Surviving Love

by K. F. Breene

  “I carry a lighter in everyday life, but when I deliberately get lost, then no,” Mikey answered. “I make fire like the cavemen used to.”

  She got butterflies when he said “everyday life.” A life she desperately wanted to be a part of. She needed to fix this thing between them. She needed to patch up her mistake and get back on track with him. She could not lose him—not after realizing they were still just as close as adults as they had been as kids.

  He hunkered down next to the fire and softly blew on the flame, coaxing it to life. Tendrils of smoke spread along the surface before curling toward the sky. A moment later, small orange flames licked at the wood and leaves, sneaking out from the pile and rising.

  Mikey sat back on his haunches, surveying his handiwork. After a moment he crawled back a ways, letting the fire grow on its own. He asked, “What were you apologizing for? To the Big Man, I mean. What’d you do?”

  “Are we going to try and find food after this?” she asked to sidetrack. This talk was going to happen, but she’d stall as long as humanly possible.

  Mikey reached into his pack and brought out a small package of trail mix and a half-filled water bottle. “Unfortunately, the sun is nearly gone and the animals prowling at night aren’t the ones we want to be hunting. They’re more liable to hunt us. So tonight we’ll have to go without. But here, take the trail mix and water. I’m a lot more used to this than you are.”

  “You’re not going to eat?”

  Mikey placed the items on her lap and sat back, his gaze returning to the flames. “I wouldn’t have eaten that if you hadn’t come along. I’d save it for a dire situation. I often go about twenty-four hours before I have my act together enough to find food.”

  She groaned. “If we get out of this, I am going to rip Duke a new backside!”

  “We are going to get out of this, and I’ll take care of that side of things.” The way he said it, low and menacing with a heavy dose of possessiveness, caused shivers to work up her spine.

  “You’re probably the most generous, kindest man I’ve ever met,” she blurted.

  His eyes lifted from the fire and found hers, soft and deep. “Oh my goodness, you called me a man. Does that mean you’re finally realizing I’m not fourteen anymore?”

  Her face flushed, making her drag her eyes away. “Yeah, well, I never claimed to be a rocket scientist.”

  He snorted, returning his gaze to the fire. Sara noticed the shadows climbing across the clearing as the light disappeared from the sky.

  “How late are you?”

  It took Sara a moment to realize what he was asking. And then another moment for a deep shiver to work through her body, the fear starting to unfurl from within. “I should get it any day,” she said.

  “How late, Sara?” he whispered.

  Chapter 13

  Sara pulled her fleece tighter around her body. “Three days,” she admitted quietly.

  Mikey nodded as he watched the flame. “Are you usually like clockwork?”

  “It’s kind of embarrassing talking to you about this.”

  “Tough. This concerns me. Are you usually like—”

  “Usually, yes, okay? But I’ve been stressed lately. Occasionally it’s late when I’m stressed.”

  “How late, usually?”

  “Mikey, please,” she whined. “I don’t want to talk about this. Being late doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure I’ll get it any day just to make this trip harder. That’s how it usually works, after all.”

  Mikey’s gaze cut into her, analyzing. “I can see how terrified you are, Sara. I told you not to worry alone. Why didn’t you come to me?”

  Sara stared at the fire, wishing she could make an excuse about a ranch duty that would get her out of this conversation. Or even just escape to her room. But now, out here, she didn’t have any options but to ignore him. Which had never worked when they were kids—she had no reason to suspect he’d let her get away with it now.

  “What scares you, Sara?” Mikey asked in a quiet tone.

  Well, at least he’s still just as predictable.

  She shook her head, tears coming to her eyes.

  “Sara,” he said.

  “God, can’t you just let this go?” she said suddenly. “This isn’t your problem, okay? I’ll take care of it.”

  “Take care of it?” Mikey leaned forward, his gaze intensifying. “Are you thinking about an abortion?”

