Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  Copyright © 2018 by Tylor Paige

  Missing You, Missing Me

  ISBN: 978-1-7329108-0-5

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Nickolas, I followed my dreams because of you. I can’t wait to spend a lifetime helping you follow yours.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Promising You, Promising Me

  Promising You, Promising Me

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  Attention

  The van pulled up containing our rival band, Cruel Distraction. Once the van parked, three men filed out the back. I didn't see him. Where was he? The anticipation was killing me. I heard another door shut and he appeared from the other side, tossing keys to one of his bandmates. My heart began to race.

  Ethan Andrews; twenty-two years old, tall, slender but toned, and drop-dead gorgeous. His dark hair was buzzed on the sides, while the top was left longer, leaving it to flop to the side. He was about twenty feet away, but I could clearly see the bright blue of his eyes. His face was still as perfect as I remembered. I watched him pull out a cigarette, light it quickly and inhale. He didn't even look my way. I wasn't sure why, but it felt like a slap in my face. He was still angry. Couldn't really blame him.

  We haven’t seen each other in almost three years. The last time we were this close, he was begging me to stay with him, and instead I ran. Literally.

  I stood next to the tour bus they would be sharing for the summer with my band. I took a deep breathe and repeated in my head, "You are the loud and proud frontman of the alternative rock group Maria Maria.” I had to keep reminding myself. I needed the courage to get through today. “You are confident, sexy, and successful," I repeated over and over. I was so nervous about today I was becoming self-conscious. I promised myself I would be cool. I hadn't seen or spoken to him in almost three years,, since that night.

  Reflexively I rubbed my neck. I could trace the exact lines of the beautiful script there. I glanced back at him and my nerves went haywire. There, right on his own neck, was the tattoo that matched mine. I had his name, and he had mine.

  "Cleo! You coming? I want a drink." I turned towards Derek, our bassist. He was the goofball of the group. His soft blue eyes paired well with his scruffy blond hair. He, along with Mark and Adrian, were my best friends since elementary school. We grew up in the same neighborhood our whole lives. We had seen each other through everything, and now we were standing here, back in Chicago, co-headlining a tour with one of the biggest bands right now. Once again, we would be competing for top billing.

  That was the whole theme for the tour. We would be "battling it out" every night for the crown and title. Many of the posters and merchandise for the tour had mine and Ethan's faces blown up and glaring at each other while our bands played in the background. It actually looked kind of cool. All of it was really cheesy, but it sold tickets.

  That's actually how our bands met. However, both of our groups had achieved success, so our fights would now be a lot more friendlier, or were supposed to be anyway. Ethan's apparent cold shoulder made me start to regret agreeing to the tour.

  I glanced back at the band who was hugging my friends and unloading their equipment. All the bands touring were meeting here and, of course, Ethan and his crew had to be the last to arrive. He always had to make a show of things. I turned away, quickly following Derek inside the club to start getting ready.

  Many of the stage crew smiled and greeted me kindly. I remembered a few of them from the last time we had been here. I signed a woman's crew shirt for her son. We walked over to the back of the club and ordered a few beers to take the edge off. I was nervous about this show. We chatted with the bartender, patiently waiting our soundcheck. Cruel Distraction got to go first.

  I heard their drummer fiddling with his drums just as Adrian said "Dude, we need to see this.”

  Mark and Derek sat down, and Adrian pulled up a seat. I smiled and scurried onto his lap.

  When we were seventeen Adrian and I dated for about a year. With his mess of curly hair, he kept bleach blond, smooth caramel skin, and soft brown eyes, he wasn't bad on the eyes. Unfortunately, it didn't work out.

  One weekend when we didn’t have a show, he came over unexpectedly, looking guilty. I was sitting at my grandmother’s old piano when he took a seat next to me and abruptly dumped me, for a guy.

  He was the first boy to break my heart. My first love. Looking back now, he was the best boy to do it. He did it gently and so lovingly that we were still best friends even now, four years later.

  It was odd. I had seen hundreds of other groups play over the years. Seen countless hot guys around, either on stage or in the crowd. I even went on dates with a few of them. But even after all this time, Ethan Andrews was still one of the sexiest men I had ever seen.

  Ethan was someone else on stage. I watched as he adjusted his jacket and then his tight jeans. I moved my gaze to his arms and then his chest. He had nothing under the jacket, leaving plenty of skin exposed. He was covered with tattoos. I noticed that he was more toned than he had been before. Although his body was still slim, he was rocking a solid six-pack. His forearms were thicker than I remembered too. I forced my attention back to his tattoos. I tried to ignore the ink on his neck. The one that matched mine. My stomach fluttered. His pale skin contrasted with his jet black hair and dark clothes. Memories washed over me with such force; it was hard to think about anything else.

