The Naked Pint

by Christina Perozzi

  WITKAP PATER SINGLE: Brouwerij Slaghmuylder, Ninove, Belgium. Unfiltered earthy Single with light fruitiness like grapes and pears. Light spice and floral hop finish. 6% ABV.

  LOST &FOUND ABBEY ALE : The Lost Abbey, San Marcos, California. A great American version of a Dubbel. Dark and malty with notes of figs, plums, and dates. Nutty, with raisins and cloves. 7.5% ABV.

  GOUDEN CAROLUS TRIPEL: Brouwerij Het Anker, Mechelen, Belgium. Noble hops balance this clean and strong Tripel. Estery hints of tropical fruits, ginger, and honey. 9% ABV.

  You’re So Golden, Baby: Belgian Golden Ales

  THIS BEER’S FOR YOU IF YOU LIKE: GOLD. YELLOW. A THICK HEAD. SPICE. A NICE DOSE OF ALCOHOL. SEQUELS.

  We can’t talk about the Devout without talking about another Belgian beer style that got its roots in the Trappist tradition but then became its own style because it was so often imitated. This delicious treat is known as a Strong Golden Ale. A famous example is Duvel, brewed by the Moortgat brewery. Duvel, which is Flemish for “devil,” is one of the top-selling beers in Belgium and has become a beacon for many other breweries, defining an Abbey-style ale that is light golden to amber with big but rounded flavors. This beer style usually sports a huge cotton-like head and has soft tropical and stone fruit notes in the nose. The spice comes through in the end of this beer along with a welcoming warmth that comes from a high alcohol content. Here’s some gold for you:

  BEERS TO DRINK BEFORE YOU DIE

  It’s good to have life goals. People often make a mental note of Wonders of the World they want to see with their own eyes before they shed this mortal coil. We all have our secret wish lists: things we want from love, places we want to visit, foods we want to try, people we’d like to meet. Beer lovers almost always have a secret list, or perhaps a documented public one, of the beers they must taste before they die. This list is often a guide for a life’s Beer Journey. If one of the beers is available only in Germany, they must plan a trip there; if a beer is not available in the bottle except in one U.S. state, that will determine their next flight.

  We, too, have a little list of beers we would highly recommend and beers we have yet to taste but are destined to meet. The list keeps growing, of course, as new beers are made every day, and this keeps things lively in the beer world. No one has ever finished their Beer Journey; no one can check everything off of the list. There are beers that are but an apple in some master brewer’s eye at this moment but that someday will be added to lists by beer-geeks all over the globe. Here is our present offering of beers we won’t miss out on in this lifetime, and you shouldn’t either! We’ve picked these beers for a plethora of reasons; these beers are artful creations and all fall into our Art of Beer categories. Some of these beers are rare, some are unique, and some are quintessential—but the common ground for all of them is that they taste amazing!

  The Abyss, Deschutes Brewing Company

  Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Marzen, Brauerei Heller-Trum

  Allagash Curieux, Allagash Brewing Company

  Allagash White, Allagash Brewing Company

  Anchor Steam Beer, Anchor Brewing Company

  The Angel’s Share, The Lost Abbey

  Ayinger Celebrator Doppelbock, Privatbrauerei Franz Inselkammer

  Beer Geek Brunch, Mikkellar

  Black Butte Porter, Deschutes Brewing Company

  Black Chocolate Stout, Brooklyn Brewery

  Black Orchard, The Bruery

  Boon Oude Geuze Mariage Parfait, Brouwerij Boon

  Cantillon Iris, Brasserie Cantillon

  DeuS Brut de Flanders, Brouwerij Bosteels

  Edgar’s Ale, Craftsman Brewing Company

  Firestone Twelve, Firestone Brewing Company

  Girardin Faro 1882, Brouwerij Girardin

  Girardin Gueuze 1882 Black Label, Brouwerij Girardin

  Hitachino Nest Japanese Classic Ale, Kiuchi Brewery

  La Roja, Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales

  Lion Stout, Lion Brewery Ltd. / Ceylon

  Maracaibo, Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales

  Masala Mama India Pale Ale, Minneapolis Town Hall Brewery

  Nogne Klin Kokos, Nogne o

  Oaked Arrogant Bastard, Stone Brewing Company

  Older Viscosity, Port Brewing Company

  Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout, North Coast Brewing Company

