Trusting Love Again

by Starla Kaye

  Chad jerked the door open and strode out. He caught the way Alex’s secretary, Bella, gave him a disapproving look, but he kept on walking. It wasn’t until he stepped onto the sidewalk that his shoulders lost the tight tension that had begun when Alex admitted he might be interested in Toni. Damn, as if his life wasn’t difficult enough. Now his friend was ready to step in if he was out of the way. He hated that. He couldn’t deny that she was a beautiful, tempting woman. With the right man, she could be happy the rest of her life. She would be more careful in picking that man this time.

  He went to his car and climbed inside. Could he be the man she would want to take a chance on? Alex had said she cared for him. He already knew she trusted him, because she wouldn’t have taken him to her bed otherwise that first time. But did she really have strong feelings for him? His heart tightened with hope. Yet he knew they still had problems to work out.

  Taking a drive might help him think things over. He wasn’t ready to talk to his father yet, understanding his worry about him hurting her. He wasn’t ready to find Toni at the moment either. He decided to head back to Topeka, planning to weigh everything over in his mind. The move there would be good for his career, but was it necessary? He’d been doing all right before this issue came up. He handled his workload here and still spent time in Topeka when needed. Besides, he had clients here that he was still helping, like Alberta Harper. Which reminded him that he should check on her while he was in Topeka.

  He started the car, but took another second to mull over his difficult conversation with Alex. Was he willing to back off from what he’d started with Toni? No. Could he live with seeing her with another man? With Alex? God, he seriously loathed that idea. But was he thinking only of himself and not about what would be best for her?

  ***

  “Of course, honey, we’ll hire you,” Elsie Mae said as she sat with Toni in one of the booths that evening after the rush of diners left. “I thought you were happy working at the law firm.”

  “I was, but it’s time for me to move on,” she said quietly. “My community service duties will be done next Friday.” Her face heated in embarrassment at the painful subject. She had to swallow hard at thinking about actually leaving the firm. With that snooty Debi Hamilton gone, things had gone better this week. She and Ethan had gotten along really well, and she’d been able to keep up with what he’d needed. But Ellen would be coming back in a couple of weeks, earlier than originally planned.

  Elsie Mae nodded and looked sympathetic. “If you’d like to, you can start here next week. If you change your mind and want to go back to Anderson and Anderson, we’ll understand.”

  “I’m really not qualified to be a secretary. I can answer the phone, yes, but otherwise I don’t belong there. They don’t need me, especially with Ellen coming back sooner than expected.” She studied her hands, glanced at the white spot on her ring finger. She wondered how long it would take for the whiteness to fade away.

  She sensed the other woman watching her and looked up again. “I only need a part-time job, and maybe just for a short time.”

  “I heard you got a good divorce settlement from that louse of an ex-husband. Why work at all?” Elsie Mae asked curiously.

  The Petersville gossip vine had been active. Toni wasn’t sure how anyone had found out about the settlement, but it didn’t matter. “I need to keep busy. Until I can actually move into Gracie Yardley’s house, which I’m sure you’ve heard that I’m buying.”

  “She really let the place go. It’ll take some serious work.”

  Toni definitely knew that, but the inspectors she’d hired to look the house over thought it was basically sound. And Alex had helped her talk through all that needed to be repaired or replaced. She’d thought he’d sold his father’s construction business. Learning that he hadn’t and that he’d enjoy the challenge of working on her house had lightened her spirits. Plus he’d turned into a good friend. He was easy to talk to, although he didn’t generally say much, just let her babble on. Still, she liked him a lot. Not in the same way she did Chad, sadly.

  “Working on the house will be good, for a lot of reasons. I don’t want to have too much time to think about missing…” She stopped; shocked that she’d let that slip out.

  Elsie Mae gently patted Toni’s had where it lie on the tabletop. “We’ve all heard about Chad moving away. I’m so sorry. I know you two have been seeing each other.”

