Finally Heaven (Room 103 Book 4)

by Sidebottom, D H

  He nodded frantically, his own hands mimicking mine as he embraced my face. His fingers dug into my skin, his hold painful but I went with it, I knew he needed to feel me, properly feel me, just to make sure I was alive and physically there. “Why Zoe, why Nick? I…”

  “I know, baby,” I whispered when he struggled to say the words. “I know, you cared for him.”

  He nodded, his gaze on me pleading to fix things, fix him. He was like a child, a small lost boy that didn’t know which direction to face to see the sun again.

  “You can’t leave me Zoe, you can’t. I’m bleeding, I’m drowning in it. You can’t go…”

  “Daniel…”

  “NO!” He grew angry, his grip tightening further. His anguish was fervent and enraging, his eyes burning into mine. He slid his hands into my hair, twisting my waves around his fist and yanked my face to his until our noses clashed and my forehead cracked against his. “Please! I love you, I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  His sobs were torturous, his suffering so strong that I didn’t know what to do with him. The pain on my scalp was unbearable as his grasp tightened further and I gently covered his fingers with my own. “Daniel, listen to me.” I kept my voice soft and tender, hoping to soothe him but he screwed his eyes closed and shook his head.

  “No! I don’t want to hear you say it.” He stood up, dragging me with him when he took my hand in his and pulled me into the lounge, plonking me down quite sternly on the sofa. “You’re going to listen to me now. You and the guys have made up your minds about me, but none of you have given me a chance.”

  “It’s not…”

  “Listen, baby. Please.”

  I sighed, relenting when I witnessed the utter need in him and nodded. “Okay.” He wouldn’t let me do anything else and there was no point in arguing, so settling back into the sofa, I curled up my legs and listened.

  I NEEDED TO touch her. Just the simplicity of her skin under mine calmed me, so sitting beside her I took her feet and lifted them onto my lap. She frowned, pulling at them to draw them back but I clamped her ankle in my hand and scowled at her.

  “Just give me this, Ink.”

  Her eyes softened and she smiled faintly, rolling her eyes. “Sorry.”

  I nodded firmly and took a deep breath. “I met Ann at school. She was fun and I loved her. Things progressed and we settled into a serious relationship.”

  I moved my gaze away from her when my mind took me back and I smiled. “She was pretty, blonde hair and blue eyes like you. But it was her sense of adventure that I fell for. My parents loved her, which was a surprise because I could never do anything right.” I shook my head when something clicked into place. “I think maybe they saw her as a way out for them.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you have any drink in?” I asked her when my mouth dried. She nodded and I moved off the sofa and helped myself. After being with someone for so long, their house became yours and vice versa.

  I handed her her own. “Where’s Jakob?”

  “He’s with Adam.”

  My eyes widened and I grumbled. “After what he did?”

  “He’s still Jakob’s father Daniel, no matter how much of an idiot he is.”

  How the fuck could she stick up for him? “He’s an arsehole. He hit you for Christ’s sake!”

  She nodded but didn’t seem concerned. “Yes, and he won’t do it again. If he does, then he’s aware of the consequences.”

  “Oh that’s all right then, so long as he’s aware of the consequences!” Bloody hell!

  She frowned at me, tipping her head and studying me. “Why are you angry with Adam?”

  “Are you serious?” I stared at her, my mouth gaping at her carefree attitude. “He – hit – you, Ink, while Jakob was with you. I have every right to be angry.”

  She sighed, still keeping her eyes on me but her brow quirked. “I get that you are angry that he hurt me but it’s more than that, isn’t it.”

  I downed my drink then shook my head. “It’s all a mess. It just makes me angry, you know. Adam is a selfish bastard who doesn’t deserve kids, yet me…”

  “You do?”

  I snapped my eyes to hers, the question both in her look and her tone. “Yes, Ink. I do. I didn’t use to think so but lately, after… Nick, I have finally realised that I did nothing wrong.”

