Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  “I’m going to order myself a drink,” I told them. He eyed me warily but nodded. Derek came to stand with him. He saw where I was heading and offered to join me. I rolled my eyes but didn’t protest. Their intentions were sweet, but I wasn't in the witness protection program. I didn’t need to be protected at all costs. I was a big girl.

  The bar was open, so I ordered four shots of tequila for me and Derek. We downed our two each quickly and fist bumped each other. I needed the courage today.

  I was nervous. I hadn’t been to any sort of thing like this in years. I knew lots of people would either want to talk about my absence, or my new divorce. A magazine recently wanted to write an article on the new album. So the whole band did an interview and somehow they found out about my ugly divorce and put it in the article. That, paired with the lyrics in our songs, made people quickly form rumors about my marriage. Most of which were true, but not something I longed to talk about with strangers.

  Soon Mark and Renee came to join us sitting by the bar. I ordered more shots and I heard Derek groan.

  “I love you Cleo, but I am not doing shots with you all night.” I laughed and took the glasses quickly, shoving them in front of everyone.

  “Stop whining and take your shot!” I demanded. He rolled his eyes but took it anyways, this time using lime and salt. I took mine straight.

  “If this is how tonight is going to be, I need a break. When I see Adrian and Dita I’ll send them your way,” he told me. Mark and Renee laughed with me and took two more shots each. I was quickly getting a nice buzz. If I didn’t pace myself, I would be drunk soon. We moved from the bar to a table, so others could order drinks.

  We sat around the table drinking and eating the snacks that were being passed around. A few people from other bands came by and hung out with us. We were quickly becoming the ‘it’ table. People were surrounding us.

  The party as a whole was growing louder and louder the longer it went on. The backyard was now packed with people all wanting to get a peak of the strange and unusual Emile Dahl.

  After an hour or two, someone went to the stage and interrupted the music. Turning that way I recognized the man. It was Davis Waters, our host for the evening. He thanked everyone for coming.

  “Hey everyone, having a good time?” Everyone cheered. “Great, Great. I’ll let you all go back to the party after this, but I just wanted to say something. We are all here to welcome back Emile. One of my best friends and brother for life. It took you a few years, but you finally decided to answer my phone calls,” he joked. The spotlight turned towards where Emile was standing. He smiled and waved. But his smile was definitely forced. He looked like he really didn’t want to be here. Man, he really was hot. Even with a scowl on his face, I could see why he drove girls wild. He drew people to him, even if he didn’t mean to.

  “But I’m not here to cry about it. I’m just glad you’re back buddy and can’t wait to get back to where we left off. So a toast. Everyone, to Dahl. Welcome back asshole!” He yelled with a big smile. Everyone lifted their glasses and yelled back “Welcome back asshole!” Emile laughed and took a sip of his beer, nodding and lifting the bottle to us all. Davis left the stage and the music began to play again. A small wave of nausea hit me as everyone clapped. Oh no. It was time to switch to water and eat some food. I didn’t want to be the person to get sick and ruin a good time.

  Davis came to our table a little while later. “I keep hearing this is where the real party is?” He shouted over all of us. I called for another shot and a server brought us a few more for the table. Davis took his quickly and sat down to chat for a while. His wife Angie came and joined us for a bit too. It was really shaping up to be a good time. Davis and Derek talked about our new album while I chatted with Angie about their new house. They had just bought this place and were excited to host something.

  Eventually they took their leave and new people took their place. It was getting hot so Adrian decided to take a walk with me around the yard. I had switched to water a while ago, but the walk would help to sober me up more.

  “How are you feeling?” He asked me. I smiled and leaned into him a bit.

  “I’m okay. I’m having a good time.” He laughed and took my hand.

  “I love you,” he told me and I told him the same.

  “I have to pee. Are you good on your own?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m fine. I’ll be around,” I replied as he left me to socialize alone. I went and ordered myself another glass of water.

