Accent Hussy (It Had 2 B U)

by V. Kelly

  “I was just curious as to what yar doing here still?” he states, walking a little closer to the desk. His close proximity makes my mouth move faster than my mind.

  “You’re gorgeous,” I blurt, covering my mouth to laugh off the brashness of my come on. “What I mean is, you’re hot. If you were a food I would gobble up every morsel of you.” My vocal chords flood with Irish inflections. Sometimes, I can’t control it. Obviously, I can’t control my mouth either. It’s moving a mile a minute and saying things I don’t realize I’m thinking until it’s too late.

  “Gobble me up?” He’s smiling, that sideways curl of his mouth is stretching to his ears with my sorry excuse for picking him up.

  “I’m sorry, sometimes I have no control over my mouth.”

  “That’s okay, I like controlling lass’ mouths.” Ugh, could he get any hotter? He moves to my side and I can smell him; this time, he smells like potatoes. I never thought the smell of a root vegetable would get me going, but I’m practically spreading my legs for him.

  “I like a good flirt, Everly, but don’t you have a beau?”

  He means Caleb, and fuck no we are not dating!

  “No, he’s just annoying.”

  “Ah, I see. Well, he made it seem that ye was together.”

  “Yeah, he’s an idiot. He has no chance whatsoever with me. You on the other hand . . .”

  He laughs; when he laughs I’m like a towel, soaking up his sexiness and hanging on his every word. This man has me by the tits. Now I just need to convince him to grab my tits literally. “So if yar single, then, would you like to . . .”

  “Yes! Whatever it is, definitely yes!”

  He grins. “Get a bite to eat together,” he finishes. “Tomorrow I have the day off. There’s a new Irish pub I’m dying to try out.”

  “Sounds great!”

  “I don’t have a car. Can we maybe take yars?” he asks, those brown eyes pleading for a yes. Who could say no to that face? Or that voice? Whatever he wants, he’s going to get.

  “Sure, I have a Honda Civic. It’s small, but gets the job done.”

  “Very well, I’m looking forward to our outing. Swing by here to get me around seven?” What a gentleman. Our outing. How adorable!

  “Absolutely,” I say a little too enthusiastic.

  He winks at me as he leaves the room. I watch his ass until he’s out the door. The minute it closes, I do one of those girlish squeals. I nabbed the Irish hottie. If I could do cartwheels . . . well, I’d be cartwheeling all over my office.

  My phone chirps. I’m so ecstatic I forget to check who’s calling before I answer. “Hello!” I answer with way too much enthusiasm.

  “What a welcome. So much better than your usual bitch-laced sarcasm I’ve grown accustomed to.” It’s fucking Caleb.

  “How’d you get my number?”

  “I may have commandeered your phone and called my number with it while you were taking a shower in Vegas.”

  “Isn’t that stealing?”

  “Nah, it’s just simply acquiring something my heart desires.” I try not to smile, but I do.

  “What do you want, Caleb?” I growl.

  “There it is! There’s the girl I know and love. I was wondering if you would want to do dinner tomorrow night. My treat.”

  My heart, for some odd reason, does a tiny minuscule, back flip when he says the word love. Stupid heart. Stop trying to be an acrobat.

  “I have a date,” I reply smugly.

  “You have a what?” I notice his voice is a mixture of shock and amusement.

  “A date. You know, one of those things you do with people that you actually want to spend time with. Dinner, dancing, whatever. A date.”

  “With who? Don’t tell me it’s that Irish suck bag you work with.”

  “And what if it is?”

  “He’s bad news, Everly. I don’t have a good feeling about him.”

  I’m rolling my eyes again. I do that a lot when Caleb bugs me. It’s none of his business who I date. I definitely don’t care that he doesn’t approve. If anything, that makes me want to spite him even more.

  “Well, it’s a good thing that I’m the one dating him and not you, because I have a great feeling about him.” I make sure to jab him with the great. Caleb is under this weird assumption, just because we’ve slept together a few times, he’s the ruler of my vagina. Sorry dude, nobody rules my vagina but me!

  “Everly, why don’t you just admit that you and I are meant to be together and stop wasting time with this asshole? I’m tired of you playing these games with me. There are numerous girls out there that would be dying to be in your shoes.”