  Orval, Abbaye d’Orval

  Pangaea, Dogfish Head Craft Brewed Ales

  Pêche Mortel, Dieu du Ciel

  Pliny the Elder, Russian River Brewing Company

  Quelque Chose, Unibroue

  Racer 5 IPA, Bear Republic Brewing Company

  Reality Czeck, Moonlight Brewing Company

  Red and White, Dogfish Head Craft Brewed Ales

  Reissdorf Kölsch, Brauerei Heinrich Reissdorf

  Rochefort Trappiste 10, Abbaye Rochefort

  Rodenback Grand Cru, Brouwerij Rodenbach

  Saison DuPont, Brasserie DuPont

  Samichlaus Bier, Eggenberg Castle Brewery

  Schneider Aventinus, Weissbierbrauerei G. Schneider and Sohn

  Smoked Black Lager, Craftsman Brewing Company

  Tea-Bagged Furious IPA, Surly Brewing Company

  Temptation, Russian River Brewing Company

  Thiriez Xxtra, Brasserie Thiriez

  Trappist Westvleteren 12, Brouwerij Westvleteren

  Tripel White Sage, Craftsman Brewing Company

  Vanilla Bean Aged Dark Lord RIS, Three Floyds Brewing Company

  Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier, Brauerei Weihenstephan

  Wisconsin Belgian Red, New Glarus Brewing Company

  DUVEL: Brouwerij Duvel Moortgat, Breendonk, Belgium. Green apples, bitter orange peel, lemon zest, and a spicy hoppiness help make this beer the defining example of this style. 8.5% ABV.

  DAMNATION: Russian River Brewing Company, Santa Rosa, California. A hoppier choice with notes of bananas, pear, and pepper. Nice dry finish. 7% ABV.

  DELIRIUM TREMENS: Brouwerij Huyghe, Melle, Belgium. Fruity, flowery, and sweet. Great balance, with orangey citrus rind, clove, and coriander notes. 9% ABV.

  DON DE DIEU: Unibroue, Chambly, Quebec, Canada. A great Belgian-style example and nod to the quintessential Golden Ale, Duvel. Bright and spicy, with good fruit and a boozy finish. 9% ABV.

  You once were lost but now are found, and your Beer Journey has led you to this spiritual place. All the hard work that you’ve put in, drinking many different beers and learning about their history, is paying off in spades. You’ve experienced the ecstasy in a Trappist Ale. You’ve sought out the quintessential Dunkelweizen. Look at you. You now have an appreciation for the beers that can touch your soul. You can now fully experience the rapture that these beautifully crafted beers bring to you. In the next couple of chapters, we’ll show you how to further your devotion by deeply integrating beer into your life. Beer will become a part of you. Now, give thanks.

  SIX

  The Promiscuous

  Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and to celebrate the good days.

  —EGYPTIAN PROVERB

  Turn Down the Lights...

  The following beers will make you want to slip out of your things and say howdy. They put the s-e-x into b-e-e-r. Even the most seasoned beer drinker can’t help but salivate over these babies. These are beers you can have with the finest food at the fanciest restaurant with your best shoes on, and they will fit right in. Yes. We’ve given you a lot of great beer to choose from so far, now we’re taking you to a whole new level of happiness. The beers in this chapter are rich and complex, nuanced, and complicated. They are beers that benefit from a seasoned and mature palate. If you are looking to impress a wine snob, these are your beers. If you are ready to take your date back for a little naked Twister, these are your beers. If you want to celebrate because you finally told your boss to stick it where the sun don’t shine, these are your beers. With a bit of James Bond, a touch of Shaft, and a dose of Mrs. Robinson, these beers will make
you feel especially debonair and like you’ve got some game.

  Going All the Way: Bière de Champagne, or Bière Brut

  THIS BEER’S FOR YOU IF YOU LIKE: DIAMONDS. POPPING CORKS. CHAMPAGNE BUCKETS. DRESSING UP FOR THE EVENING. ROMANCE. COMPLEXITY. BUBBLES. HIGH ALCOHOL. HERBACEOUS FLAVORS. SUBTLE FRUIT.

