A Step Away (The Wanderer Book 2)

by Jocelyn Stover

  “Oh really,” he says and stops running to confront me. “I’ve killed more people than I can count... many of them children.”

  “That’s just it: you haven’t killed anyone. A long time ago there lived a monster, and yes he killed a lot of people, but his name wasn’t Zafir. How can you beat yourself up over something you didn’t do? That you had absolutely no control over?”

  “How can you?” he asks in return.

  “Huh?” My inelegant response slips out.

  “Please, you’ve been mumbling about Ben’s death being your fault for days.”

  “That’s different!” I practically shriek defensively, completely rattled by how the tables have turned.

  “If you say so, sister.” Z’s sarcasm only fuels my frustration.

  “I am the reason Ben is dead. If I’d have left him back when this whole mess started, he’d still be alive. He’d have had a chance for happiness, maybe even for a family.”

  “So let me get this straight. You knowingly chose to put Ben in harm’s way by taking him with you to meet Himyar?”

  “Of course not,” I grind out, hands clenched.

  “Well that’s what you’re saying. You’re telling me Ben’s death is your fault because he happened to be with you on the day Himyar happened to show up.”

  “That’s right, and he wouldn’t have been with me at all if I’d have set him free a long time ago,” I answer stubbornly.

  “Fuck woman, you’re worse than me. Ben’s dead because Himyar is a sick, sadistic son of a bitch. Which, I might add, you have absolutely no control over.” Hands on his hips, he looks up at the sky for a second. “Ben, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he finishes, his tone melting. In an uncharacteristic display of emotion I step forward and hug the big brute. We’re more alike than I care to admit.

  “You know killing him won’t make you feel better,” I say, struck by the sudden realization. “More death won’t erase your guilt.”

  “Pushing the blame onto Kade won’t solve your problems either.” Frowning, I drop my arms and end our embrace - the warm, fuzzy moment is over. Neither one of us is ready to admit we’re wrong just yet. Wordlessly, we change directions and run back toward Hal’s building with both of us still stubbornly clinging to our own truths.

  Chapter 23

  I wish I could say my little run with Z fixed everything and that we’d both seen the error of our ways and the foolishness of our behavior. I'd love to claim I ran right home and apologized to Kade, but that would be lying. Pride and guilt can make you do crazy things. I didn't take Zafir's advice. He didn't listen to mine either. All we succeeded in doing was beating each other up a bit, trying to force our own fabulous insights upon the other. So despite the post-exercise endorphins and a goodnight’s rest, I remain incredibly sullen.

  As I enter Hal's living room, my perspective is less introverted than the last few mornings and I take stock of what the rest of the world has been up to. I see our predicament has not improved and Himyar surveillance is in full effect. Catching sight of me, Hal jets into the kitchen and returns, handing me a breakfast bar, a multivitamin, and a Coke.

  "Breakfast of champions," I smile, looking down at the spoils of my favorite full balanced meal. Hal steers me to a seat on the couch while I pop the vitamin and fight with the tab on the soda can. I gulp down the pill and am halfway through tearing into the granola bar when I notice a familiar face. Head down at a computer table taking a cat nap is Basal.

  "When did Bass get here?" I ask.

  "Morning after the accident," Rashid chimes in, removing a set of headphones from around his ears. "You were pretty out of it; I'm not surprised you didn't notice," he tacks on, glossing over my oversight. Wow, I think, I've missed more than I realized. Eating my meager meal, I try to pull myself back into the present and get caught up on the Wanderer business I missed while in my catatonic state. Thinking helps...well, thinking is a nice distraction from my guilty conscience. As I recall, Bass was dispatched to join us for my protection after we put together the fact that Himyar would come looking for me; that killing me would be essential if he wanted the sealing to fail and his Sylph brothers to be free. Then I had the bright idea to use myself as bait, an idea which has soured considerably since coming face to face with Himyar.

  “Hal!” I blurt out as a sudden realization clobbers me. "We were supposed to have a meeting. What happened at the meeting?"

  "That got postponed after the accident," he answers gravely.

  "Until when?"

