The Remains of the Dead

by Wendy Roberts

  She had no idea how long it had been since she’d gone jogging. Certainly months. Maybe even a year. It felt damn good in a pathetic huffing and puffing kind of way.

  Back home, she got into the shower and stood under the hot spray. Her body ached with a good fatigue and her head felt clear. In spite of the previous night’s lack of sleep and crying jag, she was invigorated.

  Sadie felt like she’d finally made a kind of peace with Brian’s death. A realization that it was time to move on. For the first time since the fifth anniversary of his death, she even felt hungry. Instead of reaching for her usual morning toast, she made a small stack of pancakes, drowned them in syrup, and inhaled the entire plate.

  When Pam came by, she was washing her dishes and in relatively good spirits.

  “Oh my God, you’re whistling. Did you get laid?”

  “No.” Sadie laughed at the prospect. “Who the hell would I screw? The last man who kissed me set me up to be arrested for burglary and then hired someone to take a shot at me.”

  “You’re joking, right?”

  Sadie didn’t reply.

  “Well, there’s always Zack,” Dawn said. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  “Hmmm. Zack.” Sadie shook her head, feeling not nearly as relaxed as she had a minute before. “I’ve got some major sucking up to do. I don’t want him to quit.”

  “This sounds interesting. What did you do? I hope it’s something that involves sexual harassment.”

  “I brought up the fact that he was forced to quit the police force because of an addiction to painkillers.”

  “Huh. So that’s why he’s no longer a cop. I always wondered.”

  “It’s not something he’s proud of, so of course I threw it in his face and then rubbed his nose in it in a real bitchy manner.”

  “Wow, when you hit below the belt, you really aim for the balls.”

  “I didn’t mean it.”

  “Really?”

  “Well, he brought up Brian and I lashed out.”

  “Man, I’ve taken a few of those shots from you myself.”

  “It’s a sore spot,” Sadie admitted.

  “And Brian’s death isn’t hard on the rest of us? I’m tired of you acting like you’re the only one in pain.”

  “Part of me was always hoping I’d get to see Brian. Ask him why he did it.” She straightened. “But I’m done with all that. I’m putting it behind me and moving forward.”

  “This is a lot of deep thinking for so early in the day.”

  “Yeah, and now I’m off to beg Zack’s forgiveness.”

  “Good luck. Just say you’re sorry and if that doesn’t work, stick your tongue down his throat.”

  Sadie agreed to apologizing (not to sticking her tongue down Zack’s throat), but she still put it off as long as possible. Once she’d done all her laundry, organized some boxes in the garage, and tackled Hairy’s litter box, she knew she couldn’t procrastinate any longer.

  She could’ve just picked up the phone, but she figured she owed Zack a face-to-face apology. Besides, she wasn’t quite sure he wouldn’t just hang up on her.

  He lived in a small apartment complex in Bellevue. Sadie parked in the back lot and walked around to use the main entrance. She took the stairs up to the second floor. At Zack’s apartment, she noticed his newspaper in the corridor, announcing that he was probably still inside. She picked up the Seattle Times, took a deep breath, and rapped louder than necessary on his door.

  Sadie was counting on the element of surprise to help her apologize before Zack could get a word in edgewise. When the door opened, she was the one surprised.

  “Yes?” asked a tall, slim brunette who was obviously naked beneath a man’s bathrobe.

  “Oh, I’m—” Sadie gulped. “I’m looking for Zack. Zack Bowman.”

  “Zack!” the woman shouted over her shoulder. “Someone at the door for you.” She turned back to look at Sadie, scrutinizing her openly.

  “Sadie, hi!”

  His hair was tousled from sleep and his chin dark with stubble. He wore sweatpants but no shirt.

  Zack nudged the brunette. “Give us a minute.”

  Her hips swayed as she sauntered casually away. Zack nodded to Sadie.

  “What’s up?”

  “I owe you an apology,” Sadie said humbly.

  “Really. Hmmm.” He folded his arms across his bare chest. “Did you bring coffee and donuts?”