  To her mortification, tears filled Toni’s eyes. Everything with Chad was so complicated. He’d been gone since the evening of Stanley’s arraignment. Ethan said he’d gotten a call that the important court hearings on some new elder abuse laws had been moved up and he’d had to leave. He’d explained that when he’d called her. She understood, of course. But she’d been hurt anyway that he hadn’t seen her before leaving town. Her own fault, though. She’d made herself scarce that day.

  “It will be good for his career. Certainly safer than having him drive back and forth to Topeka so often.” She really worried about him on those trips, even if they weren’t long drives.

  “I suppose that’s true.”

  She pulled her hand away from the kind woman’s hold and got up. Blinking back the tears that she refused to shed, she asked in a shaking voice, “I’ll see you on Monday for the breakfast and lunch shifts, right?”

  “Don’t give up on him,” Elsie Mae protested. “Maybe he’ll come to his senses and ask you to…”

  Toni shook her head and her heart hurt. “He’s told me that he won’t ever get married again. He didn’t say as much, but I know he’s afraid to risk his heart.” Not even for her. But she hadn’t told him about her feelings for him, which might have changed his mind. She couldn’t, though. She had to let him move on with his life and she would move on with rebuilding hers.

  Elsie looked ready to protest once more, but Toni didn’t want to hear it. She was done fretting over Chad and what could have been. Maybe she’d accept the date with Alex after all. He’d stopped by her apartment last night to ask her out. She’d refused, but now she’d reconsider the idea, even if it didn’t feel right.

  She hurried out of the café in the middle of Main Street and hardly noticed where she was walking. She just had to get to her car. With each step she took, she knew she’d have to make sure Alex understood that she could only be his friend. She wasn’t ready to go out with someone else. She might never be ready. It was too painful to fall in love and then…

  “Can we talk?”

  Her heart raced at the sound of Chad’s deep voice. She looked up and found him leaning against her car parked beneath a lamppost. His eyes mirrored exhaustion, concern. But could she survive talking to him now when she was already trying to get used to the idea of him being gone? She didn’t think so. She was already on the verge of crying…about losing him.

  “I’m tired. It’s been a long day, a long week,” she said, watching his broad shoulders slump beneath his leather jacket. “I…I’ll see you at the office on Monday. Unless you’re going back to Topeka.”

  He shook his head. “I’d rather talk to you outside of the office. If not now, maybe tomorrow.”

  “What’s there to discuss?” She was amazed that she could keep on talking, when everything inside her ached.

  “Us.”

  She met his troubled eyes. “There really isn’t an us. We both know that.” She’d wanted there to be an ‘us’.

  “So you’re moving on already, because I screwed up in the courtroom. Dammit, Antoinette.” His expression tightened. “You’re going to start seeing Alex, aren’t you?”

  She’d heard the regret in his voice. But she had to straighten him out about the courtroom matter. “I already told you that I wasn’t really mad at you. Mostly I just needed some alone time.”

  “I still believe that I let you down. I didn’t mean to.”

  “Let it go,” she countered.

  He gave a curt nod.

  “How do you know about Alex asking me out?” Wa
s he jealous? Did she want him to be? Kind of.

  He straightened away from her Mustang. “This morning the bastard told me he wanted to ask you out.” He swore grimly. “I didn’t know he already had.”

  “Alex isn’t a ‘bastard’. He’s your friend and a nice guy.” She gave him a disapproving look. She had her answer to the matter of his being jealous. It made her… What? Happy? Yes. Alex would be a good man to go out with, but he wasn’t Chad. He wasn’t the man who owned her heart.

  Chad moved in front of her, gazed down, and said anxiously, “I don’t want you going out with anyone else.”

  Hope soared through her, but she tried to control it. “Why not?”

  He cupped her face with cold hands and kissed her. Kissed her until she was breathless, until she melted against him. This was what she’d missed. This man, his kisses…everything about him.

  Finally he eased back, pulling in steadying breaths. His eyes looked serious, as did his expression. “Because I love you.”