  To this day I still wondered why he never covered the tattoo up or tried to hide it. We had always told each other we'd keep our relationship private. No one had to know. However, once he started his tour, which included interviews and photoshoots, the rumor mills began turning. I can't tell you how many times I was asked to move my hair or if we were secretly dating. I had to laugh. I was so stupid, I thought to myself for the millionth time.

  Ethan took the microphone off the stand and began pacing around the stage as his band fiddled with their instruments. I glanced at the other members. They were all attractive, but nothing close to Ethan. Finally, their drummer counted down and, with a scream, they started their sound check.

  Cruel Distraction was good. No, not good. Great. I was honored to be co-headlining with them. Granted at first, I was hesitant in joining the tour, for obvious reasons, but we couldn't exactly say no. We were both under contract with the same label. They tell us what to do. Plus, if I did fight the decision, then I would be overruled, and all of the guys would think I was ridiculous and tease me relentlessly. This tour was big for us. It was selfish of me not to want to do this.

  I cringed remembering the last night Ethan and I had seen each other. It was not my finest hour. I had dreaded going back to the real world, but I couldn’t stay there. I felt smothered. He wanted more than I was willing to give. At the time, leaving was the simpler choice. I couldn’t admit to myself what I felt for Ethan.

  When I got back to my band, I tried to sneak in and lay down with the guys, but I woke them up. Derek noticed my neck first
. Mostly because I usually had my hair tied up, so it was weird that it was down. I had covered it back up after seeing it the first time with Ethan. I was too afraid to look at it. I knew it was permanent, but I was still hoping it would disappear. Hell, I didn’t even remember getting it done. We were doing shots in his hotel room, I wanted to end things. I had met someone, and he had proposed. The last thing I could recall is Ethan pulling me out into the hallway, promising me just one last night of fun. Well, he sure delivered.

  Despite trying my hardest not to cry, I couldn't help it. I broke down and told them some of what had happened that night; I didn’t remember much. They were shocked, considering I was openly dating someone else. They never judged me though.

  After much resistance, the four of us crowded into the little motel bathroom to get a good look at it. The room fell deathly silent when they saw the fancy scrawl under my right ear. Ethan.

  “Holy shit,” Adrian whispered. The tears that I had managed to put on pause erupted again and there was no consoling me. All I could think was how much of an idiot I was. I cried all day and almost all night. I thought about calling him, but I couldn’t. I was too embarrassed. He was probably pissed. I was such a train wreck. Everything I did just made things worse. I should have just left, instead of sneaking off one last time.

  I told my friends I never wanted to talk about it again after that night. So, with that in mind, I sucked it up and signed the contracts to do this tour.

  My mind went back to the stage, and I watched in awe as Ethan took on an entirely different persona. Offstage he was always very serious, always moody. From what I had remembered, anyway. On stage he was still dark, but the way he moved his hips and had that sexy smile made me feel things I had no name for. When Ethan Andrews walked onto that stage he morphed from the shy boy with the adorable smile to the sexy, fearless flirt who could do things the offstage Ethan would never do.

  The music started, and he began to sing. His voice was deep and smooth. I recognized the song immediately. It was a song about having sex with strangers. I raised my eyebrows, shocked and irritated. I knew he picked it on purpose. We made eye contact a few times. I didn't smile back. When he put his mic stand between his legs and rode it slowly, looking dead at me, I could feel myself blush all over. I didn't even hear the words he was singing anymore, all I could focus on was his eyes.

  The first song ended and the second was a slower one I was also familiar with. He dragged a stool from the side and sat down, one leg on the floor the other on one of the pegs. His face morphed from the seductive bad boy to a deeply sexy, brooding man. He looked up, right at us again. Seconds later our eyes locked. I gasped and squirmed in Adrian's lap.

  He leaned down and nipped my ear with his teeth. "He’s watching you," he whispered. I ignored him, keeping my eyes on Ethan. He squinted and shook his head as he continued singing. When the song ended, he stood up and kicked his stool back swiftly, it flew back with a clunk. Turning to face his band, he was back to the original Ethan Andrews stage personality from before. Only now he was purposely not looking our way. He looked angry. His jaw was tense and his eyes hard.

  They ended their sound check a few minutes later. We all stood up and hurried to the stage. There were lots of pats on the back, handshakes, and small talk. Spencer, Christian, and Seth all looked just as I remembered. I looked around for Ethan, but he was already gone.

  I chatted with Christian for a bit. He leaned in and whispered, “So are you going to go talk to him?” I followed his gaze to where Ethan had hurried off to.

  "I don't know what to say," I shrugged, giving him a half-hearted smile. So, they did know. I figured as much but the confirmation stung a little. I was always an ostrich with my head in the sand. I pushed the dark thoughts away as we moved to start our own soundcheck. I went to the microphone stand and fiddled with it. I looked out into the empty room. It was huge. Tonight was a sold-out show. I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling. This is what we have been waiting for since we picked up instruments so long ago. I started to warm up my voice before we got our cues.

