Surviving Love

by K. F. Breene

  “Excellent,” Mike said, leaning back on his elbows. “Pure excellence.”

  “Yup,” she said. “Although I’m still a little grossed out from killing the fish.”

  Mike flicked a piece of ash from his sweatshirt. “You have to get used to it. What I do is always thank the animal for my food. Whenever I kill something, I think of it as becoming part of me when I eat it. That way, it lives on through me.”

  “That’s very spiritual of you. And sweet. But I was more thinking along the lines of bashing the thing’s head in.”

  Mike laughed in big body chuckles. “Ah, I see.”

  “So now what?” she asked, glancing out at the clearing. “Wait for more trout?”

  “I was thinking of getting a proper shelter together. Something with walls to keep out the wind and some of the cold. Native Americans in this area used to make a wickiup, which is like a teepee or wigwam. Usually I would want to put it in the middle of that clearing with something human on the top, in case of rescue planes. Jake won’t send a plane, though—he’ll just hike down. So we’ll just camp right here with the trees around us.”

  “Got it. So when does the building start?”

  “Now-ish.”

  She tried not to moan as she got up. And failed.

  For the next few hours, Sara was dazzled by a level of survival skill that did not exist in ordinary people. Mike chopped branches with his knife and tied them together with vines, creating the frame of a teepee, or wickiup as he called it, nestled into the trees. With grasses and leafy branches, he created walls with a hole in the top for smoke to escape. The structure seemed simple once it had been erected, but as it was all natural, made with elements found in and around their area, it had her shaking her head in disbelief. She wouldn’t have been able to do it. Even after helping make it, she didn’t think she could do it again. The man had a gift.

  “Okay, I think that’ll do,” Mike said with his hands on his hips, surveying his handiwork. “It’ll be a bit warmer, so we can get a decent night’s sleep. It should also give us a little protection from the critters.”

  “So, as long as the trout keep coming down the stream, and the squirrels keep getting trapped in your snares, we’re good for a while.”

  “Exactly.” He turned to her with warm eyes, his arm coming around her shoulders and squeezing her close. “All three of us should be safe here for a while until I can get us back home.”

  Butterflies filled her stomach. Unexpectedly, the knot of worry that had twisted and coiled since their night together about what might lie ahead, and about how she would deal with it, unfurled into warmth. Warmth that infused her body. He was dead serious, and excited about the prospect of a family. Right now he was viewing the mistake as the best outcome to their night.

  She exhaled slowly.

  “Let’s go wash up,” she said quietly, stepping away from his warm body. “You stink.”

  “It’s all that teen spirit.” He laughed, his smile making his eyes sparkle. “I wish you had some, because you still smell like roses… not.”

  “That wasn’t even new when we were kids.”

  He laughed harder, delighted. She blinked at those beautiful eyes in his classically handsome face. She couldn’t help a grin. “Where did your good looks come from? I remember your dad being ugly.”

  His laughter doubled over into big body chuckles as he led the way to the stream. “He was a looker in his youth. Or so my mom said. I think you’re just responding to his winning personality.”

  “And when was the last time you spoke to him?”

  Mike shook his head, walking up toward the fish trap. “Years. We don’t get along. Never have, really. There’s only so many times you can hear that you’re terrible at everything. That your brothers are better. That you’ll never amount to anything.”

  “Even though you have all your accomplishments under your belt?”

  “I didn’t go into the family business, so therefore my choices were less than adequate.”

  “Do you talk to your brothers?”

  Mike nodded as he glanced down at the empty trap. “We’re still pretty close. We see each other for holidays and whatnot. No fish. Damn.”

  Sara walked downstream a ways before bending to the cold water. “I could really use a change of clothes.”

  “And underwear. My balls are sweaty.”

  Sara choked on her spit as the laughter gushed out unexpectedly. “Gross! Why did you feel the need to share that?”

  “What? You don’t want the intimate details of my hygiene?”

  “Just when I was starting to reconcile to the fact that you’re all grown up, you say things like that.”