  “Uh, no, I didn’t.”

  He frowned.

  “Seems like if you’re going to wake someone up to say you’re sorry, you should at least bring coffee and donuts. Come back when you’ve got the goods.”

  He took the newspaper from her hands and firmly closed the door in her face.

  Sadie stood with her mouth hanging open for a number of seconds before she turned and left. Back at her car, she cursed and debated whether or not he was pulling her leg. In the end she decided not to take any chances. Half an hour later she returned, precariously balancing a box of Krispy Kremes, two hot coffees, and a bouquet of spring flowers. The last were an apology for the brunette.

  Once outside Zack’s apartment again, Sadie kicked the door with her toe, since her hands were full. She wasn’t looking forward to having to grovel and plead forgiveness in front of Zack’s girlfriend, who was beautiful even though she’d just rolled out of bed.

  “You brought this on yourself,” she murmured while waiting for the door.

  This time when he opened up, his face was clean-shaven, his hair was still damp from the shower, and he was wearing clean jeans and a fresh tee. He eyed her burdened hands and nodded.

  “That’s better.”

  “I won’t stay long. I don’t want to interrupt.”

  “You’re not interrupting. Paula’s gone. She had to get to work anyway.”

  “Oh.”

  Sadie had never been inside Zack’s apartment before. It could only have been described as functional and basic. It was sparsely furnished in neutral colors. Most of the walls were bare, but at least it was tidy and not a dump.

  He didn’t seem to know what to do with the flowers, but he eventually found a large jar under his sink, filled it with water, and stuffed them in.

  “Those are for Paula,” Sadie explained. “For interrupting your, um, date.”

  “I’ll let her know.”

  Sadie sat down at the kitchen table.

  “You know, you’ve worked for me for a year now and I never even knew you had a girlfriend.”

  He regarded her with a cool look that offered nothing.

  “Not that it’s any of my business,” she quickly added. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.” She cleared her throat. “Look, I’m sorry about how I acted last night. I don’t blame you for being ticked off. I promise it will never, ever happen again.”

  “What won’t?” he asked, joining her at the table. “Talking? Having a beer together?”

  She wrapped her fingers around her coffee.

  “No, I don’t mean that. I just mean I won’t bring up your past…you know, stuff…” She floundered, felt herself redden, and got the distinct impression he was enjoying her discomfort.

  Zack opened his hands palms up.

  “Guess all’s fair in love and work. I brought up your brother and you just fought back. Rougher than I would’ve liked, sure, but I probably should’ve kept my mouth shut.”

  “I was way out of line.”

  “Yeah, but I kinda like that about you.” He winked.

  “You liked me making fun of your addiction?”

  “No, I liked you reacting. Showing a little bite about something besides the ghosts you talk to was kind of nice.”

  He flipped open the box of donuts and grabbed one for himself, then offered them to her.

  “I couldn’t. I just ate an obscene amount of pancakes.”

  “You could use some more flesh on your bones. If a man got too close he’d cut himself.”

  Sadie rankled at his r
emark but managed to hold back a scathing retort.

  Zack placed a donut on a napkin and slid it in front of her.

  “Eat.”

  “What, now you’re my mother?”

  “Trust me, my thoughts about you being in my apartment aren’t maternal.”

  Rolling her eyes, she picked up the donut and took a bite.

  “So we’re okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah. We’re good.”

  “You’re still working for me?”

  “I haven’t had any better offers today.”

  “Great. And it won’t be weird between us, right?”

  “Sadie, it’s always been weird.” He bit into his donut and washed it down with coffee.

  She didn’t quite understand if he meant the cleaning of death scenes or the spirit stuff, but she figured it really didn’t matter.

  “You take on the ugliest job in the world to save families from being traumatized twice,” Zack said. “Plus, you hired me when I couldn’t get a job cleaning toilets.”

  “You’re cleaning worse stuff now,” she joked.

  “Yeah, but you never once accused me of being the one to steal the diamond brooch and let you take the fall for it.”