  "Today, if you're feeling up to it, that is."

  "I am," I insist, though I feel anything but. Delaying any longer would be foolish despite how I feel, so I'll just have to suck it up and deal. "Have there been any new deaths?"

  "Not since the day of the accident," Rashid answers. Odd, I think, but I'm gratefully relieved.

  "Well at least there’s some good news. So when do we meet?"

  A shadow flits across Hal's face but he plunges ahead answering my question, and I quickly become too distracted to ask him about it.

  "Adil sent out the word, and over the last few days the rest of the Wanderers have gathered in Utah."

  "I thought they were all coming here?" I ask, confused.

  "Eventually maybe, but a great deal needs to be decided on before that happens," Hal explains. "Plus, the sword and most of our equipment is still in Utah."

  "So we...?"

  "We video conference and figure out where the best place to dangle you like bait is,” Rashid answers as he winks, taking the sting out of his poor choice of words. Repressing a shudder over the thought of being in the same room with Himyar again, I move on.

  "What time?"

  "I'll make the call when Kade and Z get back."

  Nodding, I withdraw, indulging in a moment of quiet introspection. Rashid is right; it's time to draw Himyar out and put an end to all the suffering. It's time to make him pay. Embracing my growing anger I let it consume me, silently vowing to see Himyar dead. For Z, for Ben, and for Nephilim everywhere. I'll do whatever it takes.

  “Where are they?” I ask.

  “Keeping an eye on Melanie and your family,” Hal informs me. “They relieved Rashid and Bass so they could get some rest about an hour ago.”

  “We’ve been rotating shifts at their hotels,” Rashid adds, stifling a yawn. With a wink and a smile he makes his way to another of Hal’s spare bedrooms. With no morning agenda of my own, I choose to keep Hal company. My attention shifts between the streaming newsfeed on the television and various computer monitors. Conversation is unusually sparse between us while Hal makes preparations for the impending conference call.

  “Is there anything I can help you with?” I finally think to ask, appalled by how rude I’m being just sitting here watching Hal work.

  “No,” he chuckles over what I assume is my less than savvy tech abilities. “Gwen, how are you, really?” he inquires of me unexpectedly.

  “Doesn’t matter, all that matters right now is keeping Himyar from doing anything worse,” I answer impassively, fueled by my single-minded resolve.

  “Gwen, of course it matters. You can’t always bury your feelings, it’s unhealthy.”

  “Like you?” I reply, turning the tables. “Like all of you?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well I’m sorry that topic is currently off the menu.” Stoically I turn away, refusing to look at him when he stares and starts shaking his head. Sighing, he returns to his task and I soften slightly, knowing that he’s only concerned for my welfare.

  “You of all people know what I’m feeling; you shouldn’t have to ask,” I whisper.

  “That’s what I was afraid of,” he responds just as softly. A commotion at the front door prevents him from saying anything more and we turn as one to see Kade and Z waltz into the apartment loaded down with take out. It literally looks like they plan to feed an army and I smirk over what the Wanderers’ monthly food bill must be like.


  “I call this meeting to order,” Z announces, his jovial arrogance earning him a scowl from Hal. Bass is awakened by the new arrivals and I catch his eye when he stretches in his chair. I mouth a hello, to which he dips his head in a partial bow of respect. A gentle nudge redirects my attention and I accept the plate of food Kade has prepared for me.

  “Thank you.” I move to sit in the arm chair next to the sofa so I can be alone. My callous behavior earns me a frown from Zafir whom I promptly to tell to fuck off with my eyes. I’ll take care of things when I’m good and ready. Moodily munching on a roll, I focus my attention on the screen connected to Wanderer headquarters and wonder what the rest of the guys think about our plan.

  “Gwen, on behalf of the Wanderers I’d like to say we are all very sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you,” I mumble while Adil moves on with the meeting without pause, for which I’m grateful; there’ll be more than enough condolences tossed my way at the funeral tomorrow so I’m just as happy to avoid them today.

  “By now you have all heard mention of the San Diego team’s belief that Himyar is after Gwen, which is a theory that was substantiated this week. They also proposed, with objections from a few, that we use Gwen to bait Himyar into a trap.”

