Rite of Revelation (Acceptance Book 2)

by Sarah Negovetich

  “Daniel.” His name comes out breathy with his lips against my throat.

  He groans and drops his head down onto my shoulder. “I love you.”

  “So much.” I drop his shirt and pull him into a hug. “More and more every day.”

  “Does that mean you’ll still love me tomorrow if I whisk you away right now and make you get some sleep?”

  I cradle his face in my hands and take a moment to appreciate the amazing man in front of me. “Even if we fight and I call you a pig-headed bull and you call me an overreacting numbskull. Even then, I will always love you.”

  Daniel hoists me off the table and drapes a strong arm around my shoulders. “Good, but just for the record, I would never call you a numbskull.”

  “No?”

  “You’re more of a hothead.”

  * * *

  “Where have you been all day, princess?” Elizabeth grins at me over the plate of roasted veggies and potatoes we’re having for dinner. “It clearly wasn’t the beauty shop.”

  “Oh, hardy-har-har. You’re a non-stop laugh factory tonight.” I contemplate flicking a carrot at her, but I’m too hungry to waste it.

  “Seriously though, I haven’t seen you since breakfast.”

  “I know. Carol let me sneak some bread for lunch so I didn’t have to leave the office. It’s a mess up there.” I shove a bit of potato in my mouth and don’t even care that I’m talking with my mouth full. “Two teams of riders came back today with updates on our trading partners. Plus, both teams came back with trade requests that we aren’t ready for. Though I guess that’s a good problem to have.”

  Daniel gives my shoulder a quick squeeze. “It’s a good thing that we aren’t ready?”

  “It’s a good thing that there are still villages willing to trade with us.” I shove more food in. “I guess Alan didn’t convince everyone. I spent all day tracking down half the program heads in town to figure out how much we can spare for the moment. I still need to rework the routes to account for the villages that are cutting us off and send out riders to check on the villages to the west. And I never even made it over to look in on Ana.”

  Daniel pushes a glass of milk in front of me and adds what’s left from his plate to mine. “And if you get sick from overworking yourself, we won’t have anyone to work the PE office, and we’ll all starve this winter.”

  “Daniel’s right,” Eric adds from across the table. Doc gave him clearance this morning to leave his bed and eat with the rest of us. “You won’t be doing anyone any favors if you work yourself to the point of exhaustion.”

  “Okay, I get it.” I take another bite of food to prove my point. “But until Ana is up and feeling better, I’m the only one.”

  “You know, Rebecca,” Constance chimes in from a few seats down. “I’m sure they could spare me from the child center for a while if you could use another set of hands.”

  “Really? ‘Cause that would be amazing. But you love it over there.”

  “I do, but with the older kids off on their summer apprenticeships, there isn’t as much to do right now. Plus, those little ones are a handful. I could use a little break.”

  “It’s true,” Thomas says, nudging her with his elbow. “She came home so tired yesterday she would have slept through dinner if I hadn’t tickled her awake.”

  “And I still haven’t forgiven you for that.” She drops her fork and attacks Thomas’s ribcage.

  I take another bite of perfectly cooked carrot and sit back enjoying the moment. Daniel pulls me close into a one-arm hug, and everyone laughs as Thomas tries to avoid Constance, who is fast like lightning in finding all of his ticklish spots.

  The Cardinal is hunting me down, and our trading partners are dropping like flies, but here inside this village, life goes on. And it’s a good life. Not perfect and certainly not what I ever predicted, but sometimes we get what we never thought to ask for.

  “Can I have everyone’s attention?” Doc’s commanding voice breaks in over the chatter from the head of the room. I haven’t seen him since last night, and his face has aged a hundred years in those few hours. A tightness builds around my chest. Nothing about this feels good.

  The noise around the room dies down, and Doc takes a deep breath before continuing. “I am deeply saddened tonight to report…” A sob lets out of his throat, and it takes several heartbeats for him to calm down. “Our dear friend, Ana, has moved on to true freedom.”

