No Such Thing As Immortality

by Sarah Tranter

  ‘Do they exist?’ I demanded.

  ‘I don’t know, Nate – I really don’t. There’s always been talk of them and Fergus mentioned something about them in passing, but refused to expand or speculate on what he thought Aunty Hetty and Rosie were. All I can say is, it’s … possible.’

  ‘Faeries! You are seriously talking about faeries here?’ Frederick shook his head, as if we’d lost our minds.

  ‘The Fey – and it’s just a suggestion,’ Madeleine clarified. ‘We don’t know for sure they even exist – and certainly not whether that’s what Aunty Hetty is … or Simeon Frey.’

  Elizabeth was in my head. I knew she had been watching me closely. ‘Nathaniel – don’t panic. We don’t know he isn’t human, or that he was involved before. Please, Nate,’ she pleaded.

  Frederick tried, too. ‘Just because something strange-scented was involved in the death of her parents, and something strange-scented has now turned up to hurt Rowan—’ He stopped abruptly, as Elizabeth snarled at him. He said meekly now, ‘I’m sorry, that didn’t sound quite as reassuring as I wanted it to.’

  ‘Nate …’ James growled urgently.

  But it was too late. None of their words saved Elizabeth’s near priceless grand piano, previously owned by Beethoven himself, from my fist – before I disappeared out of the window with a tormented roar.

  The instrument’s harsh metallic death-cry resounded long after I had made my exit. But the destruction did nothing to suppress the wrath raging through me. Every part of my body was shuddering with its force. Before out of earshot, I heard through the ringing now spiralling out of control in my ears, James’ concerned voice, ‘I think he took that rather well … considering.’

  I was letting my rage flare. I couldn’t let the blind terror that kept seeping through take hold. If it did, I would be of no use to Rowan at all.

  What if there was a greater risk to Rowan than I? Could she be the target of a creature that had managed to kill an immortal? She had my protection, and would forever, but what if my protection wasn’t enough?

  It was Rowan’s rooftop I escaped to. I was in desperate need of hearing her calming, hypnotic night-time breathing. And it worked to a degree. It allowed me to reach a point where I could apply some kind of reason. Nothing was confirmed. This could be a simple overreaction … and it wouldn’t be the first. But assuming it wasn’t, assuming my instinct that Rowan was in great danger, was correct … I would NEVER let anything happen to her. I would be strong enough to protect her. I had to be. I was a vampire, for Christ’s sake … a fanatically obsessed, lovesick one at that. I would protect Rowan with my very being.

  Rowan was returning to work on Monday and I would implement my plans for protecting her from Frey. Then I would dispose of him permanently. I would not have him on the same planet as Rowan: I couldn’t take that risk. I would return to the house tonight and finish the meeting, but then, until Frey was out of the picture, I wasn’t leaving her side.

  When I flew through the open town-house window just before dawn, they were in pretty much the same positions as I had left them. The evidence of my loss of temper had been cleared away though. Not a single splinter of wood was distinguishable in the plush Wilton carpet, and the fire was roaring strongly; its basket of kindling, overflowing.

  I looked at Elizabeth remorsefully. ‘I am sorry, sweetheart. I will attempt to replace it.’

  She replied to me as silently as I had spoken, ‘There are more important things to concentrate on presently. But I will hold you to it when all this gets sorted. And it will get sorted. Rowan will be fine.’

  Frederick spoke out loud first and was impassioned. ‘We don’t know it yet, but if Rowan is a target, I’m pledging you my full support – whoever the smelly critters might be! We won’t let anything happen to her, Nate.’

  Sounds of agreement echoed around the room.

  ‘But I stand by what I’ve always said … of all the girls to bloody well fall for!’ James added, with a grin.

  I smiled wryly. ‘Thank you, but as you said, we do not know yet.’ I prayed I had overreacted, because if I hadn’t, there was a dead vampire in the equation, and this was my family. How could I put them at risk … but how could I not, where Rowan was concerned?

  I took a deep shuddery breath and reflected how my existence was now unrecognisable from what it had been only a matter of weeks earlier. How Rowan’s presence in my ‘life’ …

  My thoughts were abruptly interrupted.