  “They can have my shoes; the current pair I’m wearing are one-size too small and pinch my toes. Make it easy on both of us, Caleb. Find a girl and just forget we even messed around. I don’t know how many times I can tell you I’m not interested, but guess what, here’s number four million and two . . . I. DON’T. WANT. TO. BE. WITH. YOU!”

  “Fine, but don’t come crawling to me when your Irish Romeo breaks your heart. I’m done.”

  “Good,” I yell.

  “Good,” he repeats. “Just so we are both clear. We’re done here, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “No more sex?”

  “Caleb . . .”

  “What? I just want to make sure we are fully done, because to me, that would mean no more random hook ups, like the one in Vegas or the other night at the party. Don’t you agree? Unless you aren’t really done, then maybe we should put a clause in this done thing that states in the case of a random hook-up all goodbyes are not final.”

  “Caleb, I swear to god, if you don’t stop bothering me, I’m going to file charges against you.”

  “Just admit one thing and I will leave you alone forever.”

  “What?”

  “You like me, don’t you?”

  I can almost picture that shit-eating grin of his on the other line. I love that damn smile. That small bit of attraction I still have towards him is just enough to fuel my hostility. This sexy, alpha asshole has an uncanny way of messing with my head. It’s time to finally put all thoughts of Caleb right where they belong, the garbage disposal! They can stay there with last week’s dish scrapings and remnants of that little pink, plastic ring I lost down the drain when I was five.

  “No Caleb, I can honestly say, with conviction, enthusiasm, and complete honesty. I HATE CALEB CONAWAY. Now leave me the hell alone.” I hang up the phone and throw it down on my desk. I’m not sure how Caleb got so good at driving me insane, but he’s made an art of it. Luckily, I come fully equipped with paint thinner, and I’m hell bent on erasing any memory of Caleb Conaway for good.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I was antsy the entire day. In my head, I’ve built up this date with Keegan. He’s everything I want in a man and more. I’m expecting romance and charm. He’ll be one of those mythological guys that open doors for you, brings you flowers that have to be put in a vase right away, and give you hours of conversation. Even if we are planning a dinner at an Irish pub, the idea of going on an actual date with Keegan is quite exhilarating. I know I’m in for the time of my life tonight. I hope that it ends with me waking up in his arms and a long future together.

  I’m at the gym at six o’clock, because I have to prepare the office deposit and file some paperwork. The gym’s busiest time is around seven.I can hear the clanging of weights as they’re shifted in the gym, the pounding of feet as they run around the track on the second floor, and the Zumba class going on in the next room. I’m so consumed with my work that I don’t even hear Keegan enter my office.

  “Hallo, Everly, are ye ready?”

  A gigantic smile forms on my face and I look up. Keegan is standing in the doorway. He grins and crosses his arms, making the leather coat he’s wearing crinkle.

  “Yeah, just give me one second. I have to put this away.” I finish counting the last dollar of the deposit, put it in an envelope and open the
safe to put it away.

  When I turn back around, Keegan is near my desk, sifting through paperwork. We make eye contact, causing me to blush which only makes that gorgeous smirk of his form again.

  “Shall we go?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, I be famished.”

  I wait a few seconds to see if he brought me flowers or something, but he just walks out the door. I sigh and follow him out, locking the office door behind me.

  Walking through the gym, I say hello to all the regulars, and purposely ignore the pointed look I’m getting from Caleb who’s running on a nearby treadmill.

  “Hi, Everly,” he shouts after me. “GOODBYE, Everly,” he says, emphasizing the word goodbye as I keep walking. I can feel the finality of the word digging beneath my skin. Going out with Keegan tonight should solidify my words to Caleb on the phone last night. Done means done—no more random hookups, no more chance encounters. Tonight, I am taking one step into my future and scoring myself some Irish hotness in the process. All I need is for the rest of the night to go exactly how I envisioned and all will be right in the world.

  As we approach the front door, I’m silently anticipating that gentleman moment to happen. The door will open, he will hold it for me, I’ll walk through it, catching his gaze as I go; that instant chemistry will happen, neither of us will keep our hands off each other all night long, and in a couple months, I will be able to call him mine for good.

  Yup, that’s exactly how I envisioned the next two minutes would play out. What I didn’t expect was for him to open the door, let it slam behind him and me walking right into the fucking glass like a god-damn loser.