  An icy blast drops into my core and spreads out to every inch of my body, freezing me to my spot on the bench. Gasps echo around the room. Constance bursts into tears, and even Elizabeth has watery eyes. At the other end of our table, several men and women cry openly, and a crowd floods around Doc. I’m too numb to move.

  Doc’s voice is raw as he calls out over the distress in the room. “Liam is obviously devastated, but has asked that we hold the release ceremony tonight. Please finish your meals and join us in the square. Anyone who’s done eating, please help us with the platform.”

  Several people stand and follow Doc outside, including Thomas and Eric. Daniel moves to stand, but I grab the front of his shirt so tight he’s stuck to the bench. Everything around me swirls into a mash of colors, like that toy kaleidoscope I had as a child. But I don’t need a toy now to see the light show. The room twists and turns until it’s nothing more than a blur of dizzying color and sound.

  I was supposed to go see her today. Last night I told Daniel that was my first stop. Instead I slept in to make up for last night and then spent the whole day dealing with everything else. Who was with her? Was Liam in the room holding her hand when she took her last breath? Did little Nellie get to come in and say goodbye to her mommy?

  “Rebecca?”

  “I should have gone, but I didn’t make the time to see her.”

  “Hey now, this is not your fault.” Daniel wraps both arms around me and squeezes so tight I can barely feel my shaking arms. “There’s no way you could have known. She was sick and even with the meds, Doc wasn’t sure she would get better.”

  I swallow the lump lodged at the base of my neck. “All the more reason I should have gone over there first thing like I had planned.”

  “Rebecca, you can’t do that.” Elizabeth reaches across the table for my hand, but I’m afraid if I move I might punch her instead. “You were doing what you were supposed to be doing, making sure we all have what we need to survive.”

  “Paperwork?” My voice is a panicked, high-pitch squeal that draws several stares. I don’t care. “You think paperwork is more important than Ana’s life?”

  “That’s not—”

  “She was one of us, Elizabeth. You could at least pretend to care about someone other than yourself for a change.”

  I expect a fight. I want one. A fight will let me feel something other than this festering guilt threatening to empty my stomach. Instead, she calmly stands up and walks outside with the others.

  “Rebecca…”

  “What?” I snap at Daniel’s tight-lipped stare. “Do you hate me now, too?”

  Daniel smooths hair out of my face. “No one hates you.”

  “Well,” Patrice says, spearing a piece of potato. “Elizabeth might.”

  “Patrice!”

  “Right. I’ll just go outside.” Patrice stands and pinches off one last bite of bread. “Come on, Constance. Let’s go see how we can help.”

  By the time they leave, most of the cafeteria is empty. We should get up, too. I don’t know what the release ceremony is, but from the looks of it, the whole village is involved. I should find Liam. Poor Liam, who loved Ana so much that he created a new village where she wouldn’t be judged. Oh, sweet Nellie. Who is watching her? Holding her hand? I should go help. Do anything other than sit here on this bench and stare at the wall.

  I lean forward to stand, but Daniel pushes me back down.

  “You barely ate half your food. You need to eat.”

  “I can’t.” I shake my head at the offer of mor
e milk, my stomach churning at the thought. “Tomorrow you can force feed me until you’re sure I won’t die of starvation, but tonight I can’t. I’m just…done.”

  Daniel nods and offers a hand to help me stand. I sway a bit on my feet, but stay upright. Too many thoughts are running through my head to isolate a single strand. My feet move one in front of the other, but more from instinct than a decision on my part to move.

  “I’m done.”

  Twenty-Six

  Outside, the night air is hot and humid. Others around me pick at damp shirts and fan themselves with their hands. My body stopped feeling the minute Doc started talking.

  The center of the village is filled with movement, but it lacks its usual joy. Everyone is working, but it’s clear no one wants to be. Several members have built a small wooden platform with mountains of kindling and several bundles covered in black tar. Everyone seems to have a job to do, and they are all moving about, getting it done in almost silence. I can’t decide if it’s reverent or mournful or just methodical.