  ‘NOOOOOOOOO!’ James roared, incredulously.

  ‘SHITTTTTT!’ Frederick hissed delightedly, jumping to his feet.

  ‘Oh, dear!’ Madeleine muttered.

  Elizabeth gasped, before she screeched, ‘Nate – it wasn’t me!’ She brought her knees to her chest and covered her face with her hands.

  Bugger! Just as I thought things could get no worse, my guard had slipped.

  ‘Barney the WHAT? – Mama Mia! – Hamleys? – A HORNY KISS! – You dirty bugger! After everything you said to me …’

  ‘I always thought you’d be the weakest link!’ Elizabeth cried. ‘And it’s me now in trouble, thank you very much …’

  Frederick had stopped in his tracks and was staring at Elizabeth in horror. ‘ADOPTION?’ he roared.

  My head was in my hands.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Little Human Children

  ‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ Rowan asked, for the third time. We were sat on a shaded bench, at the bottom of Clare and Mark’s Wiltshire back garden.

  ‘Yes, of course,’ I replied, for the third time, before choosing to change my answer. ‘Actually, no I am not! They were evil. Evil little demons, disguised as human children.’ I was still trying to come to terms with what had just happened. It was beyond humiliating. How the hell had a group of little human children succeeded in terrifying a two-hundred-year-old vampire, technically in his physical prime?

  ‘And you can stop laughing Rowan, right now!’ I said, in response to her latest bout of mirth. ‘They floored me in a rugby tackle, for Christ’s sake! All twenty-seven of them! They stamped all over me when I was down and tried to pull my head off. There was no concept of fair play at all. They used everything: teeth, nails, fists, elbows, knees, heads, feet … and the girls were the evilest of them all. They actually found a tear in the costume, and they tried to pinch!’

  ‘It was the feet,’ she said solemnly. ‘I warned you about the feet last night …’ There was no mistaking the fact her shoulders had started to shake again. But I didn’t need to see it. I could feel how amused she was by the whole situation. It was resulting in the most bizarre cocktail of sensations for me to deal with: her mirth, mixed with my horror and humiliation … and relief. Immense relief. Had I given into the momentary urges to attack or take to the air and flee, the party would have been particularly memorable.

  ‘Barney the Dinosaur’s feet aren’t the best design for a quick getaway,’ she managed to splutter out before exploding into peals of laughter, doubling up and clutching her sides. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she gasped. ‘I’ll be okay in a minute.’

  ‘Well, at least one of us will. I have been scarred for eter … ever more. And you … you bursting into hysterical laughter every time you so much as look at me. I am not even in costume now!’

  ‘I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just keep seeing … Oh God! – I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in my life.’

  ‘And that should make me feel better?’

  ‘You should have growled at them earlier,’ Rowan managed to choke out.

  ‘You heard that did you?’

  ‘Yep. You were really in character.’ She took a moment to gain enough control to get the next words out. ‘Why didn’t you do what Mark did?’

  ‘You mean run? The feet, Rowan, the feet …’ I paused to allow her an opportunity to recover before continuing, ‘If you failed to notice, Mark, damn him, was not seven foot and purple, with giant bulbous feet and a deranged grin
, but simply had a mask over his face and a tail, if that’s what you could call that ridiculous little thing, attached to his bloody waist!’ I shook my head. I had lost her again. And by the looks of her, she wasn’t going to emerge capable of saying anything for several minutes.

  I looked away, taking in the inflatable bouncy castle, balloons and bunting, yet more firsts for me, and chuckled. Yes, it was humiliating. Bloody humiliating. But Rowan was happy. And at least it had got my mind off Simeon Frey. I immediately purged him from my head. Now was not the time.

  ‘I’m sorry about Mark,’ she finally said. I reached over to wipe away her tears of laughter with my fingers. She beamed. ‘Clare called to say he’d put his foot down and—’

  ‘You knew?’ It was my turn to splutter now.

  ‘I’m sorry! I truly am. Clare may have tipped me off, but … you’re going to growl again, aren’t you?’

  ‘I believe it is my bite you need to look out for, Rowan.’

  She raised her eyebrows, suggestively. I looked away and gulped, before replying, ‘And we discussed that last night.’

