One More Song

by Nicki Edwards

  They both stood and he enveloped her in a bear hug.

  After a while Eddie eased out of his grip. ‘I guess I should get going.’

  ‘Of course.’

  He sounded disappointed and an awkwardness settled between them. They left the cafe and walked down the street.

  ‘Are you staying in town long?’ she asked.

  ‘I don’t have any firm plans but I’m only in Australia for three weeks.’ Bill stopped. ‘This is me.’ He indicated the hire car. ‘Can I drop you anywhere?’

  ‘My car’s over the road.’

  ‘Could we catch up again?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, of course.’ She gave him her number then entered his in her phone.

  ‘Edwina, I don’t want to hurt you more than I have, but I have something I’d like to give you.’ Bill unlocked the car, reached in and withdrew a small package from the front passenger seat, which he handed to her. ‘You might call it my gift to you.’

  Eddie looked down at the rubber-band bound wad of different-sized envelopes in her hand. She frowned. ‘What are these? The letters you wrote to Mum?’

  He shook his head. ‘These are the letters I wrote to you.’

  Her mouth fell open.

  ‘Every year on your birthday I wrote you a letter.’

  Eddie gasped. ‘Are you kidding me?’ She stared at the envelopes, then at Bill. ‘Why didn’t you send them?’

  ‘I didn’t know if you’d been told about me.’ He gave her a tentative smile. ‘Take them home and read them in your own time. I wasn’t sure whether I was even going to give them to you, but I think it’s right. It doesn’t make up for my absence in your life all these years, but perhaps you’ll read them and know that I loved you before you were born. From the moment Maggie whispered to me that she was having my child I wanted you. I loved you then, and I love you still.’

  Eddie swallowed hard. She stared at the envelopes again. Nothing in their contents would change the lost years, but she was desperate to know what he had to say.

  ‘I know these words and cards and photos will never make up for that,’ Bill said, ‘but hopefully you will see how much you’ve always meant to me. It’s my way of saying sorry for not being part of your life, Edwina.’

  She smiled up at him through tears. ‘You can call me Eddie.’

  Chapter 36

  Back at Thornhill Eddie sat cross-legged on the bed she now shared with Harry and removed the rubber band, allowing the letters to spill onto the doona around her. Harry had called and explained he and Claire were taking Jim into Wodonga to arrange the hospital equipment they’d need to hire to assist with his care. The house was empty, the silence, the stillness, unnerving. But she was alone and needed to be. She didn’t mention anything to Harry about meeting her father – that was something she needed to tell him in person.

  She picked up one of the letters and turned it over in her hand, tracing her name with her finger. Bill had neat handwriting. But where to start? The letters weren’t numbered so there was no way of knowing what each envelope contained. She slid her finger under the flap of the envelope in her hand and pulled out a ‘Happy 10th Birthday’ card. Her breath caught. She opened it and a photo fell out, along with a folded letter. She picked up the photo. It was of a toddler. She turned it over and read the inscription on the back. It was a photo of Lewis.

  For the next two hours Eddie only moved when her legs went numb and pins and needles forced her to change position. When she’d finished, she was surrounded by dozens of photos: Bill over the years; him with his wife and boys; various houses; photos of him on holidays in locations around the world from Fiji to France. Bill graduating; him with a pair of Springer Spaniels by his side.

  Then there were the letters. He’d written to her about everything, as though his letters to Eddie were a diary recording the significant moments in his life. Each letter was deeply personal, deeply emotional, and each one moved her to tears. Moved her so much she used half a box of tissues. She wiped at her wet eyes. Her mascara was totally washed away.

  Bill had given her the best gift ever. The chance to get to know him.

  Eddie read every single letter, then put them in order and read them all again. After shedding more tears than she thought possible, she gathered up the cards, the letters and the photos and wound the elastic band back around them.

  She needed to speak to her grandparents and clear this up. Grabbing her car keys and purse she jumped in the car but as she drove back into town her stomach clenched in concern. How would they react to finding out Bill had come looking for her? What would they say when she told them he hadn’t taken advantage of Maggie, but that they’d been in love?