  She looked stunned.

  “Why would I have done that?”

  “Because I was the only one besides you and that Kent Lasko creep who had access to the jewelry. Not to mention the fact that you know some of my history before I went into rehab and it isn’t pretty. Still, you never once pointed a finger at me.”

  “Because I knew you’d never do a thing like that.” She finished off her donut and licked the icing from her fingers.

  He nodded quietly and for a second his eyes were tender.

  Then his guard went back up and he joked, “I could sure live without all that ghost shit, but I’m not going anywhere. For now.”

  She was glad. More than glad.

  “Oh, and I met with Jackie,” Zack added. “I think she’ll be great. Seems to have her head on straight and all that. She’s gone back to Texas to get the rest of her stuff but promises to be ready to start in a couple days.”

  “Thanks for checking her out.”

  Sadie’s phone rang. It was Dawn. She wanted to talk, so they arranged to meet at Sadie’s house.

  “I’ve got to go. Family stuff,” Sadie said and gave him the brief rundown on Noel’s late-night visit and Dawn’s cheating.

  He whistled. “Sounds like you’ve had an interesting day already, and it’s hardly noon.”

  “I haven’t had any job calls. Maybe we’ll get a couple days off.”

  She got to her feet and stuck out her hand.

  “I’m glad we’re okay.”

  “Yeah, so am I,” he said, his voice rough as he grabbed her hand softly in his.

  Off Sadie went from putting out one fire to watching another slow burn. She’d never seen her sister looking so exhausted.

  “So you ended it?” Sadie asked. “Just because you got cold feet and had a fling? Don’t you think that’s a little drastic?” She felt sorry for Noel.

  “He wanted a guarantee that I wouldn’t see John again.”

  “You’re kidding. He actually expected his fiancée to stop seeing other guys?”

  “Cut the sarcasm. I don’t think I can stop seeing John any more than I can stop breathing.”

  “Cut the drama queen act.”

  “I’m serious. I’ve never felt like this before with anyone. Even Noel.”

  “Are you sure you’re not just confusing lust with a bad case of cold feet?”

  “But what if it’s love?” Dawn shook her head slowly from side to side. “What if it’s the real deal? I won’t know unless I take the time to find out.”

  “And you expected Noel to be okay with that?”

  “I guess I was hoping for a little space. Some time to work through things. With Noel it was all or nothing and the decision had to be now.” Her voice broke. “He moved out, Sadie. He wouldn’t even give me a chance to really say how sorry I am. He’s staying with a friend and he told me not to even call.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No you’re not. You never liked Noel anyway,” Dawn said with sudden fury.

  “That’s not true.”

  “Oh come on. Whenever he came around you’d wrinkle up your face like you were disgusted by his presence.”

  “To tell you the truth, my problem was about the fact that Noel looks so much like Brian. I’ve dealt with that now.”

  Dawn’s jaw dropped. “Wait a second—Noel doesn’t look a thing like Brian. Well, besides the blond hair. Oh and maybe the nose. I guess they’re pretty much the same height too…. Oh my God! you don’t think I subconsciously chose Noel because of Brian?”

  “Yes. No. Oh, I don’t know.” Sadie threw up her hands. “Like I said, this was my problem and I’ve dealt with it.”

  “I should tell Noel. Even if there’s a chance it’s true, he has a right to know that maybe all along I—”

  “That you chose him to stand in for your dead brother? Nice. Why stop there? Maybe you can also tell him he was bad in bed. You know, kick him while he’s down.”

  “Maybe you’re right.”

  “I am.”

  Dawn narrowed her eyes and looked seriously at Sadie.

  “You seem awfully sure of yourself today. How are you?” Dawn tapped her chest. “In here.”

  Sadie knew Dawn was referring to the grief over Brian’s suicide.

  “Better.” Sadie exhaled like she’d been holding her breath for five years. “At least I will be until you tell Mom and Dad the engagement is off.”