  ‘Mmmm, I know. But you never told me where you’d learned to kiss like that!’

  ‘Rowan …’

  ‘Oooooo. That was very nearly a growl.’

  I turned to look at her again and shook my head, but couldn’t help the soft laugh. ‘What am I going to do with you?’

  ‘Well, I’ve a few suggestions that—’

  ‘Rowan …’ I warned. ‘You really are going to be my undoing, you know.’

  ‘Funny you should say that, one of my suggestions included …’

  I couldn’t help it. I bent over and gave her the tiniest peck on the lips, before I moved my head quickly away. ‘I did it for you, you know.’

  ‘I know. And thank you. But can you please stop making me feel so guilty?’

  ‘That is your conscience, Rowan. Not me.’ I grinned.

  ‘Possibly … You know, Clare and Mark really like you! Mark was prepared to despise you because Clare’s not stopped talking about you. But even he likes you. He says he found you quite formidable to begin with – an “aura of power” was the way he put it – but actually, once he got over that, he couldn’t help but genuinely warm to you.’

  I was relieved. I had been putting a lot of effort into being more agreeable. And small-talk wasn’t that bad. All it required was a modicum of effort. I had, surprisingly, found myself enjoying the conversations that had ensued, as they so often involved mention of Rowan.

  ‘They mean a lot to you, do they not?’ I reflected aloud.

  ‘Mmmm … and of course little Nathan and Tom. Thank you so much for Tom’s present. It was so generous, and he adores it!’

  I could hear his laughter from inside the house now. He had abandoned the bouncy castle immediately on spotting the Hamleys’ purchase, and hadn’t voluntarily been off it since. He had even had a tantrum when forced to leave it, to join the table to have his birthday tea.

  ‘Well, I am unable to take the credit for that. I wouldn’t have begun to know what to buy. It was Elizabeth’s choice.’

  ‘You will thank her for us, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course. She will be delighted it was received so well.’

  ‘Am I ever going to get to meet her?’ Rowan asked gingerly, and I could feel her nerves.

  I turned to look at her. ‘Would you like to?’

  ‘I would love to,’ she said eagerly, meeting my eyes.

  I grinned. ‘Then we should see what we can arrange.’ I will do the right thing. I will. What harm could it do? Elizabeth would be ecstatic. And the idea of them meeting … it made me feel … God, I knew not; it just seemed right, somehow. They would get on, I knew that. Probably too well, I reflected.

  ‘Aunty Rowan, Uncle Nathaniel! Mummy wants to know if you want a plate of food.’ Nathan’s yell was hard to miss, as he bounded down the garden, leaping over stray balloons, to reach us.

  All I could do was observe his interaction with Rowan, when he had finally lifted himself up from the grass he had so dramatically dived upon. The ‘Uncle’ bit had left me … stunned, and I couldn’t quite identify how it made me feel. It was a new one for me.

  ‘I thought you told me you were too old for this,’ Rowan chuckled, as a giggling and squealing Nathan reacted to her tickles. It was plain to see Rowan was a natural and would make a wonderful mother … as would Elizabeth. And the thought caused me so much pain.

  ‘Nathan!’ Clare called from the house.

  ‘Tell Mummy not to worry, we’ll be in soon,’ Rowan said, pivoting him in the direction of the house. He took a step forward, before pausing and slowly turning.

  ‘Uncle Nathaniel?’ Was he talking to me? From the fact his eyes were now fixed intently on mine, I could only assume so. I raised my eyebrows. ‘Uncle Nathaniel?’ he asked again.

  ‘Yes … Nathan.’

  ‘Mummy told me it was rude to ask … but I’m not being rude. And you really don’t have to tell Mummy I’ve asked, if you really don’t want to …’

  ‘Asked what?’ Rowan piped up.

  ‘Uncle Nathaniel … can I have a ride in your car? Please! It is the coolest car I have ever seen. It’s better than the Batmobile and Spiderman’s and— And when you don’t want it anymore, and when I am a man, can I have it?’

  I looked at Rowan and we both grinned. My excursion to Hamleys had at least ensured I knew what he was making reference to. I had ventured out in my car for the first time today. It had been quite a traumatic day, all in all. But what was the right answer to give this little human boy? ‘Umm. Perhaps you would like to advise your mother … I said yes, if it is, of course, acceptable to her.’

