Darkness Before Dawn

by Contreras, Claire

  His lips twitch and he begins to lower his body, making my eyes bug out of my face and my breath halter when he settles on one knee. New tears pool my eyes and my hands swing to my mouth, covering it before a throaty sob escapes me when I see him reach for a little black velvet box on the table.

  He takes a breath, his green eyes twinkling as he looks at me. "Blake, I feel like I've spent an eternity declaring my love for you and maybe I have. Hell, I'm sure I've been doing that for centuries. And as difficult as you can be, as stubborn as you are, and as big of a pain in my ass as you are, I wouldn't want to spend any of my time in any lifetime chasing after anybody else. You're it for me. You always have been and always will be. I can't picture myself loving anybody but you, there's nobody else for me. You are the most fierce, selfless, caring, compassionate, and loving human being I know. And I wanted to do this—build this house, throw this party—for you. So that we can replace the not-so-great memories you have with new ones, better ones, happier ones. I want to spend the rest of my life making happy memories with you. You're the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate, my partner in crime. Blake Brennan, will you do me the incredible honor of adding wife to that list?" he asks in a hopeful voice.

  Sobs rake through my body once he finishes, and my eyes drop from his to the ring he's holding in his hand, which I can't even make out through my tears. I look back into his eyes, nodding furiously, but begin to wail when I try to voice my response. I hear, but don't fully register the wild cheers coming from our friends, our family. I continue to sob, looking from his face to the twinkling diamond ring and back to his face.

  "No pressure," Cole says with a chuckle, looking toward our friends and back to me.

  I finally gather my wits and shout, "YES! OH MY GOD! YES!" Extending my shaky left hand to him, he carefully places the ring on my finger. I wipe my eyes swiftly and admire the three stones on the platinum band, more tears trickling down my face, even though I'm smiling as I remember our discussion about the three stones and what they stand for.

  Cole places a kiss on the ring and stands smiling down at me, letting go of my hands and grabbing both sides of my face. "I love you. To the moon and back, baby," he says before crashing his lips against mine.

  "I love you too. So much," I whisper, still crying against his lips, giving him one last kiss.

  "Let me see the ring!" Becky squeals as we break apart.

  "Oh great, here we go," Cole mumbles under his breath.

  "Shut up!" she says, slapping his arm and pulling my hand toward her.

  "Holy shit!" she exclaims, wide eyed. "You did good, Cole!"

  Cole chuckles and nods his head in appreciation as Greg and Aubry step forward to look at the ring.

  "The boy did good!" Greg says in agreement.

  "Shit, it only cost him-" Aubry starts but is cut short by Cole's glare.

  "It's beautiful, Blake," Aimee chimes in before hugging me from the side. "I'm so happy we're going to be sisters—officially."

  I smile at her and give her a kiss on the cheek before going around and doing the same to every single one of them.

  "You deserve it, Cowboy," Greg says as he pulls me into a bear hug and keeping me there.

  "You do," Becky agrees with a smile as she steps toward us, her bulging belly stopping in front of me. I smile down at it and place a hand on either side, feeling at peace and genuinely happy for the first time since I saw her pregnant. I gasp, jumping slightly when I feel movement on my right hand.

  "That was the baby?" I whisper in amazement.

  Becky nods quickly and smiles. "She keeps doing that."

  "She?" I ask surprised.

  "He," Greg corrects beside me.

  I look back and forth between them, confused. "So you don't know yet?"

  "Nah, we're going to find out when she delivers," Greg says. "But it's definitely a boy!"

  Becky rolls her big blue eyes. "Gregory, we're not going to talk about this again!"

  I laugh and shake my head at my crazy friends before rubbing Becky's belly a couple of times and walking back to my fiancé.

  I sigh contently on his chest, leaning into his hold when he places his chin on my head. "Was that epic enough for you?" he asks quietly.

  I back away from him and look up, holding his face in my hands. "That, Mr. Murphy, is what I call beyond epic."

  He beams at me before dipping his face to mine and sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. "Hm. I can't wait 'til these people leave. I haven't had sex with a fiancée before."