  She pulled up at the retirement village and took a few moments to gather her thoughts. It wouldn’t help if she barrelled in and made accusations. She needed to handle things sensitively.

  She checked her reflection in the rear-view mirror. Her hair was in disarray, her face devoid of makeup and her eyes puffy and red from crying so much. Her nan would know instantly that something was seriously wrong, but Eddie didn’t care.

  Another ripple of anxiety rolled through her and she hesitated at their front door before lifting her hand to knock. Her revelation could potentially cause a huge amount of conflict, something she wanted to avoid. The door opened and Solomon and Titus rushed out to greet her. She crouched down and hugged them both before standing and meeting Nan’s gaze.

  ‘Eddie.’ She frowned. ‘What’s happened? Are you all right?’

  Eddie clutched the letters to her chest. ‘Where’s Grandad?’

  ‘Over at the community centre.’ Daisy put a hand to her heart. ‘What’s wrong, sweetheart? You’re worrying me.’

  ‘I need to ask you both some questions.’

  ‘I’ll call him.’ Nan fished into the pocket of her apron for the new cordless phone. ‘He’s got his mobile with him, but I don’t know whether he’ll have it switched on.’ Daisy’s voice wobbled. ‘Frank. It’s me. Eddie’s here. Can you come home straight away?’ She ended the call and looked at Eddie. ‘He’s on his way.’ She headed into the kitchen. ‘I’ll make us a cup of tea.’

  Moments later the front door opened and Frank burst into the room, panting slightly, his face flushed with exertion. He froze when he saw Eddie. ‘What’s going on? You look dreadful.’

  There was no easy way to tell them. ‘Can we sit down?’ Eddie asked, taking the single armchair.

  Frank and Daisy dropped in tandem onto the couch opposite her with worried expressions.

  ‘Are you sick?’ Daisy asked, sitting forward and wringing the hem of her apron.

  ‘No, I’m not sick. Let me explain.’ She dragged in a deep breath. ‘I’ve just met my father. William Armitage. Bill.’

  There was a second of stunned silence before Daisy gasped and glanced at Frank. His face was set like granite.

  Eddie held out the pack of letters. ‘He wrote to me.’

  ‘How did he find you?’ Frank asked.

  ‘You won’t believe it, but he showed up in town, asked a few questions and I happened to walk into the cafe where he was having coffee.’

  ‘He recognised you?’ Daisy asked.

  Eddie nodded. She fingered the pendant at her throat. ‘He recognised Mum’s necklace too.’

  ‘You told him Maggie . . .’ Daisy wiped at a tear in the corner of her eye. Even after all these years had passed, she still struggled to speak of her daughter’s death.

  ‘I told him,’ Eddie said. ‘And he was gutted. He had no idea.’

  Frank narrowed his gaze. ‘What does he want?’

  Eddie breathed out quickly. ‘He wants to get to know me. And he wants to see both of you.’

  Daisy and Frank exchanged a furtive glance.

  ‘Why did you lie to me?’ Eddie asked.

  ‘We didn’t lie,’ Frank said.

  ‘You did. You lied by omission. You never told me they were in love. You never told me he wrote letters to Mum. Why?’r />
  ‘They weren’t in love!’ Frank retorted. ‘Your mother was barely eighteen and pregnant to her teacher. He abused her trust. Crossed every single professional boundary.’

  Eddie blinked in surprise. She’d never seen her grandad lose his temper. She pressed her lips together rather than argue back.

  He kept speaking, his voice tight. ‘Teachers owe a high duty of care to their students and they must act to ensure the physical and emotional wellbeing of students is safeguarded at all times.’

  ‘You sound like you’re quoting from the rule book,’ she said.

  ‘I am! A rule book William Armitage should have read before he had sex with our daughter.’

  Anger tore through Eddie. ‘He told me it was consensual. That they fell in love. That their feelings for each other were mutual.’

  At the look on her grandad’s face, a sudden deluge of doubt flooded in. Was it possible Bill was lying? Eddie shook her head. No. If he was lying, why had he come to Australia to find her? Why had he written her all these letters? Why had he told her how much he loved her?