  “If I may,” Hal interjects, stopping Adil.

  “Proceed,” Adil answers.

  “I no longer feel it would be prudent to use Gwen to lure Himyar into the open.”

  “What?” Z and I shout simultaneously.

  “We’ve lost the element of surprise, so if we use Gwen now he will most certainly know it’s a trap.”

  “So?” I blurt out.

  “I, too, share Hal’s reservations,” Kade says and throws his two cents in. I glare at Hal, feeling betrayed.

  “It doesn’t matter if he knows it’s a trap,” Z reasons. “We know he wants Gwen and that he won’t stop until he gets her. We have a better shot if we do this on our terms.”

  “No, if we do this now we only give him the upper hand. He’ll come prepared and then we’ll be the ones caught by surprise,” explains Hal.

  “You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Z mutters loudly, beginning to pace.

  “If we do nothing though, we run the risk of having a repeat of what happened earlier this week,” Hashim’s voice says through the speakers.

  “I, for one, would rather know he’s coming than be caught off guard again,” I interject vehemently, jumping to my feet. A clear division has sprung up in the middle of Hal’s living room, with Z and me facing off against Kade and Hal. For the moment, Bass is behaving like Switzerland: neutral.

  “I hear your thinking Hashim, but the way doesn’t seem clear,” Hal speaks directly to his partner.

  “If we don’t do this, then what do we do?” I ask, trying to keep from yelling. I plead with my eyes and hope to convince Kade and Hal to see things my way. I’m done living in limbo: someway, somehow we have to end this.

  “What say you?” Adil asks the group. “Do we move ahead with the plan to bait Himyar or do we find a better option?” I hold my breath as I watch the hands shoot up when Adil puts it to a vote. It’s nearly a split decision, but Hashim and Basal are still on the fence, refusing to pick a side. Grumbling over their indecision, Adil declares he will dwell on the matter further and encourages us all to do the same. We will reconvene tomorrow night to reconsider the issue.

  “Perfect!” I yell when the call is over. “What am I supposed to do, just wait around until he decides to try and kill me again?” Angry tears of frustration threaten to break through and wreck my composure. Tossing up my hands, I stomp to my bedroom and slam the door behind me before that can happen.

  “Gwen,” Kade addresses me as he opens the door.

  “Get out!” I yell at him.

  “No,” he snaps, spinning me around by the shoulders to face him. “You can be mad at me and feel sorry for yourself later, but not tonight. We’re going out.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You’re going. Melanie expects it.”

  Wound up to argue, an inelegant “huh?” escapes me instead when I realize what he’s just told me. “What?”

  “We are going to dinner with Melanie,” he smiles suddenly. He’s probably happy he’s temporarily derailed me, I think.

  “Fine!”

  “Good,” he follows up.

  “When?” I ask.

  “Now.”

  “Crap, where the hell are my shoes?” I storm about, funneling all my frustration into searching for the inanimate objects. Flipping up the side of the comforter, I locate and then drag a pair of flip-flops out from underneath the bed and shove my feet into them. “Let’s go!” I yell, grabbing my purse and vacating the bedroom. To his credit Kade doesn’t say another word, which for some reason ticks me off further.

  * * *

  After pulling up to Melanie’s hotel, I step out when the valet opens my door and wait for Kade. Slapping a smile on my face, I try to channel positive energy but fail miserably.

  “It’ll be alright, no one expects you to be a beacon of sunshine,” Kade whispers, resting a hand on the small of my back and leading me up the steps.

  “Why are we eating here? Why not visit one of our old hangouts?” I ask.

  “Security reasons,” he answers, nodding to where Rashid sits nonchalantly at the bar.

  “Ah.” Glancing around, I look for Melanie.

  “This way Madame,” the maître de instructs and I follow him to a lovely table overlooking the bar. Rashid gives me a sexy wink when Kade’s back is turned. I roll my eyes at him while I sit. Melanie comes floating in a few minutes later wearing her usual charm and irrepressible spirit.