  A laughed gasp escapes me and I slap his chest playfully. "Cole!"

  "What? It's true—I gotta take advantage of that! I hear once you have a wife, the sex cuts down...by a lot," he says with a shrug, chuckling when I narrow my eyes at him.

  As it turns out, even a small three-bedroom home cannot keep our clan away, and they end up deciding to stay over. While we're thrilled to spend time with them, especially with Greg and Becky since we don't get to see them often, trips to Wal-Mart for air mattresses is not how we envisioned spending the night. Not sleeping in our bedroom is also not how we imagined we would spend our engagement night, but since Becky is pregnant, we didn't think it would be right for her to sleep on a sucky air mattress on the floor.

  I sigh loudly, looking around at the mess we have to clean up and wondering if Cole and I are spending the night again or heading back to Chicago with everyone else.

  "You're not cleaning this up," Cole raps beside me, making me jump.

  "I didn't know you were awake," I reply, turning my body toward him and caressing his arm.

  He gives me a lopsided smile. "I just woke up. How can you be so pretty in the morning?" he muses as his eyes scan my face.

  "I'm not," I groan, throwing my head back on the mattress. "This bed sucks."

  He chuckles. "You are," he replies as he covers my body with his, opening my thighs with his and settling his weight between my legs. "You're the most beautiful creature ever made...and you're right, this bed sucks ass."

  "You're just saying that because you want to have sex," I say with a laugh as I look at him, thinking the same about him.

  He tilts his head as he regards me. "Nah, we're going to have sex anyway, I don't have to sweet talk you into doing that."

  My laughter is cut short when he grinds against me, the hardness in his boxers making me gasp and tilt my pelvis toward it.

  "Are you guys up?" Aubry asks with a knock on the door.

  "Motherfucker," Cole mumbles under his breath, closing his eyes and exhaling as he clenches his hands on the pillow under my head. "AUBRY, WILL YOU EVER STOP COCK BLOCKING?" he shouts loudly, making me laugh. "He's an asshole. We'll have to take a rain check," he says before kissing me and backing away from me.

  I pout as I watch him pull a white shirt over his head and adjust his hard-on in his boxers before he gets up and steps into a pair of blue basketball shorts. When he opens the door, I catch a glimpse of Aubry and Greg laughing when they see Cole step out and shake my head when I hear Aubry complain about Cole slapping him in the back of the head. Some things never change. I lie back down with a smile on my face and extend my arm to admire my ring for the millionth time. I look around the empty room, thinking of things we can do with it before getting up and heading to the shower. Once I'm dressed, I get the things we bought for the bathroom yesterday on our eventful trip to Wal-Mart and start putting everything in its place.

  "I still think we should've gotten the tin trashcan, not that bamboo looking one," Cole says from behind me, making me drop the trashcan.

  "Dammit! You scared me!" I say, turning around to face him.

  "Sorry," he apologizes with a shrug. "Everything else looks good, though," he says with a smile as he looks at the shower curtain and toilet paper holder.

  "Yeah, because you picked those out," I say with an eye roll.

  He laughs and pulls me into a tight hug before letting me go and slapping my butt on his way to the sink.

  "Yo
ur pancakes are done," he says, muffled as he brushes his teeth.

  "Thank you," I reply over my shoulder before walking to the kitchen.

  As we eat breakfast, Becky flips through a bridal magazine she bought yesterday, and even though I've always loved the idea of places like Wal-Mart having everything you need under one roof, I wish they didn't sell so many unnecessary things like bridal magazines. After I tell Becky that I don't care what colors my wedding are and assure Aimee that I haven't even thought about picking a date yet, I begin to scroll through my phone and check my missed calls and texts. I have one from Connor apologizing for not being able to make it last night and congratulating us. I reply and hover over a text message from my ex-boyfriend, Russell. I open it and smile as I reply.

  Russell: Hey, just wanted to check up on you. I haven't spoken to you since you got out of the hospital. Hope everything is okay. Lunch soon?

  Me: I'm good, thank you! Sure, let me know when you're free.