  ‘There are statutory requirements regarding the reporting of abuse of children,’ Frank said. ‘He’s bloody lucky we didn’t drag him to the police and have him charged.’

  ‘Instead you just made sure he was sacked and run out of town.’

  ‘It was the right thing to do,’ Frank said.

  ‘Maybe it wasn’t,’ Daisy said. Her quiet words sliced through the air like a sword.

  Eddie gaped at her.

  Daisy gripped the edge of her chair so tight her knuckles went white. ‘I’ve never told you this, Frank, but before she died Maggie told me the whole story. She was in love with William and they were planning to get married after she finished her HSC.’ She snagged her bottom lip on her tooth. ‘I didn’t tell you because I knew how angry you were with Maggie. I knew how much she’d disappointed you. But they didn’t plan to fall pregnant. They planned to wait until she finished school. They were going to get engaged, get married, have children – all in the right order.’

  Frank folded his arms and glared at his wife. ‘I don’t believe you.’

  ‘That’s exactly what Bill told me too,’ Eddie said. ‘He said you wouldn’t listen to him. Wouldn’t let him see Mum.’

  Frank stood and paced around the unit. Thick, uncomfortable silence descended.

  ‘He wants to see you,’ Eddie said eventually.

  ‘I hope he’s planning to apologise for taking advantage of our only daughter,’ Frank muttered.

  Eddie stood, gathered the letters, her purse and keys, and walked to the front door. ‘Perhaps he’s planning to hear your apology for not passing on his letters to Mum.’

  Eddie stormed out and drove back to Harry’s, her head and heart in turmoil. She adored her grandparents, but discovering they’d lied to her for nearly thirty-five years wasn’t an easy thing to deal with. She couldn’t just click her fingers and move on like nothing had happened. She had a father! And she looked just like him. She still couldn’t process it.

  When she was a teenager there had been a time when she’d been curious about him – what he looked like, what he sounded like. What he did for job. Where he lived. Despite being raised in a loving environment, there had been times when she’d longed for her father. Longed to receive hugs from the man who she should have called ‘Daddy’. Longed for his love and affection. But she never breathed a word of it to anyone. Instead she put on a brave face, buried her feelings and sought out love and acceptance from those around her.

  As time moved on and she got older, it was easier to tell herself she didn’t need a father, but the feelings of rejection always hovered. Meeting him today brought things to the surface. All she could think was how much she wished she’d met him sooner.

  She turned in at the gate of Thornhill. The lights were blazing from the windows at Claire’s but the main house was in darkness. She pulled up and headed over to Claire’s.

  As she pushed open the back door into the kitchen and saw the family at the table eating dinner, Harry seated beside his father, the tears she’d held back sprang forth.

  ‘I’ve just found my father,’ she exclaimed.

  Six pairs of shocked eyes met hers.

  Harry jumped out of his seat. ‘What?’

  Claire pulled out a chair. ‘Sit and explain.’

  So Eddie did.

  Chapter 37

  Harry stood at his bedroom window and stared out across the green paddocks at the first streaks of marigold and mauve on the horizon. He’d woken that morning feeling better than he had in weeks. He turned and watched Eddie sleep, marvelling at how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her in his life. He’d fallen hard and couldn’t imagine his life without her in it.

  Since she’d moved in, they’d settled into an enjoyable and comfortable routine and it was hard to believe it was nearly Easter. While Eddie went back to work, he stayed home, cared for his dad to give Claire a break, helped Simon around the farm when he could and cooked meals for everyone.

  Eddie initially expressed concerns about living under Jim’s roof, but his dad had fallen for her as quickly as Harry had, and welcomed her into the family and his home with open arms. Jim had cried when she told him about losing everything in the fire and told her she could stay as long as she liked. It was a side of his dad Harry had never seen before and he liked it.

