Angel of Mine

by Jessica Louise

  Dizziness washes over me as I turn my head slightly and see Mum. Worry is plain on her face, and she is staring at the far wall while chewing her nails. Her curly blonde frazzled hair frames her clear blue eyes that are laden with dark circles. Her head keeps twisting to see a clock over by the door. No words are necessary to know she must be anxious for us to get out of here so we can pack our stuff and move as far away as possible.

  What she doesn’t realize yet is that I’m not going to run this time. I have something worth the risk to stay, someone worth taking a chance on. It’s time we start to make fixtures that are more permanent in our lives. We can’t run forever. That’s no way to live.

  “Mum,” my voice is thick. It sounds like there is cotton wool stuffed in my ears. It’s not funny, but this makes me giggle for some strange reason. Peals of laughter keep rolling off me, sounding like they are in the air floating far away in the distance. These are no ordinary painkillers.

  Enjoying the cloudy waves that circulate in my mind, I start to form elaborate jokes and stories in my own head. Knock knock, who’s there? Hallucinating girl. Hallucinating girl who? I don’t know; I’m too busy hallucinating. I’m in hysterics now. I wonder what on earth type of drugs they have me on. Mum looks concerned by my bizarre behaviour and moves closer to me. I would love to tell her what is so funny, but I seem unable to voice my ridiculous thoughts.

  The nurse steps up to my bed, flashing a light in my eyes and temporarily blinding me while I blink against it. “Sometimes this happens when a patient comes to after the anaesthesia,” she informs my mum. Wait a minute? Did she just say anaesthesia? Why was I under anaesthesia and not painkillers? No wonder I feel so loopy.

  Curious, I look down at my arm. There is no plaster, just a white gauze bandage. Looking back up I search the nurse’s friendly round face for answers. Thankfully, she turns the flashlight off and smiles reassuringly at me. After a minute, I realize she is the same nurse as the last time I was in here.

  “Back again so soon sweetie? Did you miss me?” she chuckles and her voice is chipper. I pout in response, not thinking this is so funny. She gets the picture pretty quickly and carries on, explaining while fiddling with a blood pressure band on my arm and a funny contraption on my finger that pinches the skin and apparently monitors my heart rate. Her tone is all business now. “You broke your arm in two places. We had to perform surgery and insert two metal plates to hold your arm together as it mends. The grogginess you are feeling is the end of the anaesthesia wearing off mixed in with pain killers.” My eyes almost pop out of my head. Surgery? Wow, okay. I’m glad that little boy didn’t have to suffer through that.

  “I’ll be back to check on you again in a little while.” Just as she gets to the door, she turns back and informs me, “If you are doing okay when the doctor does his rounds in the morning, you will be right to go. Hopefully you won’t be back so soon next time.” She winks and walks out the door.

  Mum stays by my side brushing her hands through my hair in a comforting measure while continuing to glance back at the clock. Her thoughts are screaming at me, and I wish I could have this conversation with a clearer head.

  The resigned sigh that comes from her is sadder than usual, or maybe it’s just that I’m older than the last time this happened and can read her better. “Where do you want to go this time Ally? We could go somewhere warmer, avoid the winter?”

  Determined to stay, I shake my head. “We’re not moving anywhere this time Mum. I’m sick of running.” My voice is set. I purse my lips and wait to see what she makes of this proclamation.

  The repetitive stroke of her hand running through my hair pauses, and deflated blue eyes bore into mine. “Ally, you know we have to go. Theo did say that only one of the neighbours saw and isn’t going to say anything, but it’s not worth the risk. What if the media gets a hold of this? I have to keep you safe.” Her voice is on edge, but I also notice something more. The way she is trying to justify this argument sounds like she’s not just aiming to convince me, but herself, as well.

  Using this knowledge to my advantage, I press on, “Can we just see what happens Mum? Please? We can always run at the last minute if we need to. We could have our bags packed and ready just in case. Please, please let us stay?” For added effect, I put on my best puppy dog eyes and hold my breath until I can visually see her start to cave in.

