that we’ll have a light luncheon, and I’ll do your hair and get you dressed. You’ll marry tonight, right?”

  “Yes. I believe so. I’m going in my gown!”

  “I cannot believe that our Karl would let one more night slip by without you in his arms,” she said conspiratorially.

  Elsa flashed her an excited grin. The idea of being with him and never letting him go again—Of being his, body, mind, and soul—She rose quickly and wrung her hands. “A walk. A lovely idea. I’ll go gather the children and be off.”

  Everything was perfect. The sun had reached its zenith and was beginning to descend. Karl double-checked his watch. Three o’clock. The coach would be picking her up now. He had rented the finest available in Seattle, a white phaeton with gilded wheels. He wanted Elsa to feel like a princess on her way to her prince. She deserved nothing less.

  The Fair Alaska was bedecked with ivory roses and tulle fabric draped in gentle arcs along its railing. Mrs. Hodge had arranged the delivery of hundreds of ivory pillar candles, and Charlie—after begging to live aboard with Karl for even a short time—and the crew had helped him distribute them throughout the ballroom and his stateroom. There were fresh, luxurious linens on his new, double bed. The minister was due to arrive just before Elsa, and Cook had supper under way. If they could manage to eat anything, Karl mused. His stomach was so tied up in knots, he could not fathom eating even a bite. Only Elsa’s safe arrival and sailing with her out beyond Bainbridge Island would ease his frazzled nerves. They would anchor in a deep harbor on the leeward side, for Karl wanted their evening and night to be at sea, but without the accompaniment of the noisy boilers. He wanted it silent, nothing but the lapping of the sea they both loved and the sounds of lovers in their marital bed.…

  Karl paced, barking orders at men who deserved no punishment. He knew he was tense. He patted his jacket pocket and felt the velvet box tucked safely there. He’d have to tell Elsa that night that it was he who had sent the presents over the last few years. He’d felt so mischievous when she’d asked about it earlier and he’d played innocent. He pictured fastening the sapphire pendant around her slim neck and confessing. Knowing Elsa, she had probably already guessed. Either way, he longed to tell her that he had been thinking of her all this time, never knowing that she would give him the ultimate gift—herself in marriage. Their marriage…their wedding… Thoughts of it sent him pacing again. What if something went wrong? What if her carriage was in an accident?

  He was sure the entire crew breathed a sigh of r
elief when he went to the rail and saw the ivory phaeton come into view. He paused, straightening his pristine black suit and tie, then walked sedately down the gangplank as if he had all the time in the world. Looking back, he noticed most of the crew leaning over the side to watch. He whistled once and pulled his head back. They disappeared, hopefully to stay out of sight for the remainder of the day.

  The phaeton driver pulled the matched grays to a halt, and a coachman stepped off the back. Karl grinned in satisfaction. Three men to serve her. She ought to feel like a princess! The coachman opened her door and offered his assistance.

  A slender hand emerged from the shadows, and then a small ankle, clad in white hosiery and a delicate slipper. It was her smile he saw next, her lovely smile. She ducked through the small doorway and carefully made her way down the steps, dropping the coachman’s hand to take both of Karl’s.

  “You…,” Karl breathed, looking her up and down, “are a vision.” He bowed slightly.

  “You do not look poorly yourself,” she quipped, straightening his tie.

  The two men appeared behind her, laden with luggage.

  “Packing light, are you?”

  She raised her chin. “My fiancé would not tell me where we were going. I figured I ought to be prepared.”

  Emboldened by their play, he escorted her along the gangway and leaned to whisper in her ear, “We will be married. Who will need clothing?”

  She colored prettily, and Karl sighed. Their time to retire to the bedroom suddenly seemed a very long time away. Fortunately, he was distracted by her elation at the decorated ship. Seeing her reaction, it was well worth the effort to do all he could to make the evening magical. Two crewmen and Lucas appeared to take Elsa’s luggage from the coachmen, whom Lucas paid. Karl nodded at him and knew that Lucas would get the ship underway without further delay.

  “Come, my bride,” he said to her, offering his arm. They walked to the bow and stood there as the Fair Alaska’s boilers churned them out of Seattle’s harbor and along Puget Sound.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “Not far. I thought it appropriate that two captains be married at sea.”

  She smiled up at him, the ivory of her dress making her smile all the more bright. She had perfectly rounded lips, turned up a little at each corner. He bent and kissed her, wanting more of her as he tasted the sweetness, but pulled away. In time he would have all of her, and she of him.