  He looked puzzled and looked from me to Rowan.

  ‘Acceptable – it means okay,’ Rowan added, whilst grinning at me. I shook my head. I had never had to talk to a twenty-first-century mortal boy before and didn’t think I had done too badly.

  ‘Yesssss!!!’ he squealed. ‘Thank you, Uncle Nathaniel. You’re the best!’ After giving me a rapid hug, that caught me completely unawares, he ran back up the garden crying out, ‘Mummy, Mummy! He said YES!’

  ‘He’s going to be in so much trouble now,’ Rowan predicted. ‘And you’re off the hook. There’s no way Clare will let him in your car today, after she specifically told him not to ask … Cute though, wouldn’t you say?’

  I wasn’t sure what I called it. It was all pretty overwhelming. And before I knew it, I had asked the question, ‘Would you like children of your own?’ I immediately regretted it.

  Nevertheless, I watched Rowan’s reaction closely. She paused before saying, ‘Do you know … I really don’t know. Perhaps when the time’s right.’ Her eyes deliberately didn’t meet mine, but chose to focus on her nails, which she had begun to examine intently.

  My thoughts travelled to my own haunting images of our children playing at Ridings. I shut my eyes for a moment, in the inane hope of dispelling them.

  ‘I do enjoy my freedom though, and there’s obviously the issue of work, but actually, I rather like the idea of adopting. With both myself and Clare adopted, I don’t know, it just might seem appropriate … or perhaps a mixture. I’m not sure. I really haven’t thought about it a great deal.’

  What was it with this current obsession with adopting?

  Looking at the ground now, she asked hesitantly, but attempting to sound casual, ‘Would you like children one day?’

  Why had I asked the damned question? I had promised to be honest with her. But the repercussions of this …? Bloody, Bloody, Bloody Hell!

  But she should know. She was mortal, for Christ’s sake, and had a right to a normal human life and I simply couldn’t give her that. I had no choice.

  I shut my eyes, took a deep breath, and prayed I could find the strength to finally do one right thing. I spoke after too long a pause. The distress in my voice evident, ‘I am …’ I had to do it. ‘I am unable to father children. It has never before been an iss
ue for me, but now I wish with all my heart, it was not the case.’

  I could feel Rowan’s shock and pain and it amplified my own. Had I just lost her? It had been the right thing to do … but why did it feel so wrong? I barely resisted the urge to curl up into a foetal position.

  She reached out for my hand and stroked it gently with her thumb. ‘Nate, I’m so sorry. That must be so hard for you, so painful. I am so sorry. I really don’t know what to say to comfort you … Nate, open your eyes and look at me. Why is it something you regret now? Nate? Please open your eyes.’

  I obliged, but wasn’t sure how my shroud could possibly be effective with the degree of emotion currently rushing through me. My voice was raw. ‘You know I want to give you everything you could possibly want and deserve, but I simply cannot. I am not able to give you the normal life you are entitled to. I do not think I can give you any life at all!’

  Moving closer to me, she gently placed her hands on either side of my cold face and looked intently into my eyes. Her warming breath caressed me. ‘I feel pain for you, I really do. But don’t for one moment think this changes the way I feel about you. There is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world that could ever change that. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Ever!’

  ‘You cannot mean that. You do not even know what I am! If you knew—’

  She interrupted quickly. ‘I know who you are. And for the moment that’s enough. How could I not love you, for who you are?’

  Dear God, what had I done? I spoke urgently now. ‘Rowan, listen to me. I do not deserve to be loved. This was not meant to happen. This cannot—’

  ‘Well it has. And don’t you ever talk about not deserving to be loved!’

  I was shaking my head, but I simply didn’t know what to say. She loved me? I had so selfishly ploughed onwards and spared no thought at all for the repercussions on Rowan. All I had worried about was not physically hurting her. But now … Aunty Hetty had known. ‘Don’t break her heart,’ she had said. And that was exactly what I was going to end up doing. Not because I wanted to, but because it was inevitable. Whichever way I went … walking away or, God forbid, telling her what I was. It would be the end.