For Better For Worse

by Pam Weaver

  During the day, she busied herself with everything she could think of to blot out the thoughts, but when she lay on her bed, as comfortable as it may be and as tired as she was, she couldn’t sleep. Some days she thought that she couldn’t stay a minute longer and that once Christmas was over, she would have to look for somewhere else to live. But then she would see how much her children had blossomed in the short time they’d been in the house. Lottie adored them and played with them all the time. Lu-Lu was talking now. She loved to sing little songs, and although she mixed up the words (horsey, horsey don’t ooh pop …), she sounded so sweet. And Jenny was confident enough to be in the school nativity play, although she still complained about William Steel. Sarah had made her a long dress out of an old piece of sheet she’d found in the attic so that she looked the part of the Innkeeper’s wife, and Jenny practised and practised her lines. ‘Can I help you?’ ‘No, I’m sorry, there is no room in the Inn,’ and finally, ‘Come into the stable …’ Could she risk unsettling them all over again? The answer was no, but the feelings of anger and betrayal simply wouldn’t go away.

  ‘Sarah?’ She became aware that Peter was looking anxiously at her.

  She laughed as if she’d been thinking of something else. ‘Sorry, miles away. We’re fine,’ she assured him. ‘Couldn’t be better.’

  When the panto was over and they came back to the house, the children were tired but happy. Jenny had loved everything, and although Lu-Lu had been scared of the villain when he first appeared on the stage with a drum roll from the orchestra pit, she soon recovered herself and was so relaxed she dropped off to sleep towards the end. Sarah had enjoyed herself too. Back home at last, Peter carried Lu-Lu to the door, fast asleep in his arms, but Sarah didn’t ask him in. She could see the disappointment on his face, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

  ‘Happy Christmas,’ he said, putting the sleeping child into her arms.

  ‘Happy Christmas to you too,’ said Sarah. She reached up and pecked his cheek. ‘And thank you for a wonderful time.’

  ‘Have a nice time?’ Kaye asked as she came through the door.

  Sarah nodded and smiled.

  ‘When you’ve put them to bed,’ said Kaye, ‘could I have a little word?’

  *

  Annie stared at her mother with her mouth open.

  ‘You do see, don’t you?’ Judith went on. ‘This is the most marvellous godsend. I can help you with the rent and once you’ve got the baby weaned, you can start giving piano lessons.’

  ‘Wait a minute, wait a minute, Mother,’ said Annie, putting her hand up to silence Judith. ‘Let me get this right. You actually want me to go and live with Henry’s first wife?’

  ‘Oh darling, please don’t be difficult,’ said Judith. She was visiting her daughter and grandson in the Mother and Baby Home. They were alone in the main sitting room because all the other mums were still taking their afternoon naps. ‘I know it sounds odd but …’

  ‘Odd?’ Annie practically shrieked. ‘It’s sick. It’s not normal. Why would that woman even want me in her house?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Judith. ‘I didn’t ask why, I was just grateful to have found a way of keeping you and the baby together.’ They both looked down into the crib where Edward Henry Royal lay sleeping. ‘You won’t find many other landladies agreeing to take a small baby.’

  ‘I shan’t be needing a landlady,’ said Annie resolutely. ‘I’m going to stay with Auntie Phyllis. I’ve written her a letter explaining everything and as soon as I get a reply …’

  ‘Auntie Phyllis,’ said Judith. ‘But you won’t be able to stay with her.’

  Annie tossed her head. ‘And why not?’

  ‘You obviously never listen to a word I say,’ said her mother. ‘I told you almost six months ago that Auntie Phyllis had had a stroke. She’s in an old people’s home.’

  *

  Sarah was furious. She sat in her small sitting room, her heart thumping and hardly able to control her feelings. That settled it. She’d have to go. There was absolutely no way she would stay under the same roof as that damned woman. How could Kaye even think such a thing? She’d kept calm as the idea was mooted, but now she was hopping mad. ‘The poor thing has nowhere to go …’ Did Kaye really expect her to feel sorry for the girl? Why should she? She was nothing more than a cheap tramp. She had ruined her whole life and, what was far worse, the lives of her children. They’d been happy before that silly trollop came along. It wasn’t right, the three of them under the same roof. No, she wouldn’t be a part of it. Either she or Annie lived in the house. Not both of them. Half an hour later, as Sarah climbed wearily into her bed, the full import of the situation finally dawned. She had no choice. She’d have to put up with it because she had nowhere else to go. Careful not to let her children hear, for the first time in months, Sarah cried herself to sleep.

  *

  It hadn’t been easy getting out of the Mother and Baby Home without being seen. Annie knew that Edward’s prospective parents would be arriving at the end of the week, so she had to act quickly. To hear about Auntie Phyllis had been a bitter blow, but she couldn’t give up yet. All she had to do was get from Bognor to the Thomas A Becket in Worthing. Her father had refused to discuss what she was going to do with the baby over the telephone and he had never once come to visit them either in the maternity hospital or at the Mother and Baby Home, but she was convinced that one look at his beautiful grandson would be enough.