  I heard heavy steps behind me. The rest of the band had followed me into position. I grinned wide at Adrian, Derek, and Mark. Mark was an awesome drummer. Even when he wasn't behind his instrument, he was pounding on things with his hands, pencils, or chopsticks. It drove us nuts, but we would no doubt miss it if it were gone. Mark was tall and scrawny. He kept his blond hair dyed jet black usually, with it short in the back and longer in the front. His eyes were gray behind thick glasses. Light freckles covered his face, but you couldn't see them unless you were close.

  He moved to sit at the drum kit. "Are we playing?" He shouted out, picking up a pair of sticks and clicking them together impatiently. Suddenly the lights started flashing, and I saw a spotlight move to me. Adrian grabbed his guitar while Derek picked up his bass to start warming up.

  After a minute I turned to face the invisible crowd. The crew gave us our cue and Mark banged his sticks together to count down and at three we came to life. I let my thick hair fall in front of my face as I banged my head back and forth. I smiled, and my entire mood changed. I went from feeling a little stiff from the drive to energized and ready for the summer ahead of us.

  I leaned down and danced across the stage, singing the lyrics to our biggest hit ‘Broken Record'. We sounded amazing. Seamlessly we moved into our second song, ‘Not Me'. It was a slower song, but that's what they wanted for sound checks. One fast-paced and then a slower song. I was growing excited just being on the stage, even with no audience.

  It had always been easy for me to perform in front of people. I didn't have the shy gene. It never bothered me. There wasn't much time to be shy when you had a family as big as mine. I was the youngest of six kids. My siblings were all significantly older than me. My brother Ben was the second youngest, and he was 15 when I was born. Living in a small house with seven other people, it was never quiet. I think it helped me to deal with a life like this, constant chaos with never a private moment.

  Finally, I dropped to the floor and threw my hands up in exasperation. I was in blue jeans and a black hoodie. My massive mess of hair falling everywhere was not helping. The guys finished and then erupted into fits of laughter. I ripped my sweater off and threw it as far away from me as I could. Leaving me in one of the guys' undershirts and my jeans. We thanked the crew and took off quickly to let the other bands do their sound checks. The hall was filled with laughter and happy chatter of things to come. The energy was palpable.

  I paused in my walk when I noticed Ethan staring hard at me from across the room, arms crossed over his chest, and one of his legs was raised, leaning against a beam. He was standing behind some amps. The rest of his group was around him staring at their phones and talking to crew members. His hard gaze made my mood falter. His face looked made of stone, making me unable to judge any emotion.

  I looked away quickly and grabbed onto Adrian's shoulders to jump onto his back. He grabbed my legs, and I directed him forward to the tables where a few boxes of pizza were waiting for us. I took a slice of mushroom and pepperoni while we discussed our set list. Our conversation was light. I forced myself not to look his way. I refused to give him a second look if he was going to keep glaring at me.

  We moved the party back towards our bus so the other bands could have some space and finish getting ready for tonight. I overheard Mark and Derek talking to our bus mates about a pre-party on the bus until the show. The three members that were around heartedly agreed and hurried inside with us.

  After finishing my makeup and putting on my clothes for the show, I went back out to the common area. It was a wild mess. I saw both bands that would inhabit the bus this summer and members from some of the openers. Why weren't they trashing their own bus?

  Mark turned the stereo up and then began passing around shot glasses. He grabbed my bottle of tequila and I lunged over Christian to snatch it back. "Hey, that's mine!" I shouted and took a swig before passing i
t around. We all laughed as I sunk down onto the couch next to Derek to relax. Looking around, I realized that one person was missing.

  It was killing me to know, but Adrian finally asked "Hey where’s your buddy? He too good for us?” He was practically lying on Seth. I tried not to be interested, but I instantly perked up to hear the answer.

  Spencer shrugged. "He was pouting today. I don't know. He gets like this sometimes." I wondered how much Ethan had told them about us.

  They probably thought I was a horrible person. Even I could admit that I did Ethan wrong. Every time I thought back to that night instant guilt would wash over me. Why hadn't I stayed or tried to talk to him and figure out what had happened? I slammed the door on that idea when I ran. I was awful for what I did. Glancing at his bandmates told me that they had similar opinions about me. I couldn't help but notice the dirty looks they gave me when they didn't think I was looking.

  The group started to move on to talk about some movie that was coming out. Drunk Adrian wasn't finished speaking. He leaned over Derek. "I saw him looking at you, Cleo. Go find him. Cheer him up before the show!" He winked at me. My friends started hooting and hollering. I threw the closest pillow at him, and that just made them laugh more. I felt my face get hot.

  "Oh, come on! It's not like this is the first time you have to work with someone you've…" he started, but Derek punched him in the gut, making him double over and shut up. I felt my entire body blush. The bus got much quieter in an instant. I quickly stood up and started towards the front. I didn't want to wait to hear one of them say anything else.