  “Are you okay?” Caleb asks, he’s at my side before Keegan even realizes I’m not behind him. The minute his hand reaches my bare skin, I can feel the tiny pinpricks of heat that electrify between us. I hate how responsive my body is to him.

  “I’m fine,” I growl.

  “You look like an idiot chasing after that loser. He didn’t even hold the damn door open for you.”

  “Last time I checked, Caleb, I didn’t ask for your opinion.” He reaches down to help me up, but I swat his hand away. The door opens and Keegan races to my side.

  “I’m sorry, Everly. I thought you had the door.” Keegan takes my hand and helps me to my feet. This time there’s no electricity or heat, just cold palms and clammy fingers. Yuck!

  He looks over at Caleb and smiles. “Thanks, lad, I got ‘er from here.”

  “Douche,” Caleb mumbles under his breath. “Are you sure you’re okay, Everly?”

  “Yes, now go away.”

  “With pleasure,” Caleb says. “You might want to get some ice on that head of yours; it’s starting to bruise.” I feel my forehead and sure enough, there’s a golf ball sized lump protruding from beneath my skin.

  “I’m sorry, Everly,” Keegan frowns.

  “It was an accident; I’m fine. Let’s get going, okay? I’m ready for our date.” I make sure to say the last part loud enough so Caleb can hear me. This time, Keegan holds the door open for me. As the door closes, I quickly steal a glance over my shoulder and see a very angry Caleb with his arms crossed, watching us.

  Victory! I have finally gotten my point across.

  “Are ye having fun, Everly?” Keegan asks over his eighth beer. He’s completely sloshed and unfortunately, I still find him attractive even when he can’t form a complete sentence. I smile sweetly. I am feeling the buzz myself. This is my fourth drink tonight. Keegan brought me to some Irish Pub called Deacon’s in the middle of downtown Miami. It’s loud and filled with people who are just as drunk as we are. I’m starting to see double, and I know I’m not going to be able to drive tonight.

  “Yeah, but we should probably call a cab. I can come back for my car tomorrow.”

  He shakes his head. “Nonsense, I’m not even feeling my liquor yet. I could drink two more pints and not be the wee bit locked.”

  “Locked?”

  “Drunk off me arse. Two sheets to the wind. It takes a lot for me to get fluthered. Don’t worry, I can drive us home.”

  Something in the back of mind tells me this is a very bad idea, but that same something wants to get Keegan alone. Going back to his place and having some alone time seems to trump the nagging voice in the back of my head that’s telling me to call a cab.

  “Okay, are you taking me home or to your place?”

  He cocks an eyebrow and grins. “My place. Is a wee bit messy, but we won’t be disturbed.”

  “Good, I’m ready to visit Ireland.” What am I even saying? I’m so drunk right now that I’m speaking gibberish.

  “Bit of a long flight, don’t you think?”

  “Not if I ride your dick all the way there.” Drunk Everly has reared her ugly head—no filter, foul-mouthed, and such a horny little thing.

  He downs his pint in three gulps and smirks. “Then we best be getting outta here, aye?”

  “I’d follow you anywhere.”

  He rises from his seat and puts a steady arm around my waist when I wobble to my feet. I’m giggling, and he says his goodbyes to the people at the door.

  “Your accent is sexy. I’m going to record it. That way your voice can put me to sleep every night.”

  He laughs. “You can have me accent. It’s a bit of a gas to listen to you talk like me. I like it.”

  “You said gas,” I say, laughing. I’m talking with his accent and saying everything a little too loudly. We walk for what seems like a mile before we reach my car. In reality, it was only across the parking lot, but in Drunken Land, it’s a mile. He props me into the passenger seat of my car and the corner of his mouth lifts again.

  “Can I kiss you now, Everly?”

  “Can you ever!”

  He bends in and takes my lips as his own. The taste of skunky alcohol laces his tongue, but despite the bitterness, I roll my tongue around in his mouth enjoying the treat I’ve been craving. It’s the first time in months that someone other than Caleb has been able to penetrate my mind. Keegan grabs the handle on my seat and pushes it all the way back. I can’t help laughing with the ride. It reminds me of a rollercoaster. He makes my seat fold down, so it’s almost a bed and climbs in with me, closing the door behind him. My car is way too small to have sex in, but it looks like Keegan wants to try.