  She bows her head in defeat. Blowing out a long breath, she nods then agrees, “Okay honey, we’ll try, for you.”

  Theo steps in the room halting all further conversation on the topic. Mum bends and kisses me on the forehead and lets me know she is going to take a coffee break, but I think it’s just her polite way of giving us a little privacy. I’m grateful to her.

  He walks over to my side without meeting my eyes. Chills run up and down as he traces his fingers along the edges of the bandage on my arm. Why won’t he look at me? Does he finally realize what a mess my life is, and is he here to say good-bye? Anxious, I chew on the inside of my lip as my stomach flops around.

  I can’t help but notice the pain in his eyes, and I wonder why it is there. Is he upset that I’m hurt? It’s just a broken arm. I’ll be fine. I stay quiet, not knowing whether to mention this and not wanting to embarrass him, but waiting for him to speak.

  He stares at my arm and audibly gulps before he lets me know what’s on his mind. “I have so many mixed emotions right now Ally. You make me damn near completely crazy. I can’t stand to see you hurt yourself like that. I’m angry at myself for failing you, for not being able to protect you when I swore to myself I would.” My mouth opens to protest his ludicrous thoughts, but he holds his hand up to stop the words from tumbling out.

  “Don’t. Don’t try to tell me it wasn’t my fault Ally. I watched on as you willingly brought great pain onto yourself. I should have tried harder to stop you.” His voice has taken on an angry tone, and he takes a few moments to calm himself down. White knuckles grip the bed rails as he takes a few deep breaths before shaking his head and finally looking at me. “It won’t happen again.”

  Shame fills me that he feels responsible for what happened, and I break eye contact with him. My vision lands on the bite mark on his arm and I flinch at the sight. “Your arm, oh my goodness. I am so, so, so sorry.”

  He tilts my head back towards him, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t you dare even think about that. I forgot it was even there. I’m angry with myself, not you. How could I ever be angry with you? You are fearless. The way you help anyone who needs it without a second thought for your own safety is inspiring. You make me want to be a better man. You, Ally Chambers, are one hell of a woman, and I will try my damnedest each and every day to be worthy of you.”

  He bends down and brushes his lips over mine, and I tremble underneath him, full of emotion. The contact is light, but the moment is so intense that it has me aching for more. Only a few inches separate us, and I raise my head slightly to where he hovers above me, closing the distance, and kiss him again.

  “Ahem.” My mum coughs loudly by the door. There is no anger behind it though; she is smirking, and I can see her eyes twinkling from here.

  Any other time, her catching us like this would probably embarrass me, but Theo’s words along with remnants of the painkillers have me in an out of body situation. I’m floating somewhere up near the ceiling, and I don’t ever want to come down.

  Theo, on the other hand, tinges pink as he clears his throat and turns to Mum. “Ma’am.” Did he just greet her as ma’am? Maybe he feels the need to after how Mum walked in on us. The thought makes the giggles come back with a vengeance. As they erupt, Theo grins wide and Mum starts to laugh too.

  Now, right here in the hospital after surgery and high as a kite, is the happiest I’ve ever felt. It sounds strange, but knowing I made a difference to a little boy’s life, and having Theo show me how much he cares has my spirits soaring sky high. Seeing Theo standing next to Mum makes me realize he is quickly becoming like part of my
family, it looks right. He belongs here, with me.

  Since Ally ended up being in the hospital, we decided to postpone the barbecue for a week. I haven’t seen much of her since the surgery. She has spent a lot of her time sleeping because of the pain medication. We text each other a lot when she is awake and able, and Carol has given me regular updates as well.

  I’m currently in the university administration building looking at enrolling back into my courses. The small red leather couch in the corner of the room gives me the perfect view of everything around me. Obscure artwork hangs on the wall, done by the art students here. A futuristic picture made 3D with tubing twisting in and out of it hangs on the wall in front of me and I admire it as I wait for the lady behind the desk to call my name with my paperwork.

