Building the Family

by Amy DeMeritt

  Me: Lay in each other’s arms. Listen to you sing. Play with your long beautiful hair.

  Awenasa: I really wish I could be there right now. That sounds wonderful. Are you going to be ok?

  Me: Yeah, it hurts, but I guess I should have seen it coming. We’ve never said I love you to each other, so I shouldn’t have expected what we had to be strong enough to survive being a thousand miles apart and unable to see each other for months at a time.

  Awenasa: Well, speaking from many years of experience, the distance is a very painful reality.

  Me: I hate the distance that separates us, but it doesn’t cause me to love you any less.

  Awenasa: I know, me either. We have a longer history and deeper level of emotion for each other. So, we can survive it.

  Me: You’ll have my heart and spirit forever.

  Awenasa: As will you always have mine. Can I do anything to help you feel better?

  Me: Any chance they need a Cherokee priestess on my campus and you can come with me to college?

  Awenasa: Are you asking me for more, my love?

  Me: Sorry, did I cross a line or something?

  Awenasa: No, I would go with you if I could. I have my duties here right now that I need to take care of first.

  Me: I would like that, but I guess I’ll settle to wait till next summer to see you again.

  Awenasa: I promise, I will make it worth the wait. We’ll have an amazing reunion.

  Me: You are always worth the wait. I have to find some motivation to pack. I still don’t have my suitcases packed for tomorrow.

  Awenasa: You haven’t packed at all?

  Me: Well, I have one small, but very important item packed. Your wooden hawk carving you gave me.

  Awenasa: I love you, Kayla.

  Me: I love you too.

  Awenasa: I’ll make you a deal. You finish packing and then you call me and I’ll sing to you.

  Me: Really? That would be amazing. Ok, I’ll pack and then I’ll call you soon.

  Awenasa: I’ll be here.

  Chapter Two

  It’s amazing how fragile our sense of comfort is. Something as small as a gnat can turn an otherwise perfect moment of sitting under a tree or on a couch into an annoying experience. Or, it can be something much more drastic, like finding yourself a thousand miles away from home surrounded by unfamiliar places and people. Nothing you hear from others can prepare you for such a shock to your sense of comfort as going away to college delivers. And that broken sense of comfort is only made infinitely more agitating when you are nursing a confused heart from an unexpected breakup. The last half of senior year and all of summer had been great. But the idea of a long-distance relationship wasn’t ideal for Sam. So, I start my freshmen year of college alone and homesick.

  Despite her bawling declaration of not wanting to lose what we had in being able to keep talking to each other, Sam has been very quiet since we left home. I haven’t really heard from her much. In a way, it’s been good, but in some ways, it makes me miss home even more. I miss holding her in my arms. I miss talking to her and hearing her laugh. I miss running my fingers through her hair while she lays in my lap. I miss the way she kissed me so passionately that it’d make my head spin.

  I’ve been walking around campus, aimlessly, trying to overwhelm my senses with new scenes and places to try to distract myself from my thoughts, but it hasn’t been much help. I’m passing by some new campus building that’s still in mid-construction and notice my friend Josh and a big group of guys and girls are playing street hockey in the empty parking lot. I have nothing else to do, so I decide to stop along the curb to watch for a few minutes.

  Josh is the only living breathing piece of home I have on this campus. We went to the same high school. We weren’t really that close before, but since we got here a few weeks ago, we have become pretty decent friends, out of a lack of anyone else familiar to talk to.

  It’s no wonder why Josh was granted a full scholarship to play hockey here – he’s really good. He’s moving through the other team so quickly that its almost hard to follow him. Just as he’s about to score, a girl knocks into him and steals the puck. He recovers quickly and goes after the girl. He steals it easily and then brings his stick back and slams it down into the hard, black rubber disc. The goalie is fast and strikes it to the right. Oh, shit!

  Without even thinking, I dive in front of the puck and take it right to the back, at the top of my hip bone. I instantly go down on my knees. Damn, that fucking hurts. The pain is radiating up and down my back.