  Her brows pinched in the middle and she looked at me curiously. After a heartbeat her eyes widened and she let out a groan. “Oh bloody hell.” She sighed and reached for me, her hand cupping my chin softly to turn my face to her. “Shit Daniel. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I blinked back the tears. I was sick of crying, it was doing no good, it didn’t stop the grief nor did they fix whatever was broken. “Because I thought she was right.”

  “Oh baby.” Her soft gaze on me ached my chest, made the pain worse. “Why didn’t you stick up for yourself?”

  I clasped her hand, needing to physically feel the love she was giving me. “I was sixteen. I thought I was a freak, Ink. I thought what I felt for other men was repulsive and wrong, that I was as worthless as my parents said I was. So I pushed the feelings away, refused to feel what I felt. I thought if I ignored it then it would go away, that Ann would be all I needed.”

  “It doesn’t work like that, Daniel. And there is nothing disgusting about feeling hot for men.”

  “I know that now, but it was fourteen years ago, people, especially my parents and Ann weren’t so understanding.”

  She reached to the table and took the bottle, refilling both our glasses. “You know, when I was eighteen, around four or five months before I met Shane, I used to date a girl.”

  My eyes widened on her. I knew she liked to play around in the bedroom with other girls but I’d never known it went as far as relationships. Her eyes slipped to mine and she shrugged. “My parents made me bring her home for dinner. They welcomed her just as much as they would have done a guy, just as much as they did Shane a few months later. Whatever I was or whatever I did, my mum and dad were proud of me. And I will be the same with Jakob, whoever he turns out to be.”

  I smiled at her and ran the tip of my finger down her nose. It was a perfect nose, small with a little upturn at the end. “That’s because you’re a great mum. My parents however, not so much.”

  “Did they know that you were bi?”

  “No, not until last week when I was splattered all over the paper.”

  She frowned. “Then what was, is, their problem with you?”

  I shrugged, pursing my lips and sighing. “Your guess is as good as mine. They were overjoyed when Ann fell pregnant by accident, which was a surprise. I thought they’d have done their nut, but I’d never seen them so happy. Now I understand. They knew it would get me out of their hair, they knew that I would settle into my own place once Ann and me were married with a child.”

  “What happened?”

  “Well, Ann and me got married and she had Harry. I was seventeen then, still so very young. I still had urges that I fought daily with but they grew stronger. Anyway, one night Ann went out with friends for her birthday and I stayed home to look after Harry. Her brother came round to drop off Ann’s birthday present. I’d seen him looking at me unusually for the whole time I had known Ann but I didn’t think anything of it.”

  My mind wandered back to that night. Sensing my mood shift, Zoe climbed across the sofa until she was sat in my lap. Her eyes lifted to mine. “Tell me,” she encouraged softly.

  “He stayed for a drink, or rather one or two while we watched a match on TV. I was engrossed in the game and hadn’t realised he’d even shifted closer to me. The alcohol was relaxing me. I wasn’t drunk as such, I had Harry to look after but I’d had enough that I was feeling carefree. All of a sudden, Glen, Ann’s brother, pipes up. ‘Have you ever slept with a man, Daniel?’”

  Zoe’s wide blue eyes were so tender and accepting, and the fact that she was just listening and understanding, I co
uldn’t help but lean into her and kiss her. She sighed into me, the warmth of her breath having a quality that soothed all on its own, never mind the feeling of her soft mouth beneath mine. Her lips parted, allowing me to softly slide my tongue against hers. The small moan that echoed from her saw my arms wrapping around her, pulling her harder against me, the need for her almost suffocating. “Baby,” I breathed into her mouth. “I love you, God, so much. You’re everything to me Zoe. You’re the air for me, the oxygen in my blood. I don’t need food. I don’t need air or water. You’re the only thing that keeps my heart beating and if you ever left, everything wouldn’t just stop functioning, they’d die inside me.”

  She nodded, finally conceding to what we had. “And I love you too, Daniel. That is why it hurt that you hid things, important things.”