  “I don’t think I can make it to me home before taking you, Everly.” He fiddles with his pants and pulls down his boxer shorts, showing off his less than spectacular package.

  Hmm, I thought it would be bigger.

  Maybe in Drunken Land everything is seen through a side mirror. Caution: objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Or in Keegan’s case: dick in Keegan’s pants may be larger than it appears. Either way, I’m hoping when this alcohol wears off, that first impression his dick has given me will be a false one.

  He doesn’t even wait for an okay before his hand is in my skirt and my panties are off. This is it? This is what I’ve been waiting almost a month to experience? A quickie in the passenger seat of my car in an Irish pub parking lot? He pulls a condom out of the back of his jeans and fumbles to put it on.

  “I’ve been wanting to do this since the moment I laid eyes on ya,” he states.

  I want to tell him to stop, but Drunk Everly is giving him a heavily lidded gaze and is ready to rock his Irish socks off. All I can hope is that sex with Keegan ends up being more spectacular than his penis; otherwise, my Irish fantasy is going to be horribly fucked—literally.

  Keegan forces my legs apart and enters me. I can’t believe I’m having car sex! Drunken Everly has officially lost her damn mind. We’re going to get caught, possibly arrested, and I’m going to get a record because of this shit. This is the last time I let Drunken Everly take center stage. From now on, all I’m ever going to let her be is a fucking stage prop. His penis barely penetrates inside of me. I don’t know if it’s because of his lack of size, the angle he has my body in, or if he’s just too drunk to make it hard enough to pleasure me. He g
roans, a sexy Irish growl as he moves way too fast on top of me.

  “You feel good girl,” he tells me.

  Is he even in? Where is the penis he briefly flashed me with? This feels remotely familiar. Holy crap! He’s dry-humping me! This can’t even be categorized as sex. I can’t feel him inside me, and yet, he’s riding my pussy like a fucking horse jockey. Man, this is really disappointing. I was expecting amazing sex with Keegan. Instead, I’ve become the unwilling recipient to a dry-humping rodeo.

  I blink and it’s over. Keegan shudders above me and his sweaty brow descends against my forehead. What the fuck? It’s over? How can it be over? He wasn’t even in!

  He crawls over me and zips up his pants, planting another pint tinted kiss on my lips before crawling over to the front seat. It was so quick the windows didn’t even fog up. It’s not car sex without fog-tinted windows. No way, this is going to be rectified. My Irish fantasy will not be ruined by unsatisfactory car sex and a dry-humping Irishman. The minute we get back to his place, I’m taking the reins in the sex department. If he and I are meant to be together, the sex is going to have to rise to the correct standard. Unfortunately, that standard was set by stupid Caleb.

  I hand Keegan my keys and he smiles. “Let’s get back to my place, okay?”

  “Okay,” I mumble. I fight with my panties to get them back on. Not only is car sex nearly impossible in my small little Civic, so is a mid-drive wardrobe change. Keegan watches me as I try to unravel my thong. His eyes aren’t even on the road.

  “Watch the road,” I instruct him.

  “Yes, Love.” His eyes migrate to the road again, butI see him drift into the other lane.

  “Holy crap! Pick a lane! We’re not in Ireland. Here in American, we drive on the right side of the road.”

  He yawns and I see his eyes flutter shut. What is he doing? He can’t be passing out on me, can he? I grab the wheel and jerk it just as a passing motorcyclist blares a horn at us. My heart is racing.

  “What the fuck are you doing? Wake up, you idiot.” His eyes briefly flutter open before once again closing. I’m starting to panic. He’s in control of my car, he’s drunk off his ass, and my life is completely in his hands. Keegan’s head flops backward and he passes smooth out. His arms go lax, and his foot gets heavy, pressing on the gas pedal. I throw on my seatbelt and manage to, somehow, click his over him. Then I do my best to remove his foot from the pedal. His leg weighs a ton, and I can’t even lift it. I start screaming and smacking his arm. Nothing is working. We’re weaving in the other lane and veering into oncoming traffic. Just as we are about to hit another car, I manage to jerk the wheel and get out of the way.