  “Just like old times,” she grins a couple of bottles of wine later. “Well, almost,” she admits, suddenly remembering the somber tidings that brought us together. “Sorry Gwennie.”

  “Oh, I wish you’d stop saying that. Please, let’s just not focus on any of that right now,” I slur.

  “I think that’s enough wine for you,” Kade announces as he pours the remainder of our third bottle into his glass. “You’ll thank me later,” he grins, rising from the table. Just like old times, I think grinning foolishly up at him: us girls going overboard and him keeping us from getting into any real trouble. “If you’ll excuse me, I want to catch up with a friend of mine at the bar.” Melanie giggles and we smile over how easily we’ve all slipped into our old familiar roles tonight.

  “I’m glad you two have each other.”

  “Huh, what are you talking about?” I ask as my gaze lingers on Kade’s retreating figure.

  “Nothing... I’m sure you’ll see it someday.” Perturbed, I eye her speculatively wondering if she somehow suspects the feelings Kade and I have for one another.

  “Oh my goodness,” she hyperventilates, shielding the side of her face with her hand.

  “What is it?” I ask startled.

  “That guy.”

  “What guy?”

  “The one Kade’s talking to at the bar, is that his friend?” Melanie asks.

  “Rashid?” I ask for clarification.

  “Shit, you know him too?”

  “Melanie, what is this all about?” Placing her hand back on the table and sitting up straighter she looks me in the eye. “The last few evenings I’ve been bored. I mean, there hasn’t been a lot to do and I never get time away from the kids, so I’ve been stopping by the bar for a drink. That’s where I met him.”

  “Rashid?” I clarify again.

  “Yes,” she hisses. “The first night he bought me a drink and, well, we got to talking.”

  “Oh, please tell me you didn’t sleep with Rashid!” I whisper loudly, feeling ill.

  “No! Of course not, but I have been shamelessly flirting with him.”

  “Mel!” Shock gives way to humor and I chuckle. “Really, you can do so much better than Rashid.”

  “Are you kidding? He’s gorgeous and well, it’s been a long time since anyone
looked at me as anything but a mom. It was flattering, okay,” she tacks on, becoming defensive.

  “Sorry, no judgment, I promise. You just surprised me.”

  “You’re surprised? Imagine how I feel!” she exclaims, turning beet red.

  “At the moment, I’d say embarrassed,” I tease.

  “Oh, you don’t think he’s going to tell Kade do you?” she inquires as she cradles her head in her hands.

  “No of course not,” I lie, hoping to spare her any more embarrassment. “I’m sure he’ll be discreet.”

  “I hope so. I’d just die if anyone else found out.”

  “Melanie, what’s your problem with Z?” I ask, remembering her odd behavior from the other morning.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I got the impression the other morning you don’t think much of him.”

  “Boy, you’re digging up all the dirt tonight,” she says and giggles. “Back in the good old days, when the three of us were inseparable, he occasionally showed up looking for Kade. His arrogant demeanor just always rubbed me the wrong way.”

  “Huh, I don’t remember that.”

  She shrugs and casts another hesitant glance toward the bar where Kade and Rashid are still talking.

  “So what should I wear tomorrow?” I ask, expertly diverting Melanie’s attention to a safer topic of conversation. Taking the bait, she delves in a fashion montage about the do’s and don’ts of funeral attire. What in the world was Rashid thinking, I ask myself, tuning out while Melanie rambles. Sneaking a peek at the guys, I make a mental note to address the issue with Kade later and refocus on what Melanie’s telling me.

  * * *

  Keeping my hands clear of the door while the valet closes me in the car, I wait for Kade to climb in and drive us home. The evening’s temporary reprieve from the wall of anger and frustration that’s been accumulating between us since Ben’s death is gone. I don’t want to talk about it or about us, and I pray he doesn’t either. I just want to make it through tomorrow, alone. Kade is a constant reminder that a good man is dead because of our selfish decisions. The majority of the blame is mine, but at the same time, I can’t let Kade completely off the hook. If he hadn’t have made me immortal, if he’d just let me leave when I’d tried, things would be much different.