  “Kayla! Are you ok?” I look over at Josh and his scruffy curly brown hair is plastered to his sweaty brow with dirt and sweat smearing his cheeks. “Yeah, fine.”

  I feel two gentle hands on my shoulders and quickly snap back around to look at their source. Before I can stop myself, the word “beautiful” slips off my tongue. The girl smiles, and I hear Josh laugh next to me, before he scoops up the puck and runs back to his game.

  My heart starts racing as I realize the position I’m in. I’m kneeling in front of one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, who is sitting on a bench with both of her hands on my shoulders. My hands are firmly holding the sides of her bare thighs, yet I can’t seem to remove them. I feel frozen as I look into her amazing green eyes. They’re so intense and remind me of the green northern lights I’ve seen in pictures and documentaries.

  “Kayla, thank you for blocking that puck for me. Are you ok?”

  I see her amazing plump lips moving, but her words are lost on me. She smiles and giggles a little bit. Wow, she has a beautiful smile. One of her hands moves to the side of my cheek and then she holds her other hand in front of my face with one finger pointing upwards between my eyes.

  “Can you follow my finger?” I can tell she’s just teasing and it actually snaps me back into focus. I laugh and shake my head. “I’m sorry. You were just minding your own business and then had a puck hurled at you and now have some random girl laying on your lap, just gawking at you. I’ll be getting up now.” She laughs and presses her hands on my shoulders to keep me from moving. “Before you move, are you ok?”

  My face blushes a little bit from the realization that she has delayed me from leaving this position. A position that I would have thought would be awkward for her with people watching.

  “I guess so. It hurts like hell, but I’ll be ok.”

  “Can I see it?”

  I feel a flutter in my stomach and nod once as I stand up. The beautiful girl scoots over on the bench and has me sit next to her. I turn and lift my tee shirt and she lets out a small gasp. I nearly moan when I feel her hand press against the spot the puck slammed into. Even in the heat of the day, her fingertips are slightly cool as they lay on my bruise. It feels nice.

  “You already have a pretty bad bruise. We should get you some ice.”

  I let my shirt fall and turn to face her. She’s already gathering her book she was reading before I collided with her lap. She slings a small purse over her shoulders that looks more like a wallet with a long thin strap and then stands. She smiles at me as I hesitate to leave my spot on the bench.

  “Aren’t you coming? I can’t ice your bruise if you don’t come with me.”

  “I don’t want to put you out. I’ll be ok.” She smiles and takes my hand, pulling me up from the bench. “You’re not putting me out. You probably just saved me from having to go to the ER or something. Helping you get some ice is the least I can do.”

  “Ok, but do I get to know the name of the stranger I’m about to wander off with first?” She laughs and blushes a little. The effect is gorgeous. “Sorry. I’m Madison.”

  She lets go of my hand and turns to start walking towards campus housing; where I was headed before I decided to stop to watch the game.

  I had been so mesmerized by her eyes and face when I was kneeling in front of her that I didn’t notice the rest of her. She has slightly thicker thighs than me, like maybe she plays sports or is in track or
something. Her ass is something amazing. Her cheeks are large and plump and firm looking. They are so round that she looks like she has two small cantaloupes in her blue cotton shorts. Madison slightly turns to look at me and I’m too slow to raise my gaze from her rear. She notices and lets out a small giggle.

  “Are you going to keep walking behind me or are you going to pick up your pace and walk with me?”

  “Sorry.”

  I blush and step in line next to her. Feeling appropriately scolded, I stuff my hands in my pockets and keep my eyes on the ground a couple feet in front of me. I’ve always had a hard time with pretty girls. I become tongue tied or dazed just looking at them. I don’t mean to seem like a creeper or rude or anything, I just feel like my brain stops working or something when I’m around them. After I get to know the girl, it gets better, but if I fall for her and she doesn’t feel the same way, which is usually the case, it only gets worse.

  Just as I’m stepping off the curb to cross the street, her hand grips my arm firmly and pulls me back.

  “Whoa, Kayla, stop.” A few moments later, a car rushes by the spot I would have been standing. I look back at Madison and she has a concerned look on her face. “Are you ok?”