  Uncomfortable shivers ran through her, both with his rough voice, and what he’d said. A tear overflowed, sliding down her face. “I’m probably not even… you know. There’s no need to talk about this.”

  “Answer me, Sara,” Mikey said with an uncustomary hard voice. “If you have a baby inside you, are you thinking about terminating it? And if so, do I have a say?”

  Cold washed through as her gaze swung to meet his fervent eyes. “I wasn’t—I mean, I hadn’t…” She summoned her courage and just threw it out there. “Look, I don’t want to get into the politics of it, but I couldn’t. I just… would always wonder. Sorry—I just couldn’t.”

  “Good.”

  Like a tough knot finally unraveled, a gush of relief washed through Sara. A breath leaked out of her mouth. The fire crackled in the silent pause.

  A moment later, with his voice returned to his usual calm and patient tone, he said, “But you’re still scared. Why?”

  “Why? How could I not be? I mean—Jesus, Mikey, I don’t even have a home. I have nowhere to go after this summer. Nowhere to live, hardly any money, no job… why? Are you joking right now?”

  She swiped at her face, dislodging another tear. “I mean, those things are just the normal gaping hole in my future. Add someone that is depending on me… What a daft thing to ask, why. I don’t even have medical after this season. How will I even pay for a doctor?”

  “I have plenty of money, a steady and well-paying job with a few backup plans, and a house. We can figure out how to add you to my medical plan. Take those off your list of fears. What else?”

  Sara turned toward him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, both things lost to the darkness. “How can you be so blasé about this? This is totally unexpected. I mean… I don’t even know you. Not really. You were right earlier—I do still see you as a fourteen-year-old. I can’t help it. I don’t know the handsome man sitting in front of me. And then I seduced you, without thought to repercussions—this is so screwed up.”

  Hot tears were rolling down her face. Shallow, panic-stricken breaths racked her body. He was there a moment later, pulling her into his hard chest. His strong arms came around her, holding her tight.

  “Shhh, sweetie,” he cooed, smoothing her hair.

  “You see? This is why I didn’t want to talk about it.” Her words were muffled in his sweatshirt. “I don’t have a grip. I’m sorry, though. For what I did. For… the other night.”

  “Don’t. Don’t apologize for that.”

  She closed her eyes, feeling like he needed more of an explanation. “Just… I mean, I know you, but I don’t really know you. You know? I kind of let stuff get carried away the other night. It’s just kind of…”

  She was doing a terrible job of this. “I feel weird about what we did.” There, she’d said it.

  “Why?” he asked a moment later. “Because we’re friends?”

  “Because you’re practically my brother. We grew up together.”

  “Because I know you more intimately than anyone else on the planet, is that it? We’re not related, even distantly, but we’re more than friends, I grant you that. So the problem is that you haven’t crossed the line into the mature version of love.”

  “Don’t you feel just a little disgusted that you had sex with someone that you helped potty train?”

  “I’m less than three years older than you, and barely more mature, if at all—there is no way I helped potty train you. Your mother is telling stories. I might’ve dragged you across the road when you peed your pants, but that’s about it.
/>   “But at any rate, at fourteen, when I left, my love for you was already starting to become the romantic kind. I still know that girl I grew up with, and I still love her with a solidity that doesn’t exist in most marriages. You were the love of my life before I even knew what that meant. I wanted to marry you before I hit double digits. You’ve been my dream girl my whole adult life, and it intensified when I saw you in that barn, waiting patiently for your life to finally begin. I love you, Sara Michaels, and this love is as deep as family but as raging and ardent as the best sex on earth. The only regret I have is not waiting until you were ready. Until you realized that you love me in the same way I love you. What we had as kids was more than just deep friendship; it was the budding of forever. I’ve come to collect.”

  Sara stood in a rush with tears in her eyes. Hands fisted at her sides, she wanted to blindly run from what he said. From the deep movement in her chest, hinting that he was right. From the pain of Phil walking away. From the fear that if she gave her heart to another, even if it was Mikey, that she would put everything she had into it, and it wouldn’t be enough. He would walk away too. And this time, he might be walking away from more than just her.