  People from all lifestyles come in and out of the main doors, and I soak up the atmosphere. Being sneaky, I take a photo of a guy with a green Mohawk and a nose ring and shoot it to Ally via text.

  Me – Look what you will miss out on if you don’t enroll in university. Don’t you want a chance to experience all of this?

  I’m partially joking, but also serious. If Ally wants to go to university, she should go. She shouldn’t worry about leaving her mum behind. Her mum would want her to go and experience all that this world can offer.

  Ally – Looks like fun! Maybe I should go after all. I can get a Mohawk too, and fully immerse myself in the culture.

  Me – Don’t you dare! If you want to embrace the opportunities here, why don’t you join the cheer squad and get one of those cute little uniforms? ;)

  While writing this, I chuckle to myself and smile wide like a lovesick fool. My foot taps as I impatiently wait for her reply. Man I have it bad for this girl.

  “Theodore Baker?” At the sound of my name, I stand up and shove my phone into the pocket of my khaki cargo pants.

  “That’s me.” The older woman, with grey curls stacked high on her head, adjusts her glasses on her overly long nose, and prattles on and on explaining the papers to me. The vibration of an incoming text on my phone goes off against my leg, and I get antsy waiting to be able to read Ally’s reply.

  Hoping to finish quicker, the answers I give her are short and curt, a simple yes or no. Finally, she hands over the stack of forms and lets me know I can return them to the administrations desk in the architectural building once I have filled them in. “Thank you for all your help.” I shake her hand before dashing out the door and retrieving my phone from my pocket.

  Ally – Sorry that doesn’t sound like my thing. You are doing architecture, you will be able to build a bridge.

  Me - Build a bridge?

  What does that mean? She must have popped some more pain pills. They have been making her speak gibberish at times.

  Ally – Yeah you know build a bridge and get over it? The saying? I can probably still parade around in short skirts for you though ;)

  Okay, now I know she has taken pain meds, they have made her braver in what she says. I hope that there is a bit of truth behind those heavily medicated words because I would love to see her in a short skirt.

  I’m tempted to call her while she is in this frame of mind and listen to her sleepy voice say all kinds of things I would love to hear. I stare at my phone for a minute and contemplate it but decide I probably shouldn’t take advantage of her like that. That doesn’t mean I can’t send back one last flirtatious text though.

  Me – Well you definitely have to come to university then because that is something I want to see.

  I put the phone away, walk through the beautiful manicured gardens, and out to the car park. Visions of Ally walking around here in short skirts are filling my head. The barbecue tomorrow can’t come quick enough. I can’t wait to see the real thing.

  My reflection in the tall antique mirror above my dresser stares back at me as I brush my curls into smooth individual spirals. The bronzer I dusted on my cheeks gives me a glowing look, and I radiate the excitement I feel about going to meet Theo’s family.

  In all the books I have read, young girls are always anxious to meet their boyfriend’s mum. Is that what Theo is to me, my boyfriend? I want him to be. I’m not worried at all of what his mum thinks of me though. I’m too busy having fantasies of us being the very best of friends, making cupcakes, dress shopping and looking at Theo’s baby pictures together. Maybe I read too many books.

  Upbeat music plays through my iPod, matching my mood. The type of song you can’t help but dance to filters out of the speakers, and I leap and twirl around my room as my feet carry me to my shoe cupboard. As I slip on my rustic brown sandals that cross up my ankles, I wiggle my toes and admire my newly polished pale pink nails. They perfectly match my pink satin top that I wear over my stonewashed jeans.

  I feel so good the ugly bandage that is still on my arm doesn’t even faze me. The doctor said it had to stay on until the stitches fell out, so no infection would get into the cut they made during my surgery.

  It really is nice to have a reason to dress up for a change. I’ve never really had the chance until now, since all I usually do is stay at home. My black clutch is waiting on the hallway table and I grab it before heading out.

  When I get to Theo’s, and knock on the door, Alex answers. “Hi Ally. Come on in.” His goofy smile is wide. Dressed in cargos and a printed tee, he exudes that laid-back vibe and I feel welcome straight away.