  The admission wasn’t as sweet as she’d hoped it would be. She knew instinctively that he’d felt forced to say it, afraid his best friend would take her out. Be strong. “I told Alex no and I won’t change my mind. But I can’t be with you again, Chad. It’s tearing me apart that you’re moving away, even if I know it is right for you.”

  She stepped back, hurting all over. She could be strong for him; for herself.

  He moved close again, whispering a finger over her sensitized lips, then smoothing it down her left cheek. “I’m not leaving here.”

  “Why not?” It didn’t make sense. “The opportunity will be good for you. You won’t have to keep driving back and forth to Topeka several times a month. That’s too dangerous.”

  “I’m not leaving, and my decision is made. I already told the others no.” He gave her a hopeful smile. “Because I have more than enough work here. And because I’m planning on spending a lot less time working. I need better balance in my life.”

  She felt confused, hopeful. “You’ve needed to cut back. You’ve been exhausted so many times. I worry about you.”

  He studied her intently. “Do you care about me, other than being worried about my lack of sleep?”

  Could she admit her true feelings? It frightened her a bit.

  “I’ve already talked to your father,” he said, while she remained silent.

  She blinked. “My father? What about?”

  He went down to one knee in front of her and took her trembling hand in his. “About my intentions toward you. Do you know what he told me?”

  She shook her head, speechless with anticipation and love for the man on his knee at her feet.

  “He said it was about damn time.” A hint of amusement danced in his eyes.

  “He didn’t say damn,” she contradicted.

  He shrugged. “Okay, I added that part on my own. But I’m sure it was what he’d been thinking.”

  “I can’t believe you talked to my father about us, about whatever your intentions are.”

  Frustration filled his dear face. “Will you shut up for a moment? Give me a chance to finish what I’m trying to do.”

  Behind them, Elsie Mae walked out of the café. “I knew it! I knew it, Harold. I told you that he was going to figure things out.” When her husband stepped beside her, she ordered, “Get to it already.”

  Toni started to turn toward her older friend, but Chad stopped her. “Really? You’re going to look at someone else when I’m down here on my knee?”

  “Spit it out, young man,” Harold blustered.

  She didn’t particularly want an audience, but they were right. She needed him to ask his question before he got annoyed with not being alone and changed his mind.

  He chose to ignore them. “I’ve loved you most of my life, Antoinette. I missed my chance six years ago to ask you out. But I’ll be damned if I lose you twice.”

  Tears slipped down her face and she watched him struggle with his question, The Question. She reached down to stroke his beard stubbled face and smiled to prod him along.

  The idiot man just knelt there, looking at her.

  She took the matter into her own hands and went down to one knee as well. Good thing she’d worn jeans.

  His brow furrowed. “What are you doing?”

  “Spitting it out, as Harold encouraged. I’m asking you to take a chance on love again.” She watched his beautiful blue eyes darken with longing. “I won’t let you down. I promise.” She leaned toward him, lowering her voice and added in a rush, “And I want a baby as soon as possible.”

  She held her breath as his eyes widened in surprise and uncertainty. She hadn’t meant to say that, but at that moment she’d decided she wanted a baby - his baby - desperately. With her new home, his love, and a child, her life would be complete. She worried her lower lip until suddenly his expression softened.

  “So do I,” his voice cracked as he spoke. His eyes glistened with emotion.

  Elsie Mae and Harold moved beside them. Elsie asked impatiently, “Well, what did he say?” Then she frowned at Chad. “You were supposed to do the asking. You were supposed to propose.”

  He smiled at them and focused on Toni again. “I will, eventually.” He stood and pulled her up and into his embrace. He kissed her, with every bit as much passion as he had minutes ago.

  “What did he say? Eventually?” Elsie Mae grouched.

  Harold huffed. “Give them a chance, woman. If they need to take small steps, we’re gonna let them.”

  She snorted. “Well, are you two together, or not?”