  “I seem to always jump the gun on things,” he said quietly, the firelight dancing across his strong features. “I probably should’ve waited at least another day, until you were exhausted and delirious, to tell you all that.” He nonchalantly returned his gaze to the fire with a small smile playing across his lips.

  “I want you to know, that if it wasn’t for certain death, I would walk away right now and never look at you again!”

  “Melodramatic. Always was your default.” Mikey’s voice was colored with humor. He hadn’t bothered to look up.

  She sat back down, because they were both right, and chose a different approach. “Can we not talk about the pregnancy issue? It’s not real until… it’s real.”

  “I want to be a part of it, even if it is just to worry about it. I don’t want to be excluded from anything with you, Sara.”

  “Fine. Just… let’s not talk about it right now. We have other things to worry about.”

  Mikey dropped his head into a nod. “Agreed. For now.”

  She huffed, not able to help a smile. He could be bent and twisted and pulled and badgered most of the time, but when he really wanted something, the man could be as stubborn and hard to maneuver as anyone in the world. “Anyway,” she said, directing her focus back to the fire, “what’s new? Anything going on with you?”

  Mikey leaned back on his elbows. “Nah. Just stranded with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Probably going to try and use the seclusion to bring her around to my way of thinking. Kind of a once-in-a-lifetime situation, but no biggie.”

  “Look,” she said, trying not to chuckle, “you’re right about one thing—I am caught up in thinking of you as family. And it is really weirding me out with what we did the other night. So… I need to fix that.”

  “Ten-four.”

  “Don’t be weird, this is serious.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She wrangled her resolve. “I’m going to compromise, okay? I’m going to wipe out our childhood. All the memories, gone. I am going to get to know you as you are right now. No nice, soft guy I knew as a kid. I’ll meet you as Mike Frost, survivalist extraordinaire. If it turns out you’re a jerk and I hate you, well then, there you go.”

  His lips tweaked at the corners. “Fair enough, but let’s just take a moment and reflect on you admitting I was right…”

  She rolled her eyes, an action lost to the night. The last few nuts rolled around in the package. “Do you want the rest of these?”

  He glanced over. His eyes returned to the glow of the fire. “Nope. I’ve been hungry a great many times. Today’s hunger is expected. And this land is plentiful. Tomorrow, if we can find a stream, I’ll rig up a trap to get some fish. Or we’ll find vegetation. We’ll be okay.”

  “Okay.” She sighed. “I almost think I shouldn’t have eaten any of these, though. I feel hungrier.”

  A smile popped up on his handsome face, but he didn’t say anything. The silence descended, soft and comfortable. Sara watched the dancing flames as the soft crackle of the fire permeated the night. Trees danced in the firelight and wood popped and hissed, sending sparks into the sky. The night was so peaceful—if she didn’t have the incredible hunger and dry-throated thirst, it would be a perfect evening.

  Sara thought back to what she’d said, about trying to get to know the grown-up side of Mikey—no, Mike. She’d drop the nickname—try to get herself into the present.

  Her gaze lifted slowly.

  At thirty-three, any pudge from his younger years was long gone. Instead, his face was chiseled and set, masculine with the gloss of beauty. She’d noticed before how perfect his features were, symmetrical and pleasing, especially when he smiled, but she didn’t account for the corresponding charisma and intelligence. And Christie had been right—he was more handsome than Duke, because not only did he have the looks, he had a keen intelligence and a gentle heart. He was a well-made man in all aspects—smart, kind, successful, and handsome.

  Her gaze drifted over those broad shoulders, remembering them without the shirt. His pecs had been glorious, leading down into the best six-pack she’d ever seen. And his skill at lovemaking—

  She cut off the image of him between her thighs, his body pushing her down into the mattress. She wasn’t ready for that memory. Or the pounding in her core.

  First she wanted to befriend the adult, get to know him. After that, they’d just have to see.