  “I know. And you have to believe me, I do. But after how Ann reacted, taking Harry away from me for good, I could never trust people’s reactions to my sexuality again.”

  “I understand,” she whispered. “Did you make love to Glen?”

  I laughed. “I wouldn’t exactly call it making love. It was more of an awkward fumble. Both of us discovering another man for the first time. He had seen it in me, intuition I guess although I’d never had the foggiest about him. But after fighting it for so long, and all of a sudden it was being thrown, offered so easily, I couldn’t fight against it. I needed to know, needed to understand that side of me. Whether it was what I wanted, or if I was just a regular curious teenager.”

  “And Ann found you both?”

  I nodded, closing my eyes to the pain that engulfed me. “I was so stupid. I know I should never have done that to her. She was so sickened by us, so hurt and betrayed. I know she has a right to feel that way though.”

  “But she never had a right to stop you seeing your son, Daniel.”

  “Maybe.” I sighed. “Maybe he is better off without me.”

  “Bullshit,” she snapped. “Utter bullshit. Harry is your son. YOUR SON. No mother has the right to stop the father of their child being in that child’s life unless they are a risk and you most definitely are not a risk. You’re a father, a father that could have so easily been a great one.”

  She slid her hands back into my hair and tipped my head back until I was looking directly into her eyes. “Have you ever seen him since that day?”

  I shook my head, wiping and cursing at the tears that fell. “No. She left and never told me where she went. She never told Glen either. I didn’t have the resources to find her then. My parents hated me even more. Fuck, I hated me even more. I’d never meant to hurt her, I loved her. And at the same time, I knew I was in the wrong with what I did. I was scared as well, scared that if I went after her she would tell everyone about me and Glen, who I was. What I was.”

  “You need to find him.”

  My eyes widened on her and I shook my head. “No. I need to leave them be. I can’t just step in now. He doesn’t have a clue who I am.”

  “Then he needs to get a clue who you are. You are his dad. I’m not saying you should go storming in. but you now have the funds to find him, or at least to find Ann and get in touch. Get a feel for things.”

  “You really think so?”

  “Yes, I do. And I need to meet your parents.”

  I gawped at her, rearing back slightly. “Why?”

  She snorted and climbed off my knee. “Because I want them to feel pain. I want them to hurt for how they’ve hurt you.”

  I peered at her with puzzlement. Her whole body was tight and vibrating with anger as she started to pace the room.

  “I can’t believe that any decent parent would make their child feel so alone and frightened to be who they are.”

  “You’re not ever going to see them, Zoe.”

  Her furious eyes blazed further and she narrowed them into little slits. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t trust them for one. And there is no way I would put you anywhere near their bitterness. They’re toxic, poisonous. We have parted ways now and that’s fine with me.”

  She stood rigid, her whole body radiating anger. She was so furious with my parent’s and how they had brought me up that I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Come here.”

  Her eyes widened on me but I repeated myself and crooked a finger at her. She came towards me and I opened my knees, letting her slip between my legs so my face was in direct line with her stomach.

  She looked down at me as I gripped her hips and nudged her into me further, needing to feel her as close as possible. “I like that you’re angry for me, Zoe but you needn’t be. I accepted my family a long time ago. They can’t hurt me anymore. The only person capable of doing that is you.”

  Her anger disappeared and she gave me a soft smile. “I promise I’ll try not to. But I don’t like secrets or lies, Daniel. They hurt.”

  I nodded, agreeing with her. “I know and I’m sorry, but you understand?”

  She sighed and placed her hand on my face gently. “Yes… and no. If people don’t love you for who you are then they’re not worth an emotion. That’s how life is. You’re worthy of every single one of my emotions Daniel, because you are who you are. I don’t want you to change, I was willing to break myself so you can be who you are. Don’t waste that, love who you are.”

  She dropped to her knees before me and framed my face with her hands. “Nick loved you Daniel.” A pain tore through my chest and I closed my eyes, fighting with the blockage in my throat. “Don’t waste that either.”