  We arrive at the platform and most of the activity around us comes to a halt. From down the street, a small group moves toward us, several light sticks bobbing in the dark. It’s not until they are closer that I can see who it is.

  Doc is there with a few other men and women. Carol holds poor Nellie in her arms. All of them form a semi-circle around Liam, who is carrying Ana in his arms, the same way Daniel carried me last night.

  Was it really just last night that we sat in the cafeteria and argued over trade routes and then made up in spectacular fashion? Last night when Ana was alive, and it was just a simple matter of walking over to her house to ask some questions.

  The silence of the village is broken by the sounds of mourning. Soft cries and loud sobs echo around the wooden platform. Even in the dim evening light, I can tell that there isn’t a single person here who doesn’t feel the enormity of Ana’s death.

  The group approaches the platform and helps Liam lift Ana up onto the top. She’s wearing a plain pair of slacks and the simple green shirt she wore the day we met. It would probably still bring out the golden flecks in her brown eyes if they weren’t closed. She could be sleeping.

  Liam holds on to her, even after she’s been lain down and her arms and legs arranged just so. He leans down and whispers something in her ear. I’m glad we aren’t close enough to hear. Watching is breaking my heart.

  He pushes her hair away from her face and plants a kiss on her forehead. I can’t watch anymore. Daniel wraps his arms around me as I bury my head into his chest. Pressure builds up behind my eyes and my head weighs a hundred pounds. This isn’t right.

  “Thank you all so much for coming out and putting this all together so quickly.” Liam’s voice breaks through the silence, and I dig deeper into Daniel’s hold.

  “Ana loved everything about her life here with all of you. It would have been easy to dismiss her or make her an outcast because of her past.”

  The silence returns, and I turn in Daniel’s arms to see what’s going on. Liam still commands everyone’s attention, but he’s done speaking.

  On his knees, his head buried in his hands, silent sobs wrack his body.

  “My husband and I never had children of our own.” Carol steps forward a bit, her face still spotted with flour. “When he passed on, I came here so I could find a new life. I never imagined I’d find Ana. The daughter I always wished for. She brought me friendship every morning and helped to heal this old lady’s broken heart. Ana will live on in me.”

  Carol steps back into the swell of the crowd and another woman steps forward, sharing a silly story of her and Ana getting caught naked when their clothes fell in the river on a swimming trip. Everyone laughs at the image of them scurrying back to town with nothing but leaves covering their lady bits. Like Carol, she ends her story with ‘Ana will live on in me.’

  One by one, various members of the village step forward and share a favorite memory or a time when Ana touched their lives. The night fills with an endless chorus of tender moments.

  Daniel squeezes me, and I know he’s asking if I want to speak. And I do, but I can’t. What could I possibly say in a few short words to sum up how much Ana meant to me? She’s the first person who made me feel like starting over here was possible. She helped give me a purpose and let me be more than just someone the Cardinal Rejected. Now that she’s gone, there’s a huge hole inside, and I don’t see how it ever gets better.

  Eventually, the stories slow, and Liam steps forward again, his face still drawn, but collected.

  “Ana was a special soul who touched the lives of everyone she met. This world was a better place with her in it, and she will be missed. And now it’s our job to continue to give her life purpose, by remembering to be kind to one another and finding value in every gift. We release her from this world and the suffering she endured, but we capture her light and hold it close to our hearts always. Ana will live on in me.”

  At his final words, two torches on either side of the group light up into flames. As one, they lower to the black tar bundles underneath and it instantly catches fire. In seconds, the whole structure is a swirling mass of white and blue so thick I can’t see the body lying on top.

  The crowd moves around the burning pyramid, embracing. Sharing hugs and smiles. It’s too much. I pull out of Daniel’s grasp and walk back toward the dining hall. He’s only a few steps behind me, but for once his closeness is too much.