  Another image thrust itself into her head. His hands worked up her chest, slow and firm, cupping her breasts as his lips nibbled hers. His large and erect manhood found purchase within her, pushing in deeply. Filling her up. Sending bursts of pleasure throughout her body.

  She absently waved her hand to clear the image. When she thought of Mike, the adult, all she thought about was sex. Mikey, the boy, brought back memories of an awesome childhood. She needed to somehow strip away that line…

  “You look embarrassed. Thinking about my penis?” Mike’s voice permeated the tranquility of the night, his light humor riding his words.

  “You should be so lucky.” Kind of a weak comeback, but it was better than sputtering out a “Whaatt?” And way better than “Yes.”

  “I told you so—about that thirties horniness. Two-zero, Mikey has the lead on being right…”

  “Wow. You’re an idiot.”

  He huffed out a laugh. “Okay, well, I need to catch some rack.” He pushed away from the fire some, eyeing the water bottle at her feet. “Drink that water. I don’t want you getting dehydrated early. We’ll have serious problems if that happens on our hike tomorrow. Just be kind to the water bottle. We can use that.”

  She nodded, not about to argue when her tongue felt twice the normal size. She gulped it down greedily, and then gently, as if handling a precious vase, put the plastic bottle to the side with her fanny pack. “Snakes won’t crawl near the fire, will they?”

  “I’m not concerned about snakes. Bears and mountain lions are more of a threat. I banked the fire, though. And we’re closed off from the sides by trees and behind by the rock. We should be okay if we stay put.”

  She eyed the location of the fire and that of the rock. When he’d said they’d be protected, he meant if they were lying together, on his side of the fire. That he’d just scooted back, and lay on his side, was a pretty strong indicator where she was supposed to sleep.

  “I feel awkward,” she blurted. If he wanted honesty, he’d get it.

  “Well, I feel tired. Come here, little dogie Let’s cuddle.”

  She huffed as she crawled to the other side of the fire. “You do not sound masculine at the moment, Mr. Snuggles.”

  He grinned as she settled into the padding of dried leaves. As soon as she was in close proximity, he pushed forward and wrapped his arm around her middle. Her stomach flip-f
lopped as she was encompassed within his strength. She couldn’t help a smile and closing her eyes as his unique scent and the warmth of his body enveloped her.

  “My Mikey electric blanket,” she said, and sighed, wiggling further into his body.

  He curled just a little, his legs bending to match hers, so all his front was tight against her back. She felt his hot breath against the bare skin of her neck and turned her head a little, so her cheek touched his.

  “At least I was stranded with you,” she said softly, sparklers going off in her stomach. She didn’t know if it was the intense joy of having her best childhood friend squeezing her close, or remembering the body of the man, naked and glistening, moving over her in a rush of passion.

  As if Mike heard her thought, he ran his lips up her neck and over her face, giving her a light kiss at the corner of her mouth. “I wish we could’ve been cuddling in a different situation.”

  Her core tightened and heat burst through her body. She hugged his arm where it came around her and let her head fall, cutting off the intimacy in case it went any further. That line in her head separating the boy and the man was blurry, sure, but it was still there. She was a long way from comfortable with the sexual man behind her. Unfortunately, their predicament wouldn’t let her ignore it any longer.

  Chapter 14

  Mike blinked his eyes open as the sun sprinkled through the foliage above. His body ached with hunger and thirst, warning signs that life’s necessities were in short supply. He lifted his head and took in their surroundings, his eyes falling on the glimmering pool of water in the bottom of the water bottle.

  She hadn’t drunk it all. She’d left some for him.

  He smiled to himself, his heart swelling.

  This situation should be a cakewalk, but so far he’d never had a harder detail. He was anxious about her wellbeing. What he might endure without thought, he couldn’t imagine making her have to go through. Even now, his extreme thirst wasn’t enough to make him reach for that bottle and drain it. He’d take the rough road to ease her burden.