  When you think of a truly celebratory and sexy beverage, chances are you aren’t thinking about beer. You’re probably thinking about the other amazing bubbly drink known as Champagne. Mmmm ... Champagne. We love Champagne. Now before you call us traitors, let us remind you that a love of wine and a love of beer are not mutually exclusive. We think that beer is just as sexy as Champagne. And never do we get closer to a ménage à trois with beer and Champagne than the Bière de Champagne. This relatively new style of beer, also known as Bière Brut, embraces tradition while at the same time being totally innovative in its use of that tradition. If you still have a friend who says, “I’m not a beer drinker,” this might be your ace in the hole. Even the pickiest palate can appreciate the rarity and complexity of these impressive beers.

  Now, we all know of another “Champagne of Beer,” but that’s not at all what we’re talking about here. Bière de Champagne is brewed (primarily in Belgium) and then undergoes the methodé champenoise, or the “traditional finishing method” that makes Champagne so special. Once the beer is brewed, it is fermented for the third time in the bottle and undergoes a months long conditioning to mature and mellow. The beer then goes through the remuage (riddling) process by which, over many weeks, the beer bottles are racked with their necks pointed downward, turned slightly every day, and angled farther downward to allow the yeast sediment to drop out of the beer and release from the sides of the bottle. This process continues until the bottle is completely vertical and all of the yeast is collected in the neck. The final process of the method happens when the beer experiences dégorgement (disgorging). In this part of the process, the neck of the bottle is frozen, and the yeast is expunged by using the pressure contained in the bottle. What is left is a sparkling, clear, highly alcoholic, and conditioned beer. Some of these beers are actually shipped to the Champagne region of France for this special treatment.

  These beers are delicate yet still rich and complex, spicy with a dusting of cardamom and coriander. This style is relatively aromatic, wonderfully effervescent, and, like Champagne, highly carbonated. Most of these beers are surprisingly high in alcohol, ranging from 10% to 14% ABV. However, the carbonation is so high and the bottle conditioning so refined that it’s sometimes difficult to detect the ABV in these keenly balanced beers. Bière de Champagne usually comes in 750-milliliter Champagne bottles, complete with a fancy cork and cage enclosure (what do you think of beer now?). Like fine Champagne, these beers are a little pricier than other beers, sometimes running up near $50 a bottle in restaurants. But if you think about it, these beers are still cheaper than most of the great Champagnes of the world, and they’re well worth it. Trust us. This beer style is especially good as an aperitif or as a tool of seduction.

  Note: Be careful when you open these beers because they can overflow quite easily, just like real Champagne.

  Here are some highly regarded Bières de Champagne:

  DEUS (BRUT DES FLANDRES): Brouwerij Bosteels, Buggenhout, Belgium. Light straw colored with huge carbonation. Spicy and peppery with fruity notes of apricots, pears, and ginger. You’ll definitely recognize the Belgian yeast qualities: a slight Orval-ian earthy funk. There’s also some good lemon rind on the dry finish. In our opinion, an excellent beer. 11.5% ABV.

  MALHEUR BIÈRE BRUT (BRUT RESERVE): Brouwerij de Landtsheer, Buggenhout, Belgium. Floral, with hints of citrus and vanilla. Try to find the Michael Jackson Commemorative Selection 2006. 11% ABV.

  MALHEUR BRUT NOIR: Brouwerij de Landtsheer, Buggenhout, Belgium. A dark version of this great style. Black chocolate, malty sweet with dark Old World fruits: cherry, plum, and figs. 12% ABV.

  SCALDIS PRESTIGE (BUSH PRESTIGE): Brasserie Dubuisson Frères, Pipaix, Belgium. Called Bush Prestige in Europe; matures for six months in oak barrels, creating woody tannins, honey, and malty whisky qualities. 13% ABV.