  Harry had cried too when he visited Glenview with Eddie. There was nothing left of the house or cottage. A bulldozer had cleared the physical remains away, but the lifetime of memories would always be there. Eddie’s grandparents hadn’t made any plans about whether they were going to sell the land or keep it and rebuild, but for now no one was in a rush to make any decisions.

  Two weeks passed after his mum’s funeral and he still hadn’t felt up to returning to Melbourne. After a long conversation with Eddie and his dad, followed by an even longer conversation via phone to his agent, then the producer, he regrettably decided to pull out of his contract with Les Mis. It was one of the hardest decisions he’d ever made, but he needed to be in Yallambah. For his sister, for his dad, and for Eddie.

  Eddie’s grandparents had finally agreed to meet Bill, and Harry had gone along with her to provide moral support. In the end, he wasn’t needed. Everyone hugged and cried, apologies were made and reconciliation achieved over two cups of tea and Daisy’s homemade lemon slice. Harry was surprised how easy it was. Bill forgave Frank on the spot when he apologised for never telling Maggie about the letters. He was either a good bloke or a good actor, but Harry was inclined to believe it was the former.

  Because Bill was only in Australia for such a short time, Eddie took annual leave from work so she could get to know him better. She Skyped a couple of times with her half-brothers in the UK but told Harry she’d found it very awkward. They were just as shocked as Eddie and still coming to terms with the fact that they had a half-sister.

  Before he flew home, Bill invited her to visit him any time she liked and meet the rest of the family. She and Harry had talked it over at length and decided to work it into their plans. Plans they hadn’t yet confided with anyone.

  At night, when Jim slept, Harry and Eddie talked endlessly of their future. His dream was still to sing on West End and his agent was currently in negotiations with a company that was considering him for the lead role in Phantom of the Opera. He was trying not to count his chickens but desperately hoping the producer would say yes. It filled his thoughts when awake and his dreams at night.

  At first the idea of leaving Australia had freaked Eddie out, but they’d talked it over and she’d explained her fears were mostly because of her ex. Harry kept reminding her he was nothing like Jarrod and to prove it he involved her in every step of the process, encouraging her to look for nursing jobs in the UK when she was ready. She’d finally agreed, and over the past week had become excited about the idea of a new start. He knew she was ready when he caught her looking for accommodation in
London as though it were a done deal. From that point on, they huddled over his laptop for hours, heads together, hoping and dreaming and planning.

  The only thing that had caused him concern about leaving Australia was Jim. Although they now had the help of the palliative care team and the community nurses who came every day, the weight of Jim’s care would rest heavily on Claire and Simon if Harry left. Was that fair? And was it even the right thing to do anyway: move overseas during what could be the last months of his dad’s life?

  Less than four months after his diagnosis, Jim’s muscles had contracted and he was largely paralysed, now confined almost permanently to a motorised wheelchair. Every day a nurse came to the farm to hoist him out of bed, care for his hygiene needs and get him dressed. Harry had stopped suggesting they put him in a nursing home once he saw how Jim’s dignity had been stripped bare having to employ nurses to help him at home. Being in a facility would have made things worse a hundredfold. He’d apologised to Claire for his stubbornness and agreed they’d take out a loan to pay for nursing care before considering a nursing home.

  Eating was nearly impossible for Jim now too, even swallowing his saliva was difficult most days and a feeding tube had been inserted into his stomach. He’d also started having trouble breathing – a late stage of the disease – and after a long and tearful family meeting, Jim specified he didn’t want to be put on a ventilator when the time came. He rarely complained, but Harry knew he suffered constant headaches and was always dizzy. Some days he could barely speak more than a few words. For a man who had few words to say, the losing of his speech seemed to be the hardest thing.

  In the end, before he deteriorated too much, Harry and Eddie had decided to bring him into their confidence and tell him their plans. If Jim wanted Harry to stay in Australia until the end, he would.

  His dad’s reaction had totally surprised them.

  ‘We’re all going to die sometime. You can’t put your life on hold for me.’

  Each word had been an effort and it took him forever to get them out. At times his voice was so soft Harry had struggled to hear. It pained him watching his dad try so hard to converse. Although they’d talked about getting a communication device, Jim had refused.