  The couch sinks beside me and I look up to see Cole pursing his lips, clearly trying to hide a smile.

  "What?" I ask, confused.

  "Nothing. You better be wearing that ring if you go to lunch with him," Cole replies.

  "Why are you looking at my phone?" I ask in shock.

  "I'm not. He is," Cole says with a smirk, pointing his head in Aubry's direction.

  I turn around and narrow my eyes at Aubry. "Nosey bastard."

  Aubry laughs and messes up my hair, the way he does when he wants to get a rise out of me, but I decide not to give him the pleasure. Instead I finger comb my hair with a huff and shut my phone off before stuffing it in my purse. I get up from the couch to get a cupcake and pivot around when I'm reaching the table.

  "And for the record, I will never take it off," I say in response to Cole's previous statement. Failing to keep my cold glare, I end up smiling at the way his eyes light up.

  After we clean up, Greg and Becky leave to visit their moms before they head back to Chicago. When Aubry announces that he's going to visit Maggie's grave with Aimee before he leaves, I suggest that Cole and I go with them. Aubry and Cole have gone back there since the burial, and it's something that I've wanted to do but have never brave enough to do it. I look at all of the tombstones as we walk through the cemetery and wonder if my mother was buried here, or anywhere. A sign catches my eye that reads: Ask about our two for one deal. Because that's not morbid, I think to myself with an eye roll.

  My breathing increases the closer we get to the spot that I remember her casket lowering in. The day replays in my head like it happened yesterday. I keep seeing myself scrubbing her blood off the ground, seeing the blood in my hands, tasting the iron in my mouth. When we reach her tombstone, I take a shaky breath before I kneel down in front of it, feeling the weight of her loss on my shoulders.

  Whoever said loss gets easier with time, clearly hasn't loved and lost. I blink back forming tears and scoot over, placing my hand on Aubry's, who is kneeling beside me staring blankly at his mother's name on the stone. His blue eyes are dim, empty when he looks at me, and I can no longer hold my tears in. I sniffle back a whimper and cast my eyes away from his, shuddering when he holds my hand and squeezes.

  "Stop," Aubry whispers. I nod in response, not daring to meet his eyes again, unable to bear the emptiness in them. "You need to stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over."

  I gulp back my heartache, drowning my self-hatred along with it and exhale a shaky breath before meeting his eyes again. "I know," I whisper in agreement. "I know," I state a little louder, trying to convince myself as much as him.

  I let go of his hand and scoot right up to the gray stone, placing my hand over it and tracing her name slowly with my finger before moving on to the bottom. A custom stone lays on the ground that reads, "Loving mother, aunt, and friend. An angel who earned her wings long before she made it to heaven." I trace it, blinking back tears and smiling at the truth in those words.

  As I'm silently apologizing to Maggie one last time, a surge of wind brushes through me, making my hair wave wildly away from my face. I close my eyes and take a deep breath while lifting my face to the gust, filling my lungs with fresh air. When I release it, I let go of the guilt I've been harboring over words I should've said and things I could've done differently. I let go of the stored up sadness I have over knowing I won't feel her hand on mine or have her advice to rely on. I know that Maggie would hate to see me this sad; I know she would never want me to feel anything but happy, fulfilled. And last, I let go of my handicapping fear, because as I sit here and think back on my life and the things I've been faced with, it hits me just how short and fragile it is, and how little room there is for fear of the unknown. I exhale into the wind, allowing myself to bask in the clarity I've been craving for years. When it settles, I peel my eyes open and feel a sense of peace.

  "Are you okay?" Cole asks as he squeezes my shoulder gently.

  I wipe the tears away from my face and offer him a smile. "I think so."

  He returns my smile and helps me off the ground before walking up to Aubry, who is hugging Aimee. Cole and Aubry look at each other for a moment, speaking with no words. They nod and pat each other on the arm before we all walk back to the car feeling lighter than we did when we got here.