  It was a long walk to the railway station and Edward was heavy. She had left her suitcase in the left luggage department a couple of days before, sneaking out when she was supposed to be having a rest, and as soon as she’d collected it, she caught the train. At West Worthing she hailed a taxi using the last of the money she had squirrelled away, and in no time at all she was going up the drive of her childhood home. Her plan had worked. All she needed now was for her father to fall in love with his beautiful grandson. She paid the driver and he carried her case to the front door. Just as her mother opened the door, Edward woke up and cried.

  ‘Oh Annie,’ her mother said despairingly.

  ‘Who is it?’ Her father’s voice was right behind her.

  Judith leaned against the door saying, ‘You’ll have to come back later. Your father …’

  ‘If he could see Edward …’ Annie began. The door was yanked back and her father bellowed, ‘What’s he doing here?’

  The taxi driver put the suitcase on the step and turned to go.

  ‘Hang on a minute, my man,’ said Malcolm. ‘You can take them back to wherever you picked them up.’

  ‘Daddy!’ Annie cried desperately. ‘Please. Please don’t turn us away. This is your grandson.’

  ‘I have no grandson,’ said Malcolm. He pulled his wife back into the house and began closing the door.

  ‘At least look at him,’ Annie pleaded.

  The taxi driver looked bewildered. ‘Where to now, missus?’

  ‘I don’t have enough money for a return trip,’ Annie shouted at the closing door. She had been so sure her father would relent as soon as he saw Edward, but what chance did they have when he wouldn’t even look at him?

  The taxi driver put his finger on the doorbell. After a minute or two, Judith reappeared with her handbag under her arm. ‘Go to Kaye’s house,’ she told Annie. ‘I’ll ring her and tell her you’re coming.’ She handed the driver a pound note. ‘Copper Beeches, Church Walk.’

  ‘Judith!’ Malcolm’s angry voice boomed from inside. ‘Come in and shut that door immediately.’

  *

  Copper Beeches looked wonderful. There were paper chains from the hall to the sitting room. Sarah had pinned holly and ivy trails along the picture rails and around some of the pictures. Christmas cards lined the mantelpiece and the dresser in the dining room. Centrepiece in the sitting room was the Christmas tree, decorated with edible gingerbread men and Christmas bells. There were candles too, although she and Kaye had agreed that for s
afety reasons they wouldn’t actually light them. Lottie helped Jenny and Lu-Lu to hang their stockings by the fireside and an air of excitement pervaded the house.

  Christmas was to fall on the Saturday this year, but it was the Monday before which changed all their lives forever. It was seven in the evening when they heard the sound of a taxi pulling into the drive and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. A tearful Annie stood on the doorstep with Edward in her arms. Kaye answered the door and took her straight into the sitting room. Sarah came down the stairs and saw Lottie fussing over the baby. Pulling the door closed behind her, Kaye came out into the hallway and smiled at Sarah.

  ‘Would you take Annie’s things upstairs for her,’ she asked, ‘and then please join us in the sitting room.’

  Sarah, tight-lipped and pink with irritation, climbed the stairs with Annie’s luggage and put everything in the front bedroom. The bed had a grey counterpane and a flowery eiderdown, although it would be hardly needed in this lovely warm centrally heated house. Kaye had found a low chair in the attic, and with a beige throw over it, you would never know that the fabric underneath was in desperate need of repair and attention. Sarah had a keen eye for detail, so there were flowers on the chest of drawers and a pretty runner across the bedside table. The baby would have to sleep in a deep drawer for the time being, until they could find a second-hand bassinet for him. When she’d prepared the drawer, Sarah had thought of cutting up an old blanket and making it into baby blankets, but that was a bridge too far. Although she had spent the past week preparing for the newcomers and everything looked really nice, now that Annie and her baby were here, she couldn’t hide her resentment. She put the suitcases on the floor and went back downstairs.

  ‘I was so sure my father would love him when he saw him,’ Annie was saying as Sarah walked into the sitting room with a tray of tea. ‘But he steadfastly refuses to see him.’ She looked up and Annie’s jaw dropped. ‘You!’

  ‘Yes me,’ said Sarah coldly. ‘We’re all here.’

  Annie dabbed her eyes and looked at Kaye. ‘I don’t understand. My mother never told me she would be here as well.’

  Sarah felt herself bristle. Kaye busied herself with the teapot. ‘Does it matter?’ she said calmly.

  ‘Of course it matters,’ Annie spat. ‘That woman ruined my life.’

  Sarah had stuck her nose in the air and was on her way out of the room when she stopped in her tracks. ‘I ruined your life,’ she said, turning to face Annie. ‘You were the one who made off with my husband.’

  ‘I didn’t know he was married,’ Annie cried. ‘He thought you’d divorced him. I’d known Henry for almost three months before we were married.’

  ‘It takes longer than that to get a divorce, you silly cow.’

  Lottie made a strange noise.

  ‘Girls …’ Kaye stood to her feet.

  ‘That’s not my fault,’ Annie whined. ‘And anyway, who are you calling a silly cow?’

  ‘Me and my children were left destitute because of you,’ said Sarah, her eyes blazing. She advanced towards Annie, her chin jutted forward. ‘We ended up facing a night in a wayside shelter.’