  Chad leaned back but continued to hold Toni close. He grinned, nodding. “Definitely yes.” Then he focused on Toni. “Can you live with ‘eventually’ for now?”

  Toni blinked at her tears, grinned. “I can.”

  They hadn’t noticed that a small crowd had gathered around them. When she heard the footsteps moving closer, she glanced up in surprise. Ted and Alex stood there, grinning and nodding in approval. Ethan, too, smiled at them, looking very pleased. And her parents were there as well. Her Mom was crying and beaming at the same time, just like Elsie Mae was doing.

  Her father met Chad’s eyes. “When we had a heart-to-heart earlier, he promised that he would never hurt you, daughter. I’ll be holding him to that.” He motioned to the others. “We’ll all be watching to make sure he doesn’t.”

  “He won’t,” Toni said confidently in Chad’s defense. “He loves me with his whole stubborn heart. I knew it even when he refused to admit it.” But she’d been willing to let him go if that was what he really needed.

  He hugged her closer. “Forever and ever, Antoinette. I’ll love you the rest of my life and beyond.”

  Nobody pressed them about an actual proposal, although her father gave Chad a pointed look. She didn’t care when it finally happened. He was her man; she was his woman.

  Epilogue

  Toni put her hands to her lower back and rubbed. She stood in the middle of the front lawn, freshly sodded a couple of months ago and already browning in preparation for the end of another season. New gardens, too, had been planted along the long porch and beside the walkway. So much progress had been made on her new home.

  When she’d first stood in this very spot seven months ago, the lawn had been nothing but a few spots of grass and a lot of bare dirt. The house had almost looked worse. But she’d had such visions of what it could become with a lot of TLC. Now the siding had been repaired and painted. The rotten wood of the porch had been fixed and the boards no longer creaked when you walked across them. The chimney on each of the two fireplaces had been rebuilt. And Alex and his crew had added a rounded gazebo on the end of the porch, which had been her favorite part of the Victorian house she’d loved for so many years. Actually, that had been Chad’s special gift to her.

  There was still a lot to do, since the inside had been as much of a wreck as the outside. But it had reached the point where she and Chad could finally move in. They’d been living toget
her at his small cottage for the last eight months. But this house was where she wanted to live the rest of their lives together and he understood that.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Alex commanded as he walked from around the side of the house with her brother. They both carried massive pumpkins she’d bought recently to sit with a half dozen smaller ones close to the foot of the porch. He’d been watching her like an old mother hen while Chad was away for a month traveling all over the country, promoting some new elder abuse legislation. He was almost worse in his constant attention than Chad.

  Alex had caught her looking at the ladder in the front flowerbed; ready to start hanging the string of black and orange lights lying on the ground next to it. She looked at the ladder again, mainly just to tease him. She wouldn’t really climb it in her current condition. Being six months pregnant, she tried not to overdo things, although no one seemed to believe her.

  “No way are you getting up on that ladder. Chad would skin us alive if we didn’t stop you.”

  “A bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?” she countered, smiling sassily at the man who had come to mean a lot to her. He’d admitted to envying his good buddy for finally stepping up and pushing their relationship forward. But it hadn’t hurt his and Chad’s friendship. Their bond was stronger than that. She looked at him as a trusted friend, too.

  “Maybe, but not by much.” He set his heavy burden down where she’d informed him it needed to go. Then he walked closer, his handsome face tight with concern. “Are you feeling okay? I can tell your back is hurting.”

  The man noticed everything and worried about her more than he should. He’d be a great husband, a wonderful father. If only he could find a woman to meet the ridiculous list of requirements he’d come up with for a suitable wife. Idiot man. She was determined to find someone special for him, in spite of those beyond sensible requirements. She worried about him.

  “I’m all right, Mr. Worry Wart. My lower back aches a little, but then I’m walking around carrying all this baby weight.” She’d waited until she made it successfully through the first trimester before they’d told their family and friends. Keeping Chad quiet about it had been a struggle. The man was so proud, so happy. She was as well.