  Dawn cringed. “Please say you’ll come with me when I tell them.”

  Sadie tried to back out, but the truth was, going with Dawn would take her mind off of her own troubles. They stopped at the corner store on their way to visit their parents. Sadie snagged chocolate bars for the two of them for the drive and some low-fat soy ice cream for the parents to help soften the blow.

  “I don’t think we really need to bring food with us,” Dawn said.

  “Trust me, I’m getting good at this sort of thing. Treats help.”

  They’d phoned ahead and found out that Dad’s tee-off time wasn’t for a couple hours and Mom had a neighbor over but the woman would soon be leaving. They encouraged the girls to come on by for a visit.

  Mom greeted them at the door, and while she hugged Sadie she hastily whispered in her ear, “My neighbor thinks you run a cleaning company for Seattle’s elite. It’s easier than explaining your real job.”

  Sadie offered her mom a pained look, but in light of the bomb Dawn was about to drop, she let the slight pass without comment. Mom led the way into the kitchen past Dad, who was watching golf on the TV in the living room. He offered them a limp wave as they walked by—or it could have been a shooing motion that meant don’t pause in front of the television.

  Marilyn from next door was thrilled to meet Mom’s girls and stayed longer because of it. Making small talk was just about killing Sadie, but finally Marilyn looked at her watch and announced she really had to go.

  As she got up to leave, she said to Sadie, “I understand your business is really taking off. Your mom tells me you’re a real entrepreneur. I’m curious, does your service clean for any Seattle millionaires I’ve heard of?”

  “We pretty much scrape up after everyone eventually,” Sadie replied.

  Mom quickly ushered her friend out the door, sending Sadie an angry glare from behind Marilyn’s back as they went.

  “For heaven’s sake, Sadie, you don’t need to have such an attitude,” her mother complained once she was sure Marilyn was out of earshot. “It’s not like I could actually tell people what you really do.”

  Sadie laughed. “Why not, Mom? Do you think none of them will ever die?”

  “Hopefully when they do it’ll be with some dignity and they won’t need your services.” She sniffed.

  “I give up.” Sadie sighed and lo
oked over at her sister. “Dawn has something to tell you. I’m just here for moral support.”

  Mom’s eyes got huge. “Oh my God, you’re sick, aren’t you? Do you have cancer?” She screamed toward the living room. “Murray, come here, something’s wrong. I think Dawn has cancer!”

  “What? No! I don’t have cancer,” shouted Dawn.

  Sadie snickered and leaned over to whisper in her sister’s ear, “Go with it. If you tell them you’re sick, they’ll go easier on you.”

  Dad came into the kitchen and looked at his women.

  “What’s all the screaming about?”

  “Sit down. Dawn has something important to tell us,” Mom said and she clasped her hands over her mouth. “Oh my God, you’re pregnant!”

  “No!” Dawn took a deep breath and blurted, “Noel and I broke up.” Then for clarification or conscience-easing she added, “I was the one who ended it.”

  Dad nodded. “Okay. As long as you’re happy.” He got up to leave, but Mom shot him the original Novak death glare, so he sat his ass back down.

  “Why did you break up? He seemed like such a nice boy,” Mom whined.

  “He’s thirty-something years old, Mom. Hardly a boy,” Sadie said.

  In a big rush Dawn blurted, “I’ve met someone else. His name’s John. I might be in love.”

  Mom looked like she’d been slapped. You could’ve heard a pin drop. Then she began to sob, huge crocodile tears leaking from her eyes.

  “It could be worse,” Sadie said. “She could have cancer.”

  “That’s not funny,” Mom snarled, and she began to cry in earnest. “We were going to have such a beautiful wedding!” she wailed.

  Dawn rushed to comfort her while Sadie and Dad just sat there looking uncomfortable. Sadie got up and got everyone some of the soy ice cream she’d brought.

  Dad ate one spoonful and pushed it away.

  “It tastes like melted Styrofoam. Put some whipped cream and chocolate sauce on it and maybe it’ll be okay.”