  ‘I can’t help that!’ Annie shouted. The baby woke up and started crying. ‘Now look what you’ve done.’

  ‘More to the point,’ Sarah snarled, ‘look what you’ve done. If you hadn’t run off with my husband …’

  ‘Girls, please …’ said Kaye.

  ‘That’s rich coming from you,’ Annie retorted as she bent to pick the baby up from the sofa. ‘You did exactly the same thing to her.’

  She jerked her head towards Kaye and Sarah froze. It was then that they all became aware of Lottie. She was acutely distressed, rocking herself backwards and forwards in the chair with her hands over her ears and making little grunting sounds. Kaye sat on the arm of her chair and put her hand around Lottie’s shoulders. ‘It’s all right, darling,’ she said soothingly. ‘They’ve stopped now.’ She looked up at the two women. ‘She can’t bear arguments. Sarah, show Annie to her room, and when you’ve settled the baby, I want you both down here. I’m taking Lottie up to bed.’

  ‘You needn’t think I’m staying here,’ said Annie.

  ‘And where do you think you’re going at this time of night?’ said Kaye, helping Lottie to her feet. ‘You’ve just told me that your father won’t hear of you going home.’

  Annie pouted like a petulant child as Sarah led the way to her room and left her and the baby to it. She climbed the back stairs to her own little sitting room and threw herself into the chair. She was shaking, she felt hot and she was furious. Everything had been fine up until now. What on earth was Kaye thinking, having that silly schoolgirl in the house? She cried a little then washed her face. Thankfully, her children had heard nothing of their argument. They were asleep, Jenny with her face slightly flushed. Sarah picked up a toy and tucked the blanket around Lu-Lu’s bare shoulders and then went back downstairs.

  As she walked into the sitting room, Sarah gave Annie a frosty glare. Annie was warming herself by the fire. Although there were plenty of chairs and a sofa nearer the fire, Sarah sat stiffly on a high-backed chair next to the Chinese cabinet behind the door. She wanted to be as far away from Annie as she could.

  ‘I just don’t understand it,’ said Annie over her shoulder. ‘Why is she doing this?’

  Sarah shrugged. The rage she’d felt a while ago had dissipated, but she was in no mood to be friendly. She didn’t even want to look at Annie. Feeling snubbed, Annie turned her back.

  A few minutes later, the door burst open and Kaye, a cigarette dangling from between her lips, reappeared with two bottles of red wine. ‘Get us some glasses, will you Sarah,’ she said. ‘I have a feeling we’re all going to need this.’

  Seventeen

  With the glasses in front of her, Kaye poured the wine and handed them around, then with a swish of her midnight-blue taffeta skirt, she sank into the armchair. Sarah moved back to the upright chair and Annie stared blankly ahead.

  ‘I met Henry when I was seventeen,’ Kaye began. As she spoke, she was looking deep into her glass and swirling the wine against the sides. ‘He was so charming, so attentive. I hadn’t met anyone like that before. We had a brief courtship and then we married. My folks weren’t invited … some mix-up with the invitations he said.’

  Annie shifted herself uncomfortably in her seat.

  ‘Sound familiar?’ Kaye smiled. ‘I remember your testimony in court being very similar.’ Annie said nothing.

  ‘I had a white wedding, although I wasn’t a virgin.’ Kaye’s candour was a bit embarrassing, but already the atmosphere in the room was changing. Although Sarah and Annie remained silent, the angry tension of an hour ago was already slackening.

  ‘I was already pregnant when we married and my baby was stillborn,’ said Kaye. Her voice was toneless but somehow it didn’t hide the agony of her loss. ‘I was very ill, not expected to live at one point, but Henry was the model husband.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Sarah murmured.

  Kaye didn’t acknowledge her concern. ‘In the end,’ she said, first dragging on her cigarette and then taking a great gulp of wine, ‘I had to have a hysterectomy, so no more babies for me. Henry was very disappointed and I felt that I had let him down badly.’

  It was Sarah’s turn to feel a little uncomfortable. Hadn’t she felt like that? By having two girls when he was so desperate for a son, she had let Henry down as well. ‘Kaye …’ Sarah began, but Kaye put her hand up.

  ‘Henry only ever wanted three things. Bizarrely, his first love was a coffee crunch, the second, smart clothes, and thirdly, he’d always wanted a son,’ she continued, ‘but you both knew that, didn’t you?’

  Embarrassed, Sarah looked away as she put her wine glass to her lips. ‘He was disappointed that we didn’t have a son,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Well, he’s got his son now,’ Annie simpered and Sarah glared at her.

  ‘We were happy for almost four
years,’ Kaye went on. ‘When I found out that he had other women, I hated it, but I always prided myself that he came back to me.’ She blew the smoke from her cigarette above her head. ‘Henry wasn’t easy to get along with, and after seeing him in that courtroom, he doesn’t seemed to have changed much. He always was very pernickety and spent a fortune on his suits, though where the money came from, I never knew. Everything had to be done just the way he wanted and he got very angry if I forgot something.’