  “Is the smooth talker around?” I joke, reminding him of the way he introduced Theo the first time we met. He makes me feel at ease, I feel brave and my old fears of social inadequacy have disappeared.

  “We’re all out back, I’ll show you through.” He places his hand on my lower back and guides me to the rest of his family.

  There are family photos all around. The fireplace, along with the warm earthy tones of browns, reds, oranges, and creams help to decorate the room we walk through making the place feel cozy, even though the space itself is large.

  We walk through double glass sliding doors and onto a large wooden deck. Theo stops whatever he was saying midsentence and starts glaring daggers our way. Not the hello I was expecting from him.

  My stomach is suddenly in knots. It feels as though someone has shoved their fist in there and is twisting it tighter by the second. My eyebrows furrow in hurt and confusion. He practically slams the tongs he is holding down on the side of the barbecue and storms towards us.

  “Alex, you should have told me Ally was here,” he seethes. He reaches around and forcefully removes Alex’s hand from behind me. I’d forgotten it was even there. “I’ll take it from here.” He pulls me flush against him and plants a possessive kiss right on my lips, for all his family to see. He pulls back slightly and stares his brother down with a smug look on his face.

  His parents seem to be highly entertained by the whole scene and try to choke back their laughter. Ahh I see. Theo is jealous of his brother’s hand being on me. What a way to make an entrance and meet the parents, Ally. Strings of curse words release themselves in my head. Nestling my face into Theo’s broad shoulder, I hope to hide the blush I know is creeping up on my face. He smells clean and fresh like soap and fabric softener, and I have to resist the urge to keep nuzzling my nose further into him.

  “I missed you this week Ally,” he whispers in my ear. “I love having you here in my house, in my arms,” pausing briefly he kisses the side of my face, “but especially, in my life.” Afraid my legs might give way after that little speech, I cling on to him for dear life.

  “Come meet my parents,” he requests. When I pull back, I realize everyone is staring at us. My bravado from earlier is gone, and I cannot think of what to say. All I can manage is a weak smile. Leaning heavily on Theo for the support I so desperately need, I go with him over to the barbecue where his parents stand.

  “Mum, Dad, this is Ally. Ally, these are my parents, Rachel and Joe.”

  His mum startles me by wrapping me up in a big hug. “Oh Theo, she’s perfect for you, and so beautiful
. I’m so happy. I always wanted a daughter.” Wow. She’s a little enthusiastic. I’m glad I passed the test, and she seems to like me though.

  “Give the poor girl some breathing room,” Joe chuckles while prying her off me. “You’ll scare her off.”

  Her eyes are all misty when she explains, “Sorry dear. It’s just it was so emotional to see my boy all passionate just a minute ago. It’s so good to see him happy, and you bring that to him.” My stunned expression has her backing up a step. “Sorry, I’ll back off now, I promise,” she smiles.

  Joe holds his hand out to me, and I shake it. It feels so formal compared to his wife’s greeting, but at the same time, I don’t think I could handle a hug from a man I just met. “Nice to meet you Ally.” The timbre of his voice is distinguished, and he is still quite handsome for his age. I can’t help but wonder if Theo will age this well as he gets older. He certainly takes after his dad now. They have the same dark hair and kind green eyes. Joe’s hair, however, is slightly grey at the temples and he has laugh lines that help give him a distinct character. Rachel is the complete opposite. Her hair is coloured blonde, and she has warm brown eyes that seem open and honest.

  “Grub’s up,” Joe says. My stomach grumbles at the mention of food and the smell of the teriyaki chicken skewers and some type of gourmet burger patty hits me. It smells delicious and I’m suddenly ravenous.

  We go over to a large round wooden table with a turnstile in the middle, and Theo pulls out a chair for me. He helps seat me, then pushes me in before taking my plate and putting a little bit of everything on it for me.

  His parents are smirking and giving each other knowing looks over the other side of the table. Theo is oblivious to the reactions around him until his brother brings it to his attention, “Whipped already? You’ve got it bad.”