  “That’s your bad for thinking adult has to mean mature. Not my fault.” Mike bent next to her with a crooked grin, washing the dirt from his hands. “I still love fart jokes, by the way. Just so you know.”

  She shook her head and grinned. “Such a douche.”

  “Lovable douche, though. Sexpot.”

  “Oh, really? Says who, you?”

  “I’ve won the most desirable bachelor, or didn’t Christie tell you? Locked it down. It helped that Duke is such a creep. For a second there, I thought I’d have to get in a flexing competition with him. You know, point to objects with a flexed bicep, or yawn with jumping pecs.”

  “Yawn with jumping pecs…” Sara laughed, staring at him like he had a third eye. “What does that even mean?”

  “You know…” He lifted up his sweater and shirt, revealing his cut chest. It could’ve been chipped from stone by a master, it was so perfect. One pec flexed, then relaxed. The other pec flexed, then relaxed. Back and forth the muscles danced.

  Without thinking, she reached out and dragged one finger down the center of his six-pack, tracing the smooth skin down to his belt line. His pecs stopped moving, his abs flexing unconsciously, reacting to her touch. She laid her palm against him and slid her hand up the bumpy muscle to his heart. Pausing, she felt the pounding in his chest, speeding up the longer her palm lingered.

  Her eyes met his. Their gazes locked. The surroundings fell away. His eyes hooded, his head bending to her. Her mouth went dry, wanting it. Wanting the kiss. Feeling the warmth in her chest and his comfort. Feeling like a part of a whole, and wanting to experience it for real this time. With her whole heart.

  “We should get back,” he said softly, his breath ruffling her lashes. His eyes roamed her face before training on her lips. “Maybe go get some more vegetables. I think I can rig up a pot to cook some nettles.”

  He let go of his shirt, the fabric cascading over her hand. He slid his palms from her shoulders to her elbows and gently squeezed. “I love you, Sara. With everything I have, I love you. Now more than ever. Your life’s disappointments define you just as much as your successes. And I love the whole package. I love what you were, and what you’ve become. I love that you’re a fighter. You’re a woman I can be proud of. Your beauty takes my breath away. Our chemistry singes my heart. Our lovemaking boils my blood.”

  He took a steady breath, his eyes soft and deep. “But I don’t want to rush you. I don’t want you to get confused and go running. So let’s wait.”

  “Yikes. Spent a lot of time rejecting women, huh?” she replied, part of her relieved. But the other part sparking with determination.

  A smile ghosted his lips. “Not women as beautiful as you, no. And certainly not as often as you’ve been rejecting me.”

  “It’s good for you.” She sighed, falling forward against his chest and throwing her arms around his waist. “Keeps that huge ego in check.”

  “Yes, you’ve always been the keeper of knocking down my massive ego. Thank ye kindly. It’s a real treat.”

  She laughed as his arms came around her.

  “Let’s go get some food,” she said into his chest. “I’m not hungry, but I have a feeling it isn’t far off.”

  “It never is when you’re surviving. Although one time I was in the tropics hiking down the
mountain to the coastline. There were bananas galore. They weren’t always ripe, but they were plentiful. I was never hungry, but by the end of that trip, I never wanted to see a banana again. Still don’t eat them.”

  “I’d kill for a banana.”

  “They don’t grow in this part of the world.”

  Sara pushed away from him with a put-upon scowl. “Thank you, Mr. Wizard. I hadn’t realized that.”

  “Yes. Kind of daft of you, but you’re a woman. There you go.”

  “And you’re going to get a foot up your butt. So there you go.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not worried. With your balance, you’d probably fall backwards into the stream, then I’d get to see you naked again.”

  “Oh, just shut up.”

  He snickered as he followed her up the ravine, hand on the small of her back so she made it up okay. They walked back in a comfortable silence, not hurried, because really, where did they have to be? As they entered the clearing leading toward their temporary home, Sara stopped suddenly, cold washing through her middle.