  I stood by a fountain, drinking my water when I heard “Cleo? Cleo De La Rosa?” I turned around to see a handsome man that I recognized but couldn’t remember from where. He was tall and slim, with long dirty blond hair that fell just above his shoulders. His eyes were dark blue and he had a dimple on his chin. He was scruffy and the more I stared the cuter he got. He was dressed in a black suit. Even with all the layers I could tell he worked out daily. He was built.

  Well hello. Where did I know him from? “Yes, that’s me. Do I know you?” I asked, trying to be polite. He turned red.

  “Uh, yeah. It’s been awhile. I play guitar for Cast Offs. We toured with you like seven years ago. Patrick Eger,” he chuckled a bit. Suddenly I remembered!

  “Oh my god! Patty! Blast from the past!” I exclaimed and leaned in to hug him. He seemed relieved that I recognized him.

  “How’ve you been?” I asked him when I pulled away. He shrugged and smiled. He was really handsome.

  “Good. We actually just finished the tour for our last album. We just got back into town a few weeks ago. What about you? I’ve been listening to your new stuff. It’s pretty great,” he told me. I beamed.

  “Thanks, I think so too.” We laughed and I invited him to come hang out with the rest of us, which he eagerly did.

  We spent the next hour laughing and joking around with everyone. Patty asked me to dance. Mark groaned that he was making him look bad, so he took Renee out to the dance floor too. Dita then pulled Adrian up to join us.

  “I’m really glad I saw you tonight, Cleo. I felt kind of like a fish out of water,” he told me as we danced.

  “Oh, me too. I’m surprised we made the list, since we haven’t really been doing much until recently.” I said. His face grew serious.

  “You should let me take you out sometime.”

  I smiled in pleasant surprise. “Yeah, maybe. If you can catch me between getting ready for the tour and all,” I said.

  He laughed. “So that’s a never? I know how that goes.”

  “No, I didn’t say that. I would like a date. It’s just hard sometimes.” He nodded.

  “Well can we consider tonight the first date?” I pulled away and punched his arm playfully.

  “Nuh uh. You have to take me to dinner and movies. I want the whole nine yards,” I teased.

  “Me too,” he said, pulling me close to kiss me. His lips were warm and inviting. It was a quick, simple, no strings attached kiss. Suddenly I felt the atmosphere around me shift. I stiffened and saw Mark staring past me. Before I could respond there was a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around and froze.

  “Do you mind if I cut in?”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Just Another Girl

  My eyes were frozen on the man in front of me. When I finally broke my gaze I turned back towards Patrick. His mood instantly deflated. “Yeah, sure. Hey, I have to get going. I get my daughter tomorrow, so I need to get a good night’s sleep.” I smiled wide at him.

  “You have a daughter? I have twins! How old?”

  He grinned. “Beverly is four. How about yours?”

  “They turned five in April.”

  “Maybe one of these days we’ll do a play date,” he offered, giving me another charming smile. Ethan cleared his throat loudly and Patrick gave me a hug and told me goodnight, kissing my cheek. I thanked him and he disappeared into the crowd.

  “I guess I missed my chance again, huh.”

  I spun around and stared a
t him. Ethan Andrews, in the flesh. He looked dashing. His hair cut and styled, was slicked back. He was wearing a black suit with black dress shirt and tie. I had never been so attracted to a man in a suit before in my life.

  “What are you doing here?” I hissed as he extended his arms for a dance. Looking around I saw people watching, so I took his hands and began to dance.

  “I was invited. Why else would I be here? I just wanted to see my friend who I haven’t seen in a while,” he said innocently.

  “Yeah, who is that again Ethan?” I hissed. He shrugged.

  “I like your hair like that. It’s no cotton candy pink, but it looks good,” he flashed that smile I loved and hated at the same time. He extended his arm and gently rubbed his thumb over his name on my neck.

  “I always assumed you’d get rid of it eventually,” he said. I could hear the snark in his voice. I glanced at his own neck where my name lay. A twinge of sadness pushed through the armor I had put around my heart. There were murmurs around us, but I ignored them, as did he. He never took his eyes off me. We danced in silence for a minute or two. I refused to look at him. I chose to focus on the tables behind him as we danced in lazy circles.