  I shrug my shoulders and look back at the street to see if the way is clear to cross. There aren’t any cars coming, so we take off. When we get to the other side of the street, Madison pulls me in the opposite direction I was about to start walking.

  “My dorm is this way.”

  I’m sure she gets it all the time, but I feel horrible that see caught me checking out her ass and legs. I don’t like when women feel objectified as meat or eye candy and I hate that I find myself doing it sometimes, even though I don’t mean to.

  Madison releases my arm to swipe her keycard to open the lobby door and holds it open for me. After climbing a couple flights of stairs – her walking in front of me and me keeping my eyes firmly affixed to my low top Converses as I follow.

  “You can sit on my bed. I’ll go get some ice down the hall and I’ll be right back.” I hover in the center of the room between the divided space of her side and her roommate’s side of the room and Madison smiles. “Kayla, do I make you nervous or something? I promise, I’m not a dangerous stranger that you have to be worried about being alone with.” I look up at her and my cheeks blush. “I know. Sorry.” I perch myself on the edge of her bed and she smiles.

  After she closes the door behind herself, and I’m alone in her dorm, I feel even more uneasy. I don’t want her to think I’m in here snooping around in her things. I just stare at the area rug that’s been placed over the ugly old brown carpet. It’s a very feminine rug with various hues of purple, white, and gray with overlapping circles and lines. Just as I’m getting lost in following the pattern, the door opens and Madison comes in with a plastic cup full of ice.

  She smiles at me and I can tell there’s amusement in the look she’s giving me, but she doesn’t say anything. I’m sure she was expecting to find me lounged out on her bed or at least not barely perched on the edge still. She grabs a hand towel from her dresser and dumps most of the ice into it before tying it up with an elastic headband.

  “You should lay down so this can rest on the bruise.” I blush and shake my head. “I can hold it there.”

  “Reaching behind your back for that long to hold the ice will be very uncomfortable. Just lay down.”

  Madison kicks her shoes off and comes over to the bed, sitting down with her back against the wall and waits with a small smile on her face.

  I mentally tell myself to just go with it and I kick my shoes off and line them up in front of her dresser, out of the way. I lay down on my stomach in front of her with my head cradled on my arms and I look back at her. She smiles and lifts my tee shirt enough to see the bruise before setting the homemade icepack on my back. I don’t feel it at first, but then the cool starts to seep through the terry cloth towel into my skin and deep into my bruise, numbing the pain. I inhale at the great sensation and my eyes close.

  “Does that feel ok?”

  I hum out my response and feel her weight shifting next to me. I open my eyes to see she’s laying down next to me on her back facing the ceiling. I close my eyes and try to pretend I didn’t notice her change positions. It’s both comforting and unnerving having her so close to me. I don’t trust my awkwardness with pretty girls to not embarrass myself. But it’s nice that she would feel comfortable enough to be so close like this.

  “What year are you?” I slowly open my eyes, and she’s looking over at me, waiting for an answer. “Freshman. You?” She smiles. “Same. What’s you major?”

  “Biology. What about you?”

  “That’s cool. I’m double majoring in Psychology and Music.”

  “Do you play an instrument?”

  “No, I sing.” I feel a happy flutter in my chest, but don’t allow it to show on my face. “Is psychology your safety net while you make your rise to fame as a singer?”

  “Something like that. What do you want to do with your Biology degree?”

  “You ever hear of algae sourced fuel?”

  “Yeah, I did my final thesis paper in AP Biology senior year in high school on it. The concept is great, if they can figure out a way to do it so its affordable for the consumer.”

  “That’s what I want to do.”

  “That’s very ambitious and admirable. How did you decide on that?”

  “I hate the smell of car exhaust. It literally chokes me. So, I want to help get rid of it.” She laughs a little. “Honest answer. I was expecting a speech about climate change and saving the planet or something.”

  “Well, those are great reasons too, but I guess I’m a little more selfish in my reason for doing it. I’m very sensitive to scents and prefer not to smell anything stinky.” She laughs and crosses her arms over her chest. “God, I hope I don’t stink in this heat.” I smile and lean forward, taking a deep breath of her scent. “Mm, no, you definitely do not stink.”