  My eyes are trained on her ring finger as I secure my tie, and she sleeps soundlessly. Thinking back on my life, I don't think I've ever felt this content. I look at the time on my watch, wishing I had five extra minutes to crawl back in bed with my girl, but as tempting as she looks snuggled up in our plush covers, I would definitely run late. I sigh heavily, tearing my eyes from her slightly parted lips and messy dirty blond hair and walk quietly toward the door, careful not to wake her. In the kitchen I turn on my cellphone and switch on the television, sitting in front of it as I wait for my coffee to brew.

  When my phone vibrates on my lap, I look down to find two missed calls from Colleen, my birth mother, and a text message from Erin. I scroll to the text message first.

  Erin: OMG! Did you propose?!? Tom told me he saw Greg the other day! If it's true, CONGRATS!!!!!

  I smile at the text message, thinking that Erin Andrews is definitely one of those girls that you hold on to. I know I would've if it hadn't been for Blake. Fortunately for Tom Buck, Erin's boyfriend, Blake came back to me. And even more fortunately for me, I didn't stop fighting when Blake wanted me to give up on her, on us.

  I shake my head when I hear the coffee pot brewing and press down to check my voice messages while getting up and flicking off the television. Holding my phone to my ear with my shoulder, I serve myself a to-go cup and close it. The sound of Colleen's sad voice pours through and I instantly think of Aimee and what she's told me about her mother hurting over Camden's betrayal. I know I shouldn't punish Colleen for something her husband kept from her, but it's hard not to. The first message is yet another apology, which I huff at because I'm so damn sick of them from everybody. The second is a congratulations and invite to a charity party she's hosting in a couple of weeks. I consider deleting the messages and forgetting I ever heard them until I hear what the charity is for—foster homes.

  I walk back to our room, opening it slightly to find Blake still sleeping. I take a breath and stride over to her, leaning over and breathing in her fresh scent before placing a kiss on the side of her head. I back away slowly and flinch when she stirs.

  "Cole," she whispers in a grumble that makes me smile.

  "Yeah, baby?" I whisper back, knowing she's still asleep.

  "I love you. Be careful," she mumbles as she flips over to her stomach.

  Why those three little words make my heart skip a beat every time she says them is beyond me. But they get me every single time. I love it.

  "I love you too. Sleep tight."

  My eyes widen when the time on the dresser catches my attention, and I see that it's already seven-thirty. I walk out quickly and close the door behind me, locking it from the inside before pickin
g up my coffee and bolting out of the apartment.

  I signal Bruce, who's standing at the end of the hall, over with my finger and walk to the elevator quickly, while taking out my phone and making sure the crew is already setting up for today's interview. Luckily, the network has been accommodating in letting me work anywhere and hasn't locked me into working in the studio. I've spoken to Blake about it a couple of times and she says she would move anywhere I need to, but I don't think leaving Aubry behind and moving to Connecticut is really something she would be interested in. It works out better when I travel to the athletes' locations anyway, even if it is a pain in my ass to get on an airplane for a one-day trip, sometimes multiple times a week. I can't really complain though, I'm doing something I never thought I would be and getting paid good money.

  I text message Erin back my thank you and confirm that I did indeed get engaged over the weekend. Instead of calling Colleen back, I call Aimee to see what she thinks of the whole thing. Out of everything that's happened, I'm thankful that I was at least able to connect with my sister again. That alone has been worth the fucking heartache I've been through with these damn people.

  "Hello?" she answers with audible exhaustion.

  "Hey, did I wake you up?" I ask concerned.

  "Nah, I had Aubry wake me up before he left so I could start studying for this fucking exam. I swear, I'm never going to law school again," she says with a groan.

  I laugh. "Obviously, you already went once. Why would you go back?"

  "Shut up, you know what I mean," she snaps, which makes me laugh again.

  "Have you not had coffee yet?"

  "No. Aubry went to the store yesterday WITH a list and forgot to buy coffee. But don't worry, he bought beer!" she says in annoyance.

  "Yeah, he's a genius," I reply with a laugh, as I shake my head at his stupidity. "Your mom called and left a message about some charity event she's hosting. What do you know about that?"