  Finally I gave in and raised my chestnut eyes to meet his baby blues. I still loved him. After all the hurt and betrayal between us, after all the lies and secrets, I still loved him.

  “Are you going to yell at me yet?” He asked, cracking a small smile. I glared, wiping the smirk off his face.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you got out? Why didn’t you try to get in contact with anybody? You could have called Adrian.” I was trying to keep my voice down, but I was still slightly tipsy so I had no idea how loud I was.

  I tried to pull away but he squeezed my hands just slightly tighter to keep me close to him. I flinched, a flash of the million times Chris did that passed in front of me. Ethan saw it in my eyes because he let go instantly.

  I shook my head and put my arms around him to continue dancing. It was a slower song, so he placed his hands on my hips and leaned his head down to whisper into my ear. He told me he was sorry for everything. We embraced each other for a moment before I moved to talk to him directly.

  “I have been working on something. Something big. I didn’t want to overload myself.”

  “Overload yourself with your kids? That’s what parenting is. Grow up!” I said, ripping myself away from him. Pushing past him, I got lost in the thick crowd of people. Turning back, I couldn’t see him anywhere. I leaned against a stone pillar, closing my eyes. I wasn’t ready to see him apparently.

  “Wow, you found a way to weasel your way in here too,” I heard a familiar females voice say. Opening my eyes I saw Duchess holding a drink, eyebrows raised in annoyance.

  “What do you want Duchess?” I asked, not in the mood for her crap. She looked gorgeous as usual. Dressed in a skin-tight silk dress, six inch heels to match. I looked massively inferior to her. Her hair was dark brown, her makeup reminded me of an old Hollywood starlet.

  “Nothing. I just saw you dancing with our boy and then running away. Figured I’d see if you were okay.” She flashed a fake smile at me. My jaw tightened.

  “He’s not our boy,” I snarled. She shrugged.

  “Yeah, I guess not. He won’t even return my calls anymore,” she pouted. I rolled my eyes. Poor her. She pounded the rest of her drink, pulling a little case out of her bra she popped a pill into her mouth.

  “I didn’t think you’d be back. You know, after you changed your name and all, Maribel,” she said to me after she swallowed. I stared at her in shock and disgust. She crossed her arms and looked towards the dance floor. Ethan was making his way through it, searching for me.

  “I thought about telling him when you first had them. But I knew if I said anything he’d do exactly what he always does. Run to you and give up everything.”

  I backed away from her, surprised and a little scared. “You knew I was pregnant?” I asked.

  “I knew you had two kids nine months after you spent the summer screwing my boyfriend,” she glared at me, daring me to look away first. I did.

  “Yeah, I knew. Figured I wouldn’t tell if you didn’t,” she said, disappearing into the crowd just as Ethan spotted me.

  I didn’t know how to react. I was frozen to the spot. I was disgusted. What a vile woman.

  When he reached me he tried apologizing again. I shook my head and told him to leave me alone. I needed space.

  “Cleo, come on. I really need to explain,” he said. I ignored him and began pushing back to my table.

  When I got there I was surprised to find Duchess chatting with Renee and Dita. They were laughing and smiling brightly at the celebrity. I saw red. Mark and Adrian were nowhere to be seen.

  “I would love to do a song with your husband’s band. They were so much fun when we did the video together,” I heard her say to Renee. Duchess saw me and raised an eyebrow. What was I going to do, cause a scene? Adrian and Mark returned with drinks.

  “Oh wow, okay.” Mark said, causing everyone to turn. Mark and Adrian looked confused, unsure of how to react. Ethan came up behind me and swore. She flashed her fakest smile at him and I lost it.