  Oh, my god, she smells fantastic. How did I not notice that before?

  “Yeah? What do I smell like?”

  “Amazingness.” She laughs and turns slightly to look at me. “What does ‘amazingness’ smell like?”

  “Strawberries and honeysuckles.”

  “Wow, you do have a sensitive nose. That’s the scent of my shampoo and body wash.”

  “You have good taste. Those are two of my favorite scents. They remind me of home.” Madison smiles and rolls back over on her back. “Where’s home?”

  “Maryland.” She quickly turns on her side again, startling me and making me jump and almost roll off the bed. She laughs and leans forward grabbing my side and pulls me back over. “Sorry. I just got excited. I’m from Maryland too. What city?”

  “Rising Sun.”

  “Seriously? I’m from Elkton. I’m not that far from you. This is so cool. I haven’t met anyone on campus yet from anywhere near me.” The ice had slid off my back when she startled me, and is lying next to my side. I try to reach for it to put it back on my bruise, but Madison gets to it first. “Sorry. I got it.

  “I can’t believe you’re from Maryland, especially so close to me. My friend Josh, the guy that ran over to see if I was ok, he’s the only other person I know here that’s from back home. We went to the same high school.”

  We talk for a while about our schools and places that we liked to go to back home and what we miss. It’s so nice talking to her. For the first time in three weeks, I don’t feel as alone and homesick. After talking for a while, she rolls back over on her back and stares up at the ceiling with a serene smile on her face.

  The contour of her face from the side is so adorable. She has a small slightly rounded nose with full plump lips and a small narrow chin and jawbone. She doesn’t have that same small delicate look that Sam has, but her features are very feminine. She has medium brown hair with natural golden highlights cut just to her shoulders. Her ears are small and round with a h
oop and two studs on her earlobe and two small studs in her cartilage. Just below her temple is a small flat beauty mark with a slightly smaller one directly below it. Her eyelashes look like feathers – they are so long and soft looking.

  Madison suddenly looks over at me out of the corner of her eyes and grins before turning her head to look at me full on.

  “How’s your bruise feeling?” Her eyes scan across my face and then hold mine with a small smile on her lips. “Numb.”

  She sits up and lifts the ice off of the bruise. The instant the pack is moved, a small puddle of ice water spreads across my lower back and drips around to my stomach. I gasp and lift up off the bed slightly, making Madison laugh a little.

  “Sorry, I didn’t think of it leaking.”

  She takes the dry portion of the towel and wipes up my lower back and around my sides. Her fingers gently glide across my lower back and my sides, causing an incredible sensation to rush through my body. I swallow hard and bite the inside of my cheek to keep from moaning. I haven’t felt something that good in weeks – since I was with Sam.

  “I’m going to wring this out and get you some fresh ice.”

  She scoots off the end of the bed, and a moment later, I hear her door open and close.

  I’m extremely confused by how I should be feeling. I have no idea if this girl would be interested, but I can’t deny that I’m very attracted to her, and so far, I really like her personality. But am I ready for a new girlfriend? It’s only been three weeks since Sam broke up with me. Do I even want another girlfriend that’s not Awenasa? We’ve been talking a lot more since Sam dumped me and she keeps making little comments that makes me wonder if things will change between us next summer. But I could just be reading too much into it because that’s what I want to hear. If she would tell me that she wants a real relationship with me, I’d know exactly what I should be feeling right now. She’s always been the one – my soulmate.

  Only a few weeks ago, I would have been in a similar position with Sam lying next to me, playing and teasing me as she talked about anything and everything. Sam loved to talk and tease. I thought she had loved me. We hadn’t spoken the words, but I thought with all the time we spent together and the things we did and talked about that she probably felt that way. After she left, I expected to break down and be a complete wreck like she was when she was breaking up with me, but I wasn’t; the shock just hasn’t allowed me to crumble like that. I do miss her though. We haven’t really talked much since saying goodbye. I miss talking to her, but I can’t get myself to text her first and when she texts me, its brief and sad.