  “Get behind me,” Mike said suddenly, swinging her behind him as he stepped forward, but not before snatching the bear spray from her hand.

  On the other side of the clearing, sniffing the ground, lumbered a massive black bear.

  Chapter 17

  The shaggy head came up from the ground, staring right at them. It took two steps, its body swinging around to face them.

  “Whatever you do, don’t run, Sara,” Mike warned as he flicked the safety valve on the bear spray and held it up.

  Running, yes. She did really want to do that. Fortunately for their wellbeing, she stood frozen, panic nibbling at her. The bear, over three feet high at the shoulder, was only separated from them by twenty feet of empty space.

  Mike’s arms separated from his body, up and to the sides, as he tried to make himself look bigger. Bristling from head to toe, not unlike the bear, he faced off. Judging by his confident bearing, he clearly thought he was the top of the food chain.

  “Hey!” Mike shouted.

  “What are you doing yelling at it—”

  The bear pushed up to its hind legs, now over six feet tall. Staring at them.

  “Oh shit, you pissed it off,” Sara moaned. Panic flared into flight reflex. Everything in her said run. Really fast. In the other direction. Her breath came in fast pants. Her limbs starting tingling in warning.

  “He’s just checking us out,” Mike said, an edge creeping into his voice. The bear spray came back in front of his body. “Hey!”

  “We’re upwind,” Sara whined, her feet feeling like jumping beans, wanting to get moving.

  “Yup. It’s just catching our scent. Figuring us out. These guys are omnivores and more docile than grizzlies. If we don’t act like prey, it should get tired of us.”

  “I get not acting like prey, but don’t challenge it,” Sara said through clenched teeth.

  The bear lowered back down, sniffing.

  “If he lowers his head, I want you to start walking backwards slowly, do you hear me?” Mike said in a low voice, his muscles going taut. “It means he’s likely to come after us. This spray has a good ten-foot reach. I’ll get its face, but I want you to get gone. Do you understand?”

  “I thought you said twenty?” she said quietly.

  “Sara…”

  “Not arguing,” Sara replied in a breathless whisper.

  A deep huff rumbled out of the furry creature, its head swinging back toward the shelter. It took a couple steps.

  “It’s going for our teepee!” Sara said in panic.

  “It can have the shelter. As long as it doesn’t come for us.”

  Sara nodded, shaking out fingers that felt like they were crawling with ants.

  The bear took a couple more steps, sniffing around the perimeter of the camp, but steering clear of the smoldering fire in front of the wickiup. It snuffled the ground in a few more places, and glanced up at Sara and Mike one last time before shambling away back into the trees.

  All the air left Sara’s lungs. She hopped in place, trying to still the manic impulse to get the hell out of there. But where would she go? This place had a ton of bears, not to mention other large predators, and nowhere to hide. No doors to lock. That fire and Mikey were the only things that would keep her safe.

  She took a step toward him, grabbing his hips.

  “I would say that that was a very scary moment,” he said in a dry voice.

  “You scared means me flipping out, FIY.”

  He huffed out a laugh. “F-I-Y… still funny.”

  “What would you have done if you’d seen a bear without the spray?”

  Mike took a big breath and glanced around the clearing. His eyes landed on hers. “Everything I did just there, except without the spray. A bear won’t charge normally, unless you’re between mother and cub. Since we came from the other direction and didn’t run into a cub, and that bear was on the larger side of the species, indicating a male, I figured that wasn’t in the equation. Still, they usually bugger off a lot faster than that.”

  “It probably smelled the fish.”

  “Probably. Good timing, erecting that shelter. Very good timing. Phew. That got my blood pumping.”

  Sara nodded, hands still touching Mike. She had a feeling he’d just inherited a Sara-sized cape. She did not plan to wander away from him again. Not after that. Without him there to take charge, she would’ve run, and shortly thereafter, probably worn a fur coat equipped with sharp teeth and claws. Not the way to stay alive.