  I choked back a sob when I felt her lips cover mine, her soft kiss full of everything I needed right then. I clung to her, feeding my soul from her, fixing the pain from her love.

  She was everything I needed. The capacity of her heart was more than enough. And when I lifted her into my arms and carried her up the stairs, her body satisfied every damn need in me as well.

  THE STRANGLED MOAN told me he was awake. The twitch in his cock told me he was more than ready for my morning appetite.

  “Fuck!” he hissed when I sucked harder on his balls, drawing them into my mouth and tormenting them with my tongue.

  His eyes were dark and heavy when I looked up and found him looking down his amazing body at me. The ripples across his stomach made my hunger escalate, my mouth salivating with how appetising my breakfast was. The ink on his abs shimmered with each of his pants, his chest surging when I held the back of his thighs and pushed his legs up.

  He choked out something I didn’t understand when I reamed his ass with my tongue, lubricating him in preparation for what I wanted, needed to give him.

  “Baby, God. Oh fuck…”

  His head fell back to the pillow when I slipped my thumb inside him and circled it, stretching him and making his hips lift towards me, his hunger for more sending my lust into new heights.

  I dropped his balls from my mouth and licked my way up his impressive cock, tasting every single inch of him on my way to the head. I groaned when I was met with a pool of cum sat patiently waiting for me. “Fuck, you taste good,” I murmured around him.

  “Not as good as you,” he growled as he sat up, grabbed me and turned me in a circle until his face came to rest between my thighs.

  I looked down between our bodies and watched as his eyes fluttered closed and he dived in, his eager mouth devouring me ravenously.

  My back arched with the pleasure that burst through me, the bliss pulling every single muscle in a tremor of ecstasy. His tongue and lips covered every part of me, his appreciative groans giving him more to lap at.

  Turning back to him, I took the whole of his cock down my throat. I couldn’t wait any longer, I needed him and needed what he gave. I swapped my thumb with a couple of fingers, working him harder as I sucked tougher and stricter.

  My body was on fire with his oral idolisation. Daniel knew how and what I liked, his expertise driving me higher and higher. My body was strung so tight that I came as soon as he thrust his fingers inside me and curled them in
to my walls. One of his hands grabbed at my waist to hold me in place as his tongue entered me beside his fingers, his noisy licks making me drive harder onto his cock.

  His eyes caught mine when I reached beside his body to where I’d placed my vibrator and held it up to him, showing him what I intended. I shivered when he took his lips, still glistening from my cum, behind his teeth and a shiver of his own racked through him.

  “Wait,” he whispered and slipped his hand down between us and took the toy from me. A smile curved his delicious mouth and I cried out when he slid it quite roughly inside me. His thrusts of the toy worked me higher and higher, his eyes on me as his hand swiftly drove the vibrator in and out, harder and faster.

  “Look at me Ink,” he demanded when my eyes closed in readiness for the killer climax that was coming.

  As soon as I snapped them open and they locked onto the need and desire on his face, I burst again, my scream as powerful as my orgasm. “That’s is baby. Coat the toy for me.”

  When it registered what he said, my climax intensified, his intentions rocking my body with depraved images.

  “Now it’s all yours.” My eyes locked onto his as he passed it me down. “Make me cum baby, while your cum is inside me.”

  “Fuck, Daniel.”

  I didn’t give him chance to say anymore. Taking his cock in my mouth again I drew my lips tight and slid down the full length of him, swallowing when he was in my throat like I knew he loved. He growled, when my throat closed around his cock and he thrust his hips upwards, telling me what he wanted. The juices from my climax were dripping down my fingers from the vibrator, my own cum lubricating it ready for him.

  “Open your eyes and look at me, baby.”

  He slowly lifted his eyelids and looked at me as I slid the toy inside his arse slowly. His jaw quivered and dropped, his lips parting to accommodate his heavy breathing.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he snarled but pushed against me eagerly, taking the whole toy inside him. His pants were as erotic as the look on his face. “Fuck me, Ink. Hard.”