  “She knew. The whole time. She knew about the twins and didn’t tell you,” I blurted. I watched the blood drain from her face. The entire table stopped talking. Mark and Adrian grabbed their dates and pulled them away. I turned to Ethan. He was furious. The veins in his neck were bulging. His jaw was so tight I thought he was going to break a tooth. He didn’t take his eyes off her. She looked panicked. Standing up, she tried to go to him, but he moved away.

  “Don’t touch me. Stay the hell out of mine and my kid’s lives,” he snarled. She shrunk away before Ethan could react any further. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Everyone returned to the table, but the conversation was quiet.

  Finally Ethan opened his eyes and turned to me. “Can we go now?”

  I nodded quickly, wanting to leave before Duchess found a way to get her revenge.

  We said our goodbyes and Ethan took my hand gently. The valet quickly pulled up his slick, very new, black Cadillac Escalade. I raised my eyebrows at him and he grinned. “I’ve been hard at work,” he said, not revealing anything more.

  Ethan quickly had me in his car and was speeding off towards the highway.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I was just so mad,” I tried to apologize but he put his hand up to stop me.

  “I’m not mad at you. You didn’t tell me about the twins because you didn’t want to burden me. You sacrificed your freedom to give me mine. She didn’t tell me because she needed a bump buddy. I’m over it. I finally see her for what she is.” His words were meant to be reassuring, but guilt still clung to my gut.

  I closed my eyes. The blur of the road was making me sick. “Where are we going?” I groaned.

  “I want to show you something,” he replied. There was silence while we drove. I was so mad at him for everything. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

  “How long have you been out?” I shot.

  “Month and a half,” he said quickly.

  “I hate you,” I told him. He nodded and looked like he was pondering my words.

  “I get that. It was a dick move.”

  “So, how have you been? You like Cali?” He asked me as we turned onto the highway. I glared out the window.

  “I listened to your new album. It’s good. Really good,” he continued attempting small talk.

  “Thanks,” I said flatly.

  “So that guy. Is that a new thing or have you two been seeing each other?” He asked me casually.

  “Why do you care? Who I date is none of your business.” I whipped my head around to look at him. His eyes stayed focused on the road. His jaw was tight, his eyes angry.

  “It is when they are around my kids,” he said sharply. I shook my head in disbelief.

  “Your kids? The ones you haven’t even tried to see in months
? How are they your kids, Ethan?” I snapped. His face twisted into pain.

  “I couldn’t. I had a good reason, Cleo. Do you think this is what I wanted?”

  “Well you could have fooled me. It’s okay. I don’t need you. I can take care of Dallas and Jimmy by myself. I don’t need anybody!” I cried. Ethan was fuming. He laid his foot on the gas, speeding up.

  “Screw this. Ethan, just let me out. I’ll walk home,” I said and started to unbuckle my seatbelt. He took one hand off the wheel and reached across to hold tight to the belt. He clicked it back in place and let off the gas.

  “How am I supposed to know what is going on if you don’t talk to me?” I asked. Without warning he put his hazard lights on and pulled over to the side of the highway and turned off the car. Unbuckling himself he turned his body to face me, brushing the few strands of hair that had fallen down out of his face.

  “I know I didn’t handle the situation in the best way. I got out and had something that I needed to do. A few things. If you let me, I’d like to show you,” he said, his face was tired. I softened.

  “Okay. Sure. Let’s see it,” I said, and he smiled back at me. He put his seatbelt back on and started the car again, turning his hazards off.

  “So what is this thing you have to show me?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light. He didn’t say anything, but continued driving. He took my hand, squeezing it softly once and let go quickly. I closed my eyes and let him drive us towards his surprise. I must have dozed off because I was startled awake by Ethan nudging my shoulder.

  “Unbuckle and come out with me,” he said, his face lighting up. I tried to look out the windows but didn’t really see anything exciting. I did as he asked and he came around to take my hand.

  We were standing in the driveway of a huge building. It was old, but you could tell that there had been some extensive work on it. Was it a hotel? Maybe an old library or museum. It was a two story, brick building. A dozen stairs led up to the giant red doors. I looked around for a sign or some lettering on the front but didn’t see anything.