  I stop and hold out a hand to him. “I need a few minutes alone.”

  His expression is unreadable with the light of the fire flowing out behind him. He nods and pauses the tiniest second before heading back toward the crowd.

  * * *

  Inside the dining hall, everything is exactly where we all left it after Doc’s announcement. Mostly empty plates and cups line the tables. Except for all the missing people, it could be any other night, any other dinner.

  Except it’s not, because Ana isn’t in here joking around and trying to steal extra pieces of bread. She’s out there, lying dead on a huge funeral pyre, and I can’t pretend like that’s okay.

  I grab the nearest thing to me and hurl it at the wall. The last few sips of water spray out of the wooden cup seconds before it smashes against the wall, splitting in half.

  It’s not fair. Not fair that Ana should get sick. Not fair that Eric and Ethan almost died trying to get her medicine. Not fair that we finally got some and it still didn’t work. I pick up a plate and fling it against the wall, too. It explodes against the wood panels and splinters into a hundred tiny pieces flying in every direction.

  Why do we get to live here safe and sound while Molly never even got close to her freedom? My fingers curl around the edge of another plate and pull it back over my shoulder. The door slams open seconds before I’m about to catapult it to destruction.

  “Keep that up and we’ll all be eating off the floor.” Elizabeth edges into the room, a burlap bag slung over one shoulder. “Of course, this food is so much better than what we got in the PIT, I’d be the first down on my knees with a fork in hand.”

  “Are you seriously joking right now?” I throw the plate down on the table, scattering the remnants of a few dinners. “What is wrong with you? Ana is dead. Molly is dead. For all I know, all those people we left behind in the PIT are dead, and you want to joke about the food!”

  “It’s better than throwing plates or moping in a corner.”

  “Horse shit!”

  Elizabeth sinks down onto a bench. “You’re upset so I’m going to let that slide.” She pats the bench next to her. “Come sit down for a minute.”

  “I don’t want to sit down. I don’t want to be calm and rational. I want to throw stuff and scream and rage in the street.” I jump up and down, shaking out my fingers, trying to get rid of the all the extra energy surging through my body. “Why is everyone out there pretending like this is just okay? It’s not okay. It’s not. It’s so far from okay and I don’t…I do
n’t…” I sink to the floor right where I stand. “I can’t make it stop hurting.”

  Elizabeth walks over and lifts me up onto the bench. We sit in silence for several minutes while I get my choking sobs under control and find my breath again.

  “I could lie and tell you it gets easier, but it doesn’t ever really stop hurting.” Elizabeth stares at a spot on the wall. “After Molly died, I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and wait for my own life to be over. It hurt so much, and it still does.”

  Elizabeth reaches into her bag and pulls out five smooth, white stones. Molly’s memorial cairn from the PIT. So that’s what she took out of the PIT. “I think about her every day. About how much she would have loved this place. She was always such a peacemaker, she would have fit in anywhere, but would have gladly worked wherever they needed her the most.”

  She turns one of the stones over and over in her hand. “Sometimes I think that she should be here instead of me. But that’s not the way it works, and I have to let go of that.”

  “How?”

  “Death has to be an accepted part of life if we are going to gladly take all the rest of it.” She sets the stone down and turns to face me completely. “There are so many joys we get to experience. Love, family, friendship. We can’t welcome those without also allowing that death is an inevitable fate for all of us. But it only hurts because of how much we value life.”

  “Then maybe I should stop caring so much.”

  “No, princess. That is not the answer. That’s the Cardinal’s take. He doesn’t value life, and look at him. We stay out here and live this new life to the fullest. That’s our way of defying everything he stands for.”

  “And you just stop being angry?”

  “Maybe.” Elizabeth stares off across the room. “At least, I let go of the rage. I had to do that or go insane. But I’ll never stop loving Molly or wanting justice for her. I can be patient, but some day the Cardinal will pay for what he did to her.”