  “Okay, let’s add some wood to that fire, and then get some vegetables.” Mike headed off toward the shelter with a steady voice and sure step.

  How did he do it? She was still shaking from head to toe. Adrenaline had her heart pumping and her brow sweating. She needed to sit down and moan while rocking back and forth. Or have a beer. Or some Valium. Anything to relax after that.

  Shaking her head, she followed. What else was she going to do? Stand around in the middle of the clearing without her incredibly competent bodyguard? Not a chance.

  * * *

  The car idled at the end of the driveway, the back stuffed with luggage and boys. Pam, Mikey’s mom, stood with Denise, as they hugged and said their farewells. Sara and Mikey stood off to the side, cut off from everyone else by a giant tree.

  Mikey stared down into Sara’s panicked eyes with his spun honey rimmed in lush black lashes, calm and resolute. “This is only for now, okay? This is only until I’m old enough to find you again.”

  “Find me again? It’s not like I’m going anywhere. I’m the one left behind.”

  Mikey held up his hand, palm out. She put her palm to his and intertwined their fingers. Tears drowned her eyes as he said, “This isn’t goodbye, it’s see you on the flip side.”

  “The flip side of what, Mikey? The moon? Don’t be weird right now; this is serious. I don’t have any friends besides you. Not really. Who’s going to come over when I have a crisis, or when I’m freaking out and need a dose of reality?”

  He smiled and leaned down. His face, thinner than a few years ago, burning off that baby fat, got close to hers. So close. His breath mingled with hers. A strange vibration started deep in her body, connecting with his hand, connecting to her heart.

  “Please, Mikey, don’t leave me. Please,” she whispered.

  “Only for now.” His lips touched hers, sweet and soft. “Only for now, Sara, okay? Don’t forget about me. You’ll be in my heart always. In a couple years, when you feel for me how I feel for you, then we’ll figure it out. We’ll find each other, okay? I’m going to marry you.”

  She leaned into him, stealing as much of his warmth as she could. Trying to memorize his smell. Trying to figure out what she’d do when he left.

  The landscape changed. Hazy. Dreamlike.

  They were in that clearing with the bear facing them. A fierce growl rumbled through the space, seeping into Sara’s nerves. Mikey stood in front of
her, the boy of fourteen grown now, the cheekbones and strong features that were just budding when he left now fully transformed into the man he’d become. He turned to her, those spun-honey eyes touching her soul.

  Lightning cracked behind him, the day blending immediately into night. Thunder rumbled, turning into that growl. Larger than life.

  “It’ll be okay, Sara,” Mikey said in a low tone. “It’s not forever.”

  He turned back, muscles bulging on his six-foot-two-inch frame. The bear charged, lumbering at him faster than an animal of that size should. Mikey braced, hands out, ready to take it on so Sara wouldn’t have to.

  “Walk away, Sara. Walk away from it. I’ll handle it. You’re safe.” He braced himself.

  Another growl tore through the clearing. The bear lurched forward, huge paw ripping through the air. Claws flashed toward Mikey’s face. A gunshot blast sounded out of nowhere. Loss overwhelmed her, scouring her insides and eating her like acid.

  Mikey’s face looked at her from his father’s car window.

  * * *

  Sara burst upward, turning inside the dark wickiup. Sobs caught in her throat as she reached for Mikey, eyes homing in on his face, softly illuminated by the fire.

  His eyes blinked open at the movement. A second later he was fully alert, rising with her.

  “What is it?” he asked in a hush, eyes roaming her face. “Did you hear something?”

  “Please don’t leave me,” she begged, the ragged pain from the dream mixing with her memories. “You leaving when we were kids killed me. I didn’t want to eat for months. I didn’t go to bed for years without thinking about you. I’ve never been lonelier than that time—even when Phil left. You were the first guy that broke my heart, Mikey. The very first. You were my first love, not Phil. I only just realized, but… it was you.”

  He pulled her into his chest and tucked her head beneath his chin. “Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t have a choice then. I have a choice now. I’m here to stay, okay? Forever.”