  Mature Beer Fetish: Vintage and Barrel-Aged Beers

  Barrel (or cask) aging is an old practice in beer. It harkens back to the days before stainless-steel and aluminum, before kegerators and top-of-the-line tap systems. In those days, wooden barrels were the only option, and brewers weren’t always happy with the flavors an oak barrel would impart. The sour yeasts that would sometimes grow on the wood were an enemy to the ale and caused headaches for many a brewer. The unsanitary conditions of the time made barrel-aging a bit more difficult and risky. As the Lambic makers were loving the funk of the barrel in their beer, brewers of other styles were frustrated to find their brews turning sour and their precious ales dumped out into the street. Some even lined their wooden barrels with pitch (or resin), creating a seal that kept the beer from touching the wood and gaining any woody flavors.

  BE PROUD OF YOUR CANS

  There’s nothing better than cracking open a nice can of craft beer! Wait...did we just say “can” of beer? You bet your bubkes we did. Though craft beer drinkers have been railing against the can as a symbol of icky beer for years, some craft brewers are now putting their beer in cans. But don’t worry, these aren’t the cans of old. New beer cans have a lining that prevents any kind of tinny, metallic flavor from getting into your favorite beverage. Also, remember that skunkiness in a beer comes from a chemical reaction that takes place when light strikes your beer. That’s why most of the great beers in the world come in very dark bottles. Imagine how much more your beer is protected if it’s in a can.

  Most people are under the misconception that if you get your beer in a can you have to drink it from said can. But why is that the case? We wouldn’t drink a Tripel Karmeliet out of the bottle just because it came in a bottle, so why would we drink a quality craft beer out of a can just because it arrived in one? Also, if you’re concerned about the rising costs of craft beer, a brewery’s use of cans is one way to keep the costs down because cans are lighter to carry, easier to ship, and virtually unbreakable. The environmental benefits are big because cans are easily recycled—and think about it, wouldn’t it be great to have awesome craft beer on most major airlines or on the golf course, or any place else where glass is considered a weapon? Wouldn’t that be delightful? Let’s all embrace our cans. Here are some of our favorite canned beers:

  MAUI COCONUT PORTER: Maui Brewing Company, Lahaina, Hawaii. A unique Porter with a nice dose of coconut. Notes of chocolate and vanilla. Not too sweet but definitely not bitter; screams for surf and sand. 5.5% ABV.

  GORDON: Oskar Blues Grill & Brewery, Lyons, Colorado. An American Double IPA that packs a punch. Nice malty sweetness with notes of caramel and a big balance of bitter hops. 8.7% ABV.

  FURIOUS: Surly Brewing Company, Brooklyn Center, Minnesota. An American IPA with sweet toffee, citrus, and a balance of hops. Drinkable but big in flavor. 6.2% ABV.

  ROYAL WEISSE ALE: Sly Fox Brewing Company, Royersford, Pennyslvania. Sweet and tart with notes of citrus and spice, low in bitterness. 5.4% ABV.

  One man’s trash...Today craft beer has seen a huge resurgence of barrel-aged brews. The popularity of barrel-aging has been spearheaded by those brewers who are excited by the risks involved and seek the unique flavors wood can impart. They know it may take several batches before they figure out how best to age their beer. This often involves mixing different vintages of aging ale in the same way that Belgian brewers mix different-aged Lambics to create the perfect Gueuze. Barrel-aging is a commitment; it takes space, money, patience (sometimes you have to dump your beer and start all over again), and a watchful eye.

  So what happens to a beer aged in a barrel? The wood is porous (as is a cork in bottle-aging) and lets in a small amount of oxygen. This is possible because the alcohol (or sometimes just water in the beer) evaporates slightly. This evaporated part is poetically know
n as the “angels’ share” (which, incidentally, is the name of a rare and beloved Belgian-style ale from the brewery Lost Abbey out of California). As this oxidation happens, chemicals are created that change the flavor of the beer. In beers that don’t benefit from aging, like lighter low-alcohol beers, oxidation can create a wet-cardboard flavor. In bigger, high-alcohol beers, oxidation can bring about a sherry-like flavor or sometimes a metallic flavor. The sherry flavor can be a nice addition to certain beers but may not be great in others. It’s a bit of a crapshoot sometimes. The sharp flavors of a hoppy or sour beer also tend to dull during this process, just as the sharp flavors of fruit or drying tannins can mellow out when bottle-aging wine.